All Comments on 'Lisa's Second Chance Pt. 02'

Since these are quite short segments, I read both parts 1 and 2 quickly. I like the premise of the story, and the character, Lisa, is both likeable and believable.

This story is off to a quick start and seems a bit rushed with very little detailed buildup of the mechanics. That is okay, since the focus is on the prime character, not the space travel mechanics. The downside of rushing, however, is the number of grammatical errors that occur.

I know that when the spirit moves you, and the story is flowing in you, it is necessary to act fast to capture it on some permanent media. You are going to make mistakes which need to be corrected later, when the frenzy of writing has cooled. Spell check and auto-correct are nice tools, but they will do you wrong half the time by correcting so the wrong word is used in place of what you intended.

This cannot be helped. The story is driving you at that moment and you must get it written down regardless of typos and grammar errors and plot mix-ups. Only when the frenzy has faded do you have time to worry about those things.

So then, you simply have to sit back, take a few deep breaths and let it sit for a period of time. A few hours, or a few days later you should get comfortable and read it to yourself, out loud, slowly. Do this a couple of times, and you will find almost all of your errors and correct them.

You may also find sticky little bugs in the plot line, such as in part 1 where the girls are getting hot and heavy on the sofa and suddenly one of them slides down the BED. Makes the reader go 'Huh?' wondering when they moved to the other room. But in the next sentence the location is still the sofa. Such a minor thing to break the enchantment you are trying to weave for the reader.

You have done well for a first effort and I look forward to reading the continuing parts of this story. I expect I will find the same type of errors in the those because you have mentioned that you already submitted parts 3 through 5, so it's too late to act on my advice given here.

Do please continue writing, this story and others that may blossom in your mind, as well. I hope you accept my suggestions, not as criticism, but as encouragement to help you as a writer.

Best of luck and thanks for writing!

I thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts.It is very useful and you are indeed correct I did get caught up and rushed through it. I get over excited easily and wanted to finish it. I will retract the publications for the next parts and follow your advice. I want to improve, this is new for me and I am loving writing. I hope you will see an improvement xx