Lottery Win Pt. 02

The cry from my little girl of "not me, not me, dad" threw me into confusion. Lilly pointed at a car on the drive. It wasn't Lilly's frivolous two-seater MG Midget; it was Irene's very sensible Volvo estate. From where I stood, all I could see inside, it was stuffed with bin bags, suitcases, and carrier bags. Something was very wrong, so I went to look.

Curled up on the front passenger seat was my other baby, my first baby, the sensible one. The one with the 10 O-levels, the one with the 4 A-levels, and an honours degree in business law. The one who never let me down. The one who I had never caught a dozen times with an unknown boy and her knickers around her ankles The one who the police never brought home with a half-ounce of hash asking if she was mine.

I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew she needed me. I opened the car door, picked her up, and carried her to the sofa in the front room. She wasn't talking, so I hugged her, rocked her, and kissed her on the top of her head. It's what dads are good at.

When Seph got home, she found the three of us in a big tangle of arms and legs. Lilly broke off and hugged her mom. Without a word from Irene, Lilly told us that Irene had found Captain Normal in their bed with another man. He had also refused to come to my party because apparently, we are depraved. Eery cloud has a silver lining I thought, I'll kept that one to myself though.

I think Seph knows, just as well as I do; deep down, despite the apparent animosity, our two girls are closer to each other than anyone else, including Seph and me, but this depth of connection surprised us both. Lilly just knew something was wrong; Irene wouldn't answer the phone or reply to Lilly's texts, so she loaded her little girlfriend into her car with toothbrushes and a change of clothes each and drove from Bristol to Kent. Lilly did that on just a feeling something was wrong for her sister.

At this moment in time, poor little BB was lost somewhere in south-west Wales, driving Lilly's midget. Lilly managed to send her a text with our postcode. BB wasn't too far away, but she somehow managed to get herself on the other side of the Preseli Mountain. I need to explain, out on the Preseli the mobile signal isn't the best. She turned up at our door just under an hour later. It was apparent something had changed for Irene. I had the impression Ireen wouldn't have poked BB with a twelve-foot stick, Irene hugged BB as hard as she hugged her sister.

Irene had a little blub in my arms and apologised. That threw me, as I couldn't for the life of me think what the fuck she had to apologise for. Then, typical of my Irene, she said this was doing me no good and wiped the tears away. I don't think she shed another tear over her destroyed marriage to her seriously weird husband.

About five o'clock, Ally knocked on the door. Ten minutes after that, Jilly turned up, and the women set themselves on a campaign to destroy Captain Normal by witchcraft. It was two hours later that I pointed out to my wife that she had her wifely and motherly duties to perform in the kitchen. She in turn pointed out to me in no uncertain terms that I had husbandly, farther, and good neighbourly duties to perform with my wallet at the bar of our local pub. It wasn't a huge disappointment; the landlady of our local does a steak and kidney pie to die for.

It was our first walk up the hill to my new local boozer as a resident of our new village. I was surprised to see there was a one-man band performing that night in the best end. I was informed by Ally he is a local sheep farmer; his name is Ioan Price, pronounced Johan. Personally I think he is a very accomplished musician, singer and nice bloke. A third of his act is that of an Elvis impersonator with a difference. A third he plays just about any song anyone in the audience requests, and the other third he is a stand-up comedian. Trust me here, the guy is genuinely funny. We were in the boozer until well after Geriant, the landlord, fell asleep at the bar.

I mentioned that the Elvis portion of Ioan's act is different. That is split in half. Half is obviously as Elvis Presley. The other half is as Elvis Costello. The other Elvis thing is his stage name, Elvis Preseli. His sheep farm is on the slopes of Preseli Mountain. Ioan is a giant of a man, and so is his son, Little Ioan.

As is often the case when parents give their kids childhood nicknames, they become ironically inappropriate in later life. 25-year-old little Ioan was a good two inches taller than his giant of a dad. He must be close to seven feet tall.

By the official closing time, I was nicely pissed. So were Seph and my two girls. BB was fit to be carried home already, and Ally and Jilly were singing at the moon.

It was then that I suddenly realised Irene was missing. When I stood to go look for her, I was told in no uncertain terms to butt out and leave her alone. Lilly gave me the laser, like, don't be an idiot look. "Have a look around, Dad; little Ioan is on the missing in action list as well.

I couldn't believe it. I wanted to go looking for my little girl and protect her. Lots of people were reminding me she was a grown woman and a very sensible one at that. She was also in dire need of a bit of cheering up. Leave it to everyone except Lilly. Lilly just said if it was me, would you be worried, dad?

When Geriant fell off his bar stool and woke up, he threw us all out into the night. As we all wobbled back down the hill, I forbade Ally and Jilly to drive home. There were enough beds to sleep us all at our place. Ally had no one staying at her place, she was booked solidly over the weekend but now had no breakfasts to cook. Despite the start of today's events, we had a superb night out in excellent company.

Well, over an hour later, I was holding my missus in bed. She had unlocked my tube in a fit of unwarranted excitement. Then, promptly fell asleep. Seph is a funny, good-tempered drunk, but as always, when the lights go out, her lights go out with them. Another half hour after the lights in the house went out, when I thought I was the only one left awake, I heard the front door open. Our new home is over 250 years old and has creaky stairs. You cannot get a pair of size 14 boots with a six-foot ten inch man inside them up 250-year-old stairs without making every one of them creak. Especially if your both three sheets to the wind and giggling a lot.

I was wide awake when Little Ioan banged his head on the top of the bathroom door frame. I was still wide awake when he banged it again less than five minutes later, on his way out. He cursed as well the second time. Probably hit the same sore spot.

I was biting my fist at this point to stop myself from laughing. The noise they made getting him into the tiny bedroom woke Seph and, I think, the rest of the house. If it didn't, Irene's shrike of "OH MY SWEET FUCKING JESUS" When Little Ioan introduced my daughter to his obviously not so little head, probably woke the neighbours, and they live nearly a mile away.

That didn't matter a bit. Ten minutes later, with formal introductions out of the way, my baby girl Irene, came for what she later admitted to her mom and sister was the first time in her life. She woke the entire St. Davids Peninsula praying. I think she was praying. Jesus, Joseph, Mary, and God were called upon vigorously and many times. Two days later, Seph and I danced at my surprise birthday party with all family and good friends present.

Irene's divorce petition was granted eight months later. Seph and I danced at what Irene called her freedom party.

Two weeks after that, Seph and I danced at the reception when Irene and Little Ioan were married.

Nine months after my daughter married little Ioan I went to Pembroke Hospital to meet my very first grandchild. My poor Irene looked like a train had run over her, but she never stopped smiling, Little Ioan looked very pleased with himself, as did his dad. His mom apologised profusely to Seph and Irene for what Little Ioan had done to our daughter. Little little Ioan weighed ten pounds, seven ounces.

In the hospital, Ioan sang Shake, Rattle, and Roll unaccompanied, and Seph and I danced. We have a christening party coming up soon.