Martin Luther

With all of that circling in his mind he took a deep breath and relaxed as he released it. Yes that girl was pretty but she like all other American women were way more trouble than they were worth. Martin had to follow the example of St. Paul and never marry. He was to be a priest and celibacy now made perfect sense to him.

Then another part of his mind told him he had to be fair. It was possible that she wasn't the way he was imagining. It was possible also that she might just like him if he put in enough effort to appeal to her. Maybe she was religious the same way he was. Maybe he shouldn't give up hope. He pondered that thought. Hope. No, there was no hope of even a possibility that she would be like him. It was ridiculous on the face of it. Martin had used to be a normal person like everyone else and as a normal person all of those sins were just the natural expected way that everyone was and you were weird if you were any different than that. It was normal to kill children. It was normal to just buy whatever without thinking of the people used as slave labor to produce it. It was normal to just have sex with many different people. It was normal to lie and steal and fuck around. That was how normal people were and if anyone figured out that Martin didn't want to do those things anymore, that in fact he was trying to be on the path to never sinning ever again, then they would all see him as a very strange person that they would all want to keep away from. So NO, there was no hope that he could have any future with that girl. Or any girl.

But, his mind countered again, what if he could teach her. Perhaps if someone like Martin would just instruct her in true religion then she would see the light and be like him instead of being a normal girl anymore. The name of the game was to get souls into heaven so Martin had an obligation before God to at least try to preach to her. That was all well and good but then Martin remembered that he didn't speak Spanish. He couldn't preach to her because she wouldn't be able to understand him.

His memory thought back to this one girl he'd had sex with before meeting the evil one. He hadn't known her name and hadn't even been able to have a conversation with her because she didn't speak any English but Martin had fucked her anyway. That was the night of the very terrible storm when the entire apartment building was shaking and the lights had gone out. Martin had left his apartment to go and sit in the hall running done the center of the building because he thought that would give him more protection. That girl had had the same idea. He'd never seen her before and he had been very surprised that she would come over to him. No words were spoken. With his flashlight Martin could just see the intense fear in her eyes as she was on he hands and knees approaching him. She came to his side and clutched at him so he put his arm around her to protect her.

He couldn't remember exactly but for some reason after the storm had left the sex just happened. Thinking back on it Martin thought maybe they did it to release themselves of the fear and stress that the storm had brought. At any rate after having sex Martin did try to talk to her. He had some half baked idea that maybe it didn't need to be just only one time. But there was definitely a communication barrier because the girl only spoke some Slavic language that Martin didn't understand. Once she was gone he never saw her again. Now that he was thinking about it there was the thought that if she'd gotten pregnant he might have a child out there somewhere that he didn't about. But of course he likely didn't have a child out there because he'd pulled out of her and released his semen all over the blonde bush of pubic hair she had. He could remember the sight of his cum on her clearly. And also even if he had cum inside of her that foreign girl was a normal girl just like all the other women in his life so he had no illusions what would have been done to any child that she would have found herself with. Those were the facts of life and if he tried anything with that Spanish speaking girl then it would all be exactly like that.

Sigh.

The only person who loved him was Jesus. The only one who accepted him was Jesus. He was alone, pushed away by the world. He was unwanted and unwelcome by everyone. The rest of the world would be against him because they would see him as retrograde or a threat or an annoyance reminding them that sinning was not good. His future now was to be isolated and at the outer edge, the most extreme periphery of society. He could only count on God. And with that he turned back to his prayers intent on powering through to the end. He looked down at the book and the first words were coming out of his mouth.

Knock, knock.

Grimace. Annoyance.

Martin got up to answer the door. The servant there told him that he was being summoned by his uncle to come into the main house. Once there the uncle wanted Martin to sit and tell him about his mother. Martin said some things, what little he could remember but that wasn't what the uncle was interested in. He wanted to know about where exactly Martin's mom had been when she had gotten into the shootout with the police. Martin tried to answer but he just didn't know that kind of stuff. The uncle pressed for a bit but when he saw that he wasn't going to be able to get what he wanted he backed off. Then for the next two hours Martin was stuck there listening to his uncle brag about this thing that he owned or this girl that he'd slept with. First it was the series of girls with nice asses and with every story Martin could remember his own past sins but he no longer reveled in them. Instead those memories now caused Martin great distress. The uncle moved on to tell Martin about the series of girls with great tits. As Martin listened names and faces came back to him but also the memories of sucking this nipple or that nipple or that time he was with two girls at the same time and was jumping from the tit on one girl to the other. Martin almost felt like he wanted to die for the shame he felt at having done those things with so many women.

"I tell you kid, I have to be honest. It's going to be great having you around. You're like the son I never had. I'm glad we had this talk." the uncle said.

After that, Martin was finally able to get back to his room and his prayers but he was so depressed that he could hardly keep himself awake to the end and when the last syllables were uttered he threw himself to his bed and sleep found him quickly.

... Chapter 4 One lucky guy and three girls

In the morning Martin debated with himself on whether he should pray or try to find a computer to hurry up and start his search for a bishop with valid orders. He felt hungry and wasn't sure what the system was for him to get food.

"You know you have to pray." he said to himself to announce his decision. He got out his breviary and started but no sooner had the first antiphon left his lips than there was a knock on his door. Martin was informed that his uncle wanted Martin to help out at one of his uncle's businesses. Martin, feeling appreciative for the protection his uncle provided agreed. Martin thought he had time to at least finish his first set of prayers but this turned out not to be so. He was told that breakfast was already over and he had to hurry and go ride with his uncle to work.

"You'll start at minimum wage but don't worry, you'll work your way up." his uncle told him as he dropped Martin off at some kind of glorified vending stall.

