All Comments on 'Lisa's First'

I enjoyed your story very much. I look forward to reading more from you.

Don't quite your day job and go back to grade school. First its a "parking lot" not "car park" which sounds like some amusement park for cars. Then the stupid long character strings like "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH" that are used many times when the simple "OOH" does the same thing.

Hi Author,

I noticed this was the first story you've posted, and wanted to say please keep writing and striving for improvement, as every writer should. Please don't be put off by ignorant comments from people who don't know that parking lots are in America, and car parks are in the UK, or feel the need to provide non-constructive feedback.

Have a thick skin, keep writing, and be critical with yourself, and best of luck.

JJ

(Also from Scotland)

"Car park" is fine for those of us from the UK, clearly the author is not american and the story is not based in the states so why would they use "parking lot". Stop being an idiot!

It was ok, could have done with a bit more padding and more interaction between the characters, the start especially. Rather than just some girl offering a stranger a lift and going from there I would have enjoyed a bit more flirting etc.

Keep on writing. I liked the story. You should just check spelling and words, as it seem, there're some words gone wild across the text and "Mike" pops up where "Mike" isn't needed. Proofread the stories you write or ask someone to proofread it to avoid mistakes.

Considering this is your first story, I'd say: well done... keep on writing and keep on reading the stories on lit. to learn from their style and way.

Looking forward for more

Well done for writing this story. I thought it a good read and yes ignore the American critic. British people speak and write 'English' (even if your Scotish) and Americans write English American thats how it will always be. Write how you want to write Anyway good first story. Thank you for writing it.

As an American, I feel compelled to apologise (yes, I'd use a zed, but I'm familiar with British spelling and usage conventions) for the ignorance of my countryman who commented previously on "car park". And if one is going to cast stones, one should avoid using "quite" where "quit" was meant, for starters...

All in all, this is a good first effort. Lisa and Mike are both endearing characters, and I like that you made him as much of a gentleman as he is. A couple of suggestions: first, it would have benefited from proofreading, which is often very difficult to do for oneself since one tends to see what was meant rather than what's actually on the page. Second, despite popular and enduring misconception, the hymen is not inside the vagina, but at the very exterior opening. Third, Lisa's transformation from woefully uninformed virgin to a woman sexually confident enough to demand what she wants from her lover seemed perhaps a bit abrupt. And finally, I would have loved to see the dog play some further role in the development of the story.

Two of your countrymen who have admirable work here on Lit are simonbrooke and Scotsman69; check them out if you're so inclined.

This was a good first attempt well done. Ignore the rather lame comments from people who speak and write a different form of our great language. On the matter of car park versus parking lot if a car park is a theme park for cars then a parking lot sound like a block of vacant land used for the sale of cars. If they only referred to the Oxford English Dictionary they would find both terms referred to. Your story was well written although it could have given more detail in places especially the beginning but that will come as you get more experience. I really enjoyed reading you Scottish English.

Mikeer of factly?

Dont you have a spellchecker?

Poorly written

I really loved this story, it drew me in. I'm an American and had no problem with the different terms used. I would love to read more from you :)