Lost in the Mountains

"Shut up! She's younger than your daughter. She calls you uncle!" In the internal strife, he tried to reason with righteousness.

"Let's go back! You should get some sleep!" Prem Kumar finally managed to break free of whatever was conjuring inside his mind. He was high as well, he had no way to explain what he was going through. However, as they broke the hug, Ruhani looked into his eyes. That's when he could explain at least a part of it.

He knew one thing for sure: the unspoken, ineffable thing that he went through for a moment, she went through the same thing. They had no words for it, but their eyes spoke something.

8 Weeks later

Things had gradually changed in the little mountainous village. A few houses were able to get cable TV. The Prime Minister had announced a few more weeks of lockdown. An army helicopter dropped crucial supplies for the village.

Repair work started on the broken bridge. Since there was labour shortage due to the lockdowns, many people from both villages signed up to volunteer. That meant that the search party had now shrunk to just 4-5 people, 2 of which were Prem Kumar and Ruhani.

They were the most successful team in the group. Though success is not quite the right term. They had found 3 bodies so far. The entire town had given up on finding anyone alive. Snow had started to fall on the higher altitudes and there was simply no way to survive the cold and the wilderness.

Deep inside, even Ruhani knew their efforts were futile. Gaurav was probably dead. But love is a cruel thing. Her love for him was still alive which made moving on impossible. At that point in time, she needed closure. The uncertainty was killing her. Uncertainty about Gaurav, about their relationship, about everything that was happening around the world.

Seeing the news daily made her feel guilty as well. The world as she knew was ending. People dying by millions every day, failing to breathe. And yet, here she was wasting her and others' time on a very selfish thing. Sometimes, these thoughts would creep up when she would smoke marijuana with Prem Kumar. She would hold his hand tightly and rest her head on his shoulder.

He was her rock. Her protector. Her only one constant in the world being blown away by despair. However, people had started gossiping. It was a small town after all.

"Prem ji takes that young girl into the woods and no one can find them. When they return, their body language is so different!"

"Pakka kuch chal raha hai in dono ka!" (Something is definitely going on between these two)

These rumours didn't fall on kind ears for Poonam, Prem Kumar's wife. The fat old woman started becoming more insecure and restless.

"You have to stop going out with that chudail (witch)!" She confronted him one night in their room.

"Poonam ji! She's our guest. How dare you use such a word for her?" The old man roared.

"The whole village is talking. You are their leader. Sharam karo kuch (You should be embarrassed)!"

"I don't care what they say. Neither should you!"

"How can I not? I feel...I feel terrible. Jab se yeh aayi hai, aap badal gaye hai" (You've changed ever since she arrived)

Poonam started crying. She sat down on the bed. Prem Kumar walked towards her and held her face in his arms.

"Aap mujhe pyaar nahi karte hai ab!" (You don't love me anymore) She complained.

Almost 10 weeks later

Prem Kumar was ready to head out for the daily search. He went over to Ruhani's room. The door was open so he just stepped in.

She was getting ready in front of the mirror. He was awe-struck.

Ruhani had just come out after taking a shower. Her hair were wet yet flowed immaculately down till midway of her back. She was wearing a green coloured suit. She adjusted the dupatta on her shoulder and applied a bindi on her forehead.

Prem Kumar just kept staring and staring. A few moments later, he turned and called for Raju, one of their servants.

"Quickly go and ask Ratan to meet me at Lalaji's shop. I have something very important to tell him!"

Ratan was one of the few people left in their search party.

After about half an hour, Ruhani came out looking for Prem Kumar and saw him discussing something with Ratan. They had a serious look on their face which made her curious.

Prem Kumar handed him some cash and a mobile phone. Ruhani felt it really strange considering the phones were still not working.

"What's up Prem ji, Ratan ji?"

"Nothing, Ruhani. Just planning out the day."

"Shall we go?"

"Yes!"

Prem Kumar nodded towards Ratan who nodded back with a lot of anxiety on his face. Ruhani bowed her head and walked alongside Prem Kumar. He couldn't stop looking at her that day. They did their daily search and headed into the forest to relax. In a few minutes, Kamal, another member of their search party came shouting.

"Prem ji! Prem ji! Where are you?" He couldn't locate them in the dense forest.

"What's wrong, Kamal? We're here!"

Kamal managed to locate them with the help of his voice.

"We've...we've found something sarpanch ji!"

"What is it? Speak up!"

