All Comments on 'Lisa's Payback'

It's his sick fantasy

It was written okay, I though there would be more since you set up the whole parents being gone for four months.

GIVEN THAT IT'S FANTASY!!!!! (Sorry. The disclaimer seemed appropriate.) Some writing flaws mar an otherwise interesting bit of fantasy. Clearly, the story has not reached any sort of thorough conclusion. And, even more clearly, it's not "politically correct". But, GIVEN THAT IT'S FANTASY, it's an interesting story line.

Continue developing your characters. Try to rationalize any changes/responses that the characters make in their situations realistically for the benefit of the reader.

Keep going, take your time to make it what you know it can be.

I think using the N word this day and age was very tacky and ignorant, would never read another of your writings

I was fully aware that my story line would be extreme for some readers. However, I am a black female and this is just a fantasy that I daydreamed. To those who provided constructive critism, thank you.

I know there is a part two, but I think this is pretty good. I'd like to see more!

Not bad at all for at first timer,i enjoyed the narrative it gave, wish it had went moreinto detailat theend and I like the racial thing, black chicks are the hottest to me (white guy) but I think you wemt a little overboard by usingthe N-word. That word is terrible.