Lullaby

Lullaby

A sequel to I'd Be Better Off

Disclaimers: No one under 18 years old is engaging in any sexual contact or conduct.

Forward: My stories are works of absolute fabricated fiction. They aren't even based upon real people. They are just stories that come from my strange mind. I will say that I don't typically think of the Loving Wives category as a place of heroes. The stories in this category typically represent two diametrically opposed viewpoints. The slighted man that goes off violently and so harshly that I wonder if they even knows about the concept of love or weird dudes that get off on somebody screwing their wives (I really hate those stories and wish they would put them in the fetish category so I could avoid them. That's just my opinion) I rarely have more than a few hours of thought invested in them. I am glad that they provoke you to think and consider new points of view and ideas. Additionally, they aren't edited all that well because I have other responsibilities and don't have the time to go through them carefully. Like I said in my profile this is just a new hobby.

"Amy, it's time for breakfast," my mother softly called from my open bedroom door. I was stuck in my childhood bedroom again. I desperately wanted to run away but my parents wouldn't leave me unsupervised for even a moment. They were worried about me after my breakdown at Will's funeral.

"Mom, I'm not hungry; my stomach is still bothering me."

"This is the third day this week, sweetheart. Maybe you need to see Dr. Wilson."

"My health insurance doesn't work here in Alabama, mom. I'll be fine. I just miss him so much." A tidal wave of guilt and shame crashed over me again. "It's all my fault, mama! Will is gone because of me. If I would have listened, he would still be alive. Why did I ignore what his heart was saying? It's all my fault."

She wrapped her arms around me again as I continued to sob. "Hush baby, there's nothing we can do about it now. We have to help you find a way to move forward."

I bawled my eyes out for the fourth day in a row. Will's funeral made everything so real. He was really gone and I would never get to see him again. My Will had left me here in soul crushing sorrow. He had been my best friend, my husband, and my only lover and now he was gone because I developed an infatuation with his older brother.

I don't know if Will chose pre-law because he was so detail oriented or if the classes drilled it into him. Looking back, I believe it was the former. Will had preplanned his memorial service. He had picked out contingencies for all three scenarios. He planned a service with no body, closed casket, or open casket. He chose the funeral home, his casket, his clothing, the song selection, and even the preacher. His parents and I were allowed to contribute some pictures to accompany one of the songs.

I appreciated them for even allowing me to be present. My decisions had directly led to their oldest son killing their youngest. Jake had been cleared of any legal wrong doing but we both knew we were responsible. He had tried to reach out to me a few times but every time I saw him or heard his voice, I would see Will's dying eyes and hear him whisper "love you more."

The funeral began with George Jones singing He Stopped Loving Her Today being played with our picture montage. It was filled with pictures of us. I crumbled. Mom and dad tried to hold me in place but I had to get to Will one last time.

"I am so sorry, baby. I really do love you more. I am so sorry! Don't worry Will I come to you soon. We'll be together again, sweetheart. I'm coming Will."

My dad basically carried me back to my seat. I stayed there for the rest of the service. I don't really remember much of it. Now, I was confronted with the reality that I was a 22-year-old widow because I told my husband that I wanted to divorce him and marry his brother. I don't know if I can live with myself.

I was sick again the next morning and mom insisted I see our family doctor. "I'll pay for the office visit, Amy, but something is wrong and we need to get it checked out."

"Fine"

Dr. Wilson was a kind little old lady that had been my doctor ever since I had left the hospital nursery. Like everyone else in our community, she had been rocked by Will's death. I wasn't sure how well she would receive me considering my role in this tragic mess. I walked into the reception area to check-in.

"I am here for my appointment with Dr. Wilson."

"Hello Mrs. Stanley, please fill out this form and return it to me. You're appointment time is in 5 minutes so please be quick."

Cold. If my interactions with Leslie, whom I had known since high school and now worked as Dr. Wilson's receptionist, were any indication then I was going to receive professional but completely impersonal care. I sat down and began filling out the questionnaire. It was all completely mundane and I was only kind of paying attention until I reached a completely normal but terrifying question.

