All Comments on 'Mars is a Dangerous Place'

I would have killed them both. What a disgusting cunt

This story is so unbelievably offensive I can't believe I read it.

I'm sorry you found it offensive TheBard77. I can't believe you read it either. I always try not to inflict my stories on people who will not find them enjoyable. I thought I made it pretty clear in the tagline and the first sentence what this story was about. If you want to be constructive instead of destructive, maybe give me a hint what I could have written to steer you away to some other story instead. Cheers.

This is unbelievably hot. Really well done.

Ignore the troll my friend. This is a person who has come to an erotic website, clicked on the nonconsent category, then complained about reading nonconsent material. Don't waste your time with them.

I can't let this go without elaborating. Look, this happily ever after is complete garbage. Sharon may have been roped into the blow jobs and sex. I could go so far as to admit that compartmentalization could be plausible. That doesn't change the fact that she willingly and seemingly eagerly assiated Andy in traumatizing, emasculating and brutalizing Graeme. Not once did she explain the reasons for her actions. Her attempts at contrition were minimal in my opinion. She didn't try to remain discreet and allowed her husband to observe her debasement. The argument that Andy held their lives in his hands is a convenient plot device meant sooth the conscience of a writer who clearly believes a big cock and dominance is the key to unlock any woman's desire. It's insulting and incredibly misogynistic. Sadly, it's also a very common belief among far too many men. And yeah, you are a man. It'd obvious but I am veering off topic.

The ending is preposterous. Why would Graeme believe her? Why would he all of a sudden have an epiphany that his wife was really just selfless. She talked to him after the fact. She abandoned him and made a baby with Andy. All her arguments are just words. Graeme was traumized. That's never going away. He will suffer post traumatic stress for the rest of his life and will never be convinced he could still satisfy his wife. The kid will be a constant reminder of what they did to him; of the emotional abuse and psychological torture his wife inflicted on her supposedly loved husband.

I read your bio. Still think this is realistic?

I thought this was a very well written story. It certainly set up a new controlled environment for a coercive situation to develop and benefited from introducing the idea that there was a termination point for the blackmail- and an uncertain outcome. The sequence of concessions was, of course, pretty predictable and the author worked on the husband's humiliations and distress. The reality of potential death and not depending on outward violence added a certain flavor to the coercion. How they eventually survived that potential given the circumstances was one of the uncertainties throughout, an interesting strategy by the wife, and a well done story line by the author.

First time commenting on this site and I gotta say, this is by far the most heartbreaking story I've ever come across. While I sometimes partake the occasional hot-steaming cheating/cuckolding/ntr-ing literature, I'm no fan of reading through the eyes of the cuck. I am a hidden sex/secret affair conosur, but hot damn does this take the cake.

Reading through this gave me emotions that made my usual literotica experience absolutely exhilarating. Heart wrenching, absolute heart wrenching. Steamy impregnation cuckolding sex has never been so delightful.

10/10 would read'n fap again.

Thank you for your comments readers! I'm glad several of you enjoyed it

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As some of you noted, I can fairly be accused of putting my characters in an extreme and somewhat contrived situation. But I'm hardly the first author to do that. Graeme killing Andy and them all dying would certainly have been a reasonable way to take the story. But it was not one that interested me personally.

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Was their reconciliation credible? I tried to make it so, but of course your mileage may vary according to what you bring to the table. I don't think it's fair to say Sharon never explained her actions along the way. I do think the answers she gave Graeme at the very end were, in all likelihood, too pat - and that it was more complicated than just "I had to do it to save you." Up until that point, she explained herself largely in pragmatic terms (something I felt was an integral part of her character). I saw this as indicative of a blunt edge to her personality that Graeme might have preferred not to engage with. When she said, in effect, "it's be stupid for us to both die because of Andy's lust and your jealousy" I do think she honestly felt that (given the situational pressure she was under) this was self-evident, and that it really ought to be self-evident to Graeme as well. But I don't think she was evil, and I do believe it's true that his survival was genuinely a good part of her calculus.

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Why would Graeme accept her explanation and forgive her? Maybe that pivot was too sharp, but I thought it was the way her words mirrored what he himself had felt, that opened up an avenue to comprehension and forgiveness. Still, it's not like they reconciled at once. There's no doubt that there would have been lingering pain, and maybe I downplayed this too much at the end. But as I indicated, the reconciliation was slow. In my view, if they'd not been stuck on Mars, the hurt likely would have been too much for them to stay together. It was the fact that they were forced to spend the next 18 months surviving alone together that gave them the time to move past the pain and find a new basis for relationship - in effect, to build a new relationship.

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But as I said, of course your mileage will vary. And if you'll note, in my bio I don't say I write "realistic" stories, I say "plausible in certain idiosyncratic regards" ;)

Since this was story was written in the PoV of Graeme and thus marred by his subjective purview throughout, I’m curious to what really is going on between Sharon and Andy as well as other events that might have happened between them when Graeme was out of the picture.

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Did she really eventually “fall in love” and may have begged Andy not to “off” himself early? While she seemed to have a semblance of great care to her husband, I’m wondering if she ever was truly a freak deep inside and being dominated early on before intercourse where she throated was what set off her interest no matter how small. Hell, was she genuinely in to it or was it all just an act, especially when she got really vocal after every coutius? And that whatever she said at the end was her attempt to deflect to hide her shame?

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I’m just really interested and invested in Sharon’s point of view now.

Thanks for your question FaybrWillCum!! You’re right - the story is definitely from Graeme’s point of view, and reflects his interpretation of events, which does not entirely match my own. I will not claim to be in Sharon’s head (I was in Graeme’s), but I thought a lot about all the characters’ feelings and motivations while writing the story, and am happy to expand on them here at great length.

