All Comments on 'Lullaby'

Tough story. You could have taken it several ways. She could have given birth, and given the child to Will's parents to raise and committed suicide. I still think she is owed a lifetime of misery. Hopefully the child will hold resentment against his mother. He deserves a happy life - one without his mother and uncle. As far as Jake goes - He should never communicate with his parents again - he should be told he is an worthless man who has no honor, and he is dead to them - may he suffer for a long time, and die alone - unwanted and unloved by everyone.

That was a heartwrenching but great story. 5stars

So well done, the emotions in play were right in you’re face, the pain, regret and remorse. It was fitting that she never got together with Jake. If she had it really would have taken away from the story.

Well done, very sad, but very well written!

It's really sad, this emotional blackmail he's organized.

You can't force anyone to love you.

You can't force anyone to stay married to you.

Or what? The next step is to threaten parents, siblings or even children if she divorces?

Logically my reaction was about the same as @franceman. From an emotional perspective I have no use or patience for a story that glorifies the "I'll kill myself" response to someone else's actions, in this case allowing the deceased to influence his wife from the grave for over eighteen years.

Was the wife a poor wife? Yes. Was she responsible for her husband's death? No.

5* for this story. Will was a narcissistic coward who chose to wreck hurt on not only his wife and brother, but on entirely innocent parents -- both his and wife's. Although he did not know, he also caused his son to grow up fatherless. Will is more a villain here than either Amy or Jack. Neither Amy nor Jack apparently desired a relationship, but it happened. For all that is written, Jack was in fact a better man than Will, because Jack owned up to what he did, but Will could not have. Being dogmatic in one's view of love and life is not a positive character trait. You can't control feelings like a faucet. Stuff happens, and Will should have dealt with it.

Yes, the original MC was wrong. Yes, so we're Amy and Jake. It's FICTION people, arguing with it is pointless because it's not your story. Don't like it, go write your own rebuttal! It's a gut check for sure, but it is well written and hooks you. 5*

Too much pathos for me. D

When I saw that this was a sequel my first thought was .... Will is dead. How can we have another story.

Didn't see this unique angle coming.

For all the commenters wanting to bash both stories because of Will's choices. Appreciate the creativity and talent of the author. If you feel that strongly about fictional characters it's because the author wrote a good story.

Excellent job on translating all the emotions into words. Regardless of how we feel about any of the characters actions, you wrote it all out very well.

So, a third story in the series. It is a hard thing to understand the way in which grace is bestowed or not. One just watches … and waits… and accepts

I rarely get emotional here, but this one touched a nerve. Well done.

Great follow-up story.

Very nicely done, and rather a surprise as a sequel. The only quibble I have is at the very end -- it seems impossible, given how much stress the story has put on being in a small town and everybody knowing everybody's business, and his father being shot to death and absent his whole life, that Liam would have made it to eighteen without knowing the story of his father, mother and uncle.

Heart-rending. Well done.

Two excellent stories. More please

A different kind of LW story, I really liked it. Some bad decisions just can’t be undone or made better.

Powerful tale. Loved this a great deal!

I didn’t expect a sequel to the original but I’m glad you did. I didn’t anther being pregnant, so kudos for the twist. This chapter was extremely well written and much of the different plot lines made sense and were believable. If you pursue the series more, there is no storyline where Jake and her are together in the end that I could relate to. If anything, the Jake character has to have an “accident “ at sea. 4.9*

>>I can't believe what you did to Will.

Sorry but she didn't do anything to Will. Nothing that half of the 20 something married couple wouldn't do to one another.

Good story but the whole town blaming her was a bit of a drag.

This hoe really thinks she'll go to heaven hahaha

Well a sad story but people always move on with life no more to be said

Sins of the fathers are visited on the sons...or in this case, sins of the mother. Because Amy chose to reject her husband and give herself to his brother emotionally she set in motion; the breaking of her husband's heart and trust, the death of her husband, her brother in law's killing his brother, causing her in laws to lose their youngest son by death, lose their oldest son by rejection him due to his betrayal of family, essentially forced her son to be an only child with a very limited chance of future siblings. At 18 he will probably develop an extremely estranged relationship with his uncle Jake...for obvious reasons.

Please don't write a sequel where Amy and Jake get back together.

Very powerful and moving. Thank you and please continue to write. I hope to read more from you.

Pretty good follow up. You should ditch the epilogue and write a Chapter 3 about how she puts the romantic and social part of life back together.

