by loveleeli01
Wow that poor young man only a 9 inch by 3 inch penis. I think for these stories the min is 18 inches by 6 inches.
I loved it...a few spelling errors but that's about it. Yes, Please continue with Shela. Maybe she and Cameron can hook up. When I read dude had a 9' and 3' thick, I was like WTF. That's a big dick...lol
punctuation and word usage need lots of work. Get a proofreader/editor.
But you must reread your work! There were spelling errors everywhere! Shela was an interesting character I'd enjoy a story for her!
I'm gonna continue and definitely reread my next story.
You put that asshole in his place, don't ever stop doing what you love because of some prick, as for the story, I wished it was a little longer but it was really good. I eould like read another one about Shela.
This was such a cute little story; I loved it immensely. Gosh, if you do not continue with this one and it's done for good, please write some more stories. Spoil us, lol!
You've acknowledged you need an editor, and I commend you for that, but I don't think you realize how much you need one. A good one could make such a difference with this story, and with any future stories you may wish to tell.
With a little cleaning up this would be a great story. But keep at it and don't let some negative comments stop you. You can only get better from here.
im gonna stop voting and comments on this story until its fixed im starting to just feel like i wanna never post again.
Please don't give up...you are gifted. For the first story you have posted pay attention to the number of people who have favorited this story that will give you a better idea on how well you did. For the people who are posting under anonymous use your user name if you have one. Show her the respect she deserves for someone that actually has the courage to post...i seriously doubt the majority of you out there posting under anonymous could come up with a story that has half the depth and talent she has shown.
You have to follow this up with Sheila's story. Forget the haters!!!! I like that you completed their story and didn't drag it on through chapter after chapter. Keep writing!
Hey, I could be your editor. I'm in AP English and I'm going to college to be an English teacher so I think I have pretty good qualifications. :) if you're interested then email me at jeannoad@yahoo.com or message me on Facebook, which would be Jean Noad. I'm the asian holding up two fingers in my profile pic, I think lol
I really enjoyed this erotica. It had depth and a plot, it was very well put together. I couldn't stop reading it. The love in this story was so strong. It was sexy, sweet, and surprising. There were a few spelling errors, but I easily overlooked them, because of how good the story was.
i have the hots for my step brother but in more of a boyfriend than a lover and I needed a romantic yet hot story as I saw him this avie! I say u must DEFINATELY continue with a story of Shela!!!
Wow seriously amazing...please write more. I don't care about your grammar mistakes. There weren't that many anyway. Utterly perfect
Yes I think u should cont the story...tell Shela story but keep Daniel & Brooklyn around plz.
Was flowing well some places had to pause to figure out what parts of it were trying to convey towards the end the smooth flow of the story got choppy it seemed more rushed than at the beginning. As for spelling errors and grammar ones yeah it gets annoying to read through them but your story is solid can still know what you are saying
Could be a good Addition. She stands up to Danny and it would Drive Richard nuts. Too think the Lil Bastard had his Daughter and her BFF just too much for Richard he could have a Cardiac Incident. What about Richards Family he left and never looked back but someone could look him up. and possibly get in the way of Danny & Brooklyn.