All Comments on 'Lucy Ch. 06: Midweek Conference'

Hi Shoreguy. I'm writing some comments as positive feedback to help with your writing. You can write... but need to understand a major point that affects this story. It is Point of View. (POV)

You begin writing from the husbands POV but then start describing the situation of your wife Barbara and Lucy. Plus what they are thinking and feeling. How? Unless there is a video set up with sound you cannot comment on what is going on miles away from where you are. Plus, obviously you cannot comment on what they are feeling and thinking. Those thing need to come from the POV of one of them.

As the afternoon progresses you change from the "invisable watching eye-in-the-sky" to the POV of Barbara.

Then later, from Lucy's POV. Before flipping back to the husband again. Do you see how all that is impossible? If you concentrate on understanding WHO/WHOM is providing the POV, your story would actually make sense.

It is possible to change POV during a story but you can't then keep writing describing both parties as if you are observing from a position of an observer. Good luck. Cheers.

Thanks for sharing, I've just read the parts to this story and have greatly enjoyed it, and am a little sad it just randomly stopped with no more parts😔

Five chapters in EC and Anal, and you post in LW? How many LW readers do you expect to go back and read the prior chapters?