All Comments on 'Love Lies Pt. 02 - Conclusion'

Just kind of blah. Not much emotion to it.

The point of breaking this up in to 2 chapters? No fuckin need to do it! What a waste of time.

So you think breaking the story into two chapters was a waste of time, but what do you think about the story as a whole? smh

A good story but it kind of feels like there's not enough meat on the bones. It could have been written into one chapter but that is not as important as a satisfying story that concludes all the plot points. 4*

A good ending...for me the only one possible. She took her destiny in her own hands, and now wht she needed was psychiatric help in order to surpass her pain and try to begin a new life...4*

Going by how this story began I really was expecting far more.

It was set up nicely, things were happenning ...... part 2 should have been an explosion of drama and entertainment.

Really disappointed.

It felt like you could'nt be bothered and thats not like you at all.

Why splitting this shit in 2 parts? I don't really like all this "civilized" talk with the person who fucked you over. Just shut the door in their face and be done with them. What's the point?

This was anticlimactic, to say the least. Plus the trend to write in first person and suddenly switch to narrative because it's easier to get a thought across, defeats the purpose and the effect of first person. This second chapter simply stopped the story.

not a BTB'er, but good just the same.

Why?

Why was this story split? Only a freaking moron would have given the bitch a second chance so it was never even up for debate. All you achieved was me giving this story a 1.

Kate was reduced to tears and kept driving when she saw Sandy's car, yet she went to the mall with Dave and accepted a fairly uninspiring proposal. It makes me wonder about Kate...why didn't she just stop? Did she know about Sandy? Ok, one problem that begs many unanswered questions. Curious but not criticizing, thanks for the story.

Finally a good story!

Was almost a five .... The proposal piece was uninspiring in comparison to the rest of the story and didn't match up with her drive by.

A bit wooden on the emotions. Both gals did not seem full of life

But obviously failed. I split it up to try for some suspense and to see what comments I'd get after part one ended with Sandy coming back. I knew it would hurt the scores, but sometimes you just have to give it a shot for the hell if it. Guess that won't happen again. Thanks for taking the time to read it and for the comments (well, most of the comments anyway).

Needs something more detailed to answer the questions of why she cheated. She wants back with him. She screwed him over bad. Any guy in that situation would need lots and lots of explanation. Any woman would know she'd need to tell all.

Needs dialogue to tie in the previous dating with the asshole. Needs a better reason for Kate to drive away just because a car is there.

Okay chapter, Bill...

The story was entertaining enough, but there wasn't any reason to split into 2 chapters.

No emotional moment in this one. You missed the best bet with Katie. She realized Sandy was there, so she went home. That is sensible. Now what? What is Katie thinking? When he calls her to go shopping she has no questions. UNBELIEVABLE ❗ Bill.. Major fail.

Gave you 3*s. Your last couple of posts no longer read like collaboration. Has Kate quit writing 😪❓

Thanks for the story. Good luck on your next one.

AMerryman

Odd lack of communication, that doesn't make sense. The wife never tells him that her old boy friend is back in touch with her? He never tells the ex-wife she's living with a murderer? He never tells her the video was sent by the guy seducing her? The wife doesn't tell him of her doubts about his job hunting, or her anger about her sister's porn video? Their marriage was so shallow, and their personalities so distant and clueless, that it wasn't much of a marriage to begin with.

Thanks for the effort, but I think you can do much better if you take the time.

is like playing off key/ TK U MLJ LV NV

Ch 1.

I don’t know why he was upset at Sandy dating Ben. They had ONE date and weren’t exclusive, she had already made the date with Ben, it was unreasonable to expect her to break it.

He had no reason to feel guilty about not telling her he knew that her date was with Bennie. There was no reason to; he wasn’t stalking her, he knew she had a date with SOMEONE.

Sandy’s a nurse; did she get Bennie his ‘roids?

“Bennie had smacked his live-in girlfriend … abuse from their spouse.” – Was she his girlfriend or wife?