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(And as an aside, let me acknowledge up front the truth of the anonymous commentator who noted that I ‘worked on’ Graeme’s humiliations. That’s a very fair comment - at the end of the day, this is an erotic fiction story, designed to evoke certain emotional responses, hopefully for readers who enjoy that type of response, and I certainly leaned into certain details that would serve that purpose.)

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A couple of general considerations. First, I think of the two, Graeme was more sensitive and ‘romantic,’ and Sharon was a bit more rational and hard-nosed. This is not to demean his masculinity or her femininity, nor to say Sharon was unfeeling or didn’t care deeply for Graeme. Just that those were their personality leanings, and conditioned their responses to the impossible situation they faced. Second, In general, I think Sharon was honest with Graeme in the things she said. Of course, it is normal for a person’s ‘honest truth’ to vary from one time to another, and I’d say Sharon did spin things at the end to help assuage both Graeme’s anger and her own guilt. But she was never flat-out lying.

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So, I don’t think Sharon ever felt herself to be in love with Andy, or sought any of his attentions. It seems pretty clear that Sharon gave into nudity, oral sex, and eventually vaginal sex because she wanted to save both her own life and Graeme’s. As we saw, she did try pushing back against Andy, and he credibly demonstrated his willingness to die taking them all down. She knew what she was doing was unpleasant to her and painful to Graeme, but nevertheless found the moral calculus quite unambiguous, personally speaking.

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The bigger question, I think, is why she softened toward Andy after they started having full-on sex. As she admitted, she did develop an emotional closeness to Andy over time - short of love but characterized by some degree of affection or understanding. And she also became much more responsive to him physically, perhaps without even realizing how much she’d changed.

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Why did that happen? Well, a few things. First, intentionally or not, I see Andy’s approach as clever. Theoretically a blowjob was ‘less’ of an ask, but the way he abused her helped to break her down to a certain degree, softening her up to be more receptive when his demands became less physically taxing and more physically enjoyable. So in that sense, domination was part of the change in Sharon. Then, add to that, various factors mentioned in the story - things such as time spent together, the urgent need to understand Andy’s thinking, bodily intimacy, existential dependency, etc. Graeme assumes Sharon’s resistance to Stockholm Syndrome early on, but I think we have to see Sharon’s progress somewhat through that filter.

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And then, rightly or wrongly, she honestly concluded that getting pregnant was the only way to save herself and Graeme. That made things a thousand times worse. She needed Andy to live long enough for it to happen. She became dependent on him, and on the sex, in a new way. It took her physically away from Graeme, and also made it harder for her to let herself connect with him (knowing, as she did, the pain that what she was doing would inevitably cause him). From that point on, at some unconscious level, she was bonded to Andy and knew she always would be, and it undoubtedly affected her responses.

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As a result of all those factors, the hard truth is that by the end, she was definitely into the sex (at least while it was going on). That is not to say that she was in some kind of thrall to Andy. I do think she found him attractive, physically, from the beginning; and I also think she found his domineering style sexually arousing to some extent. But he isn’t her type, personality-wise, and she doesn’t prioritize sex above other characteristics. Overall she likes/loves Graeme much more, while also finding him quite attractive, sexually speaking. Barring the exceptional circumstances I put her in, she would have stayed happily faithful - and I think she will in future. Among other reasons, this would feel like the logical course of action to her.

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In this case, however, sex with Andy was going to happen. It did feel good physically (as she herself admitted), and she felt guiltless in doing it given the stakes. Under those circumstances, letting go and enjoying it served as a kind of mental defense mechanism - it made it more bearable, and made her feel more in control. Another thing that helped make it possible for her to enjoy it was the fact that through this process, she had become emotionally estranged from Graeme and attached in certain ways to Andy. And crucially - she almost certainly felt that pregnancy (and hence survival), would be more likely if she let herself go with it instead of resisting.

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At the end, I would say she is not lying, and truly doesn’t expect Graeme to forgive her. She basically admits all the things I said above. I think she does feel guilt about how she felt about Andy and their relations - though she tries to deflect it, telling herself that logically she did what she had to do, and that she was acting for Graeme’s survival as much as her own. Likewise, in how she articulates things, she does try to shade them to exculpate herself as much as she can, and justify herself to Graeme. I do think both of them are essentially building a new relationship in the 18th months that follow.

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My very long-winded view, FWIW :)

Kinda feels like the author doesn’t understand reproductive organs very well. The story would be more compelling if at least the descriptions were more accurate and less like unreal and un-sexual. Using words like pole for cock although it does remove the monotony of endless use makes the interaction less human and descriptions of black holes feels more hentai or cartoonish instead of something that may match the authors language “her womanhood now empty of his ample cock leaked the fruits of their labor, a mix of their fluids and remained stretched wide ready to accept his girth again” adding something from the onlooker to create more of a cuck experience like “she would hardly feel him even if he had the stomach to get hard”

The problem is why must we believe Sharon when her actions speak louder? She abandoned her husband for months and told him nothing until after. That's in the story. She said she won't be coming back to him and it's going to hurt. Did she sound hurt? I mean, did she sound remorseful at all in your portrayal?

She said she loved him. Prove it.

Thank you for your comments, sorry you didn't like it.

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AngelRider, I can't prove Sharon loves him beyond what I've said my thoughts were and what the story is. It holds together for me and obviously some readers, and doesn't for you. I think that's ok. Most creative works are like that, aren't they?

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And to the anonymous commenter, as i said above, yes I was trying to evoke certain emotions. I hoped the warnings would help steer away people who didn't want those emotions. If you can tip me how I could have better prefaced it, please do.

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I hope you both enjoy the next story you read more. :)

No way this pair reconciles...way to much trauma for both to overcome.

I guess I should add that a reader's interpretation of a work of fiction is a creative act in it's own right. If you think Sharon is a stone cold lying bitch and Graeme is a hopeless dupe, I'd respond that it matches neither my view or my authorial intention, but you're fully entitled to whatever conclusions you came to. I did intend to leave room for ambiguity and interpretation.

cant let that low rating stand like that. Great and unique story, far, far above the average level of what we get on literotica. Both arousing and tormenting to read.