5 stars, really enjoyed both parts of the story, I hope to read more from you soon

Very good.

I rather suspect the boy may have enquired as to his father long before his 18th birthday, and telling him lies / half truths is likely to make the "reveal" problematic.

Thank you for the sequel. It was sad but very good. I'm happy that Jake and Amy didn't end up together. Hopefully, she will reunite with Will in heaven one day.

For the life of me...

I don't care about the story.

I tried to read it but after page 1 I just went to the story's ending.

I am not interested what this disgusting female do/does/did.

Wish this selfish woman could have just shacked up with Jake and had hoped the guilt would drive their marriage crazy with misfortunes after misfortunes.

A hard story to read, but a great follow up to a painful ending of the previous chapter. 5*****

WELL DONE. So sad so POWERFUL 5+

Very well written. You mastered emotions again. Very powerful story. Thanks.

Typical French, calling something emotional blackmail. Despite having a whole culture based on romance and feelings, yall have no concept of either. It's not blackmail because newsflash, he's dead. He got nothing from it. Blackmail requires something gained. He orchestrated his death, but never pulled the trigger. He died because he saw no other option. He wasn't going to move on, he wanted to honor his vows. Yes, he did it in a public way. But that's the only real difference between how he went out and lonely suicide in a closed room. He planned to hurt them a but, but how much more can it hurt than being betrayed by your lover and sibling? In his mind they had already forsaken him in such a way that his death would mean very little to them. And their actions did back up that thought.

Nope. Distasteful characters expecially the slut wife. Disliked.

Not sure what story that franceman was reading, but it sure as hell wasn't this one.

Very moving.

It added to the first story well.

@franceman, your comment is irrational.

It is not related to Will's motives at all. It has nothing to do with either story.

He had a belief in a life that he built, and was committed to his feelings. She was his world. She and his brother irrevocably shattered that world.

It may have been selfish to take his life in such a manner, but it did not involve the element of blackmail at all. He could not go on in his new reality, that's it in a nutshell.

While it was not right what he did, I understand, and though it's a story character, I do not blame him.

Even his parents were partly to blame, treating his brother like a golden child, not letting him grow up to be a responsible man.

When did he threaten anybody, and at the time he died, what children are you referring to?

Your comment is so disconnected, I wonder if it was for another story.

Do you intend another installment?

I hope not, this closed it off perfectly.

On that note... very well done.

Will more or less killed himself when she told him she was divorcing him so she could be with his brother. Okay, yeah, that's royally messed up, but Will's suicidal response was equally bad. You don't kill yourself because your wife leaves you, sorry, but that's on Will.

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She didn't, and wasn't, going to sleep with Jake until the divorce was final. So many times we've seen the comment, "If you wanted other men, you should have divorced me first...", in many of these LW stories. That's exactly what she did, so only so much blame can be laid at her door. Divorce is bad, but killing yourself is worse.

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No sympathy for Jake, some small sympathy for her, beaucoup empathy and sympathy for the parents and in-laws. I thought the part about everybody in town hating her was way over the top, but the rest made this a pretty good story. 5 stars.

Great story where we can fell all emotions. In the beginning I hoped they will never be together and they didn’t. It delivered some sense of justice.

Too much remorse!

Interesting mind you have, not a complement nor an insult. One thing for sure though this does not belong in Loving Wives, even if it is a sequel.

You need to improve your proof reading if you are not going to engage beta readers or editor. Still thank you for a sterling effort.

Superb! One of the few stories that paints a realistic picture of the aftermath of infidelity. Keep writing and submitting. You have a fan. lpw

Postscript to my earlier comment beginning 'Superb.' I just read the earlier remarks with the 'burn the bitch' attitude. That's a reasonable third party attitude; however, this story is written in first person. I really think it reflects the real world denouement to infidelity; self-punishment, ostracism, sorrow. Again, good job. lpw

A sad sad story, poor Will must have been shattered completely by the thoughtless bitch. She still owes him, she will all her life until she rejoins him.

What a bitch. She made her own bed and now she lies in it forever.

4/5

I commentated after the first story that Will was a coward. To chose "death by brother" knowing his brother was armed and would defend himself, was the mark of a coward, not a hero.

Also, all these crocodile tears from Amy just do not make sense. She had mentally already fallen out of love with Will and had changed to Jake. That emotional transfer simply invalidates the way she is written post-Will's death.