• When was your last menstrual period. Date ____________

I thought back over the last few weeks. They had been a blur of crying, raging, and self-loathing. I looked at my calendar app and realized that it had been more than six weeks since my last period. I began to panic. When was the last time that Will and I had made love?

"Hey, babe!" Will called out.

I was in the kitchen making preparation for dinner when he slid in behind me, engulfing me in his arms. Things had been strained between us for the past five weeks as my secret relationship with Jake had been developing, but I still loved his hugs. I let me hold me and soon he began swaying side to side pressed firmly against my back. I love Will, even though I think I may be falling in love with Jake. Soon Jake began kissing my neck and his hands began to roam all over my body. Oh, he knows how to turn me on!

"Want to slip back to our room, lover?" he whispered in my ear. "It's been far too long since I showed you how much I admire your body."

Too long? Had I been withholding love and sex from Will? It didn't matter in this moment. He wanted me and I wanted him.

"What about your dinner? I don't want you to starve," I asked with a smirk.

"Maybe we can start with dessert... and if we're still hungry later we'll figure something out," he growled.

Suddenly, my feet were in the air and Will was dashing toward our bedroom. Half tossing me, half laying me on the bed, he began his oral assault. The buttons on my blouse were being undone and his lips were kissing every inch that was being uncovered. I was feeling the heat of our bodies as our arousal continued to build. When he reached the final button of my blouse, I shrugged out of it and watched his face. The bra I had worn today was one of his favorites. It was a front closure and he absolutely delighted in unfastening it.

"My favorite! Time for a present for me," he mumbled between kisses.

I loved to watch Will's face when he exposed my boobs. It was as if he was experiencing sheer joy and lust. When I had considered it in the past, I couldn't say if Will was a breast or a butt man. He was simply my man. He seemed absolutely enthralled with all of me. It made me feel so special and loved. He began to maul my nipples with his tongue and lips, throwing in some soft nips with his teeth. His breath was becoming ragged. His hands began to fumble with the hook and button that held my slacks closed. Soon they too were removed from my body and discarded. Will began to work lower, soon he was face to face with my panties. He kissed the edges of them, teasing me and enflaming my lust even more.

"Please baby! I need you now," I begged.

"What do you want, sweetheart?"

"You! You know what I want; give it to me now!"

"No, not until you tell me."

"Kiss me!"

"Where, my love? Where do you want my lips?"

"My kitty! Kiss my kitty please, Will."

"Then tell me what I want to hear, Amy. You know the words."

Will was always trying to get me to engage in dirty talk. There were certain words that I hated and refused to use like titties. Other words I used only sparingly, so that I could excite him and incite him.

"Eat my pussy, Will. Stick your tongue in my cunt until I come so hard I can barely breath!"

At these words Will went after me with every trick he had learned about me. He licked from the perineum to the top of my slit. He started to do it again but stopped and inserted his tongue into my vagina, using his rigid tongue to tease the top of the opening. Then he began lavishing his affections upon my clit. My hips began to push into his face. I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensations when Jake's face popped into my mind. Oh, how I wanted to experience this with him in one of the exotic locations we had talked about. My orgasm began so I reached down and grabbed handfuls of Will's hair with my hands. "Oh-h-h-h-h!" I groaned as I reached my release. I looked down and saw Will's warm eyes looking up at me. Guilt swept through me.

He kissed up my body and I kept my legs spread for him. He reached my eye level and lowered his hips to mine. He loved to enter my slowly, savoring the feel of my kitty wrapping around him. I closed my eyes as he entered me once again thinking about Jake. "Look me at me, beautiful" he ordered. I didn't want to open my eyes and let go of my fantasy or experience the guilt again. I tried to pull him down to my shoulder so I could avoid seeing his face again. "Amy, I want to see your eyes," he repeated. I looked at him again and his face broke into the sweetest smile. "I love you, Amy."

