Little Fish

About a quarter mile behind The Lump's house, two white comets streaked into the sky and burst in a shower of red and green fragments.

"Shit. I mean, crap, it's already started."

Jerry was trying to mind his manners around Caroline.

We drove several blocks to the high school stadium and drove around some more until finding a spot to park. It probably would have been easier to park at The Lump's house and cut through the yards. I considered doing that, but rejected the idea in case he and Kelly invited us to stay. It wasn't often we had a chance to be alone with Caroline.

Walking to the stadium posed something of a problem. While my sister took the lead, Jerry and I lagged behind. The sidewalk wasn't wide enough for three to walk astride.

With her arms folded to her chest, every time a rocket streaked up, her head tilted back. But our eyes remained fixed on her. Each burst cast her in its faint, tepid glow -- red, green, and blue; an ethereal apparition gliding before us.

While my mind was in a lull, Jerry suddenly sped forward. I watched for a moment, until I realized what he was doing and hurried to catch up. But he beat me to her and when she glanced at him, moved to one side to make room on the sidewalk, leaving me in the grass. As I came up next to her, she looked to me. No smile on her face. No expression to be seen. She just looked, but her eyes sparkled in the yellow light from above. I grinned and she turned her face to the sky. "You look pretty," I said and was instantly embarrassed. Staring up, my sister mumbled thanks.

We sat on the grass with Caroline between us, our legs crossed and hers pulled up tight with her arms wrapped around them. We were surrounded by a sea of people, families here and there, kids running around waving sparklers and pausing to look up at the sky. An elderly couple sat before us in lawn chairs while on either side were families seated on blankets. I looked down at the grass, but my eyes drifted to Caroline. She was staring up at the sky. My eyes drifted along her legs. I looked to her and frowned.

"I'm sorry."

She looked at me.

"Pardon?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't bring anything for you to sit on."

She looked up to the sky and was bathed in a green glow.

I picked at the dark grass below.

"It's all right," she said.

When I looked, she was staring at me with what I thought was a thin smile. It made me feel very good.

Hearing us talk, Jerry pointed overhead, saying, "Hey. Caroline. Did you know they use different chemicals to make all those colors?"

She was gazing up and slowly wagged her head.

"No. I didn't know that."

We were both looking at her, while she continued to look up. I could see a bright grin on his face.

"Yeah. They use this copper and chlorine compound to make the blue ones. And for green, they use barium and chlorine. There's a couple things they use to make the white ones, like aluminum or magnesium."

When Caroline looked to him, I couldn't see her face, but whatever her expression, he seemed to be pleased with it.

She asked, "What about orange?"

Just then, a rocket burst overhead. It was orange. Jerry pointed, saying, "Yeah. See. I'm pretty sure they use calcium chloride for those."

She glanced up, and then to him.

"That's interesting. I didn't know that. Thank you."

And then she looked back to the sky.

For a while I sat feeling sorry for myself and jealous of him. ------------------------------------

In the car, we sat behind a long line of them trying to leave the stadium. Jerry was in back while we sat up front. Now and then, my eyes darted to the mirror and I could see him watching her. I turned the mirror away. He poked his head over the sit.

"Hey."

Caroline and I looked at the same time, but he was facing her.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

As she turned away, she glanced at me with a slight shrug.

"Okay."

Her tone carried indifference.

Before he could beat me to it, I asked where she wanted to go. Several times now he had talked to her and for longer than myself and it was grating my nerves.

She gave a little shrug.

"Doesn't matter."

It became a race to see who could think of someplace before the other. My finger tapped the wheel, while Jerry rested his chin on the seat. When he suddenly sat up, as with an idea, my heart pounded, but then he lowered his chin and I took a deep breath.

On the main road, all the restaurants were either closed or closing. Jerry and I frantically searched the strip, vying to be first. We had gone about a mile, when she lifted a finger.

"There."

I pulled into the parking lot. Only two other cars were there.

Inside, the place was nearly empty. A young couple sat together in a booth, on the same side and giggling and rubbing shoulders with a large pizza before them. Further off, a family was at a table in the process of leaving. A middle-aged waitress stepped out of the kitchen and ambled toward us, looking weary and ready to go home for the night. She paused at a small counter and plucked out three menus. "Three," she sighed. Before we could answer, she waved us along.