Ch 2.

“Which one will he choose?” – Get real. How can he take back the wife who dumped him, probably cheated on him?”

Why did Kate drive by? Assuming he told her about Sandy, even if she made the logical assumption that it was Sandy’s car, that doesn’t mean that their relationship is in any trouble.

Her rationale is stupid, especially buying ANYTHING that a guy that wants you says about your husband!

I agree with the Anon who wondered why he never told her that Bennie tried to have him killed!

that is discusting

DisCusting? Really?

Not surprised about this piece of shit. You are a cuckold who gets excited watching your wife being fucked by other men. What puzzles me if what you wrote: " Some of mine end with reconciliation, some with a burn, but you won't read about a wimpy cuckold or any guy on guy action." Yeah, right. Minus ten. Shit shit shit

Keep an coming.

stupid cuck shit.

... everyone, except Kate’s (whose really a third tier character here), emotions/thought processes are a bit too simplistic. IF you consider this just a short story then there isn’t sufficient room to truely get going on that. But we are talking about the protagonist and main co-protagonist here, so perhaps a few extra paragraphs should have been spent for a bit more character “roundness”.

Otherwise, very nice.

It's almost like, "stupid cuck shit I give it 1 star" is a reaction, no matter what the story is. I gave this one four stars.

Sorry for the idiot anons cuckshit nonsense. This story ended the right way. I feel somewhat sorry that Benny was diabolical enough to manipulate Sandy into leaving her husband, but she still didn’t deserve the second chance. She’s beautiful and will rebound. And her ex will hold his head high, and that new wife seems seduction proof.

I gave it a five. Sure it had weaknesses, the biggest being what HDK said, however the story is light years ahead of most of the other stuff.

To be sure I have one modest lament. Most LW stories, yours included, don't deliver on the sex, erotica, end. Read Ken Follette's "World Without End" and you'll see what I mean.

Enjoyed it, gave it a five. Keep writing.

Jedd Clampett (not an anon.)

This is still a 5

No just the natural consequences of the actions of the spouse. There was no revenge just a result.

he made a good pick the second time. Learned his lesson I suppose.

I really think you should have expanded the part where Kate drives by and keeps driving. She drives away in tears, but a few hours later goes to the mall with him and then agrees to marry him and she never asks him about why his ex was at his house? You left at least another page of conflict in the word processor.

This story had a very interesting plot twist. Kate proved to be an excellent character.

Billy Lines

I never understood that song. “Ain’t that a kick in the head?”. Deano sang that like it was a good thing, but every kick in the head I ever had just caused me a lot of pain. Pretty good story but ending seemed very rushed.

Every working class Italian boy who grew up with a mother who kept a rolling pin (or in Bill's case - a mop) nearby knows it was that threat of a 'kick in the head' that mostly kept him from doing something really stupid and out of juvie. So, the kick could be considered a good thing (although not so much at the time).

Ending was a little forced, but overall a good read

.....and it just ended, systems developer, wtf, where was it ever mentioned before, and can't see why it split into two, could have been all sorted in 1

Enjoyed.

The "cuck shit" comments, where was he a knowing, willing cuckold? Granted in the first story after he saw her go into Bennie's apartment he didn't confront her. Should he have since they weren't really serious or exclusive? Maybe, I'd have mentioned that I saw her and how. She did lie to him about going out 'with the girls' when she really met with Bennie. She lied again by omission when she didn't confess to what she did. He did check her phone and found the text with her telling Bennie she loved her husband and wasn't going to see him anymore. What would have been the outcome if he had confronted her with that evidence? Good Grief she was using a Blackberry, that phone was a favorite of Federal LEO's, no wonder they pretty much have disappeared, they had some great features but then again so did Sony Betamax VCR's. She can't have been too bright if she had to move to Nashville because she couldn't find another job in all of the Chicago Metro area.

