Maddy's Midlife Crisis

"Challenge accepted," he proclaimed.

*****

"Remind me again what kind of party this is?" Rick asked the next night.

"Oh, it's nothing fancy. Just a party at Tess' house. Good friends, good food, good music, as she told me."

"You make it sound like we're going to your uncle's house or something," Rick commented.

"Well, I mean, Tess has always had a bit more of a wild side to her. She told me that it's all the same people that were on the boat with us last weekend."

"Seriously, Maddy, are you sure about this?" Ricks asked, his voice taking a more serious tone. "We've been married for a while. I mean last weekend was fun and all, but it's almost like you're a different person in some ways. They're a fun group and all, but are you sure this is really who you are, or are you just trying to fit in and be someone you're really not?"

Rick's question gave me pause. He wasn't wrong. I'd spent 39 years living as a different woman. In some ways, if you told me just two weeks ago what I did last weekend, I would've laughed you out of the room. Was I somehow living out someone else's fantasy, or was I doing all this for myself?

Looking back, I knew how last weekend made me feel, and I had no regrets.

"Yeah, it'll be fun," I replied. "Besides, do you think they're a bunch of swingers or something? They're just normal folks like us who like to blow off a little steam on the weekends. Geez. I used to think I was a bit of a prude. Now I'm thinking you've turned into the prude in our relationship."

"Okay, I mean, trust me, I enjoy the new sexier you. I just love you regardless, you know."

Rick made me wonder, though, and my old self-doubt crept back in. I didn't really know Tess and her friends all that well. Besides, we were all pretty buzzed on the boat. Was I excited to see them again, or was I just excited by the idea of seeing them? Was I even sure I hit it off with them as well as I thought I did, or were they just being polite?

I found myself wondering what kind of party Tess would throw. All of the girls on the boat trip ended up topless during the ride. It seems like one thing to be on a boat with everyone dressed in bikinis, but surely it'd be different at her house, I reasoned.

Oh God, I wondered. What if they really are swingers? I had joked about it with Rick, but I really didn't know for sure, either way. Everyone was so chill on the boat excursion, I really didn't get any of those kinds of vibes, but how well do you ever really know anyone?

Nevertheless, I found myself excited at the prospect of this weekend's party. The only thing was I wasn't certain why I was so excited. On one hand, everyone was so nice and friendly, and I really did enjoy the conversation and wine with the other wives on the boat. On the other hand, I couldn't stop reliving the moment on the boat when I was practically naked in front of all the husbands, wearing nothing but a tiny G string that left almost nothing of me to the imagination. I didn't relive the moment in regret. It was an excitement, a high, a thrill that filled me, and I desperately wanted to feel it again.

******

I got a text the next day from Tess.

Tess: BTW, I forgot to mention on the phone. Bring a bikini. Hot tub.

My heart skipped a beat as I read the message. I replied with an emoji to acknowledge her text as my mind was a whirl. I had tamped my expectations after initially accepting Tess' invitation to the get-together. I had come to the realization that I had an exhibitionist side, but I was doubtful that Tess' party at her house this weekend would be similarly risqué as her boat trip had been.

Now, the knowledge that a hot tub was involved introduced a new variable to the equation. The thought of exposing myself again thrilled me, and I couldn't help but worry why I found it so exhilarating. It was one thing to have a midlife crisis and try some new and different things, but was this really a healthy choice, or did it just smack of desperation?

I realized this group of people had already seen me naked, and I didn't know any of them in my professional and family circles, so it was relatively safe. I ended up wondering about the other wives. We were all topless together on Tess' boat. It was thrilling for me, but that's mainly because there was a taboo factor I associated with the exposure. Monica was from Greece and was used to European beaches where women commonly sunbathe topless. And both Marta and Tess seemed perfectly comfortable sunbathing topless, as well.

It's always strange, somewhat a double standard how Americans view breasts as a sexual body part that should remain covered in public. Or at least it's a sexualized body part for women. Men, on the other hand can wander topless at the beach, in their homes and yards and not worry about society judging them, even though there are some men who appear to need chest support at least as much as some women do.