Terror shot through me: Where would she seat us? I quickly looked ahead, trying to get a fix on where we were going. Booth or table? We walked behind Caroline who walked behind the waitress. Jerry must have been wondering the same, as he took several large steps to catch up with my sister. I dashed to the other side of her, bumping into several chairs.

The waitress turned to us.

"Booth or table?"

Jerry and I glanced at each other.

"Table," said Caroline.

The waitress stopped next to one, setting a menu at the end and the other two on either side.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

None of us spoke for a short time. Caroline sat with her hands in her lap, while she leaned over her open menu on the table. Mine lay flat, too, while Jerry held his up like a book, but his eyes kept darting to the side to Caroline. He seemed to be thinking and I wondered about what. I cleared my throat and they both looked.

"I, uh. Get whatever you want," I stammered to Caroline. "I'll pay."

Jerry's eyes narrowed. She looked down to her menu.

"Thank you. That's very nice."

Trying to hide a scowl, Jerry gripped his menu.

After a short wait, the food arrived. The waitress set a plate of French fries before each of us. Caroline ordered first, then Jerry copied her, and without any forethought I did the same.

"Could you hand me the ketchup, please."

We reached at the same time, but I jerked it away and passed it to her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

With a hand in her lap, Caroline lifted a fry and took a dainty bite. To make a good impression, Jerry and I did likewise, which broke from our norm, that of grabbing a handful and shoving them inside. When I pulled a napkin into my lap, he discreetly did the same.

We struggled for something to say to her.

At last he said, "You know what's good on fries?" We both looked to him. He held one up, saying, "Ever try mayonnaise?" I winced and my sister shook her head.

"No. I haven't. Is it good?"

He chomped into a fry drenched in ketchup and shrugged a heavy shoulder.

"It's not bad. You should give it a try sometime. You might like it."

She looked down to her plate and picked up a fry.

"Maybe I will."

Not to be outdone, I said, "Hey. Uh. Hey, have you ever tried French dressing?"

They looked to me and Jerry winced.

"What?"

"I'm afraid I haven't. Is it good?"

While Jerry shook his head in disgust, Caroline pulled a napkin to her lips and dabbed the corners. I gave a quick nod.

"Um. Yeah. It's, you know..."

"Sick," muttered Jerry.

Caroline looked to him, but he was looking down. Her eyes returned to me and I shook my head.

"No. It's pretty good. It's like ketchup only tangier in a way."

"Man, in all the time I've known you, not once have I ever seen you put French dressing on French fries."

Caroline looked to him, and then back to me.

I cleared my throat, saying, "Yes. Yes, I have."

His shoulders slumped.

"When?"

"This."

"When? Name one time."

"Back."

He looked down and shook his head. My eyes darted to Caroline. She was watching him, but then looked to me. I nodded.

"Yes, I have."

She lifted a fry to her mouth and took a small bite.

The waitress walked over from cleaning the booth where the young couple had been sitting. We were the only ones left in the restaurant.

Looking tired, she asked, "Can I get you guys anything else?"

"Yeah. Mayonnaise."

"French dressing. Please. Yes. Thank you."

She walked away.

Jerry picked up a fry and pointed it at me.

"Okay. Contest."

"Fine."

He twisted a thumb to Caroline.

"Whosever she likes best, the other guy has to leave a tip. And a big one."

"Fine. How big?"

He popped the fry into his mouth.

"Whatever the total bill comes to."

When we looked to her, she reached for her cup and pinched the straw between her lips.

A short time later the waitress returned with a bottle of French dressing for me and jar of mayonnaise for Jerry. He carefully dipped a long fry into the jar. I quickly unscrewed the cap of my bottle, but in my haste, as I tilted it over a fry, the contents splashed out and all over my plate. Startled, Caroline jumped and Jerry choked and chortled.

"Damn it."

He laughed a little louder.

"Nice one, man."

Caroline sat with her hands in her lap, while I jerked a wad of napkins from the dispenser. Jerry also watched, snickering and holding a finger to his nose, still shaking his head. My face burned red. He leaned forward and asked, "Want me to see if they have a bib you can wear?"

I mopped up the mess and grumbled, "Just shut the hell up."

Jerry pulled some more napkins from the dispenser.

"Hey. Here. There's some gonna drip in your lap."

"Thanks. God damn it."

He held out his fry to Caroline.

"No. Wait. I'm not ready yet."

They both looked to me.

