All Comments on 'Making Me Complete'

thought the story was great as a person that was almost diagnosed with Asperger's i thought it was a great idea for a story.

This is a spin that I haven't seen before. I congratulate you on your originality.

One thing I would like to correct you on though. Your character states early on that he and his twin sister have been mistaken for fraternal twins. There are only two types of twins, identical and fraternal. Since male and female twins can't be identical (for obvious reasons) they are definitely fraternal twins.

I have to ask does the author have adpergers? I know one or two people diagnosed as having it and wonder how true a reflection the story is of the thought process and confusion presented by people who don't have it.

My only complaint is that this isn't "Lit-Asperger", it's "Literotica". I'd have enjoyed it more if you'd focused a bit less on Asperger and a bit more on erotica. The sexual activity came awfully late in the story, and was incredibly awkward. In any event, you get points for originality.

I've never commented on a story before, but your description of the characters' state of mind, their innocence and their matter of fact approach to all things sexual, given their condition was intellectually entertaining, as well as strangely titillating.

In più, il tuo uso dell'Italiano per descrivere i loro pensieri romantici è stata una scelta perfetta.

Bravissima GazzaLadra!

Not every one of your readers understand Italian. Add the translations so that we can understand what is being said. Other than that, your story concept was good, and the occasion typo was acceptable. Spell check or an outside proofreader would be advisable.

is a most interesting and original piece of writing. Well done!

Thanks for the nice comments. It's an encouragement to both continue sriting and improve.

I'm aware that not everybody understands Italian. I'm one of them. :) If this were a book, it'd be a different matter, but Google Translate is just a few clicks away. But I'll keep it in mind, because it's a break in the continuity.

As for the fraternal twins, it actually says fraternal twin girls. But this was obviously not clear, and should have been described better.

Now, about the Asperger Syndrome. Essentially, I needed an excuse why siblings would end up having sex. There are the usual approaches like a recent breakup, or drunkenness, or one of the characters always having had a crush. Instead, I went for a different approach, which also allowed for some understated humour (which may have been too understated, because nobody commented on it).

This does indeed lead to awkwardness. AS can be a very awkward and confusing condition (and few things are as awkward as first time sex). I tried to get into the mind of the protagonist, which is the main reason why there are hardly any smilies or metaphors in the story. The intention was to make the absurd seem normal - from the point of view of the protagonist at least.

Should there have been more sex? Probably. Wil there be more chapters (with more sex)? Very likely. But don't expect extremely graphic descriptions, or tons of adjectives. That's not my style.

As for personal experience, let me not go into detail, but I do have experience with autistic spectrum disorders. I don't have a twin sister, though. Unfortunately. `)

Anyway, keep the feedback coming, especially what I'd need to do to get a higher rating. I'm a bit of a perfectionist in that regard.

fucktards comment: you don't have enough class to use your name, not surprising at all.

You belong on a section or kindergarteners.

The story was interesting, with a unique slant. I enjoyed it very much.

I don't even know where to start commenting. I enjoyed immensely.

TBC

A fantastic concept, and very well done. I have taught young adults with Aspergers (though I've never had sex with any!), and everything in your story seemed very consistent with the AS kids I've known. Understated humor? I don't think so. The whole scenario was crystal clear from about the first paragraph, and the combination of seeing inside their minds and seeing it from "outside" was delightful. Anyone who needs a road-map to your humor needs slapstick television, not literature!

You made this much more than just a sex story. I'm sure some were exasperated by the slowness of its progression, but that is what made it what it was. Two socially inept people with a number of issues due to their handicap that found a way to deal with it. The sex, when it happened, flowed as a part of the story. I loved the way you had them google everything, and think through the ramifications, such as him with the tongue kissing, and both with oral. You encapsulated the inner feelings of both people and were able to express them so well.

Obviously, I don't know, but I'm guessing there is someone in your family, or at least very close to you with Asberger's. I've been privileged to know a couple of people with Asberger's and I most certainly appreciate your compassionate handling of the situation. Very well done.

You have given us a couple of reasonably well fleshed out characters and have the beginning of an ongoing story if you wanted to go there. I would certainly read a follow up. The only thing more I would have appreciated would have been a bit of proofreading to eliminate the typos and missing words here and there.