Thank you parmesan888, I'm glad you liked it! I'm a fallible human striving to create well-written, original storylines that appeal to me. I share them for free, and try to forewarn people who may not enjoy my own kinks. Beyond that, the ratings will be what they will be, it's not something I can control. Always better to focus on the positive.

With everything said about how rational Sharon is, the biggest plot hole is her keeping the kid. If she were that calculating, the greatest chance of saving her marriage is to abort as soon as possible. But suddenly she gets emotional about some barely formed cells? Just because her rapist (and the man that murdered the rest of the crew) got excited about being a dad? Unbelievable.

Thank you for commenting! Obviously Sharon’s decision didn’t land for you, and that’s fine. But I’ll provide my thoughts. And I will posit, up front, that Sharon’s pregnancy was part of the wringer that I intended to put Graeme through. (Moreover, as with the cuckolding element, knowing some people are triggered by this sort of thing, I put a warning in the second sentence so such folks could read something else instead.)

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I rewrote those paragraphs several times. I didn’t go in intending or expecting it would be Sharon’s choice. I tried leaving out the possibility of abortion - implying it wasn’t an option. I tried having the meds destroyed in the blasts. I tried having Andy intentionally destroy them. But when I wrote it as her decision, it clicked for me as more honest and organic. And let’s just say it - it was a selfish choice on Sharon’s part. To me, though, it did not seem evil, and did seem to fit her psychology. She’s logical, but not unfeeling, and her experiences and emotions have not been the same as Graeme’s. She’s been the most life-affirming character all along. She admits to having developed (under the duress of weeks of forced intimacy) some feelings for Andy, and to having had an affecting moment when they looked at the ultrasound together. I think to her, the baby seems like a redemptive thing, coming on the heels of what has been a brutal ordeal for her too (though of a different kind than for Graeme). I believe she recognizes this is very difficult for Graeme, but probably struggles to ‘feel’ his feelings.

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As I edited, I continued to question this scene, too, from the perspective of the logical objection you raise. Intuitively, however, it always felt like the right resolution. But again, that’s not to invalidate your response - I’m sure I could have handled it more skillfully.

This was a very pleasant surprise -- well done! I only opened the story because I was curious to see why the rating was so much lower than almost all the most recent NonCon submissions, but I got sucked into it right away. (That rating is a travesty.)

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I usually prefer stories that have higher percentage of (actual, not implied) sex scenes, but the characterization and the writing were more than good enough to keep me hooked. In fact, your prose reminded me quite a bit of my own (in ways both good & bad, ha) -- take a peek at one of my stories and see if you agree. It's nice to find someone who likes dashes and ellipses almost as much as I do, for one thing. Also, any story that doesn't end with the characters stocking up on prenatal vitamins is just a missed opportunity :-)

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Anyway, I'll have to check out more of your stuff -- keep up the good work!

Thank you vzb, I'm glad you found the story and liked it! I saw your Wife Learns Her Place story a few days ago - intriguing premise/opening. I haven't read it properly yet, but it's on my bookmark list. And yes, em-dashes are the bomb. When I started writing I had to set myself a hard "one per paragraph" limit, otherwise they'd be in every damn sentence.

What powerful erotica! I was triggered the whole time. However well-written, it is still Femdom agitprop. BTW women don’t care who the father is, because it is their own child regardless, not yours maybe, but theirs. They also always latch on to the power broker, even to the point of bearing their child, esp. in life or death situations. It wasn’t done for anyone but herself. Her feminine survival instincts prevailed over her other ties and emotions. And, she cucked her husband. Why not! She made the best of a bad situation, right?

Thank you for commenting HighBrow! All I can say is that I never intend to write agitprop for any point of view :) I write stories I personally like, and I share them because I know some other people will like them too. But there are so many ways to live in this world, and I'll freely confess to being a bit of an oddball. Of course many people will not like my kinks. I have no problem with that. I'm not trying to persuade folks to like what I like - nor do I write with the intent to shock, or troll, or accumulate the most eyeballs or whatever. If I could do something better to warn off people who will be offended, I'd love to learn what it is, because my attitude is live and let live.

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There are definitely asymmetries to motherhood and fatherhood that are biologically rooted and have psychological effects. That is very much the sort of thing I trade in in my stories. And it's why I often turn to pregnancy as a theme - it raises the stakes so effectively. More broadly speaking, however, I'm not one to really go in for "all women are like..." (or 'all men' or 'all X') thinking. There are aggregate patterns of difference, of course, both intrinsic and socially-constructed. But the in-group variations are tremendous and fascinating too.

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My stories do tend to foreground certain types of scenarios (again, ones my twisted mind finds erotic), and aspire to create plausible, non-cardboard characters. The combination of the two often steers my tales toward featuring certain personality types over others. But in the Mars story, I endeavored (as my skills would allow) to show that Sharon reacted to the peril I put her in not simply as a generic woman, but as a woman with particular personality traits, values, experiences, etc.

Fantastic story and very original. Loved the detailed describing of Sharon’s lascivious assets so colorfully. Great job!

As I seem to have written an essay now that I'm done, I will say that one point of immediate feedback (assuming you the author don't read this wall of text, is to tag this or warn with an edit that the ending is essentially RAAC [Reconciliation At All Cost] and to maybe change the tag of "female submissive" to something that I think is just not true, at least when outside of sex. Essentially, somehow allude to this story containing an ending that is NOT cathartic for those looking for comeuppance upon either the wife or the uh... whatever Andy is since he goes from rapist to bull xD)

With that, decide to read my wall of text or continue on with your day.