At least to the extreme way she is written and portrayed in this story. NOTE: She was going to break up with Will!!! Leave him for his brother. All this stuff about carrying around Will's photo and talking to him etc... is NOT the situation of someone who was about to break up and Divorce.

I find it hard to believe that the sone, Liam, has to heard anything about how pro why his father died. Eighteen years and not a word or rumor for him to ask his mother or grandparents? No way.

Also, she had been described as a beautiful woman. I can't see the part of no man her age being interested at all. Maybe a townie that new Will but come on. Other men come and go and will make a move. I can see her having no desire to start over right away but 5 years, maybe 10 years later? No way is she going to be a dried up old spinster.

"I let me hold me" - I know you "don't have time to edit," but you can't do a simple proof-read?

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"Soon Jake began kissing my neck" - WILL!

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Another cut-off ending! That's a key conversation, let's see it.

She doesn’t have to love Will anymore. And he doesn’t have to live anymore. His body; his choice.

At least she took accountability for what she did.

What I really find funny is how you blame the victim in this mess. Will was betrayed by his wife and brother. I’ve seen people kill themselves for less. Personally I don’t see killing yourself for any reason. But I also don’t know what that person feels at that moment. I know betrayal but I’m more of the, I got something for you bitch/bastard type. Petty or vindicating is my way to healing my wounds.

Alright, this was a very good story, thought-provoking for the lightweights apparently, as they came out of the floorboards to comment. How in the F is she not responsible for the tragedy?

Oh, I forgot that mindlessly going through life without any vestige of morality, ethos, or responsibility is how people choose to live today.

Oh, woe is me! Yes, it is; go fuck yourselves.

Sad. Very sad.

I’ll give credit to you that you at least sorta implied that Will wasn’t a saint, but still, this mostly played like he was a martyr. Not a chance. You wrote a man that was nothing more than a child. “I’ll show them. They’ll regret doing me wrong.” Dress it up in romance and eternal love all you want, Will had mental problems. Full stop.

Just because you're strongly attracted to another individual doesn't mean you have to act on that attraction. If you're already in a committed relationship its just a bad idea all around. As humans we're not slaves to our passions and emotions.

Attraction is a funny thing. Although it seems as though attraction is the precursor to a legitimate connection, this isn’t always the case. Attraction can sometimes be wholly physical without an emotional component, or entirely emotional without a physical interest. Attraction may also never materialize into anything other than a strong physical reaction to the presence of another human being. While the attraction between two people can often signal the start of something beautiful and new, it can just as often signal the presence of nothing more than that: simple physical attraction.

You get to make your own decisions, but you do not get to choose your consequences.

Closer to real life than winning the lottery or having ninja skills, etc. Thank you!

Very good writing! Thank you!

My only criticism is the wrong person died. It should have been Will killing his unfaithful wife and brother. They alone destroyed him. Her "grief", in this story, was a mockery of his love.

I was worried for a minute at the end, because it seemed like the parents were going to forgive Jake for murdering their youngest son. I'm glad they didn't.

He deserves to suffer for the rest of his miserable life. Seducing your brother's woman is the darkest betrayal one sibling can do to another.

Amy finding out she was pregnant was a nice bit of karmic payback. Now there's no easy way out for her and she's stuck being a single mom for her dead husband's baby.

Too over-wrought for a loving wives story and not what I want to read in the category.

Very well written. You've created a complex and very sympathetic character. She feels real. She feels like a 22 year old girl. I suspect the comment section on this will reflect much more about the commenters than about your excellent story. I would love to read about Amy again. Thank you for your efforts.

Wow, what an intense story. It's so frustrating that she has such an intense love and fondness for everything Will, now. It's so sad she threw it away when tragedy struck. I hope she doesn't try anything with Jake, it would ruin the story. She deserves to find love and happiness with someone, but who? Very good work.

-5

Just wow. How you pulled off writing a quality sequel to your powerful first submission is so impressive.

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The reconciliation with her ex in-laws was both believable and cathartic — for both sides. Jake, on the other hand…..don’t know why she was even polite to that POS. Your story didn’t even hint at what Jake’s involvement was in her and Liam’s life in the subsequent 18 years, but I hope it was nonexistent.

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So she’s going to have a conversation with Liam now at age 18. Not sure she should be worried, as it would be nigh impossible for Liam not to have been told the whole story years ago by more than one person in the community. Odds are that when she started talking, Liam got up, hugged her, and said “Mom….I know. I love you.”