Well done and you are favourited.

Amazing, original, well fleshed characters and the unusual twist of aspergers.

An excellent love story.

Thank you.

A truly original and fascinating little story. 'Hard to imagine sex as something that has to be "thought out", but maybe that is how it is for someone with AS. And the sense of pride these two young siblings felt at figuring it out correctly was delightful. Do they continue, and expand their learning, or are they satisfied with what they have found? I would like to know more about their relationship, but even this much is wonderful and thought provoking. Thank you, Thieving Magpie.

This was a wonderful and beautiful story. I love the fact that you deal with the issue of trying to find your place in this world. I have a disability myself and trying to get some people to understand how you feel is next to impossible. So I'm very happy to see a story with both of the protagonist not only facing their disability but, also overcoming it. The fact that the ending left you with the option to write more about this young couple leaves me with hope that you will continue their adventures. Bravo!

would be a continuation of the story. You managed to capture their struggles and fear so powerfully it straight sucked me in. Not only did you manage to develop the characters immensely in a relatively short story but literally gave them souls that can be felt in real life. I have a friend that specialised in treating all manners of autism and I bet she would approve of this.

Just as a heads-up, this is intended to be a five part series. Part 2 is largely ready, but I'm not 100% happy with it yet. A part of the 4th instalment had been written as well. I'll probably rework this one a bit before posting the rest of the series.

Well crafted and original, with the kind of pacing that I enjoy. A story that involves characters that actually *are* characters, with personalities and life that come across clearly and give the story more impact than the sum of its parts. Contrary to what some may think on this site, not every story has to be explicit sex scenes every half a page. For some, the build-up is just as important as the sexuality itself, and carries as much weight.

There are countless situations and circumstances that have been utilized to bring family members together in the stories on this site, in both detailed and fleshed out stories, and in quick and dirty stroke-stories. Finding a way to do so and making it seem feasible isn't always easy, but I think you've nailed it pretty well with this one.

I look forward to seeing more chapters in this story, and hope to see more detail and nuance in how the story is built. Well done, keep up the good work.

wD

I enjoyed the story line, keep it up.

I'm the one that sent you feedback on your comments about the story Cured for Christmas, being racist and insulting. You should say out loud to yourself sometimes before you comment. You hear all the time how some famous people wind up putting their foot in their mouths saying something stupid like you did, and only after they get blasted on social media they try to take it back. But I always say that's how they really feel. I still checked out your work to see if your writing reflected your comments and it didn't. Remember when you comment on something you are stating your true feelings just like all the other readers leave comments on your work. Oh, I'm a black female by the way.

I think you should quit writing altogether, especially after I read this garbage that you call literature. It looks like something a First-Grader would write

It's easy to leave anonymous feedback, especially feedback that is devoid of content. So instead of using many words that essential essentially mean "you suck", perhaps you could be a bit more specific as to what bothered you. Maybe the absence of 8 inch cocks and DD breasts? Or perhaps you're yearning for multiple simultaneous orgasms in one session? Sorry, ain't going to happen,

And who is calling this literature? Certainly not I. And if you're looking for realistic prose that will set the author on course to a Nobel prize, may I suggest that you don't go looking for it in the incest section of this site? Otherwise, chances are you will be disappointed.

Having said all that, I'm looking forward to reading some of your own work, so that I may learn how it's done properly.

Forget about the comment from a ignorant fool,I liked your story.I was really good and I am really looking forward to next chapter.Please keep them together in the coming chapters as well.Ypu are a good writer and should keep up the good work.5 stars from me.

I found this to be a very interesting premise that was ineptly executed.

The edit is pretty rough. There lots of missing words (nouns, verbs, pronouns, prepositions & etc.) that tie things together. I don't expect perfected works of literature, but the site is call Literotica and a certain level of clarity is necessary.

The inclusion of lengthy untranslated sections of text not only disrupts the readability, but alienates a large portion of the target audience.

Most of the things wrong with the story could easily be fixed and probably should be before posting the continuation of this work. First impressions are made within the first page (or less) of reading. I gave it 3*'s for the interesting premise used and hope to see more.

The errors on this one were fewer, but you did admit up front in your second tale - "A Terrible Idea" - that that one was in much rougher form.