He rocked forward and buried himself completely. After a couple of thrusts, I told him, "Roll us over; I want to ride you." We repositioned and I was able to enjoy my control over him and my fantasy. In this position, Will typically focused on my boobs. This allowed me to focus my attention on my imaginary lover. 10 minutes later we were both approaching the precipice. "Amy, I can't hold back much longer," I heard Will say. "Let go and come with me," I replied.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­

That had been four and a half weeks ago. My fantasy had been so strong and so enjoyable, I made the worst mistake of my life. That was the day that I decided that I had to leave Will and run away with Jake. Now my hands were trembling. I had been faithful in taking my birth control pills. There was no way that I could be pregnant. My upset stomach had to be a product of the stress and guilt.

"Stanley," the nurse called out. It was my turn to go back.

We stopped at the station to get my vitals. Weight, blood pressure, and temperature were filled in on the questionnaire that I had handed to her. "Follow me, please" she instructed.

Dr. Wilson's clinic wasn't very large; there were just three exam rooms. I was led to the middle one and told "Please go down the hall to the bathroom and fill this cup. Then come back in here and dress in the gown. You can leave on your underwear but please remove your bra. The Dr. Wilson will be in shortly."

I obeyed all the instructions and found myself sitting on the paper covered exam table waiting for Dr. Wilson. "Amy Franks," she said as she entered. I teared up immediately.

"Actually, I am still Amy Stanley," I replied.

"What brings you in Amy?"

"I have been dealing with an upset stomach for the past week. My mom insisted I see you. I am sure it is just stress and grief but she wouldn't take no for an answer."

"I see here that your last menstrual cycle was more than a month ago. Sometimes extreme stress will cause abnormal cycles but we should check any way. Are you on birth control?"

"Yes ma'am, I take a pill."

"Have you missed any days?"

"No ma'am. Will and I just finished up at West Florida and weren't thinking of starting a family until he finished law school"

"I'll order a pregnancy test and some blood work. I would encourage you to see a counselor or therapist to help you manage the grief and stress. Sit here and we will make sure that everything is okay physiologically."

She left and the nurse that did my vitals returned. "I need to draw some blood," she said, "do you have a preference on which arm I use?" I shook my head and she grabbed my right arm. She was efficient and professional but not really gentle. I couldn't find my voice to complain. My guilt said I deserved this and so much worse. Thankfully she was good at her job and found my vein on the first try. She took two vials of my blood and said to me, "Wait here for a few more minutes so the doctor can give you the results." With that she left the room and I was alone again with my thoughts.

Time in a doctor's office seems to move at a different pace. Seconds turn into minutes and minutes seem like hours. I was contemplating what the next couple of weeks were going to bring. First, I had to get away from mom and dad. They were determined to keep me from hurting myself but they didn't understand that every breath, every minute was agony. I had killed the man that loved me more than anything else. The man that I had sworn to love and stand with for our entire lives. His life ended because I wanted to break that promise. My guilt and pain wouldn't allow me to even consider a future. I had to find a way to get back to Florida. Next, I needed to do some research. I realize that I am a coward because I wanted my death to be painless. Also, I didn't want to disfigure my body and add to my parents' pain. Finally, I wanted to make sure that I disposed of everything in our apartment and planned the service. I didn't really care about the details all that much but I wanted to be sure that I had Will's favorite photo of us in my casket with me. I know that it is foolish, but he had asked me to keep it with me and I wanted to honor that request.

I had just finished my deliberations when Dr. Wilson returned. "Amy, I need to ask you a few questions. Have you had any alcohol in weeks since you last period?"

"No ma'am, Will and I were never overly fond of it. Why?"

"Have you had any sexual partners beside Will?" she asked ignoring my question.

"No ma'am"

"Are you sure Amy? The talk around town was that you were having an affair with Jacob Stanley and Will confronted you both on the night he died."

"Jake and I have never had sex Dr. Wilson. Will was my only lover. He and I were each other's first."

"Well, based upon the dates you provided and the positive test, I would say that you're around 4 weeks pregnant. You need to setup an appointment with an OB/GYN. I can recommend one if you don't have one already."

She just kept pouring out more information and I was still trying to believe it was possible. How could I be pregnant?

"Dr. Wilson, I don't understand. How can I be pregnant? I haven't missed a single dose; I don't understand how it's possible."