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I want to start off by listing some positives. This story is well written concerning grammar and punctuation. This story had an original plot and for the most part, has consistent characters. This story as well can elicit emotions of both erotic (IF AT ALL POSSIBLE PLEASE GIVE A POV AT LEAST OF THE WIFE TO STAVE OFF THE FEELINGS OF SADNESS BY BLOCKING IT WITH EROTICA xD) and others. And, while this is not in the story, but in the comments. I respect the author replying to comments openly and trying to explain their reasoning.

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However despite those positives... this story did not have an ending that I could agree with, nor was I expecting it, even from the warning given on the first page. And that's... a BIG negative for me since I try not to read stories that don't interest me so that those that do enjoy works different to my tastes get as close to an unbiased look either from reviews or the rating. So, what exactly was I not expecting?

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Graeme losing in the bitter end with his dignity in tatters. And Sharon coming across as a victor instead of a victim.

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Let me explain.

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First, Sharon:

For all the logical arguments you had Sharon make, deciding not to abort the baby due to emotion felt... off for her character up to this point. It'd be one thing if she decided to keep it if Graeme decided not to reconcile with her, since she'd be lonely and want to fill the void with something/someone. But with Graeme being willing to reconcile with her, and it's been displayed that other than Graeme living at the end that's what she wants - hell from the way it sounds that being an option was like a godsend for her and would just reinforce the love she had for him, why then would she decide to take/keep that last selfish choice for herself when it would hurt her husband more in their active relationship? It just doesn't make sense for a character that wanted her husband to live so much that she decided to participate in his emotional torture, which apparently made her suffer so much as well (I say that in quotations xD), to ask him to live with a reminder of said suffering, which in turn means more suffering - at this point, it just comes across as sadism. You try to have her explain this away by saying she didn't love Andy, but still actively wants to have his baby because of her emotions for him that arose while trying to have a kid with him (which at this point anyone can conclude are love - especially accounting for her words and actions during the weeks leading to pregnancy), and then confidently says that she ONLY loved Graeme despite everything. Hearing this, I don't see how Graeme or readers are supposed to sympathize with her character to be satisfied with reconciliation. Her words and actions just don't line up, and come across as someone trying to manipulate another person and then seeing her succeed.

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Second, Graeme:

I have to say, I liked Graeme. Keyword there being liked. I liked how you tried to have Graeme continue and have some pride and be actively willing to die for his relationship/marriage or as he put it, die with some dignity. And despite not actively killing Andy, Grame was willing to go through with their deaths as long as he didn't have to actively kill his wife. Then his wife swept his choice out from under him. It certainly ramped up sympathy for him and I looked forward to his actions moving from there, especially for what could come at the end. I wanted SOME catharsis for all this (fictional) pain Graeme just went through. Especially how in the end Graeme was right in every way about Andy and how his wife never acknowledged his feelings or words throughout this traumatic experience by constantly waiving away his concerns and not explaining the truth of her actions. But in the end, we never saw the backbone we had front and center for the rest of the story. I'm not saying he should have killed himself when his wife actively participated in sex and he lamented not having the strength then, though at that point I think it would have been cathartic and certainly would have still been satisfying of a read. No, I'm talking about when his nightmare reached the resolution stage so to speak we see Graeme lose all traces of it. After the words from Andy that validated everything Graeme ever thought of him, he was rightfully angry and I was eager to see what would happen. And even more so when the bombshell hits that his wife is pregnant and her willingness to keep it knowing how much it'd hurt him whether or not they were together. Yet he lost all the wind in his sails at her words that she did all this for him to live regardless of their relationship. Suddenly he's looking at this only from his wife's "skewed" perspective, her words all up until this point were about THEM living, not only Graeme. And ignoring his own valid feelings. His self-flagellation about reviling her for her choice is also disappointing. How else was he supposed to act? By giving her permission? Actively participate in his own emotional torture so she'd feel less guilt? You have him as well shame himself for somehow reasoning that not actually wanting to kill his wife/take the choice from her was somehow bad and shameful of him. From a certain point of view, he was putting it on her shoulders which IS stressful, but I think actively deciding to kill his wife would have been more reprehensible even if it would be taking the choice away from her.

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So, in the end, we get Graeme essentially backtracking on his own view and shameful for his own actions and now having to raise the son of a man that humiliated him. Sharon, is resolute in her own choices and for all intents and purposes "winning" in the end since, despite the situation involving rape and whatever you call the sex at the end

when she actively participated has no repercussions except a dry spell.

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So, what would I change?/Constructive Feedback:

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My very first piece of advice would be to add a tag, and warning about how this story will end with reconciliation, enough to the point where I'd argue it's RAAC [Reconciliation At All Cost]. For a story that was so dark not knowing if it would end with BTB [Burn The Bitch] or if there would be any meaningful catharsis (like say Andy not having his child live) from the story made getting sucked in and disappointed a major letdown. Also, this story is tagged with female submissive... I legitimately am asking where Sharon has acted submissively at all except for when having sex with Andy. She's been more proactive and dominant all things considered. This also will probably affect reader/viewer expectations, especially

with the choice at the end.

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Onto narrative changes. First, for Sharon. From your response to the comments, I understand that the pregnancy being carried to term was a narrative choice that you didn't want to do away with/you wanted to add to Graeme's pain. Understandable if that's something you absolutely wanted xD However, if that's the case by making it Sharon's choice, you are effectively hemorrhaging sympathy points from her by having Graeme 'accept' Red as a part of the family. While it's certainly more "organic" as you put it since she has technically been the most life-affirming character, she still comes across as manipulative by choosing to stay with Graeme knowing it would hurt him, and while that's not evil. It's certainly fucked up enough that I question her love for Graeme outside of the trophy-husband mentality she treats him with. Combined with her earlier words (extreme vocal participation) and actions (half-hearted attempts to soothe Graeme) though, this is hard to stomach/agree with.