"You better come with me. Madam ji as well!"

Ruhani's heart dropped. She felt like fainting. Prem Kumar noticed her and she had gone pale. She couldn't speak.

"Ruhani! It's alright. Come!"

She looked at him but couldn't respond. Prem Kumar gave her his hand and she held it.

"Let's go. I'm with you. We're all with you!"

Ruhani had no energy in her to walk. She leant on Prem Kumar all the way as they walked hand in hand. He kept consoling her all through the way.

When they reached a spot, Ratan was there.

"Sarpanch ji. Madam!" He bowed her head.

Ratan was standing over a dead body, clearly of a man.

"It is not him. It is not him." Ruhani said to herself.

"Ruhani madam. We...found this erm body. I don't know. I..."

"It's okay, Ratan. Go on." Prem Kumar clutched Ruhani tightly by the shoulder.

"It matches the description of Gaurav sir. We can't recognise the body at all but. But...we found this ring."

He carefully took out a ring and gave it to Prem Kumar.

"I remember madam said that they had the same engagement ring and this one...it looks exactly like the one madam wears."

Prem Kumar lifted Ruhani's hand and matched the rings. They were exactly the same!

Ruhani didn't react. She was stunned. She looked at the ring and collapsed into Prem Kumar's arms. She didn't react.

There was an eerie silence for a few minutes. Kamal started sobbing silently. Ruhani still did not react.

And then, in a few moments, she screamed. She screamed so loudly that mountains shook. The sky burst. The earth trembled.

She screamed and cried and cried. Prem Kumar did his best to console her but she was possessed by the ghost of grief. She broke down completely.

Over the next few days, Ruhani did not speak at all. She barely ate. Even Poonam started having sympathy towards her. Anu and her child tried their best to cheer her up but to no avail.

Ruhani would lock herself inside her room and just cry all day. Many times, she thought of taking her life but a part of her wanted to keep on living and she held on to that part, tightly.

Around a couple of weeks later, Prem Kumar came into her room.

"Ruhani! The bridge is ready. We've made a makeshift wooden bridge so we can cross it and head on to the next village."

She didn't reply. Didn't even look at him.

"Ruhani. They have a working phone. You can call your mom, your friends. Gaurav's parents."

That's when she finally looked up.

"I want to speak to my mom. Please take me there, Prem ji!"

They slowly headed out. There was a jam of people around the bridge. Not many people were allowed to cross it together.

"Sarpanch saab aa rahe hai. Side ho jaao sab!" (Our leader is here, please make way for him)

Prem Kumar held Ruhani's hand and led her through the crowd. The people were surprised. They respected the old man but seeing such a flawless beauty going hand in hand with him made them jealous.

There was a car there waiting. They had to drive 6 KMs before they reached the spot. Ruhani entered the phone booth alone and dialled her mom's number.

"Maa! Maa!"

"Rooh, my daughter, meri jaan, hayee!"

"Maa how are you?"

"I am alright beta. I have been so worried about you. All that has happened. But bhagwaan ji told me not to lose hope. Hey ram, I am so happy you are okay. Where are you, Rooh?"

"Maa, I am in Sosan. People here rescued me but there was no way to contact you. The mobile towers here have been dead and...Maa!"

"Haan mera bacha!"

"Maa, Gaurav."

"Where is he? How is he?"

"He's maa...Oh my god...mummy!" She broke down.

"Oh mera bacha. Hey bhagwaan! Om shanti. Om shanti!"

"Maa, he's gone!"

"Rooh tu jaldi se ghar aaja!" Her mother urged her to get back home.

"No maa. I feel good here. I have people. The village sarpanch is taking care of me. If I head back home, I won't be able to cope."

"Tu ghar aaja!" Her mom insisted.

"Please, maa! Let me stay here for sometime. I will stay in touch with you. You...just do me one favour."

"Anything, my love!"

"Please inform Gaurav's parents. I can't face them. They will blame me for everything. I'm not in a state to talk to them."

"I will do that, don't worry. You take care of yourself. And come home as soon as possible. This virus, I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm so scared."

"It will be alright, maa. Just stay at home. We're safe here. There are 0 cases here since the village is cut off."

"Ruhani, I miss you. Come back home beta."

"I will mom. I will. Soon! Bye now.

Ruhani put down the phone and started sobbing quietly.

"Prem ji. Let's go to our spot, please. I want to get away from my thoughts."