I couldn't help but wonder if I had grown up in Europe like Monica, then maybe I wouldn't even be agonizing over any of this. Would I even still want to hang out with Tess and her friends, or is my only interest in them tied to my own exhibitionist urges? I honestly wasn't sure anymore. Tess and her friends were all pleasant enough, but I could hardly tell my desires apart from my own desperation anymore. Or maybe they were all one and the same.

Maybe I had turned everything into a bigger deal than it really was. Rick always says that I overthink everything, but it's just my nature. In the end, it didn't matter. I hadn't grown up in Europe, and I did want to go to Tess' party, so to Tess' party we would go.

*****

Everything had worked out perfectly for the weekend again. Our kids where with our exes, so we were free of that responsibility. The hours passed quickly this time as I again eagerly counted down until it was time to leave for Tess' house.

"By the way, I forgot to mention," I told Rick nonchalantly that morning. "Tess said she has a hot tub, so bring along some swim trunks. I'll grab us some towels."

Rick raised an eyebrow at me. "Is this going to be like last weekend?"

"Nonsense," I replied, shrugging him off. "This isn't way out in the middle of the ocean and away from prying eyes. She has neighbors. This is just folks unwinding on the weekend."

"How far away is it?" Rick asked as he turned on the car to go to Tess' house.

"GPS says it's 26 minutes away," I answered.

"I don't know what's gotten into you," he said, turning to me before putting the car in reverse and backing out of our driveway.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, you seem nervously excited about Tess's party. And I don't think it's Tess you're excited to see. It's like you're excited to get naked there or something. I don't think I've ever seen this side of you before."

I sighed deeply, knowing he was right but trying to contain my giddiness. Underneath my simple jeans and tee shirt, I wore the same G string bikini I wore last weekend. "Are you okay with everything? Or are you just going through all this for me?" I asked my husband.

"Hell, I always just want to see you naked. And maybe some other ladies, too."

"I think you enjoyed watching me naked in front of others," I pointed out to him.

"That I enjoyed it or that you enjoyed it?" he countered.

"Maybe both," I conceded.

"It's all for fun anyway. As long as you're happy, I'm happy," Rick reassured me.

During the drive, I imagined myself naked in a room surrounded by mostly strangers gawking at my naked body. I found it frightening that the thought appealed to me.

Oh God, Maddy, what the hell are you doing, I thought to myself. I'm acting like I'm still the young college girl when that was almost 20 years ago. Now I've got gray hairs, boobs starting to sag, and an overhang on my belly I can't seem to get rid of. A potent mixture of dread, anxiety, and anticipation filled me.

And I think that's what I wanted. I live a comfortable life. Rick is kind and dependable, but I saw my whole life laid out before me. The kids growing up, going off to college and becoming married. Then we become grandparents, and at some point, we hopefully retire. And then what? That's it?

Maybe this really was my mid-life crisis hitting, but there's got to be something more to life, doesn't there? If I've got less days ahead of me than in the rear view, then I want to start taking more dares, living on the edge, stepping out of my comfort zone, and making each day count. I didn't want to carry regrets into my senior years. And if this is one small step in that direction, then so be it. I was ready to dive on in.

Soon enough, we were parked on the side of a residential street in a neighborhood filled with large homes, which wasn't surprising considering that Tess and her husband were wealthy enough to own a yacht.

"it's not too late to change your mind," Rick reminded me one last time.

"You keep asking as if you're hoping I'll change my mind."

"No, no, no. I just know you. And this is a different you."

"Well, maybe there's a side of me you haven't seen yet," I smiled mischievously, trying to feign confidence. "Let's go in."

A minute later, Rick knocked on the door, and Tess answered.

"Oh my God, Maddy and Rick, it's so good to see you again. I'm so glad you guys could make it!" she exclaimed.

"Come in, come in," she motioned to us. "Everyone else is already here. Get some drinks while the food is still cooking. You guys already know everyone. Please, make yourselves at home."

Everyone that we had met the other week on the yacht was gathered in the kitchen. Peter and Monica were casually chatting with Shane and Marta as they poured out glasses of wine. The conversation was light and playful as we entered the room.

