Marriage Divorce Life Ch. 03

As the waiter disappeared Shelby asked Paul about his day but he was so edgy he was no better than me. Shelby tried everything in her power to get the conversation flowing but it was stuck, stalled on the starting line. The waiter returned with Pauls drink and Shelby tried again, "Come on you two. You're both writers, I thought you would have plenty to talk about."

I glared at her hoping she hadn't said anything to him but he croaked swallowing what appeared to be a big lump in his throat, "Your new book seems to be doing well Tom, congratulations."

My eyes never left Shelby's and she realised she had been caught out, "Tom I'm sorry, but Paul is the only one I've told. He loved it didn't you?" She reached over and patted his hand.

"Yes, I enjoyed it very much."

"Just another broken promise huh Shelby...Christ does your word mean nothing to you." I spat out cynically.

She sucked in a deep breath recoiling from my sharp retort, "Tom...Pauls a writer and it just came out when we were talking. Damn it I've been dying to tell somebody."

"You know Shelby, when I am asked to keep a secret and I agree then that's what I do, I keep it." I turned to Paul, "If you tell a single god damned soul that bit of information, I will make you pay and I don't care if it means jail time you will bloody pay."

"TOM!" Shelby snapped angrily trying to keep her voice low and not cause a scene. "Paul has already committed to keeping it secret. There's no need for the hostility."

Sneeringly I hissed, "Yeah well I hope his word is better than yours." Turning to him I mumbled, "So you read it huh?"

He nodded silently, "What did you think of Steven the main character?"

He looked stuck, his eyes flitting between Shelby and me, "Um I thought he was a good main lead."

"And you read it huh? That's funny because there's nobody in the book named Steven."

Caught in his lie he turned away quickly and muttered more to Shelby than me, "I might get going. I'm not feeling that well."

Shelby stood and hugged him, "Thanks for trying Paul, maybe we could catch up tomorrow?"

He nodded, "Yeah I would like that."

As she sat down, I grumbled, "What a crock of shit. Why in god's name did you tell him of all people?"

"Because I thought it might help you bond, you know, you do have something in common."

"He didn't even read it for god's sake, he didn't even read enough of it to hide his lie."

"Well did you read his?"

"No but I saw enough of his work that night at home."

"That book won book of the year and it is a top seller, it is not shit."

"Yeah whatever, I'm more concerned that you can't keep a promise. If you broke that one so easy what about the others. I'm sorry Shelby but I am rapidly losing faith in your promises in fact anything you say actually."

Wincing painfully, she mumbled, "I'm sorry Tom, you're right it was wrong, I made a promise and broke it. I had a feeling you weren't that serious, that perhaps you might like a few select people to know it was you."

"Christ Shell even if that were the case, he is the last person on the planet I would want to know."

"I'm sorry, I misread the situation, how can I make it up to you?"

"Stop seeing that arsehole would be a good start."

"Tom, sweetie please be serious, I want to make it up to you."

Standing and gulping down what was left of my beer I growled, "I was being serious. I've had enough Shelby; I need some fresh air. I will see you later."

I turned to walk out and she called, "You haven't even eaten yet."

"Give Paul a call...he might like it."

The drive home, sometimes it's a long painful drive but tonight with the windows down and the cool breeze lashing my flushed cheeks it was my saviour. I turned the music up loud and by the time I was back home I felt a little better. Starving but better. I made some noodles and settled back to relax.

As I sat slumped on the bed, I got some inspiration and I opened my laptop and started writing, I immediately felt relaxed, my heart rate went down and as the words flowed through my fingertips, I build my story I was a story of unrequited love, betrayal and new beginnings. I had started writing it just after my first novel but put it away unfinished. Now I had emotions running high and that fuelled my writing. Three O'clock came and went and I was still at it.

The morning wasn't pleasant, I woke tired and angry. I let my anger towards Shelby take over and that annoyed me, I felt betrayed. You might argue that it was over nothing and that might be true, maybe I was making more out of it than I needed to but, the root problem was...yeah if she could break a meaningless promise, how could I trust her with something major. Once bitten twice shy.

The next few days were quiet, the house progressed smoothly, work was good and Shelby stayed out of my hair.

Saturday morning found me flat out at the house, the builders had set me some tasks to complete before Monday. They had dug the post holes for the deck supports. I had to mix concrete and set them in place. It was a beautiful morning, a typical Canterbury day, clear a little windy but warm. I had my shirt off and was on my third post when Shelby turned up unexpectedly with fish and chips for lunch.

She was tentative at first but after a hug I grabbed some drinks and we headed over to the beach for our lunch.

Sitting on the log munching our food she cried, "I'm sorry for the other night. I got everything wrong. I should have told you I was inviting Paul up front and you're right I should never have told him about your book."

"I want to say it's OK Shell but it's not. I'm sorry I may have over reacted but you hurt me, I felt betrayed and disrespected. The man who wrecked my life. Sorry Shell but it wasn't right."

"Tom honey, he didn't ruin your life as you keep saying, that was me, I'm the one who is responsible for that. I should have said no, I could have but chose not to. All this anger should be directed at me not him."

'Bollocks, it takes two to tango and if he was any sort of man he knows that you don't interfere with the sanctity of marriage. You are, or were a married woman. He shouldn't have been trying to seduce you in the first place."

Sighing she rasped, "Yes, of course you're right. We did the wrong thing but can't we get past it? Can't we move on? You have to decide to forgive me completely or maybe it just isn't going to work."

"I am trying to forgive you but having your lover thrust in my face day after day isn't helping. If you want our relationship to work, I need you to cut him loose, and let him go."

We folded up the used chip paper and headed back home. We walked around the house and I pointed out all the work. She seemed distracted and grew increasingly unsettled before breaking down into hysterics, "I can't do it Tom, I can't just let him go, I love you but I have feelings for him. I hoped you could understand. I hoped you could rise above your jealousy and fear, your silly insecurities and at least try to accept him as my friend."

"Then maybe you're right Shell, if you can't let him go you obviously don't love me at all."

She fell into my arms and we embraced, "Then what do we do?"

Replying sadly, I gasped, "I think this has to be it, we have to go our separate ways and we try and start our own lives."

"Tom, I don't want that, I never wanted that. I know you don't believe me and I can see why you wouldn't but I do love you."

"God damn it Shell I love you as well, but I can't go through life with him hanging over my head waiting to swing his sickle."

"Tom there's nothing to be afraid of, he is only going to be a friend."

She left and I went back to work the weekend evaporated in setting the deck foundations and at night writing my book. I couldn't believe how easy the words flowed. If I was better than a two fingered typist it would be finished already.

Things were still cool between Shelby and me, we talked and she came out to look over the work on the house but she never mentioned Paul, his name was taboo. We slowly rebuilt a little trust and she even stayed over a few nights. With the Chev gone it felt less like a garage.

Our lovemaking had sort of stalled as well. Prior to her trying to get Paul and I to become buddies we had been expanding sexually, but now with this new nervousness and awkwardness that existed between us we had stopped talking during sex, it was much like our old sex life which was good but not as good as our new version.

I think it was because so much of what we discussed was from her time with Paul and now she was too scared to not only mention his name but talk about things that happened between them. There was a breakdown in trust and it felt irreparable.