Loving Two

I followed ten minutes later and after changing into a pair of cotton boxers and t-shirt I laid down on the roll-out which we'd set up in the middle of the lounge room. I laid there in the darkness for some time staring up at the ceiling remembering the feel of her lips on my cheek before exhaustion overtook me and I drifted off.

Sometime during the night, I woke from a short but vivid dream. I had dreamt that Jilly and I were again on the porch and we were holding hands as I leant in toward her. As our lips were about to meet an apparition appeared behind her. When I looked up, I realized it was Tammie. She looked sternly down at me and said, "Don't you dare!".

It was at that point that I suddenly woke; my heart racing in my chest. It took a long while before I could fall back to sleep.

Just as the first faint light of dawn was coming in through the cottage windows I awoke when I vaguely heard someone moving around. As I lay there dozing, I realized that it would be Jilly about to head out. I eventually heard her tip-toe past me as I lay there on top of the sheets appearing to be asleep. After a minute or so I realized I hadn't heard the front door open or close, so I opened my eyes to see what she was doing. Once my eyes focussed, I realized she was standing at the front door, her hand on the doorknob, looking down at me. When she realized I was awake she smiled down at me for a moment before opening the door and leaving.

The children all seemed to sleep-in that morning and they didn't get up until they were woken by the sound of Jilly's car returning at about eight o'clock. I soon had a breakfast of bacon and scrambled egg served which we all enjoyed together.

The next couple of days passed with the children thoroughly enjoying their time together. Jilly also seemed to relax more and more and as we sat watching the children play in the yard that morning, she eventually opened up to me about the final difficult months of her marriage and of her hopes and plans for their future. She told me that she would search for a casual or part-time job that would enable her to be at home when the kids were not at school.

I reflected that not always being able to be at home when my children left for school and returned home was a great regret for me. I told her that to this point the in-laws had been great in coming around and being with them at those times, but I knew it would become tiring for them in their old age. I said that I would probably soon look into employing a nanny for a couple of hours in the morning and a few in the afternoon. I figured that between the good income I had and the substantial payout from Tammie's life insurance, the cost would be far outweighed by the benefit of stability and company for the children. The big problem, as I saw it, would be in finding the right person for my children. Jilly sympathized with me, expressing that these days you really have to know who you are letting into your home and leaving your kids with.

Jilly also queried me as to what else I foresaw for my future. When I simply said "Just looking after the kids as best I can" she probed further, digging me in the ribs and asking how long it would be before I started dating. She seemed a little shocked when I said that I really couldn't imagine doing that again. I told her that the thought of having to go through the 'getting to know' phase and the courting filled me with dread. I also admitted that I didn't think I had made a very good husband first time around, so I didn't expect to marry again. Jilly appeared to have a look of disbelief but said no more.

In the afternoon as we sat on the beach watching the children build sandcastles Jilly again brought up the issue of finding a nanny for my kids. She said she wondered if she could maybe take on the role. Before I could say anything, she quickly made her pitch saying that I already knew her; that the kids knew her now and that all the children seemed to get on well. She said that the hours and the income would suit her down to the ground. I sat there stunned. It would mean having Jilly in my life almost every day. How could I handle that and not want her all over again?

Jilly must have seen the perplexion in my eyes so before I could say anything she continued on "It's just an idea. Please give it some thought". I nodded and we moved on to other topics.

That evening, as it was to be the last night with us for Jilly and her kids, I took everyone along to a small outdoor restaurant, which was located about a kilometre along the beach road from the cottage. We walked there and were sat at a long bench table; Jilly and I opposite each other at one end and the children spread out along the rest of the table. We ordered and as we waited to be served the parents chatted while the children got into colouring-in books that we had found at the cottage.

Eventually Jilly moved to the end of the table, so we were sitting side by side around the table corner. She said she just wanted to discuss something I had said earlier in the day. She asked me why I thought I wasn't a good husband. Feeling a little embarrassed I just told her that I didn't think I was attentive enough, especially in our early years and that I didn't always feel the need to do things with Tammie, even outside working hours.