In another hour or so, they reached the jungle and sat down. Prem Kumar rolled a marijuana cigarette as Ruhani was lost in her thoughts.

"We were supposed to get married two days from now."

"Ruhani, I'm so sorry!"

They sat in silent for a while and smoked.

"Life is so funny. Just when things seem to be alright, it messes you up. Gaurav and I were fighting a lot because he couldn't convince his parents about our marriage." Ruhani spoke aimlessly.

"You know, we had broken up for a month before we came here. Sosan was supposed to be our relationship's revival. Who knew it will all end here?" She cried.

Prem Kumar held her head and brought her down on his lap. He stroked her beautiful hair.

"I agree with you, Ruhani. My mom died when I was just 18. I was depressed for a year but then I decided to get my life back on track. I studied hard and got into a college in Delhi."

He paused, took a deep puff and passed the cigarette to Ruhani. Her hands were cold as she took the cigarette.

"But like you said, life's funny. Before I could leave, my dad, who was the sarpanch at that time, suffered a stroke. My grandma panicked and begged me to not leave for Delhi. She asked me to marry Poonam, who was just 15 at that time. We are small town folks, we can't say no to our elders."

"So, I got married and within a few months, my father passed away. While they looked for a new sarpanch, everyone unanimously wanted me to lead the village. I didn't want that at all. I wanted to study, have a life outside this cursed village."

Ruhani looked at Prem Kumar. He looked back into her eyes.

"I wanted to become an engineer. I've never told that to anyone. Now, look at me, 48 years later, married to a woman I never loved, leading a village I never really cared much about in the first place, and counting down my days, waiting for this unfulfilling life to end."

Listening to this, Ruhani got up from his lap and hugged him tightly.

"Prem ji!"

"Ruhani, you're the only good thing that has happened to me in this looong life. If not for yourself, I want you to be happy for me. That's all I want from my life anymore."

Ruhani gazed into his eyes and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you, Prem ji! For everything. I don't know what I would have done without you. You're my pillar!"

She rested her head on his shoulder and started crying. Soon, she felt a wetness around her head and noticed Prem Kumar was crying as well.

"Prem ji!"

She hugged him. Then, in that soulful embrace, she felt something very weird. She was very high and that situation made her feel relaxed, euphoric even. Prem Kumar's breath tickled her neck and sent electric feelings inside her body.

She wasn't feeling comfortable. She kept moving her body, closer into him. Eventually, her throat touched his lips. He kissed it. A moist, warm kiss.

She held his head and pulled him closer and kissed his ear. She almost crawled her way on his lap. Her hair brushed his cheek. He kissed everywhere on her throat and then kissed her ear from over her hair. She kept pulling him closer and made heavy sighs.

Finally, they paused and looked at each other. Prem Kumar brushed her hair away from her face. She was gorgeous. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He threw away all inhibitions and kissed her on the lips.

She didn't resist or respond. But soon, she kissed him back with equal passion. She moved on his lap and locked lips with him. They kissed like lost lovers from a past life.

Then, Prem Kumar took out his tongue and tried to enter her mouth. That seemed to break the spell.

"Oh no!" Ruhani exclaimed in shock. She had no idea what had happened. She was in a trance till that moment.

Guiltily, she ran off.

"Ruhani! Ruhani stop!"

But she kept running and running.

***

The days that followed were terrible for Ruhani. She felt worse than she did for losing Gaurav. She had thought closure would make her feel a little better but no. There was yet another door of uncertainty opening up.

How was it possible to feel this way? For a man who was more than 30 years her senior? A man whom she had nothing in common with? A man who...who was borderline ugly?

She felt ashamed. She had never loved anyone except Gaurav. Never even looked at another man the wrong way. And it's not like there wasn't any interest. Her friends, colleagues, everyone had proposed to her, even when they knew she was with Gaurav. Even her boss—married with two kids—wanted to settle down with her. She, of course, refused. Even left the job.

And now, she had developed feelings for a married man, with kids, and a grandkid. There was still some hope, however. She couldn't name the feelings. Maybe it was just friendship and not love. Maybe just admiration, like a daughter has for her father. She was just confused. But that confusion kept on magnifying each day.

She hadn't spoken to Prem Kumar or anyone else for almost two weeks. No one noticed it except the head of the family himself. He tried communicating with her but to no avail.

Finally, one day Ruhani had had enough. She decided that the only way to get out of this situation was to go through it. She planned on confronting Prem Kumar.