I tossed the orange wad of soaked napkins onto the table. They watched it splat. I picked up a fry and rolled it through the pool of dressing on my plate and held it to her.

She sat rigid in her chair, her hands in her lap and eyes darting between the two French fries hovering before her. Staring ahead, she said, "I can't decide."

Jerry huffed and slumped.

"Well just pick one. It doesn't matter. You can try both."

Surprised, I looked to him. He was lapsing into his usual mannerisms.

My sister lifted a hand. We watched it intently, slowly moving ours in to meet her halfway. She quickly dropped her hand.

"I can't decide."

Jerry loped his head with an agitated groan.

"Just pick one," I said. "It doesn't matter. Like he said."

Her hand slowly rose and when it seemed to veer toward mine, Jerry said, "Wait. No." We looked to him. "New rule: Right after you eat one, you gotta take a drink to wash the taste outa your mouth." Then he looked to me. "Fair?" I nodded. Then he looked to her. "Got it?" She stared at him and I wondered if she took offense to his brusque manner. He wasn't being rude, just more pedestrian than he normally was around my sister.

He returned her stare and she finally agreed.

"Okay."

She took my fry and slipped it into her mouth. We watched closely for a reaction. Caroline sat chewing and staring straight ahead. When she swallowed, she reached for her cup. "Big gulp," he said and her eyes darted to him. "Big. Wash all that nastiness outa there." I blinked and leaned back. He was really pushing the envelope.

When she set her cup down, she smacked her lips and reached for his fry. We watched her closely again. She chewed and stared ahead. When she swallowed, she reached for her cup.

"Well?"

Jerry was smiling.

"You liked it, right?"

She pulled her napkin to her lips and dabbed the corners.

"I can't decide."

I leaned back and Jerry did likewise, clapping his hand to the table. Her eyes darted to his and he cocked his head. "You're kidding." She stared. He lifted the hand again and let it drop with a thud. She looked at his hand, and then to his face. "I mean you'd have to be. You really can't decide?" She turned her eyes to me and slowly wagged her head. "Oh my God," he groaned and slumped in his chair. We watched him look away, holding his chin in his hand and wagging his head. Then he stretched a long arm out to me. "Give me one." And he wiggled his fingers.

"Give? What?"

"Your shoe, dumbass. I want one of your shoes. What do you think? A French fry, retard. Put some of that shit on it and let me try."

"Oh."

I quickly dunked a fry, and then handed it to him. He pulled it to his mouth and chomped into it. While he chewed, I reached for his jar of mayonnaise. Caroline watched as I dipped a fry. She studied us as we sat back and chewed. Jerry spoke first.

"Yeah. Not bad."

I nodded.

"Still has that tangy taste I like."

He turned to face me.

"See. That's just the thing. We like it different. Any moron can put ketchup on a French fry. It's all about difference, but it can't be faked because people can see through the bullshit."

I dipped another fry and took a bite.

"That's true."

In her thin voice, Caroline asked, "What if you mixed the two?"

I paused taking a bite and Jerry curled his lip. She sat very still, her hands in her lap and eyes darting between us.

"What the fuck?" We looked to him and he turned toward her and warped his face. "No. That is just sick."

I chuckled in awe at how daring he was being with my sister. He looked to me, his mouth hanging open. Then he picked up a fry, reached across the table to my plate, rolled it around, and then dipped it in the jar of mayonnaise. When he held it close to her, she blinked and stared at it. "Try it." She stared at his hand. "Go on. I want to see you try it." She slowly leaned back. "That's what I thought. Coward." And before we could react, he popped it into his mouth. Jerry chewed once, and then turned away spitting it onto the floor. "Fucking disgusting." He reached for his cup and took a long gulp.

While I watched him and laughed, from the side came a faint twitter. I looked to Caroline. She was watching him, too, her wispy eyebrows held high and a wide grin on her face. Her shoulders bounced as she giggled. Jerry lowered his cup and looked to her. A smile stretched across his face, and then we all laughed aloud.

We didn't get back to our apartment until after two. We took her to a Laundromat where Jerry and I sometimes played their lone video game. But they also had a pinball machine, so we played that with her, too.

Never had I seen her smile so much. And when she gave a little laugh at some jest or another, it made our spirits rise and encouraged us for more. She was still rather quiet, but spoke now and then. Jerry and I stopped trying so hard to present a prim package and the more we were ourselves, the more she relaxed and talked with us. By the end of the evening, the three of us were laughing as friends often do.

