Lucretia's Human Resources

Lucretia's Human Resources (Pilot):

"A Favor Among Colleagues"

Lucretia instantly realized that this was the opportunity she had been waiting for. The moment had finally arrived.

She stared at her colleague like she was seeing him for the very first time. He was sweating, rubbing his face and flicking aimlessly through the documents on his desk. The very definition of lost, confused and scared.

Tom, you see, was a complete idiot. If there had been any sort of justice in the world, he would have been fired ages ago.

Sure, he made less money than Lucretia, at least - but she was all too aware that the pay gap between them was painfully slim. Even though she was considerably more qualified, worked harder cases and had been at this office for much longer. At this rate, he would surpass her one day, while only getting dumber, slower and even less competent by the minute.

Or not.

With scientific curiosity, Lucretia had watched from the sidelines as the work had started piling up on his desk. And now, the ultimate deadline was almost upon him. Maybe this would finally break the back of his so-called career.

Lucretia repressed a little chuckle. Tom looked like he would start crying any minute now.

But even greater than her anger and grim satisfaction at his misfortune... Was Lucretia's sense that the big payday she had been waiting for was finally presenting itself to her.

Just as she had expected.

She was ready.

Lucretia gazed upon her own, empty desk - she had already finished her own work load ahead of schedule, plus some extra. She took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge.

Tom, you see, was good for one thing, and one thing only, as far as Lucretia could tell.

It had happened at an office party, a few months ago. Everybody got drunk, and they had even persuaded Lucretia, the notorious party pooper, to take a few sips.

She was not a big fan of alcohol, but she had played along. Discreetly emptying most of her drinks into potted plants when nobody was looking.

They had played some dumb party game. She wasn't even sure how it had happened, but suddenly, everybody dared Tom to give Lucretia a foot massage.

Lucretia had groaned and rolled her eyes and pretended like she was performing some sort of big self-sacrifice by playing along. Indulging her silly colleagues just this once, just because it was such a craaaazy evening. That everybody thought she was just as drunk as the rest of them had given her the perfect cover.

The truth was, Lucretia had been disturbingly eager to give this a try.

She frequently complained about her aching, itchy feet, and the injustice of women being forced to wear heels. It was a bit of a running gag at the office - but to Lucretia, it was no joke. In fact, she had a slight deformity in her ankles and heels that made walking genuinely unpleasant for her, especially on hot days.

So, she had let Tom massage her feet.

Discovering that he was very good at it. More than good, in fact. Oh yes.

Which brings us back to this moment.

"Rough day, huh, Tom?" Lucretia asked with a sardonic smirk.

Tom looked up like a piece of roadkill rising from the dead. Lucretia allowed herself an obscene, cat-like stretch. Then she walked over.

"Let me see," she said.

Tom, utterly confused about her sudden interest in his fate, gave her some space to sort through his papers.

"Oh, yeah... I had something like that on my desk, just the other day," Lucretia said. She displayed what she hoped to be a sufficiently mysterious smile. "Hmmm... yeah... with that one, on the other hand, you should..."

She looked Tom into the eyes and raised her eyebrows. "You know, this really shouldn't take you this long."

Tom raised his hands.

"I know, I know!" he whined. "There is so little time left, but my head feels like it's full of mush!

It's just... I can't... I can't..."

"Spare me," Lucretia said coldly.

Now it was Tom who stared at her. "I... I can't believe I'm about to say this..."

Oh, but I can, Lucretia thought. I know what type of boy you are.

He turned red as a beet. "Can you... Look, I know it's a lot to ask, but could you maybe give me a few pointers here? Help me out? I swear I'll make it up to you, somehow...! Anything you want!"

Lucretia glared at him in fake disbelief. "You want me to do your work for you? Is that it?"

"No! No... Just... Oh, I don't know," he shook his head. "Can't we work something out? Maybe I could..."

"What?" Lucretia snapped. "Take over some of MY plentiful work load, some other day? No thanks. Frankly, I trust you to get my work done about as much as I trust you to do your own. And look at you now, Tom."

She sat down on a chair next to him and took off one of her shoes, to rub her aching toes. Making sure Tom got a good look.

Tom gave her a blank stare as his last two brain cells popped, clearly surprised by what he was about to say. "What if I... What if I throw in another foot massage...? I'll do anything."

Lucretia let out an incredulous laugh. "You...! Oh, wow. You really have no shame, do you."