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5 *****

Yup, good stuff. Well written. Thank you for sharing.

Yup, good stuff. Well written. Thank you for sharing

Excellent short story, 5

KEEP WRITING!!

You managed to put a fairly upbeat ending to a very sad story. Surprisingly, it turned a good story into an excellent story. Very well done.

Loved the sequel. Outstanding story, but again made the tears flow.

Not sure how it went from loving his brother back to the love of her life, the hubby

I thought the first tale, I'd be Better Off, was worthy of a Good Read ⭐⭐⭐ rating. This one however moved me to a depth of emotion that I had to give it an Outstanding Read ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating.

While I have added this one to my Favorite Story/Tale list. I need to consume a few more of your tales to decide if I wish to add you to my Favorite Author list. I do believe your creative mind weaves a solid tale with the ability to draw in the reader/consumer to a depth that achieves your desired effect on their emotions.

I am looking forward to seeing the next product(s) you create.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Really good and moving story. Made this old hard ass cry. Thanks for the story.

Too late for cry now. 5 Stars

Wow... powerful story. Thank you!

Incredibly powerful story! It underscores the principle that marital infidelity isn't just sex outside of marriage, but even deeper, it's a betrayal of heart, mind.and spirit.

Nope

Wow! What a great story. Please keep writing!

That’s a gut-wrenching and compelling story. I was enthralled throughout. Great job!

Great conclusion to your story!

5

The author wrote “The slighted man that goes off violently and so harshly that I wonder if they even knows about the concept of love”

The greater the love, the greater the betrayal! Those of us who are violent and harsh feel this way because we know what love means. The man who easily forgives adultery, or worse, the man who doesn’t care or encourages his wife to be slutty, doesn’t actually love her at all.

ZK

“Don't worry Will I come to you soon. We'll be together again, sweetheart. I'm coming Will”

I doubt it. It’s VERY difficult to repent from adultery, because you can’t make recompense. That’s why it’s the sin next to murder.

“Once again, I was crushed. Dr Wilson really thought I was a monster that would kill my baby. It was unimaginable to me.”

Really?!? Just like a short time ago it was unimaginable that you would betray your husband?

Bloody hell. There are published financially successful authors who wish they had written something this powerful.

Now that her son can survive without her, she should complete her atonement, and die by the shedding of her blood.

Can the Marines change Jake’s discharge to ‘dishonorable’? He certainly didn’t live up to Always Faithful!

ZK

No likeable characters in this story.... 1/5

nnhungryman said it. I'll just be the echo. "Outstanding".

It was good. Well done.

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To speculate on how Liam will react to the details of his father's death, I think it depends on what role "Uncle Jake" has played in his life. I can't imagine how Liam will react if Jake has acted chummy and loving during Liam's child hood. The only question is How Bad will it be. I can't see anything positive toward Jake coming from this. What a cluster fuck. Good job.

Good story, good conclusion.

Given the results of Amy's betrayal, karma would dictate that once Liam found out the truth he excised the bitch from his life forever.

Please keep writing!

What's to fear? Mother and son love one another.

Obsessive grief and remorse are morbid after a time. The wife character should remember that her husband loved her to death. Would someone who loved you want you to suffer for eighteen years?

Next, give us Jake's story.

Rated this a 5*.

Thanks

Good story, but preferred Part 1.

Scored this installment 3 stars. I found following the tragic story line of the incredibly selfish Amy, Jake and Will in legacy of only marginal interest. Because of the selfishness of ALL of them, I don't care for any of them.

The only person anyone could be expected to be completely responsible for is themselves. You would blame a man who took to the bottle and threw away his life after his woman left him and took everything while trying to cause as much damage to him as possible on her way out. Because ultimately it's up to him to change his own life. This is one of the few things both fact (real life breakups) and fiction (these stories) agrees on.

So this is really all on her if she couldn't accept her share of the blame, grow as a person, and move on.

More than anything this is a story of a weak person. If she's this destroyed over her husbands death then why was she going to leave him for his own brother?

Male and female relations isn't rocket science believe it or not. We escaped extinction twice as species and we have our love of getting it on to thank. Theory exists we got it on with those not of the same species which if you look at objectively isn't nearly as obscene as what you can find online today. Countless laws exists telling us who and what we can't have sex with. I can't think of any laws that dictated we must have sex. What it boils down to is that humans will have sex if you put them together. It just takes proximity and time. So what happened between her and her brother in law should never have happened had either the two been individuals with the most minimum level of responsibility. Entertaining the idea that "it just happened" is insulting to pretty much most of the world seeing as how there's always been countless inlaws that found each other attractive.