At least she did inform him in person with the "We need to talk" line, although it wasn't spelled out I'd bet she had already fallen back in to Bennie's bed or him in hers when she met Davey at the airport. Funny thing to me was she had to meet with Bennie to make sure he knew she wasn't going to see him again, then why did he text her afterwards? Why not block him after that? He pulls the line in Nashville about about Davey probably watching porn, Chicago is a little over/under 400 miles from Nashville depending if by car or plane. So what, rather he be out with other women? Davey sends her the link to her sister's porn video and she blames Davy, so I guess she'd rather it just hang out there for anyone to see it, but again did she discuss her feelings with her Husband? Fuck no, she does it with the ex-boyfriend that even a dumb blonde has to know that he's trying to fuck her again. Bennie undermines her confidence in her marriage, shame on her, did the dumb, blue eyed blonde discuss it with the husband that she l'oved'? No, she did not obviously even in the 'We need to talk' talk.

He did nothing wrong, probably should have had the 'Bennie' discussion more than once, but I doubt it would have changed anything. I don't see a cuck here, he treated her better than she deserved when she showed up at his door. It did give him a convienient way to confront her with the evidence. I do think the very ending was a little rushed and would have been better with more details and tension. But I'll fall back on the idea that this was a relatively early story, there have been many after this showing even more skill. Signed: BTW

I think you skipped over Katie seeing ex's car and mall trip too quick, but I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Great story with a happy ending. He.picked the right woman this time.

Grenat story. Thanks.

Towards the end you setup the story nicely with the GF seeing the ex's car. However you too quickly diffused this misunderstanding and rapidly ended the story. A lot of potential story wasted.

3 stars and no comment

A nice happy ending, but it all got wrapped up very fast. If Kate thought he was cheating on her, why would she agree to go shopping with him? Then she accepts the proposal without confronting him about a scenario that had reduced her to tears? Surely they should have had a conversation about that first, where he explains it was the ex-wife and Kate had nothing to worry about?

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Aside from that, I don't know how Dave could be civil to Sandy. She didn't deserve any of the politeness and respect he treated her with. She let herself be seduced by Benjamin... who was only sniffing around her because she encouraged it, before she coldly dumped her husband for the football player. Sandy tried to trade up, and only crawled back to the ex because Benjamin was an abusive druggie who just lost his job.

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Also, I was curious why Dave didn't go to the police with the evidence he found out about the stabbing. "although he was adamant that he would never repeat this statement to law enforcement".

He might say that then, but if the police caught the biker with any illegal weapons or drugs, they'd have massive leverage to get him to talk. The police would only need to check Benjamin's bank records to confirm his withdrawal of $7500, which would give them good cause to turn both their lives upside down. The DA could easily offer the biker a plea deal to throw Benjamin under the bus.

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Then there was the tipoff about Benjamin being into underage porn, which would be enough for the police to confiscate every electronic device he owned to look for evidence. Pro football players don't exactly have a reputation for being criminal masterminds, so there's no way he would have scrupulously hidden all his electronic tracks.

My point is that Dave had more than enough evidence to make Benjamin's life a living hell... but he just sat on the PI's report and did nothing with it. Very bizarre.

Phew! Dodged a bullet there. I was convinced he was going to allow skanky Sandy to manipulate him into taking her back but Davey had a very efficient Martian cuck ray shield and sent her packing. Good for him! I once had a relationship with a woman called Sandy whose behaviour was just as reprehensible as that of the character in this story so I may be a little biased here!

So Katie just saw the red car and drove passed the house and went back home!!?

The end, getting married, touring and babies was too rushed!!

5 stars for not taking back Sandy!!