At the start of the night, I didn't want him to come with us. I wanted her for myself. But by the end, I was sad to drop him off at his house. I enjoyed his company and having him there made it easier to be myself around her.

Caroline gave him a little wave as he walked to his front door. Then she turned to me and smiled and I drove us home. ------------------------------------

Over the next few weeks, we became a regular trio. Caroline was still the center of our conversations when she wasn't around, but was no longer an object of speculative lust. We still found her attractive, and perhaps more so now, but she had become our new friend and I think a part of us didn't like talking of her that way any more.

"Where the fuck is she?"

We were sitting on a bench downtown, Jerry slurping from a cup while I held mine in one hand and hers in another. People were all around us, many sitting outside in the sun on their lunch break.

Jerry looked to me.

"We did say noon, right?"

I held the straw to my mouth and jut out a finger. He looked to where I was pointing and sat back with a huff. Caroline was walking toward us and smiling, her skirt flowing about her knees. We both scooted to the side to make room for her in the middle.

"About God damn time."

"I'm sorry. This guy came in to order books for his class this fall. I had to make a bunch of calls to find one of them, but it was out of print. Nobody carries it any more."

I handed my sister her cup and she thanked me. Jerry slurped the remains of his and tossed it into a garbage can next to him.

"Professor?"

She nodded and took a drink.

"Yeah. Fucking professors. Been me, I'd told him, 'It's outa print, stupid, because no one uses that shit in their classes any more. Take the hint.'"

Caroline puckered her lips around her straw and giggled.

"You guys eat yet?"

"No."

"Hell no, we didn't eat. We were waiting for your helpful ass to get here."

She looked around the square at the vendor wagons.

"What sounds good?"

Jerry and I leaned back and looked to each other around her. We shrugged.

"Doesn't matter to me."

"Yeah. I don't give a shit. It all tastes the same."

Caroline shot him a glare and said, "No it doesn't."

"Whatever."

"It doesn't."

She looked to me and I shrugged. She looked back to him.

"It doesn't all taste the same."

He sat up and crossed one chubby leg over the other.

"Lady, I hate to break it to you," -- and he gave her a look of concern -- "but it does. It's all greasy fried shit."

"That doesn't mean it all tastes the same."

He rolled his eyes and looked away.

"No. It doesn't."

"If you say so."

"You don't think there's a difference between a gyro and a taco?"

Caroline looked to me for support. I shrugged and slurped my drink. She looked to Jerry, but he was facing away. She sat back and held her cup in her lap. She was quiet for a moment, and then rose. "Well, I'm hungry and I have to be back by one." Then she looked down to me. "Are you eating?" I nodded and set my cup on the bench. When I stood next to her, Caroline looked down to Jerry. "You're going to miss out and be hungry."

"Probably."

We walked away, but after a few paces Jerry called out to me. I went back, he mumbled something, and handed me some money. When I returned to Caroline, she asked what he wanted. "Something to eat," I replied. She looked back to him. One of his heavy arms was draped along the back of the bench. He twisted up his middle finger to her. She stuck out her tongue. ------------------------------------

Very early one morning, we were startled awake by the phone in the living room. When I stepped into the hallway, Caroline was peeking out her door, looking tired. She brushed the hair from her eyes. "I'll get it," I said.

"Hello?"

There was no answer, but I could hear someone breathing.

"Hello?"

"Gil?"

"Yeah. Hey. Kelly, that you?"

She whimpered and my heart started pounding.

"Gil -- You and your Caroline need to come home. Right now."

"Kelly? What's wrong?"

She was crying and I couldn't understand what she was saying. When I turned, Caroline was tying the belt of her robe and stepping into the living room. With her eyes on me, she slowly moved to the couch. As she sat, she brought her hands to her face and started to cry. ------------------------------------

"So how's she doing?"

"Kelly or Caroline?"

"Both."

I watched the people on the square, some sitting, others walking alone or in pairs, sometimes in small groups.

"I'm not sure. Caroline hasn't talked much. I think Kelly's still pretty shaken up."

Jerry was quiet for a moment.

"It was pretty nice what he did for her."

In his will, The Lump gave Kelly one of his gas stations and a portion of his estate. My sister and I knew of this well in advance. I think it made Kelly realize just how much he loved her and cared for her family.