Like most forms of autism, Asperger's can cover a wide range of behaviors and traits. The emphasis on the routine made me think they also have OCD; you emphasized not just the routine but also that anything out of place would cause distress. I found their relationship and their struggles to form satisfactory outside bonds convincing. I've known two with AS, and sadly, one of them was more fragile than anyone realized.

To your credit, I was reminded of Elizabeth Moon's tale, The Speed of Dark, a first rate SF tale also about autism. Really, a fine job here.

The comments by others about the Italian are well taken. If you are going to quote another language, don't make the reader stop what they are doing and try to "google" it. And most of those online translators are hit and miss -- with about seventy-five or eighty percent accuracy. And they don't handle slang or idioms very well. So if you are going to quote, do it sparingly, and unless the phrase is a common one, like "cie vous plais," I suggest putting the translation immediately after the foreign language phrase. An alternative, if you feel the longer phrases are necessary -- like you have in the restaurant scene, then add in or summarize. For example on page 2:

I spoke to the restaurateur again: 'Per mia ragazza.'

Iris showed me the most beautiful smile when she heard me say that.

Maybe an alternate, like this?

Iris showed me the most beautiful smile when she heard me refer to her as my girlfriend.

See? The reader might not know right off that ragazza means girlfriend, but you can add that in to help them make that leap. (I first thought ragazza was a different type of pasta or sauce, not that he was declaring his acceptance of their new relationship. If I like a tale, I skip over unknown phrases, and only if I'm really curious will I be motivated to "google" afterward; if I stop in the middle to translate, the story hasn't truly grabbed me.)

In any event, your skills are seriously jammy, and that's not last week's scran, either. Looking forward to seeing more from you. 5*

Great story on a challenging issue, ignore all the anonymous wankers and keep at

You're really very good, but I suspect you know that. More! More! ... Please.

The comment by Anonymous (11/02/15) shows he's a complete horses ass. He wouldn't know a decent story if it bit him in the ass. After reading tons of horse crap on this site, this story was a work of art. And the author didn't have to use anal to tell his story.

This was a well thought-out story and except for a few typos was very well written. One of the better stories I've read on this site.

Well done sir. Thank you

The old fart.

It's so easy for someone to criticize anonymously, not even joining the Site, but I'd like to see them submit a story of their own sometime.

Seems they never do though.

I thought it was an interesting way of telling the story. Something we "neurotypical" people rarely even think about.

I can now imagine that intimacy between a couple with these conditions, and others, may have an even more difficult time than these two characters. Or avoid it altogether, missing out completely in one of the greatest gifts God gave us.

Well done, imo.

Gave it 5 Stars.

What a wonderful story, really hope you add another chapter to it.

It was full of innocence, exploration and gentle love. Loved it....

This one's been on my list for a while, and I finally got around to it. I'm glad I did; just wish I'd done it sooner. It's nice to find a real story about people who could be real--and not the too-typical "Hey, sis! I just noticed you're a girl. Let's fuck!"

Your story was variously, beautiful, funny, captivating and most endearing. And I believe you captured well the behaviors and quirks of young savants on the Autism / Asperger's continuum. I look forward to reading the next installment.

I expect I found that funnier than intended, but I'm sufficiently somewhere on the add/autism scale to have daily drugs for it & some of the awkwardness really resonated, in a comedically inflated way - behaviour-by-checklist in inappropriate situations is amusingly close to home ( I suspect more so if I had an attention span ). The straight up idea of ignoring inconvenient - irrelevant to someone not actually integrated into society - social ideas to be with the one person who fits, I could appreciate that too, intellectually - that was a little touching somehow.

The UK most definitely does criminalise consensual sibling penetrative sexual acts, btw.

-RD

I Loved this story, it was so well written and was so gentle, loving and even romantic, yet was able to convey the LOVE they had for each other, but also the awkwardness of two very inexperienced people getting together for the first time. It was amazingly tender and showed that two people with very few social skills can still be wonderful people who if you spend the time to get to know them are very good to have as friends as trust is very important to all relationships whether it is familial, friendship or LOVE. It does also show how cruel people can be to those they consider 'odd'.

Wonderful writing.

Such a beautiful story... thank you!