Malaise

"Lucy, not once have you said you will stop seeing Alice, so I assume you expect me to stop complaining and be happy with our lackluster love life while you continue as her little sex pet?"

Her mouth opened and then closed. She hung her head and tears splashed onto her lap. She struggled to find the words she wanted to say. "You're right, It is incredibly selfish, but it won't be forever. I know she will tire of me and find someone new. Please, Dan, just allow me a little more time and it will be over."

I stood and looked down at her pleading, tear-streaked face. Her words had just crushed my soul. I was now nothing more than her backup plan, her retirement plan. I knew her new experiences had opened a door she'd never be able to close. I would never be able to satisfy her needs which meant she could not satisfy mine.

I fought to keep the quiver from my voice, "No, Lucy, you have stolen enough of my life, I can not give you a little more time. I gave you all I have to give and it was not enough. We're done, I'll have you served at your office."

I turned and walked away. I didn't look back as she called my name and begged me not to leave. My heart desperately wanted me to turn around and rush back to her, to sweep her up in my arms and tell her everything would be all right, but I knew it was a lie.

I had loved this woman with every fiber of my being, but she had changed, been changed by whatever Alice had awakened in her. She was lost to me, I needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My tears blurred my vision as I followed the footpath to the parking lot.

Lucy and Alice threw up every possible roadblock to delay the divorce, but eight months later it was final. The court was reluctant to move Becca out of the house and I foolishly thought I might get custody of my young daughter. Instead, they ordered me out of my own house and awarded Lucy primary custody. My lawyer was able to get me out of any spousal maintenance, but I will be paying child support for a long time.

Because there was no mortgage on my house, I was not crushed financially and I found a nice condo near my work, but still in Becca's school district. She has her own room and seems to enjoy the pool and other amenities the condo provides.

I grow a little less affected by Lucy each time I am forced to interact with her. She is still working for Alice, so I assume they are still playmates, but who cares. I am always polite to them and Lucy never gives me any trouble about seeing Becca, so any thoughts I had about revenge have been squashed. I simply will not risk causing any complications to my visitation rights.

My life is not as I had envisioned it a year ago, but slowly the malaise is lifting and an occasional ray of sunshine shines through. The primary source of sunshine in my life is Becca, of course, but the green-eyed redhead in unit 207 has very much brightened my attitude on more than one occasion.

This morning I spoke to Michele and Susan, two nurses that just moved in next door, and invited them over for dinner this evening. Who knows, maybe a bit more sunshine is about to come my way.

End.