by lizziebeth
The failure at grammar made it very difficult to read the story. By example, constantly changing from first person to second person to third person. I read about 10% and gave up.
I liked the overall feel and progression of this story. The characters were interesting, although their thought processes felt kind of abrupt and too literal. The switch in perspective was disjointed. I would recommend having larger blocks for each person, and possibly separating them with some sort of marker. Some of the grammar was a struggle, especially with pronouns. More detail interspersed through their interactions would help bring the setting to life.