Jilly appeared to look at me somewhat incredulously and countered that none of that made me a bad husband. She said it sounded like I learnt to become more loving and attentive as the years went on and that there had probably not been a marriage in history where the spouses didn't need some alone time now and then. I just shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know. I'm just don't think I should lug someone else with my particular foibles".

Jilly gave me her full-on schoolteacher look straight in the eyes for a moment before saying "Listen here mister. I think that should be left up to the woman to decide if she can live with any supposed 'foibles'. Having known you for as many years as I have my feeling is that any sensible girl would decide you were worth having to deal with any minor flaws you think you have".

I sat there in stunned silence for a moment not knowing how to respond. When she saw I wasn't going to say anything Jilly placed her hand on mine as it lay on the table and went on "To me you've always been someone who I think any girl would be happy to be lumped with". Feeling a little defensive at the way I was being interrogated on this subject I pushed back saying "Well you obviously didn't think that back all those years ago when I made the big 'I love you' reveal to you". Jilly looked a bit stunned herself at hearing me say that and for a moment I thought she was going to tear up. But instead she just seemed to take a couple of deep breaths before going on "You know if I had had any sense, I would have responded very differently to the way I did that afternoon. I can't tell you how often I've regretted how I handled that".

I think I may have looked distressed at her revelation because she soon went on, "Even though I was going out with a guy at the time I knew I had made a stupid mistake that day".

I couldn't believe what she was saying. She continued "Truthfully, I've often wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn't been so stupid and just said 'Yes' to you". As she said this, she had to wipe away the tears that had now begun to gather. I could only reach around and try to hug her as I said, "Well, if you had have said 'Yes' you wouldn't now have those two beautiful kids" as we looked down the table at the children thoroughly engrossed in their activity. She gave a thankful smile for my sentiment and hugged me back.

Thankfully, our meals came out at that moment and so we were soon eating rather than having to continue the conversation. As I ate my stomach churned. And not because of the food. I was almost in shock with what Jilly had just revealed to me. I didn't know how to react or how to respond to what she had said. Why had she told me this now, after all these years? Was she now hoping that we could build a closer relationship? Did I still want that? As I ate, I kept glancing up at her and each time I did she was already watching me. After quickly looking away the first few times I eventually gave her a weak smile and shrug of my shoulders to which she responded with a smile of her own.

The rest of the meal passed quietly and after I paid the tab the children asked if we could walk back to the cottage along the beach. We made our way down there and the children skipped off a little way ahead of Jilly and me.

After a short time, Jilly reached for my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine and leaning into me as we walked along. Although my mind was in turmoil, I soon found myself relishing our contact and after a little while I pulled her arm behind my back to hold it on my far hip. I did the same with my near arm, wrapping it around her back and holding her close. Jilly just looked up at me and smiled. Nothing more was said as we made our way to the cottage.

Once we got back, we played a board game with the children before settling them into their beds for the night. Once they were down Jilly and I headed out to the porch with glasses of wine, as had been our habit over the last couple of nights. Once there we were silent for a time before Jilly asked "Are you OK? You know you've hardly said a word since we left the restaurant". I smiled; not really knowing what to say but in the end all I could come up with was "It was just a bit of a shock - what you said back there".

She replied "I know. I'm sorry. It's just the last couple of weeks - since I saw you again, and especially these last couple of days....I guess I hoped....I know it might be stupid but I've been wondering if you could ever maybe think of me in that way again. That maybe we could try and see if there could be a future for us"

A voice in my head screamed "Now! Why now!".

But after a moment all I could say was "Jilly, so much time has passed, so much life has gone by". She responded with "We're not yet forty. There could be so much more ahead too".