She covered her head with a dupatta and went to his room. Poonam was massaging Prem Kumar's legs.

"Poonam aunty, let me do it. You can spend some time with Rinki. She's missing you!"

Poonam left.

Ruhani didn't make eye contact with Prem Kumar and just sat down on the bed. She massaged his legs for a few minutes before speaking out.

"Uncle, what happened that day..."

"Ruhani, I'm sorry."

"Uncle, I'm sorry. I don't know. I..."

"It wasn't in my hands when I did what I did. Something inside me pushed me to do that."

"For me as well. It was so involuntary!"

"But I don't regret it. Do you?"

"Uncle. Ahem. Prem ji. You know the day you rescued me, I couldn't look at you. But I heard your voice. It felt as if it were my father lifting me up. He died when I was very young. So, in that state, I felt that he had returned."

"And ever since that day, I've seen you and respected you as a father. At least till we became friends. And for Poonam aunty, she's been nothing short of a mother for me. So, that day, what happened, it broke me. I disrespected you, I disrespected her."

"And I'm so, so sorry Prem ji! I broke the trust of this family."

"Ruhani, when I brought you home that day, even I saw you as a young child. I cared for you as if you were my own daughter. But, as days kept on passing, this new, inexplicable feeling has started growing in me. I can't put a finger on it but I definitely see you more than a friend. I've tried to supress it, crush it, but nothing makes it go away."

"I'm almost 70 years old. I should have more control over my feelings but...I'm as lost as you."

Saying that, he got up, teary-eyed. Ruhani stopped massaging him. He held her face in his hands and they looked at each other. The answer was clear for both of them. Weeks of torture had finally shown them some mercy.

They kissed. This wasn't an awkward, confused kiss like earlier but a much more passionate one. They held each other's heads and wrestled with their tongues. Then, their hands explored each other's body as Prem Kumar brought his kissed down to Ruhani's neck and throat.

"Prem jii!"

Hearing his name from the young woman's beautiful lips made Prem Kumar bolder. He grabbed her breast in one hand and put his mouth over the other.

"Nooo!" She cried but he carried on.

"Noo, please stop. Prem ji! Ahh!" She tried to pull his head away but ended up bringing him closer into her bosom.

"Noo, this isn't right!" She finally managed to pull him away.

Her dupatta had fallen, her hair were all messy, and lust reeked from her body. Looking at her that way, Prem Kumar couldn't control his animal instincts and he kissed her again. He had waited for too long.

The old man surprised Ruhani by lifting her from the bed and then throwing her on it. He climbed on top of her and kissed her. She wanted him to stop. She didn't want him to stop. The way she kissed him back reflected her feelings. Eventually, she succumbed. She closed her eyes and let everything happened to her. She had been too sad, she deserved some love.

"Haye bhagwaan. Haye mai marr gayi!" Lost in a trance, they both heard a familiar voice. It was Poonam.

The lovers were so engulfed in their sins that they completely forgot they were at home. There were people around.

Poonam cried and collapsed on the floor.

"I knew it. I knew it from day one. She's a chudail. She ruined my life, my house."

Both of them got up quickly from the bed.

"Poonam ji!" Prem Kumar rushed towards her.

"Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Anuuu, see what your father is up to. Haye koi mujhe maar do!"

Anu and her daughter Rinki arrived at the scene. The little girl started crying. Anu didn't want to believe what had just happened but deep down she knew it. She tried to console her mother. Just then Ruhani built up her courage and tried to talk to Poonam.

"Aunty ji. Aunty ji I'm so sorry!"

"Chup kar tu saali chudail! Ghar barbaad kardiya mera!" Poonam asked Ruhani to shut up as she destroyed her house.

"Aunty ji sorry. Aap meri maa jaise ho. Mai apna hosh gawa baithi thi, aunty." She begged for forgiveness saying Poonam is just like a mother to her and she lost her head when she did what she did.

"Maa? Mai kisi randi ki maa nahi hoon. Dafa ho ja mere ghar se. Kuttiya" Poonam replied that I'm not a whore's mother and asked Ruhani to get out.

"Chup! How dare you disrespect our guest that way Poonam ji?"

"Disrespect? Budhape mein dimaag kharaab ho gea hai aapka!" Poonam said Prem Kumar had lost his head due to his age.

Ruhani then put her head on Poonam's feet and begged for forgiveness.

"Please maaf kardo aunty!"