by Rob Conner
As hard as it is to believe I have known people in the military that has done crazy stuff like this.
No one will stop you from putting down the most illogical plots, boringly cardboard-like characters, and insipid dialog.
You have complete freedom to make an absolute ass of yourself and reveal yourself to be an abysmally poor writer.
Trotted out the Super Marine Ninja Ranger Seal. Sometimes suspension of disbelief is near impossible.
That was awful. He dumps her for having one guy on the side but takes her back after she fucks hundreds? Riddled with STDs, missing teeth, and covered in tats and piercings? Sure, show some empathy and help her out. Feel guilty for BTB. Shows your human. But there is no "relationship" to work on. Please delete ch. 2 and skip ch. 3 as well.
First part was righteous, now you turned him into a RAAC wimp. So fucking unrealistic. Won't bother with the rest of this turd.
And the next Anonymous cuck boy who responds with weak ass shit at me? Well we know just what kind of spinless cocksucker you are....
I like this story, but it's a little far fetched even for me. One of his war buds just happens to be king of the pimps who helps him rescue ex wife who has bottomed out. He is also a war hero with the MOH and the Navy Cross. Wow! But I'm all in now. Let's do chapter three.
Let me catch up here. Wife cheats and belittles husband to his face. With all her education, she still ends up as a real whore with a mean black pimp. Ex husband just happens to pick her up on the street. Mean pimp goes all ghetto on him. He calls friend who Phd Psychologist, and the Uber Pimp. He takes wife for rehab, no drugs, just tats and piercings. Ghetto pimp is thumped, then executed. On to evil Sean now. I knew this guy was an elite Marine. I like the stories, but they need to a little less over the top. A Phd Psychologist who is the Big Pimp? Come on man!
Yep......pure garbage.
Reminiscent of an evil stupid Buckeroo Banzai. Willie works for the President and drives a race car in his spare time doesn't he?
Surprised willie pimp doesn't have two or three Phd's. I think he wrote that paper that chapelle started to write, the one where he is studying white people. But willie, being a superior black ninja amazonian all-knowing pimp master got the goods on ol' whitey!! Bet he has another Phd in physics that he never told anyone else about, too. He'll be able to press a button and all the greedy white people gonna be disappearin' an shit!!
Wtf is this wack bs?
This all started because she apparently is a size queen and Luke has a tiny dick.
This is laughable.
A way out there fantasy, but still a good read. Thanks for sharing.
But why do the cheated on husbands ALWAYS turn out to steely-eyed, cold-blooded ex-commandos or CIA assassins? Is there some fallout from all that military training and government service that makes a guy unable to choose a decent woman to marry?
I really enjoyed chapter 1. As far as I'm concerned this chapter starts a new tale. So like the title of my comment, I say preposterous. So hard to believe I'm not going to rate until I read the rest of the tale.
I'm sorry but if you want anybody to believe what you write try writing a realistic plot or create rational characters. This is too silly to scream about; just laugh and move along.
"I'm the slut now that you thought I was then." Actually, he didn't think she was a slut - she came right out and admitted that she was. He didn't make her become a slut, she always was one.
Nice stuff
Not much reality but who cares it is entertaining
Case in point this story. It seems like the main characters of the first chapter stepped into the twilight zone. She decided to end their marriage by fucking other men starting with Sean and yet it's his responsibility for what happened to her! Utter shit.
As some others have said she isn't some kind of simple minded idiot she is a well educated woman and yet she is working as a whore her choice so fuck her.
You morons giving 1 star must think you are really important critics. Why read these stories? It must be because you can't write your own? This writer has a good imagination. Every story is worth at least 3 stars just because they are read so much, a pretty damn good indication that he is a good story teller.
If you attack the people who read your material just because they want to remain anon and don't want their email address given out then you are stupid. If someone takes t he time to reply to one of your stories, even if they are negative, even if they rip you a new asshole they are still giving you feedback. That is how they view your work. You wanted feedback just not negative feedback.Your stuff just isn't that good, way too many weakness. Try writing an entire story, PROOFREAD it, put it away for at least one month then read it again. Only after that should you start the rewrite.
anon jerry
A bit exagerated... in the part 1, she wants a "bigger" guy with 10 and a half inches!!!Keep real...most woman will be scared of a man with a lethal weapon.A friend of mine, barely eight inches, take a girl from behind(a good frat party...good times)and she crapped all over him.Even today, many years later, we call him "Ice cream".Try figure out...
but a lot of fun for those of us like a happy ending. Funny the revenge crew should be a bit confused by all this!
Why nothing new Ron?
You are creating a real story here. Even if the heroes are larger than life and rather unrealistic. You Americans are very much in love with that special operations sh* .Know this friend, in every war there will stand people that never trained in any of that sh* who will be the ones saving your ass. And that is a truth...I feel sorry for the girl, and I do like your serious try for a flow... So I'll give you a hundred for effort and for flow... But next time work on your story line even more, try for the 'underdog'... Otherwise a pleasant read :) Cheers Yoron.
goiing to the asshole that had an affair with her and spent all of her money. And she as an employed MBA and CPA couldnt make enough money to satisfy her "lover" who sold her to a pimp while she was drugged. Hubby dear here, with all the rah rah shit is out of his fucking brain. She was a tramp and trash, she just chose to become more trash and tramp. He was not him who caused it, nor his responsibility for her endless choices of the worst possible case. She chose to stay with the pimp, she could have run, could have gone to the police, she was educated and trained. Nope folks she chose to stay where she was, and was what she was a whore who needed big dick.
Great story...but NOOOOOOO!!!!!! I was hoping for some revenge served cold and instead I get Polyanna crossed with Tarnatino...ah well, guess I'll sit back and enjoy the mayhem...errr, there gonna be some kickass sex happening soon?
when will luke take out sean i hope soon Rob that had me crying my eyes out so bad im glad lelia is back with luke its like to hell and back with audy murphy i hope they come back in the next chapter .
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga.
I wasn't expecting things to take this ture but it was pretty entertaining. Honestly I've mostly started reading stories on Lit for the sex like others but I quickly found out that a good deal of stories were worth reading based on being decent stories and the sex in the story no longer became important most of the time though it's still good though.
I like it when authros take time to write a story. It does seem more like "Action/Drama/Guy-movie" but that's cool. Sometimes it's good to read about stories like this, after all it's fiction and clearly she's more then paid for the cheating so things can only go up.
Not sure how to rate it since it wasn't real erotic per se, but it held my attention; a good read. Kind-of an "Action/Drama/Guy-Movie" with emotion. Cool.