I had spent last weekend with these people, but they were still new and felt largely unfamiliar to me. In my rush of excitement leading up to the weekend, I overlooked the fact I still barely knew anyone there except for Tess, and I hadn't been close to her in almost 20 years. First impressions can always be deceptive. People put on their best fronts, present the best version of themselves and their lives. They're on their best behavior. It's over time that people reveal their true selves. Their short tempers. Their habits. Their shortcomings.

Even then, people always have a side to themselves they hide away. That's why it's always so hard to get to know the real person, especially as adults. God knows I had my insecurities. My mind always ran a million miles a minute with scurrilous thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder what I didn't know about the other women I was congregating with.

I took a glass of wine, hoping that it might calm my nerves. Just like on the boat, the wives and the husbands soon separated into different groups. Rick was with the men in the living room watching a college football game while I stayed in the kitchen with the ladies. Soon the conversation and the wine were both flowing freely.

"So Maddy, tell us more about yourself. We hardly know anything about you," Marta asked in her Puerto Rican accent.

"Oh, I'm boring," I replied, deflecting attention away from myself. "Married, kids, divorced, married again, and now standing here talking to you ladies."

"You looked a little nervous to go topless last week, if you don't mind me saying," Monica asked. I remembered she was Greek and had grown up used to European beaches where being topless was not uncommon.

"Did it show? Yeah, it was kind of my first time doing anything like that."

"Did you have fun, though?" Tess asked, concern in her voice. "We're all pretty relaxed around each other, but I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. We're not like that. Really."

"No, truth be told, I - I don't know how to explain it. But I really needed last weekend. I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting older. Maybe I just feel like I've been in a rut, but I needed something different to spice up my life."

I thought back to my college years. Truth be told, Tess wasn't really all that different from who she was back then. She liked to party, but she was also focused on her studies. She worked as hard as she played. She didn't have kids, and maybe that was the difference. She was never burdened with parental responsibilities, and it left her free to satiate her own interests. Even though 20 years had passed, she still largely seemed like the same woman I knew back then. Thinking back to who I was 20 years ago, on the other hand, my college self almost felt alien to me now.

"To be honest, I think I discovered that I was a closet exhibitionist," I continued to explain. "At first, I was kind of terrified, but I was on edge the whole time. Just thinking about it kept me excited for days afterward. You can ask Rick. He reaped the benefits," I said with a sheepish grin.

"You have a beautiful figure, darling," Marta reassured me. "What is there to be terrified of? There is no reason to be ashamed. You should feel proud of yourself. Truth be told, I wish I had your tits. And your ass is not bad, either."

"I've never understood the USA," Monica added. "Your tv shows have people getting shot up left and right, blood splattering everywhere, but God forbid a nipple makes its way on TV, then there is holy hell to raise. It is as if this country's morals are backwards."

"Maddy, we've known each other a long time," Tess piped in. "It's like second nature for you to put yourself down, almost as if you're deflecting attention away from yourself. I think it's just part of your naturally shy and reserved nature. You really have no idea how gorgeous you are, though. I spend a small fortune on make-up and clothes, but you've got a natural beauty that any other woman wishes they were born with."

That meant a lot coming from Tess. She was always "the pretty one" in our friend circle, but she seemed so earnest and sincere, it warmed my heart.

I raised my glass. "To old friends. And new friends alike," I proposed.

We all raised our glasses in a toast. The wine was heavy, but I was feeling buzzed and better about everything. That Tess and her friends really were good people. That I maybe I did fit in with Tess and her friends. And that the pleasure I got while parading around naked last week was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I felt more confident and secure in my looks than I ever had before in my life.

Later, the party moved onto the deck in Tess' backyard. The current crop of college football games on tv were all blowouts, and the men joined us outside. Rick seemed to fit in with the other husbands just as nicely as I fit in with their wives. Trees and hedges lined the yard and gave us privacy. Everyone had changed into swimwear, and now all the couples were in the hot tub.