"It's exceptionally rare but sometimes these things happen" she paused as she drew a long breath. "This is hard for me but I have to say this. Amy, I am going to speak not as your doctor but as a friend to the Stanleys. If this baby really is Will's, please don't terminate the pregnancy. They are really struggling right now. If you feel like you can't raise the child then I am sure that they would cherish the opportunity to do so. I know that it's not my business but I just think you should know everything before making a decision."

Once again, I was crushed. Dr Wilson really thought I was a monster that would kill my baby. It was unimaginable to me. "I promise you Dr. Wilson, I am going to do everything possible to raise and love this baby."

She nodded, "Then start your prenatal care as soon as possible. I am not sure if congratulations is the right word but I hope that this new role will help you. I also strongly urge you to see a counselor to help you process your grief. Your hormones and emotions are going to be all over the place and you need someone to help you process them."

I left Dr. Wilson's office in shock. I was carrying a baby, Will's baby. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed again. I couldn't go to Will while carrying this baby. Somehow, Will's love for me was going to save my life. My grief fell on me again. Will's love for me destroyed his life and saved mine. Why hadn't I loved Will like he loved me? Who did I want to tell? So many questions that I couldn't even begin to answer.

"Is everything okay?" my mom asked as soon as I walked through the door of their house.

I burst into tears again. I am so tired of crying but I seem to have an unlimited number of tears. I shook my head no in response to my mother's question.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm, I'm, I'm..." I couldn't form the words.

"It's going to be alright, sweetheart. Whatever it is, you're going to be okay. Catch your breath and just tell me what's going on."

"I'm pregnant, mama!" I wailed.

"Oh my," she gasped.

There was an unasked question in her eyes. A question that she didn't want to give voice to because she understood the implications. It was the same question that everyone was going to want to ask, and every time it was asked my shame only grew. "Yes mama, Will is the father."

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

Shame, guilt, and now embarrassment. I had ruined my life. I had thrown away love, commitment, and responsibility because I thought that an adventure sounded like more fun. My own mother wasn't sure that I am not a complete slut. I wanted to be angry with her but knew that I had no right to be.

"Yes ma'am. I have only ever been with Will," I answered dejectedly.

"You need to tell the Stanleys. Rob and Tina need to know."

"I don't know if I can. What if, what if, what if..." I began to hyperventilate.

"What if what, baby?"

"What if they try to take my baby away from me!?"

"I am not sure, Amy but I know that we can't hide this from them. You need to tell them before they find out through the local gossip."

Two days later I was sitting at the Stanley's kitchen table. They were gracious people to allow me back into their home. My phone call had been somewhat vague. I had simply told them that I wanted to apologize to them in person and that I had some important news that pertained to Will.

"Mr. and Mrs. Stanley, thank you for allowing me to be in your home again," I started. My stomach was churning and I was really struggling to stay in my seat. I wanted to run away and vomit. I wanted to run away and hide from their anguished eyes. I wanted to run away but I had to tell them that their son's legacy would live on and beg them not to try and take it away from me.

Mr. Stanley just nodded. I don't think they could use the word "welcome" and "Amy" in the same sentence. Mrs. Stanley couldn't bring herself to meet my eyes. I'm not sure if it was anger, hatred, or fear that she was trying to hide.

"I want to say how sorry I am again. I know that my betrayal has hurt you both almost as much as it hurt Will. Y'all were both so wonderful to me and"

"Stop!" Mr. Stanley ordered. "We can't listen to it again. We're trying hard to forgive you Amy but our hearts are so raw right now. Will is gone and no matter how many times you apologize it won't bring him back. You said you have some important news pertaining to Will, that's why you're here right now, so please get to it."

I cowered at his words. He was right; there was nothing I could say that they hadn't heard before and nothing was going to bring back their son.

"Yes sir, I... I don't know how to tell you this. It should be happy news but right now I just"

"Oh God!" Mrs. Stanley whispered as her eyes went wide and met mine. "Which one? Which one is the father?"

"The baby is Will's," I whispered.