Ignoring the easy choices of taking away the choice from Sharon, I'd - assuming a rewrite for this story is at all possible and if not just have this taken as something to remember for stories moving forward :

1. Have Sharon be more upfront about how she wants Graeme to live even if he hates her instead of just at the end or in other words, be more emotionally available to Graeme instead of so logical/cool. - This will at least remove some of the blowback for her eventual choice.

2. Be more repentant/show vulnerability to Graeme outside of just forcing him to eat/sustain himself enough to survive after having sex with Andy. You describe her as shrugging off Graeme's emotional outburst with ease and it bleeds sympathy for her final choice.

3. Change the erotic factor of Sharon's participation to either be something Andy wanted or, showcase Sharon's "fall" so to speak after trying hard not to enjoy it, by describing how Graeme can't here much from Sharon. Since you have her become vocal very soon after sex between them starts this just reinforces Graeme's belief that Sharon was fine with this at the end really. If it takes longer, if anything it should eat away at Graeme more not knowing if Sharon is lying to him after being open with him.

4. Have her decide to at the very least, decide to put the child up for adoption - The way it is currently, Sharon has never tried to reach Graeme halfway or shown to be understanding of his feelings except for categorizing them as possessiveness, asking him to actually take care of the child instead of simply allowing it to live seems like a sadistic choice.

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In short, Sharon is too emotionally cold to Graeme, or at least it's not described how she is feeling very well until the end, and having Graeme choose to accept her simply because she voiced that it was all for Graeme, even if it's not abrupt/sudden is just sad. I would have liked to see her try a lot more than how she did so that it'd be more believable in the end on having them reconcile.

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Second, concerning Graeme, honestly, any changes I'd make/take into account is the fact he lost his backbone/anger with the current way Sharon is portrayed/written.

1. With the way it's written now, I'd have Graeme at the very least not accept Sharon back if he has to take care of someone else's kid. Let alone when a murderer and rapist/planned all this out. Instead, let Sharon live the consequences, alone as a single mother. This would make for a more satisfying read simply because it is not seemingly condoning what Sharon did as well as validates Graeme's feelings. The way it is now, Graeme instead is filled with shame and despite reconciling with his wife, now is choosing to take care of the child.

2. Share all of Andy's actions with Sharon so at the very least she's aware of everything even if it does hurt her and ask if she still feels the same way. Since all she's been concerned with up to this point is that Graeme lives.

3. Have Graeme commit suicide at the end, preferably after Sharon's explanation.

No seriously xD

For all the pain that Graeme's been through, if he can't bring himself to make his wife choose between him or a baby from an extremely mentally ill individual I'd think after being pushed "near" the edge when he heard and saw Sharon's active participation, yet still wants to be with her/loves her, I think he'd make this decision to show the amount of pain he's in. With all his misgivings validated by Andy's words that Sharon brushed off and never acknowledged and then being hit with a bombshell of Sharon being pregnant and deciding to keep the baby I'd expect his major sense of loss and anger. But to then be told that it was all for him to live? If he had kept his backbone/pride or at least thought through things more I think it'd be fair to question Sharon's respect for her husband to not even let him know - of which there is not a lot of. And since he does/did love Sharon enough not to kill her actively, yet he was willing to die. I think the action of taking his own life, in the end, would be bittersweet/have caused even more pain. To Sharon, by seeing all her efforts come to waste, and for Graeme because he can't live without Sharon, to a certain extent, but at the same time he has his pride/dignity.

4. The truly, most dark option. Kill Sharon if she won't abort the baby. I won't go too into this one since it's fucked up, but again with no catharsis for all of Graeme's pain, I can only see this being a last-resort option.

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Like I said, a lot of the changes I would make focus more on Graeme getting "revenge" and not taking what happened lying down. And, yes, I'd argue that Graeme essentially took everything lying down. Other than the cold shoulder he gave Sharon, she's got no comeuppance for her choice to keep the baby and override Graeme's choice to rather die. Yes, she has to build a new relationship with Graeme, but that sounds like a miracle for her since she expected Graeme to not choose to be with her after her actions. Or I guess, since she gained feelings for Andy, his death maybe hurt her? Anyways, Andy, as a dead man walking wins since his child will live and be taken care of by the man he cuckolded. And what does Graeme get? Saddled with a child he didn't want, and memories of his wife being intimate with another man and enjoying it/actively participating, AND shame for his own actions of what happened.

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Wow, this turned into an essay. However, I wanted to make sure I got my thoughts/points across.

THOUGH ADMITTEDLY!

A lot of my misgivings/problems are due to not understanding how this story would end - hence my feedback/piece of advice being what to warn others beforehand. Not that I think it needed spoilers, but coming into a noncon/reluct categorized story, with the terms, cuckold, pregnancy, and dark being used as a warning, I'd expect for either a truly tragic end (Graeme's death as an act of revenge for example) or for the couple to come out of it "scarred" but taking solace in each other for the pain they went through. I know that your story described the latter, but honestly, with the way Sharon's portrayed and her ending choice, I feel like Graeme was instead manipulated.

I hope that any stories moving forward are better received and that you continue to get better at writing!

Also, since I did initially come here for smut, can I perchance ask again for a wife POV so that I can distract myself with smut from this sad story xD

Wow, thank you JohnFree09 for what must be the longest and most detailed comment I've ever received! I do appreciate the feedback.

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I read a sci-fi novel recently, in which the first-person narrator's memories are scrambled, and he realizes only slowly that he's lived two lives already (thanks to engineered longevity genes) - first as a sadistic mass-murdering megalomaniac, and then as a more standard-grade planetary mob-boss. In the end, he accepts these facts unemotionally, and makes a weak gesture toward 'doing better next time.' Maybe this would be realistic behavior for a sadistic megalomanic whose memories are suppressed and then resurface, but I'll admit that I found the novel's ending, if not infuriating, still disappointing. I didn't need to see the main character receive karmic retribution (though I wouldn't have minded), but I was looking for some kind of personal growth.

