All Comments on 'Maddie and Matt; Starting Over'

Terribly written and not at all convincing as to probability of it ever happening. Suggest you try something else other than trying to write porn.

Even ignoring the huge faux pas of changing voice after about a third of a page from first person to third person, this was horrible.

Surely you put some thought into how to quote multiple paragraphs or a monologue, but you didn't actually look it up to see how to do it. I know, because I know you did it wrong. That wasn't the only totally wrong mechanics for dialogue, or utterly wrong mechanics period.

Even ignoring the first two glaring problems, it wouldn't be good. Everything, and I mean everything, was written like it was being read from a cue card that hadn't been practiced by someone that would barely read. Pathetic.

missing anal tag, to let us know this is about a beta that is just as happy with a gender-neutral, dirty asshole as with a lovely, wet pussy. Also, ALL CAPS IS NOT THE WAY TO MAKE THINGS MORE EXCITING IN YOUR STORY. Best way to do that, is to have a better plot, or more likable characters, perhaps even both.

nope too much copy and pasted from previous story! 2

5 stars though at times the speech seemed rather formal.