She waited for him to sink down into his chair and accept complete and utter defeat.

Then she shrugged and said: "Oh, what the hell. If nothing else, it's good for a laugh. Let's find out if you can make yourself useful enough to save your sorry ass, for once. I'm game."

Lucretia took immense satisfaction in the strange mix of gratitude and horror on Tom's pathetic face.

They made sure that they were indeed alone in the office, at this hour. Then Lucretia took off her other shoe and wriggled out of her pantyhose, letting her soles breathe for the first time in hours.

Oh yes, she had prepared for this. Sensing that the time would come where Tom was at his most vulnerable, she hadn't properly washed her feet in days. She had gone on long walks at every opportunity, wearing the most uncomfortable shoes she had. She had to make this count.

She could read in Tom's disgusted grimace that the smell and stickiness had been aged to perfection.

Lucretia repressed a hungry little gasp.

To his credit, Tom did not hesitate.

And his magic was on point today.

Lucretia did her best not to twitch and moan as she let herself sink into the chair. Such a loving, earnest touch! So eager, yet humble and respectful! Like a lover embracing a victorious warrior, finally returning home from battle. You are beautiful and strong, his hands said, but you suffered through great hardship and injustice, and you deserve this.

It was heaven...!

Also, it was about time, honestly. For weeks, Lucretia had been lurking around her colleague like a tiger. Feeling increasingly undignified as she had "accidentally" stepped on his feet. As she had given him little angry kicks at every conceivable opportunity. She had even put her shoes on his desk once when she was airing her feet. Anything to draw his attention to where she needed it to go, but to no avail.

Again, Tom wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, not by a long shot. But maybe it had been enough to plant the seed in his infertile little brain.

Lucretia let her eyes wander over her colleagues' face, down below, and smiled. So concentrated! So serious. A genuine little trooper. Tom was not the most attractive man... but a solid 4/10, at the very least. Plus, his sheer usefulness, at this moment, probably earned him a few extra points.

She leaned back and sighed.

Tom raised his head. "Are you okay? Was that too much pressure...?"

She shook her head. "All good. Carry on, carry on."

Lucretia felt a little sting of melancholy when they were done, her feet now completely restored.

On a whim, she told Tom to wait, wriggling her toes. "How about a little goodbye kiss?"

Tom stared at her as if she had just proposed to kill and taxidermy his cat. "Are you... Are you EIGHT years old? You can't be serious."

Lucretia frowned. It had been a joke, at first, but now she realized she desperately needed some aftercare. And she was gonna get it, dammit!

"Just a little foot-kiss, Tom!" she protested. "It's not like I'm gonna bend you over your desk and do you with a strap-on!"

Tom hesitated, then slowly shook his head. "I am a married man, Lucretia. You know this. This is getting too weird."

Lucretia gulped. She had to take control of the situation, and fast, or this humiliation would ruin her entire victory.

With the coldest voice that she could muster, she said: "Being married didn't stop you before, did it? You and I know this little favor was purely platonic, strictly professional... But is your wife gonna see it the same way...?"

She gestured towards the camera on the computer at her work station, just behind them. The little red light indicated that it was switched on.

She could see Tom's expression of defiance collapse right then and there, and immediately regretted what she had just said. She didn't like that dark, cold feeling at all. Was she actually evil?

"Oh, don't look at me like that," she said, fighting very hard to hide her sudden emotional drop. "I'm not ACTUALLY gonna blackmail you. I'm not a sociopath!"

She lowered her eyes. "Just... please...?"

Lucretia held her breath.

She felt Tom's lips gently touch her left foot, then her right one. It tickled a little.

Before drawing away, he gave her feet a final little squeeze.

The relief was almost overwhelming.

"See, was that so hard?" She gasped, somewhat annoyed by how big her smile was. Oxytocin is one hell of a drug.

Tom scratched his head and got up. "You drive a hard bargain, you know that...?"

"Oh, you better believe it," Lucretia beamed. "Now let's go over these files, shall we? If we divide it up, we should be getting it all done in two or three hours. Also? FYI? From now on, whenever we need something printed out, you're the one who is gonna walk the walk."

"Why did they put that damn printer all the way at the other side of the office, anyway?" Tom wondered meekly. "Uhm... Say... You are going to delete that camera footage, of course...?"

"Of course," Lucretia lied.