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That's a long-winded way of saying that my response as a reader in that case made me feel a small glimmer of recognition for the many people that hated my Mars story.

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Thank you for the tip on "RAAC". I don't really follow these codewords too closely. I personally did not think of this as 'reconciliation at all costs,' in a colloquial sense, because I tried (however imperfectly) to depict the reconciliation as conditional, and flowing in large part from the unique / extreme circumstances. In particular, I never saw Graeme as the kind of guy who would abase himself limitlessly in order to maintain a connection with Sharon. But I will certainly use such a tag if I write such a story again in future, in order to warn off people for whom it's not enjoyable.

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Interesting comment about including the wife's POV. I have found that when I'm writing, I really like the focus and purity of a single, consistent point-of-view. I'm not sure why I feel that way. But I'll keep the input in mind - maybe switching off points of view will resonate for me in a future project.

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I very much appreciated your detailed thoughts on character motivations. I may not necessarily agree, but I can definitely see where your responses are coming from, and they do help me better understand the anger many people felt (which truly wasn't something I was trying to elicit, troll-fashion).

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It's been quite surprising for me how many readers have seen Sharon as sadistic and evil. I thought of that next-to-last scene, with their conversation, as being full of the kinds of rationalizations people make all the time to help them deal with unpleasant facts and intractable situations. There was some truth in everything they said, but also some omission and self-deception. In that sense, Sharon's words were partly manipulative - but I think not intentionally or sadistically. Clearly she did end up feeling something very much like love for Andy, but she didn't want it to be true, and told herself in that scene that it wasn't true. I viewed her as a person with blind spots and weaknesses, less sympathetic than Graeme to be sure, but whose faltering was comprehensible given the impossible circumstances she faced.

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Interesting question whether I should have spelled out more of Sharon's motivations earlier. I toyed with having her tell Graeme at a previous stage "I can't be with you anymore because I believe that getting pregnant with Andy's child is the only way to prevent him killing you as well as me." I don't think it felt right, and I guess I liked the idea of holding it back as a late reveal. But maybe I could worked it in earlier, and for the better.

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As far as the ending, suicide or murder was not going to happen, because I didn't see that as who Graeme was and I would not want to write it. However, I could envision them remaining broken up at the end - regretfully, without true hatred on either side, but with Graeme unable to trust and get over what had happened, and Sharon unwilling to abort the baby. Maybe that would have been more satisfying. That said, as a practical matter, I did have honest doubts whether Graeme could maintain an antagonistic posture toward Sharon while living together in that hothouse tin can for the next two+ years, mutually dependent and with no other human contact. (And if he did, of course, then what Andy said would have come to pass - he'd still be taking Sharon from Graeme even from beyond he grave.)

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Anyway, in retrospect, I definitely think I made the final epilogue scene too positive, and didn't emphasize enough the gradual nature of the reconciliation, and the emotional scars they would continue to carry. I find myself wanting to write a new ending incorporating some of these ideas - but fear it would be a wasted effort, still not harsh enough to satisfy most of the people who despised this one.

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Thanks again for your thoughts!

Apologies on if this is delayed since Lit has a moderation policy that delays when my comments are posted first and foremost!

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That certainly sounds similar to what I and probably many other readers felt xD

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RAAC may indeed be off the mark, and I'm not too well-versed in the tagging codewords of erotica dramas myself xD It is simply one that I see on most stories with reconciliation and BTB on the other end of the spectrum xD They honestly only crop up on stories where the drama part is emphasized over the erotic though and it's not as though it should always be tagged. Anyways, my advice was mainly to just warn the lack of catharsis or temper expectations! :D RAAC was simply the first thing that popped into my head since stories tagged with it end more often than not with disappointing reconciliation.

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Oh, you're completely fine writing in a single POV! (Though other's certainly help! xD) It's just hard with the way you've written Sharon for us as the readers to get a read on her actual feelings (throughout the story) unfortunately which affects our perception despite seeing small hints of emotion here and there. From a First Person POV it's harder I think for writers to write or describe other character's emotions when you don't want the character in question to realize things too early. And I'm not too experienced myself to advise exactly how to handle this, if this was 3rd Person Limited I'd say to have Graeme miss how Sharon trembles or reaches out to him when he's not aware... actually you can still incorporate that now that I think more on it. Maybe have whatever character is in 1st POV miscategorize sobs or ghosts of touches and assume the character they're angry at is as distant as they like to portray and that it's just in their head? I don't know if I'm explaining that well xD

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Oh your response to comments showcased that this wasn't a piece meant to troll others xD Unfortunately, I think that despite authorial intent the work itself didn't convey what you wanted readers as much (as in my case). Or perhaps there was a multitude of reasons, I can only speak for myself and how I drew my conclusions xD

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I don't think the fact that she displayed a skewed rationalization was the problem inherently. I think the problem was with your narrative decision to absolutely have her keep the baby, be the most emotional she's ever been (to Graeme) in the story, AND also still be self-deceptive/ignore how Graeme saw things, was the problem. Especially with reconciliation in the end. Hence my advice on what to have done better would have been to emphasize her emotional state TO Graeme a lot more despite being a more logical-thinking person. He is her husband and despite her choices knowing they would hurt him I would think she would try to confide in him enough to let down her walls so to speak. Not just for Graeme's sake, but to let us as readers know that this was an emotional ordeal for her. To be honest, while she got tear-eyed a bit she tried to only be rational to Graeme through most of the story (or at least from Graeme's POV that's what we got xD), and yet at the end she was emotional with him.