I didn't know what to think or say so I just finished my wine and said I needed to get to bed. Jilly, I think, looked a little disappointed but I couldn't think that there was anything more I could do or say at that moment. I just needed to think about it without her beautiful face in front of me.

After cleaning my teeth Jilly passed by me, stroking my arm as she wished me a 'Goodnight' on the way to her bed. I stood there watching her walk away, still conflicted with what I should do or say. Surely it was too soon after Tammie's death for me to even think about another woman. But this was Jilly before me. Was I again going to not take the chance when it presented itself?

I went to bed but tossed and turned as my head spun with arguments one way or the other. Eventually exhaustion must have overtaken me and I fell to sleep. But it wasn't for long. I woke time and again through the night until an hour before dawn I realized I was wide awake and I wasn't going to drop off again.

It was at that time that I arose to look out the window at the rain. I had seen flashes of lightening in the distance a couple of hours beforehand and now the rain, thankfully without the thunder, had settled over us.

As I stood there, oddly, ironically even, a song that I had loved by the Irish artist Chris DeBurgh from many years before kept echoing through my head.

"Let us talk no more, let us go to sleep

Let the rain fall on the windowpane and fill the castle keep

I am weary now, weary to my bones

Weary from the travelling and the endless country roads

That brought us here tonight for this weekend

And a chance to work it out

For we cannot live together

And we cannot live apart

It's the classical dilemma between the head and the heart

She is sleeping now, softly in the night

And in my heart of darkness she has been the only light

I am lost in love looking at her face

And still I hear the voice of reason telling me to chase these dreams away

Oh, here we go again, we're divided from the start

For we cannot live together

And we cannot live apart

It's the classical dilemma between the head and the heart

The head and the heart

Now the dawn begins and still I cannot sleep

My head is spinning round but now the way is clear to me

There is nothing left, nothing left to show

The jury and the judge will see it's time to let her go

...."

As I gazed out, exhausted, suddenly she was there beside me. She grasped my arm, looked up at me in the darkness and whispered, "Are you OK?". I didn't really know what to say so I just replied, "I just couldn't sleep".

She looked into my eyes for a moment before she whispered "I know. I know you loved Tammie, just as she loved you. But you know I think I've always loved you too, just as you once loved me". When I heard her say that I couldn't hold back the tears as I croaked out "I always have....and I always will".

"....

Now hear the heart

Oh, I believe that time will show

She will always be a part of my world, I don't want to see her go

So I plead my case to hear the heart and stay

It's time to let her go

I don't want to let her go

It's time to let her go

I don't want to let her go

It's time to let her go

I don't want to let her go

It's time to let her go

And in this classical dilemma

I find for....The Heart"

Moments after I had spoken, Jilly was kissing me. And I was kissing her back. She had also begun to cry and we wet each other's face with our tears as we continued to hold each other and kiss. Our hands roamed each other's back and through her thin nightshirt I realized she was naked under it. Even through her clothing her skin felt so soft and inviting. Her nipples bore into the skin of my shirtless chest and my cock began to respond to the desire that I had always felt for this woman.

Jilly soon recognized my hardening as it rubbed against her belly through my boxers. She reached down and caressed it through the material as we continued to fervently kiss. After a time of this, Jilly pulled back from my face a little and while still gently holding me below said "I want to see you". She must have seen a fear in my eyes as she went on "We don't have to do anything, but I just need to see you and feel you against me".

Taking my hand, she led me back over to my bed. As we stood beside it, she looked up at me for a moment before taking a couple of steps back from me, then reached down and lifted her nightshirt over her head. Standing before me, naked, was the woman I had loved for all my adult life and more. Even in the relative pre-dawn darkness of the living room I could still make out how beautiful my Jilly was. She may have been approaching forty but her body with high, firm breasts and hips that flared just enough to beautifully frame her most secret of places would have had a man of any age responding as I was then. My boxers had an obvious tent in front of them.