Just like on the boat, all of the wives were dressed in very skimpy thong or G string bathing suits that left little to the imagination. I felt more confident this time. I remembered on the boat, I had been practically shaking the whole time, especially when I went to the main deck in front of the husbands. Maybe because Tess had just complimented my looks, or maybe I just felt more comfortable around this group, but I was relaxed and confident.

Rick's gaze was focused on me while he waited next to the hot tub as I slid off my shirt and pants to reveal my G-string bikini.

"You look amazing," he whispered as I approached.

"You're just saying that hoping to get lucky later," I laughed.

"Is it working?"

It was early evening, and the air cooled off quickly after the sun set. The hot tub was scalding hot as we lowered ourselves in, but our bodies quickly acclimated to the water. It was a large tub and easily accommodated the 4 couples.

Marta handed me another glass of wine after I sat down.

"Life is good, so we drink," she proposed.

"Salud," I agreed as everyone raised their glasses.

The conversation flowed freely with easy light-hearted banter between all the couples. The other ladies also wore similar bikinis as on the boat, although there was not much to see with only our heads above the water. The outside air cooled down quickly with the sun disappearing over the horizon, but the hot water and jets were so relaxing that I just sat there enjoying the comradery while the hot tub seemingly calmed any remaining stress and nerves that I harbored.

After a while, Alex exited the pool and started a nearby fire pit. Tess joined him a minute later, and then the other couples soon followed suit, leaving Rick and myself alone in the hot tub as everyone else sat in front of the crackling fire pit to keep warm.

I was feeling the effects of the wine, and I rested my head against Rick's chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

"You seem to be getting along well with the guys," I noted.

"The same goes for you with the ladies."

"I'm really glad we've made new friends."

"You look incredible, by the way," Rick complimented me.

"I know. This night has been nearly perfect."

"Nearly? What does perfection look like then?" Rick asked in jest.

I reached behind my back and undid my bikini top, and his eyes opened wide as it slid off and floated to the top of the water.

"So that's what perfection looks like," he said, his mouth agape.

"Maybe it starts with a kiss," I teased him.

"Is that you or the wine talking?"

I finished off the rest of another glass before answering. "Maybe a little of both, but are you really going to turn me down?" I looked up seductively into Rick's eyes and pouted my lips.

"Well, when you put it like that..." and Rick leaned over to kiss me.

I knew my inhibitions were lowered, but I was feeling frisky. My hands reached down inside his pants. One hand slid his pants down while the other gripped his hard cock.

"Are you sure about this," Rick whispered. "They're all just sitting a few feet away."

By this point, I knew it was the wine talking, but I didn't care. I was slightly inebriated, but I was horny, and I had entered the night wanting to somehow continue to explore my exhibitionist side. I sensed this was my opportunity. There was plenty of privacy from the other homes, there was no light besides the fire nearby, and I felt I was in a safe space among supportive friends.

I crawled on top of Rick, and my naked tits rose above the water and were presented to Rick's face.

The conversation a few feet away fell silent as the other couples took notice.

"Are you really going to deny me?" I said as I waved my C cup breasts in his face.

The shock on Rick's face was priceless, but he quickly decided to roll with it, and he suckled on my tits, and my eyes closed in response. I threw back my head as I cradled his head in my arms against my chest.

"Tell me you want me," I told him as I opened my eyes again.

"I want you but - "

"How bad do you want me?" I interrupted him.

I sensed Rick's apprehension. I know that Rick was turned on watching me parade around practically naked last weekend, but I had no clue if he shared my newfound interest in exhibitionism for himself. Anyway, Rick's hard cock was standing at full attention and poking at me from below, and I wanted him inside me.

I pushed my bikini bottom to the side and slid Rick's cock inside me as the hot tub's waters and jets bubbled like a cauldron around us. Rick's eyes opened wide in shock as he realized we were having sex right in front of all our new friends. I leaned forward until our foreheads and noses touched and then gazed into his eyes.

I heard our friends' voices, but I was so lost in my own arousal that they seemed miles away, even though I knew they were only a few feet apart. For a brief moment, I wondered if I was taking things too far. I was a guest at someone else's house. Would Tess be offended that I was having sex in her hot tub in front of everyone?