Live, Laugh, Locked Ch. 05

I pulled into the parking lot Monday morning, prepared for whatever happened once Claire got there — with or without my key. If she brought it anyway, great, I'd have it back and I'd be free from the belt for the evening. If she didn't, I'll still manage; I'll just have to swallow my pride, look her in the eye, and ask her to bring it the next day since I really do need it.

As I gathered my things from the passenger seat, my mind wandered once again to the third possibility that had sporadically popped into my head all morning. What if Claire knows the power she has over me as long as that key stays in her hand? What if the kind, helpful woman I'd worked alongside for the past two years secretly resents that I'm the one who gets all the attention from our joint efforts? What if she wants to get revenge on me for those feelings? She might make me beg. I'd never go along with that, right? I mean, even if I did beg, she could still reject my pleas, saying that it doesn't count if I'm not down on my knees. If I'd already begged once, would I do it again like that? Would that be enough for her? Would she look down at me on the bare concrete floor and laugh at me? What if she...

I looked up, seeing her pulling into the parking spot next to me. Seeing her face brought me back to reality. No, there were only two ways this could go: I'd have the key today or tomorrow. The third option wasn't real. It was just my in mind, still getting used to this new chaste lifestyle.

I greeted her and we walked in the building together, back the hall to the studio. We made friendly small talk about our weekends as we set our bags down. I secretly half-wished she'd make a joke about how she knew what my weekend must have been like so I had an excuse to ask if she brought my key. Unfortunately, she's too nice to tease me like that. I'll have to wait for my chance.

"Oh hey, Holly?" Claire asked, pulling my attention away from rummaging through my bag. I looked up at her. She already had the key in her open palm, reaching out to give it to me. "I figured I'd bring this anyways" she said, making eye contact with me with a smile.

I looked at it for a moment, slightly stunned that it had snuck up on me like this. I drew a deep breath, ready to launch into my prepared lie to ensure my reputation stayed spotless in her eyes. I'd say how surprised I was that she'd brought it. It was another little misunderstanding and I didn't need it at all... but since it was already here, I guess it just makes sense for me to take it.

But the look in her gentle eyes stopped me before I could say what I'd planned. I shouldn't lie to her. She clearly did know how my weekend was, but there wasn't even a hint of malice in her expression. That knowledge wasn't something she was holding over me; she just wanted to help. I let out the deep breath I'd drawn in a sigh, relaxing my shoulders for what felt like the first time in days. "Thank you, Claire," I responded, taking the key from her hand, feeling slightly humbled.

"No problem. If you'd like, I can hang onto it again after tomorrow." She offered. Again, my pride made me pause for a split second, thinking of just saying I can handle it on my own or of a way to say yes that would make me look as good as possible. I hesitated less this time before telling Claire the truth.

"Yeah, actually, that'd be great. This... this all is tough."

"I bet it is, but I know you can handle it, Holly; I'm happy to help"

"Thank you, you always are. I honestly appreciate that so much."

After an short, awkward pause, the topic was dropped. The key was back in my pocket and we still had a full day's schedule ahead. I felt the weight of the conversation hanging around the room, but Claire and I both did our best to act normal.

As the day went on, my find drifted more and more towards what I would do when I got home. I'd been so worried about the key that I hadn't taken the time to imagine how I'd use it when I got back. Now I was making up for that lost time.

Even as we filmed, my mind was already back at home. I'd never admit it to anyone, but I had a dildo secretly hidden in a shoebox, hidden under a stack of towels, hidden in my closet. More than anyone else, I was hiding it from myself; it's not like anyone was going through my things to search for contraband; but I didn't like being reminded that I'd spent all that money to buy the expensive toy. I was even more embarrassed thinking about the time I'd put in reading all those smutty reviews to make sure it really was worth its price tag.

I thought about how it feels holding the firm silicone shape in my left hand while I warmed myself up with my right. The rounded tip is slightly too big for me to take right away, so it usually takes me one or two tries before I finally, slowly press it all the way inside myself. Between takes of our video, I bit my lip thinking about that first moment when it hits me deep. Even in my own apartment, I always fought hard to keep quite; I'm not doing that today. This really feels like my last time. Every sound my toy wants from my throat, it will get.

I barely tried to contain these thoughts, feeling like I deserved them to help savor this last time. I don't expect it to actually be the very last time, but soon it will be a vanishingly small part of my life. As I daydreamed, it dawned on me that my belt and the toy wear both nearly the same shade of lavender; the irony wasn't lost on me. Something in my subconscious must have wanted them to be a matching pair. After one last night of weakness tonight, the one will really begin to overshadow the other. My belt will help me be the pure woman I want to be more and more and my dildo will fade into being an embarrassing memory. It will after tonight is over, at least.