Loathe to Love Ch. 01

"...was a fantastic sight." Natalia paused, then sat up straight as if suddenly remembering where she was. "Apologies for rambling, my Princess. I got carried away."

I slouched back further in my chair, counterbalancing her formal posture. "I don't care. Talk about whatever you like."

"I won't bore you any further." A bright blush formed on Natalia's cheeks. "Ah...what about you, my Princess? What do you enjoy doing?"

I opened my mouth to respond before realizing I wasn't exactly sure what to say. There was the simple, dull answer--recounting the many hours I'd been forced to waste learning proper conduct and etiquette. 'Enjoy' certainly didn't apply there, though. There was also the scandalous answer--talking about my thieving and breaking things and all the etiquette teachers I'd driven to quitting over the years. But answering with that felt...cheap. Like I was trying too hard to shock her.

When I realized I'd been sitting in silence with my mouth open for almost a minute, I settled for blurting out the first thing that came to mind. "I like reading. Stories, mostly. And histories, but those are kind of like stories I suppose. It's in the word, after all."

Natalia smiled. Oh Goddess, she probably thought I was pathetic after that horrible mess of a response. It's a wonder she didn't laugh at me outright.

Not that I cared about how she saw me, of course.

"...I also steal things," I added hastily a moment later. "And I can pick locks and stay out of sight really well. Majordomo Selene once told me I was a demon in the form of a girl because I mixed mashed garlic into her soaps."

There. Best to give the knight a portrait of who I really was; teach her early on to watch herself.

Natalia's eyebrows raised. She blinked. "...Oh."

"Uh-huh."

We lapsed into silence again. I ran my finger along the rim of my wineglass and stared at Natalia, who alternated between giving me a confused look and glancing around the room. Finally, when the orchestra shifted to a slower piece and a number of additional couples began to dance, my wife-to-be took a deep breath and spoke.

"Ah...would you care to dance with me?"

"No," I stated firmly. My dignity and mood alike would not suffer it.

"Oh." Natalia squirmed in her seat for a moment, biting her lip. "I...in the interest of total honesty: Princess Janice said we should dance at some point tonight. For the crowd's sake. I don't want to force you to do anything, obviously, but...she was quite insistent."

And just like that, any scraps of goodwill Natalia had built up were shattered. Of course Janice was puppeting her. If the knight's attempt at courtship was genuine I could have at least come to respect her, but following orders like a military automaton? Contemptible.

"I understand." I plastered a sickly sweet smile across my face. "Janice wants us to make a scene, right? I'm happy to do that."

Natalia exhaled in relief. "Thank you. I didn't mean to--"

I picked up my empty wine glass and tossed it onto the floor.

Mary--the handler Selene had assigned to me--swooped in faster than I believed possible and caught the falling crystal. Her other hand clamped down on my shoulder tightly.

"Behave," Mary whispered in my ear, setting the glass back down in front of me. "Or I'll have to notify Selene."

"Fine. Whatever. Go away," I mumbled. My handler took a half-step back, still very much on her guard. I turned back to Natalia, whose mouth was still wide open.

"One dance. Don't step on my feet."

I stood abruptly and held out my hand to Natalia, who scrambled up and took it a moment later.

She walked me onto the dance floor (only because I allowed her to) and began to lead (only because I allowed her to), making sure to receive a nod from me before placing her hand on my lower back. I rolled my eyes.

Around us, our dance was having its intended effect--the glances we'd received while seated had turned into stares and whispers. The brat princess dancing at a royal ball? With a military woman, no less? I could practically hear the rumors spreading already like some sort of dull plague. Despite my attempts to ignore how much of a spectacle we had become, I still noticed a few people giving us their attention: Carmen gave me a thumbs-up from across the room, while Janice offered a curt nod when our eyes met.

For the most part, though, I kept my gaze squarely on Natalia. My plan was simple: make her uncomfortable enough to start making mistakes, then stop dancing the moment she stepped on my foot. I certainly wasn't going to err, not with how every step of every common dance had been drilled into my brain by tutors over the years.

The plan didn't work. Natalia remained unphased, moving the pair of us about with practiced if not incredibly graceful steps. Military discipline applied to dance as well, apparently. With her giving me no good excuse to scowl, my expression eventually softened. What was once an intimidation tactic became staring deeply into the eyes of the woman dancing with me--I wasn't going to be the one to look away first, after all.

I noticed Natalia's eyes had tiny gold and green flecks in them that occasionally caught the light and gave the illusion of sparkling. And while she remained focused entirely on me, her pupils still darted around consistently, going from one side of my face to the other in search of fresh perspectives. It reminded me of a scout surveying a landscape, or of a guard scanning a street for movement.

With only a few bars left in the song, Natalia finally looked away and gave me the petty little victory I'd hoped for. But my satisfaction was short-lived once I realized why she'd done it.

She leaned forward and murmured "Sorry!" in my ear.

"For wha--"

And then she pushed me into a dip at the climax of the song, holding me tight and bending over at the waist so our faces stayed close together. When we came back up, the guests around us clapped and cheered. I blushed furiously, too stunned to do anything more than stammer.

"You...I...wh..."

Natalia shrugged apologetically. The tiny hint of a smile had returned to her face. "For that."