All Comments on 'Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 39'

I THINK LEIF HANDLED THAT VERY WELL AND I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER WITH! GOOD CHAPTER, LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE!;)

I was hooked when I read the first chapter but as each chapter is submitted I find myself skimming more. there is A LOT of repetition in your writing, it seems they cannot go 2 seconds without a long drawn out declaration of love. Reading it, it doesn't even seem like a dialogue sometimes.... For some reason the word diatribe(yes I know what it means) pops in my head when they go on and on with the "oh leify ...." or the "oh lynney..." (thank the lord you stopped with all the oh's). Some times... just sometimes it seems as though you are looking for filler, that is just how I felt. The words Tender and Sensual are used VERY often. There has to be some other words to describe their affection for each other. I enjoys the progression of the characters although Leif being her father figure borders the sweet and the unhealthy. I guess what I'm saying is I would like to see this written with more of an actual conversation not just them rattling off sonnets of devotion. Overall this is your art and apparently you have done something right because we all are waiting to read more.

First of all I love this storyline and these characters but it's coming of as very repetitive and the dialogue feels very mechanical and awkward. They honestly don't sound like hip young 20 something's to me. The people in this story don't seem to possess their own unique voices and they all sort of sound the same. A lot of the dialogue seems like cheesy gobbly goo that comes up in each sentence. The plot is great but the dialogue is coming off as very unnatural for me. Maybe work on fine tuning specific characteristics in each character's diction. Also, Leif's parental male role comes off as sort of sexist which contradicts his liberal hippy persona. Also Leif calling Lynn his little girl rubs me the wrong way. Despite all of this, you're still a great writer and I can't wait to see what happens next.

I don't mind if Leif kills him, and martin too, rapist should die, I'm a guy. Love this story. Keep going

Moar!