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It certainly would have helped Graeme I think if he knew why it all was happening. If you wanted to keep the pregnancy reveal though I think you could have had her explain more so, again probably a bit more emotional than what was given - anyway honestly to show that she's not just "informing" Graeme. Maybe have her acknowledge Graeme's words and thoughts about Andy and how he was right that he wouldn't give them the password, but that she was going to convince Andy somehow to think differently and then leave it at that (with the same... heartfelt? - it didn't seem to heartfelt to me xD - goodbye to Graeme).

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Well if murder or suicide would have been left off the table narratively I think having an irreparable/broken relationship still would have been believable/cathartic with their final conversation. If there's no true hatred on either side I think apathy/someway to showcase Graeme's resoluteness would have been preferable. He did, after all, become resolute enough to not interact with Sharon and waste away himself. Choosing to limit their conversations to professional/survival ones only I think would be in the realm of believability.

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I do agree that the ending was perhaps too positive and unintentionally brushes over any pitfalls they would have. xD In fact, a more in-depth - but not too in-depth ending giving a chance for Graeme and Sharon to be more emotional with each other and apologetic to each other would have helped. I also agree that at this point, rewriting just the ending this long after the story's been posted would be a wasted effort on your part, unfortunately. I do think a rewrite/a whole new story would probably be better well-received if that ever is in the cards down the line. Not just the ending, but perhaps a chance to try and write Sharon to be more sympathetic to readers xD

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Thank you for engaging in my response! And I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hi! New user and first-time commenter; I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this story a lot. I really liked the scifi setting, which helped sense of isolation that's not easy to get with a story that takes place in the real world. The setting was also grounded in some sense of reality, so that makes it easier to establish limits on what the characters can and can't do to solve their problems. Beyond the setting, I liked some of the small details, like Sharon shaving, that helped emphasize Andy's sense of possessing her and ratcheted up the tension of the story. And heck, I just enjoy the way you write sex scenes in all of the stories of yours that I've read; this story doesn't have the most but the ones it has really work well IMHO.

Like a lot of commenters, I have my own ideas about how the ending could have gone but the topic has been beaten to death here so I won't belabor it. It's always way easier to play Monday Morning QB and think about how things should have gone in a story that already exists rather than try to break a story along with its ending in real time. I do appreciate the fact that you tried to end on a broadly positive note, given how dark the scenario is overall. And I doubt there would be so much written about it unless people were invested; I was, anyway.

Leaving aside any qualms anyone has about the ending, this story really stuck with me as much as anything I've read on here, and got me to start following you and reading the rest of your work (which I also very much enjoyed). So thanks for that!

Ok. So count me as one of the haters. Of the ending that is. JohnFree09 covers it pretty well. In the end, none of the characters are likable. I think it's especially annoying to make the main POV character so weak. Graeme might as well be a camera, he has so little impact on the outcome. Just a lump sitting there and taking it. And at the end he rolls over. And much has been said about Sharon.

I actually think you could tell the same story with one simple tweak that would change the ending for the better. So we get to where Sharon reveals her plan, and that she's pregnant. But she says she's going to abort. They have their moment where Graeme decides he is going to forgive her. And then she goes off to find what she needs while Graeme cleans up. He comes back to find her sitting down in the medical area with tears streaming down her face, looking at the pills in her hand. She suddenly spots him, starts, brushes the tears away, and then goes to take the pills... and he stops her. He gets it. He knows her, and knows she's struggling. We get a view in his head, about man as animal and man as enlightened being. Andy clearly had given in to being an animal. And Graeme thinks about if he's enlightened enough to see past the origin of the child (who is going to be Innocent of his father's crimes). And he decides to let her keep it. After that, no pussying around, refusing to touch her for a year. He's made his choice and fucks the hell out of her.

I think some people would still hate it, but it becomes more about him and his philosophy as a scientist. He gets to live. Gets to be famous. The trauma doesn't own him.

Bonus scene: Andy sits down on a hillside, looking out over the Martian landscape. The sun is beginning to set. He smiles, gloatingly. He sure showed them all. And got to go out how he wanted to. Suddenly, a rover crests the hill, and before he can react, it drives over his legs, crushing them. He screams and curses, but the rover just drives off, leaving him to die in agony.

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nah. there is no atonement by sharon for her adulterous actions regardless what her plan is. that’s not what her husband is seeing or feeling. you make the reader suffer through her questionable debasement but when it’s time for atonement notta. oh everything’s happy go lucky with cupcakes and candy. 0/10. if ur going to write then do it right. no party in this scenario has a happy ending. ur delusional if u think otherwise

Really nice story. And certainly no apology needed for way the story ended.

For whatever we reason I decided to read this again to determine if my original feelings were too raw and if time and perspective would change. It still infuriates me but I read your most recent comments and those by JohnFree.

I would agree with you that Graeme doesn't come across as someone who would murder his wife, as rightfully angry, humiliated, betrayed and utterly emasculated he felt. Suicide? I am not sure about that one. I could envision a development where Sharon's actions caused a psychotic break where Graeme decides on long term revenge. Something like he kills himself just befofe they returned so Sharon had to live with his body and being forced to face her actions, live with herself, and her constant reminder of what she did.. her child. I do believe she cares for Graeme but the story left me believing she traded a rapist psychopath for Graeme in her heart.

While it's clear you went to great effort to assert that Sharon was skilled at compartmentalizing her emotions, even the most highly trained undercover agents and intelligence officers still feel the same emotions. They just hide them better. Sociopaths are even better at compartmentalizing because they lack empathy.

They are better able to utilize mimcry and portray a false front to manipulate. I'm not suggesting Sharon was a sociopath. I just don't believe a few words and justifications on the last page were convincing or even honest.

Sometimes there aren't happy endings. The most realistic to me is for there to be no reconciliation. No btb. All of the pain and treachery that Graeme experienced would ultimately lead him to hate and then indifference. Speaking of indifference, when did she ever even try to put Graeme first, even covertly without Andy knowing? She was indifferent to Graeme's suffering. A pity fuck or suggestion he take better care of himself but doing nothing to actually do anything to show real empathy. Even at the end her opinion of Graeme is tantamount to, well I'm back and he's gone. I hope you can get over the complete destruction of any trust and total disrespect I have shown you. She never did anything.