Not your best effort

Sandy's reaction to the video of her sister and blaming it on Davey is a really weird and peculiar rationale for her to destroy her marriage. I know Benny was a bad seed and she had rejected him before and yes maybe she was vulnerable in Memphis by herself, and she was completely tricked by a duplicitous asshole, but the rationale was weird and Sandy while contrite, needs therapy. She is delusional to think that Davey would take her back under the circumstances regardless whether he was with anyone else or not. Hopefully she gets some closure and gets help after being forgiven. But the author has written better "loving wives" who have almost fallen but have resisted the final stages of adultery that are much more interesting. Sandy should have known at some point that Benny was a danger to her marriage. While appearing as a friends at first, he soon openly disrespected her husband. Obviously she was depressed about Alice, and the wound it left in her hear being reopened with the video, but blaming that on Davey and making him the object of her anger, was over the top. What they stopped communicating? The MC couldn't pick up that she was upset on the phone after the video. Sandy had real issues but hubby should have been more proactive. Even he admitted it during the story to himself. And not bringing up Benny at all was really not smart. Her reaction and a firm discussion early or after she went out to tell Benny know on that Friday, could have helped immensely. Again, confront and be proactive. If you are wrong, at worst you have a fight and make up later.

What Davey did to Sandy is perfect for me. Though it's true that if someone made a mistake, he/she should be given a chance to rectify his/her doing. But the question is, did Sandy had given Davey a chance to explain about the video? No. Rather, she falls for the sob and divorced the innocent person. So, she doesn't deserve a forgiveness.

That was beautiful. Thank you.

About the best I can say about this chapter is my questions were answered and there was closure but, otherwise this chapter did nothing for me.

Honestly this should have been part of the first chapter and there was no reason to break it up into two parts.

[10.04.23]

Well Done!

11/10!!!!!

Sandy was as thick as shit. Lucky escape for old Davey.

So the MC has all this damning information on Benny but does nothing with except tell Sandy afterwards. Fits his character of being reactive and mostly passive. Had he been a bit more empathetic when she was distraught (obviously so) on the phone after the video and relayed his concerns, UT would have tipped her enough that Benny would have failed to seduce her. Now after learning the truth of the video and Benny's attempted hit on her husband before her fall, and given she considered Benny a friend, well before he seduced her, surprised Sandy didn't shoot Benny herself. Benny's betrayal of their friendship was epic. Sandy lost everything, though her motivation fir blaming the MC is odd.

Benny seduced slut Sandy and she allowed it, shes not a child but a grown woman that cheats and is unfaithful. MC has no evidence that could put shithead Benny in prison as the only gang member that admitted it wont say it under oaf or to law enforcement. MC picked the right woman, Katie is by far a better woman then slut Sandy.

Meh. Sandy's motivations to be hostile to her husband because of the video are just strange. On the other hand the MC was not empathetic to her plight when she was distressed and alone in Memphis. Worse he had damnihg information on Benny and told her nothing about it. Instead delivering the coup de grace afterwards. Sandy was clear to manipulated and made vulnerable by mental issues surrounding Alice. I am not a fan of husband's who refuse to fight for their marriage before it disintegrates. I understand once she fell into Benny's clutches and asked for a divorce, that their marriage was then irreconcilable. However be proactive. If forewarned then use that knowledge to protect your wife and marriage. Not just dribble it out to defend yourself to your divorced ex afterwards. When thr communication dropped, he just waited too long. Meh. Not the author's best work.

Great story, 5 stars. She never should have asked about coming back, she knew he wasn't the kind of man to be second-best or as a "plan B". Who would?

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@anonymous: Meh...

You've blamed the MC for "not fighting for the marriage", but your timeline is wrong. He hadn't seen her for about 1.5 years, when she came back to get the rest of her stuff. He sees Jason "last year", informing him the sister's video was discovered by Bennie. After that, he got the PI involved, who finally (how long?) discovered the hit was placed by Bennie.

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All that happened AFTER she filed for divorce, before she even bothered to tell him there was a problem. She surrendered the marriage in secret, the husband is NOT to blame. Put the onus where it belongs, or are you suggesting women are incapable of saying NO unless her husband is there to keep them in line?

Could have been great but you skipped over the argument they were supposed to have prior to the jewelry store. Also, there was no real payback or justice for what Bennie did.

Good ending, but I feel you rushed it right at the end