And her being so hung up over her husband after his death is just bizarre considering that she as just about to leave him for his brother. These facts could only mean that she is a very weak individual possessing neither the most basic level of emotional intelligence nor having the capacity of growth. You can't blame her husband for anything because he's dead and has been for 18 or so years. You can blame him for his stunt that successfully got him killed but even then you can't deny that at the time he was understandably not in the right mindset.

There's actually a more insane story than this that's real where a guy discovers his womans affair with his brother on their wedding night after finding them in a 3 way with her bff. Messed up blowout which had him cutting off his entire family for not taking his side in everything. 16 years later the cheating brother dies and the dude finds outs his ex had a kid with him but never married. Further digging revealed the kid was actually his and he and his own brother were only half brothers which had something to do with his mother siding with the cheating brother. Ends with his father divorcing the mom and starting a relationship with a kid he never knew he had. The takeaway is even in real life not being able to grow and move on is a huge issue and stories like these should be seen as cautionary tales.

@anonymous.

No matter what he believes, no matter what he thinks, no matter if she was his world,........

You can't force someone to love you or stay in love with you.

It's that simple.

Even you have to be able to understand.

And if he simply wanted to kill himself, he could do it anywhere.

Orchestrating and organizing it so that they were not only witnesses but also participants was emotional blackmail.

And what he gained was their guilt, their shame, their remorse.

But why? Because she's falling in love with someone else.

She didn't cheat, she didn't betray.

I repeat.

She didn't cheat, she didn't betray.

She wants a divorce so she can start a new relationship.

And yes, my culture of romance, feelings and love has taught me that you don't decide who you fall in love with, and who you love, or even if that love will last long.

And if you believe that love lasts forever, then look around you and you'll see that it doesn't. Far from it.

Only a few people are so lucky.

I repeat so that you understand: love can't be decided, love can't be controlled.

Attitude Yes. Behavior Yes. But feelings No.

Well done

Interesting and entertaining sequel.

You wrote an impressive story but, in my opinion, with a completely wrong result.

If I understand correctly, will himself ended his life.

Suicide is never someone else's fault, it is always the fault of the suicide. Whatever the reasons for taking this path, it is and was his decision alone. Nobody pushed or forced him!

There are thousands of reasons that a person may take this step, but nobody else is ever responsible for it.

Not exotic but a well thought out, well written life story

Her reaction is very contradictory.. she loved him soooo much but was cheating with his brother planning on leaving him for his brother?... 😏 mmmkay.. sure😉... what her and Jake were doing was in fact CHEATING.. just because there was no sex, doesn't make it any less of cheating or betrayal.. she was having an emotional affair.. an emotional affair is just as hurtful and destructive as a physical one.. it's hard for me to belive she love him so much --- but was able to rip his heart out.. I still feel Will was a little pussy who should've just moved the hell on🤷‍♀️. But I'm guessing Amy was his first and only girlfriend ever.. when he loves he loves hard. I really wished he figured out that Amy wasn't deserving of his love and some other woman out there would've made him a better mate. He chosed the wrong woman to fall in love with. her nonchalant attitude when she was demanding a divorce so she can be with Jake, still irks me.. it doesn't mesh with this new sad, emtional, depressed wreck of a person.. had he just let her go, I highly doubt she would've woke up and realized she loved will. She would've been on her merry way with Jake. She's feeling guilt because she's the reason he's dead. That doesn't necessarily mean she loved him as much as he loved her.. where he would of NEVER did what she to him. She didn't hesitate to hurt him.. she was immature, selfish and fickle as hell. And Jake? What type of brother betrays his own brother like this? Even when he saw just how broken-hearted he was, neither Jake or Amy gave a shyt. Both were selfish individuals who were in lust and someone died. I didn't have much sympathy for Amy. Her tears didn't move me🤧. Where was all this "love", devotion and emotion when WILL was begging her not to leave him?🧐..the math is just not mathing for me..

It’s well written. Too sad to call it enjoyable. Tough way to learn the difference between infatuation and love. Also quite late to realize that she hadn’t asked herself: ‘what kind of man would steal his brother’s wife?’ Or: ‘would a man who wanted to steal his brother’s wife, make a good husband and father?’ It’s like cheaters getting together and being surprised when one spouse cheats.