The ending I expected was two miserable people being forced to move on.

I really feel you should rewrite this story from Sharon's POV with a no reconciliation at the end!

I don't know one who love their husband can be attracted to the one who making him suffer it would be great if Sharon took revenge by aborting the baby after he gave her password in front him and killed him but this became cliche story where wife is attracted bigger d like every other story

Thank you for your comments readers! Sorry it's been so long since I replied. I can't answer everything, but I will offer a few thoughts. Overall, as I've said before, I'm glad some of you liked it, and regret that others did not - especially if I could have labeled it better for you to avoid it.

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I must say I'm intrigued by the idea of writing a different version from Sharon's perspective. Usually I despise "person 1/person 2 POV" stories. Take a stand, author!! However, I find myself sparked by the challenge of seeing whether her viewpoint holds together to my satisfaction, as I believe it would. I can't promise a different ending, though, and you may very well still hate it/Sharon when told through her eyes. I think I will probably take this on, maybe later this year.

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Several people have mentioned the characters are not likeable. Let me just say that you should not read my stories looking for likeable characters. It's not that I seek to make them 'unlikeable.' That's not a goal. But I do find myself driven to write transgressive stories - and usually, to hit the particular beats I want, it will end up involving some kind of abuse of power, bad decision making, or general skeevyness.

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Why do I do this? I have no idea. But psychoanalyzing myself, I imagine it's some kind of Newtonian counter-force to my everyday life. IRL, I'm simply a very likeable person (I believe anyone I know would say it). And so is almost everyone else I know. For whatever reason, I've just always tended to land in pools of niceness. And that's... nice. But it can also make life feel one-dimensional sometimes, and it can get tiring being 'nice' all the time. So I think I use writing as a release, to explore feelings and actions that are not remotely similar to what goes on in my life. But I know it's not for everyone, and sorry if it was a problem for you.

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Finally, a comment on the "big dick" aspect of the story. Yes the Mars story trades in this trope. Why? Well, (a) I like big dicks, and (b) I like the trope. If you read my stuff, you know this. BUT, in this particular story my primary intention was to use it as one more intolerable barb with which to goad Graeme. In fact, I don't think I ever formed a strong authorial opinion as to whether Sharon was actually turned on by Andy's 'equipment' or it was all in Graeme's head. I suppose I do give a couple of suggestive hints ("use that dick of yours" and "stick it in me deep") but I consider those pretty vague, and included mostly just to fuck further with Graeme's mind. Overall, my intent was to avoid signaling what Sharon thought about it, and leave Graeme to torture himself. I certainly did not consider Andy's dick size as central to why events unfolded as they did. If he'd been average it wouldn't have changed anything substantive.

I’m a little late to this but with all the comments, pro and con, I had to add my two cents. IMO, this is the best piece I’ve ever read on this site.

Three things, first it is so well written. Second, the story seems so “plausible” (as plausible as a story about manned space missions to Mars can be)which the author says is always his goal. And third, the sex scenes are very hot, even though when all is said and done, the sex between Andy and Sharon was rape.

As to the criticism of Sharon, she is actually a heroine imo. She held this guy off as much as she could, and when he first demanded intercourse, she tried to call his bluff, until all 3 were on the verge of death, before she finally gave in. And while she was an enthusiastic partner with Andy, Stockholm syndrome is real. Plus she was trying to keep this guy happy and give him a chance to live and not go completely nuts.

One part, albeit a big one seems implausible, namely her decision to keep the baby. Again, “Red”, great name by the way, was conceived in rape, along with the fact that this child will always remind Graehme of what went on with his wife. And sadly, will always remind him that he will never be able to sexually satisfy Sharon like Andy did.

I would welcome a part 2, particularly from Sharon’s POV throughout this whole affair, and how things go after they get back to Earth. On the space side, they would have to let NASA know the real cause of these catastrophic mission failures, they couldn’t stop further missions or risk other astronauts lives by hiding the truth.

Okay I’ve gone on way too long, but this story was compelling, fascinating, and not just for the sex. Well done Mirafrida!

I really like to read alternate version of this story where Andy paid for all the things he done like cutting his pp or aborting child in front of him or make his child to abort and to make Sharon pregnent again in front of him and make him live little more 6 months in pure hell

1 star hate it may be I don't like all bad guy winning atlast made me bad taste in my mouth like how can you compartmentalize thinking and you are only having sex with Andy to live but you still carrying his child who is murderer also Sharon is also psycho who willingly humiliated her husband after not coming back to him vocalising her intrest in sex with andy . I think Graeme should have treated her like hole to dump his cum not wasting another year he can get all pussy and when they land on eart he can divorce her and start a new life who is much better person than this emotionless psychopath of wife

Mirafrida, you are a goddamned genius. I've read this before a long time ago. And it was amazing. I totally forgot about it till I was watching an interview with an actor about a martian movie and remembered this story. When I looked it up, I couldn't believe it was the same amazing author who wrote the Mrs. Jones series, also great work. I think story captures so much of humanity in it. And I scroll down to the comments and you're still responding to comments of a story you wrote ages ago. You're the GOAT.

Twisted and incredibly written. Five stars. That said, Andy clearly cares about a clean, painless death and responds to incentives. So lead pipe hacking would likely have worked, and most would probably have seen that.

Right after he resets the system, duct tape him and Sharon down ('just in case' insurance against Stockholm) and offer him two days of electrode-induced-hell vs living out his remaining months in relative peace for the password. Then give him an hour of it anyway, the prick.

Ngl, Graeme needs to lobotomize his wife Rosemary Kennedy style.