As I stood there taking in her beauty, she must have decided that she couldn't wait for me any longer. She stepped back up to me and reaching down, she began to, inexorably slowly, drag my shorts down my legs. By the time they reached the floor Jilly was face to face with my hardened shaft. From where she was, crouching down, she reached out, gently pushing it up and ran her hand up and down its length twice. I shivered as she touched me so intimately, skin on skin, for the first time.

She then took my hand and lowered herself down onto my bed, drawing me down with her. We found ourselves laying there looking into each other's eyes for a time before she reached up, caressed my face with her hand and moved in to resume our kiss. We lay body against body for quite some time just kissing and allowing our hands to roam each other. My cock was insistently digging into Jilly's upper thigh and she eventually reached down to caress it again.

As the coming dawn began to light the room, she continued to move her hand up and down my length. After a while I pulled back from her kiss and said "You know we can't. Any of the kids could come out at any moment". In the faint light I saw her nod as a grimace of a smile came upon her face. She then said "Please, just hold me for a while" before she rolled over and spooned back into me. She slid back so my hard-on slipped up between her ass cheeks and pulled my arm over her, placing my hand on her lower breast.

We lay there for the next half hour, not moving except when I kissed the back of her neck or shoulder or when she pulled my hand up to kiss it. After that time Jilly rolled over again to face me and kissed me with an unimaginable passion before she slowly moved away, got out of bed and re-dressed herself. With a last lingering look at me as I lay there she returned to her bed and her children.

The plan had been for Jilly and her kids to enjoy one last morning at the cottage before heading back home mid-afternoon. It turned out that it didn't take much talking from me to convince them to stay for just one more night. When I put forward the idea to her, she just beamed back at me and said, "I think we'd like that".

With little discussion between us, Jilly and I set about thoroughly wearing out the children that day. We took them down to the beach soon after breakfast and again from mid-afternoon until almost tea-time with just a very short nap after lunch. As we ate tea, we asked the children if they wanted to do something special for the last night that Jilly and her two would be with us. Of course, they all got excited and wanted to know what we had in mind. We told them that once we'd tidied up after tea, we could go for a walk down to the mixed store at the other end of the bay and all get ice-cream cones. Having enjoyed previous walks in the evenings all the kids were jumping up and down with our suggestion.

Once we'd finished our ice creams and started walking back, we told the children that we had one last treat for them for the night. We told them that if they all wanted, they could all sleep in the second bedroom together. Jilly suggested the boys could sleep in the beds and the girls could sleep on the roll-out bed that I'd been sleeping on. Of course, they all agreed immediately. While we knew that all this would have them excited for a while, we also knew that after the day we'd had, they would soon be sound asleep. The children were all so excited by the prospect of their special last night together that none of them thought to ask were I'd be sleeping with the girls taking over my bed.

Once we got back to the cottage, we had the children settled and in bed within twenty minutes. Jilly and I sat in the dark out on the veranda with our glasses of wine as we listened to the sounds filtering out from the bedroom slowly fall silent. We sat in the dark, with only occasional conversation for another thirty minutes before I stood, took Jilly's hand and led her inside.

While Jilly used the bathroom, I checked that the children were all asleep. When I got to the bedroom to grab my boxers, I found Jilly had returned and was laying in bed on her side with the sheet pulled up to her neck as she watched me move around. Even in the near darkness of the room her eyes seemed to sparkle. I left her there to clean my teeth and change out of my clothes.

When I returned, I found Jilly as I had left her. Having not discussed it that day, I wasn't absolutely sure of what Jilly was expecting to happen that night. I slipped under the sheet and lay on my side also to face her. After a moment she broke into a grin and said she thought I was a little overdressed for what she'd had in mind. As the reality of what she said dawned on me I lifted the sheet to see her reclining nude form. I peered at her body in the darkness for some time before she flicked at the waistband on my boxers and said, "Your turn now!". I reached down and slipped them off.