All Comments on 'Lying to Master Ch. 01'

This story is trite, and badly written. However, you might develop into a writer, if you learn some basic grammar and syntax. Here are a few suggestions; doubtless other editors will find more.

“masters idea” should be “master’s idea”, unless you have more than one master.

“what he expects, I am a good slave.” should be “what he expects; I am a good slave.”

“Alright”, should be “All right”.

“gone for work” should be “gone to work”.

“masters list” should be “master’s list”, unless you have more than one master.

“couple videos” should be “couple of videos”. Partitive genitive, y’know.

“satisfied by the fact that everything is complete” should be “satisfied that everything is complete”. What does “by the fact” add to the thought? Nothing--wasted words.

“"Yes Sir" Next he will ask me about the videos and I start to get nervous.” Should be “"Yes Sir." Next he will ask me about the videos and I start to get nervous.” Put a period after the quote, to show the start of a new sentence.

“think I should lie...” should be “think I should lie....” Four periods (dots). Three show elision (omission of one or more sounds (such as a vowel, a consonant, or a whole syllable)) in a phrase or sentence, the fourth shows end of the sentence.

“insanely crazy”? To be insane is to be crazy and to be crazy is to be insane. Try “insanely hot”, “hot and crazy”, “fucking dripping cunt juices all over the floor”--you get the idea.

“His voice is audible”. If his voice wasn’t audible, you couldn’t know what he said because you couldn’t hear what he said. Audible means you can hear it. Just kill the whole phrase, and try this: “He tells me to spread my legs wide for him, and I quickly obey.”

“master instructs me to touch it”. What is he, a schoolteacher? He tells you to touch it, or orders you to touch it. Your dancing teacher instructs you, your master orders you.

“Master instructs me to get in the drawer next to me”. Did he ask you to climb into the bloody thing, and if he did how could you fit with all the toys he has in there already? He told you to open the drawer next to you. Say so.

“chuckles;

"You are not used to them enough yet slut.” Why the line break? If you just hit the return key without noticing it, you should really read your copy before submitting it.

“I want to work for it." What is he working for? You are doing the work. Didn’t you mean to say “I want you to work for it."?

“teasing;

"Do not cum slave.” Ecce iterum! Again the line break--why? To distract your readers? That’s a wee bit counterproductive, n’est-ce pas?

“and get home.” Are you not at home already? If not, let us know where you are.

“I decide to stay nude to type me email” should be “I decide to stay nude to type my email.”

“l feel very bad for lying to him” should be “l feel very bad that I lied to him”.

Now go and write the story properly.