The place that his uncle wanted Martin to work at was a place that sold sugary syrup on crushed ice, a concoction called a 'snowball' by the locals. Martin wasn't there to make snowballs however. There were three young college aged women in the stand doing that job as well as running the register. Martin's job was to prepare the various other things that were on the menu, such as sausage, nacho chips with cheese, and hot dogs.

In the small building adjacent to a parking lot Martin was working with a tall blonde, an Asian girl, and a creepy brunette. They were all friendly to him and the blonde even gave him a one armed hug when she introduced herself.

While a normal man might think that each woman was super hot and would feel lucky to be working in such close proximity to them, Martin did not feel that way. While yes, each girl was attractive they were far from perfect. The tall girl lamented that she had to work instead of staying home to get high on 'herb'. The Asian girl asked if she could 'borrow' money from the register to buy something but was told not to since Martin was related to the owner. The brunette started the day out by telling the other girls about how she'd slept with her boyfriend's brother the night before and then to keep her boyfriend from getting suspicious she slept with him too on the same night.

Martin shuttered at even the thought because it brought back memories of himself sleeping with this one married woman who was cheating on her husband. At the time he had felt so good about himself but now looking back he realized what a horrible person he was to enable her to do that. This was why he needed to go be a priest. People including himself needed instruction. People needed someone who would care enough of a damn about them to actually tell them that what they were doing was wrong. Surely everyone already knew these things were wrong but it just brings everything to a higher level when someone honest comes and tells you. It wasn't like he wanted to be the boss of everyone but if these people could just know that there was someone out there who cared about them and would be disappointed in them if they did these things then that would help them make better choices and it would be better not only for the person but for everyone. All three of these girls could be better people. Martin didn't know much about them but all three of them could be better. By doing these immoral things they weren't living up to their full potential. They weren't being the people that Martin knew they could be. They weren't living their lives as fully as God wanted them to.

When Martin had break time he was suddenly struck with the thought that he had nothing to do and as such didn't really want the break. He wished he had his prayer book but there was no way he would bring that precious item of his into a kitchen. He walked across the parking lot to the small strip of five stores but nothing inspired him except the thought that if there were five such strips of five stores there would be a total of 25. He walked around the corner and found a nice small grassy area that could be a nice park if anyone had the idea to do that. With nothing else he could think of coming to mind he started to get into a stance and practice doing kata. He moved silently doing a high block and a quarter turn. Low block and a half moon step. Reverse block and ...

"Waaaaah!" Martin heard from the edge of the grassy area over by the sidewalk. He dropped his stance and looked to see who it was. It was the brunette girl making imitation Bruce Lee sounds as she was making knife hands and swinging them in the air while laughing. When she saw that Martin would not continue for her amusement she went on her way with a bounce in her step.

Feeling humiliated Martin just stood there feeling like every blade of grass was someone's eye on him, judging him. A part of himself was also judging him. Why would he practice the arts of war when he was supposed to be trying to become a peaceful priest? It was wrong for him to continue training his body in how to harm other people. If anyone needed to change then he needed to start with himself. This was a good lesson to learn and better that he learn it now than later.

When Martin returned to the stand everything was normal at first but then the blonde called out for "Daniel san". Martin didn't pay any mind to it at first but then the blonde came over to get his attention. "Come on Daniel san, wake up. You can't be back here doing wax on and wax off. I need four hot dogs. Hiyah!"

When the blonde was finished the other girls all laughed with her and Martin had to humbly just accept the abuse.

"Patiently endure" he told himself.

Near the end of the work day the tall blonde was telling "Daniel San" what he needed to do to help lock up. Martin noticed that the Asian girl wasn't there with them anymore. She'd stepped out and Martin had thought that perhaps she got off the clock before the final lock up had started.

When Martin and the two girls all exited the side door the tall blonde locked it with her key and only then did Martin see where the Asian girl had gone. She was in the SUV with Martin's uncle. Martin caught sight of her fixing her clothes as she got out of the vehicle. She walked over and inquired if the other girls had clocked her out before locking the door. Martin stayed out of it and just headed over to his uncle.

Although Martin could tell right away what had probably happened he wasn't in a position to really say anything about it so he wasn't going to bring it up. His uncle had other ideas however.

"Did you see that fine little thing?"

"What thing."

"Jessica. Come on, Dawg, get on the page."

"She's attractive."

"Straight up. I did her in the back."

"Is that so."

"Oh, yeah. She's a nice piece. Shit man, I left you in there with the other two. Now Nancy, she's into black dudes so you ain't got no shot with her but Julie should be game. You should go for it."

"She has a boyfriend." Martin countered as he remembered that the girl had slept both her boyfriend and his brother.

"So. Not like she's married. Just have confidence. But look, if you make a move on her do me a favor and make me a copy of the tape before you delete the security footage."

"Uh, ... I'll keep it in mind." Martin answered while the thought of actually touching the brunette girl that way was making him sick to his stomach.

After work, Martin returned to the servants building. He smelled of sticky, sugary grease so he wanted to get a shower and wash his clothes. Unlike the day before when he had the shower all to himself, that night he had to wait for someone else to finish first. It was ok. Martin patiently waited outside. When the door opened it was that girl. She only had a towel around herself and though her hair was wet and clinging to her shoulders she looked stunning. Martin instinctively took a step back from her. She smiled at him and said something but he couldn't understand her. He nodded at her and then looked away. She passed him and he was free to enter the shower after her.

Then, there in the shower he was confronted with the fact that he had a hard on.

"No." he told himself. "The devil doesn't control me. I control me." He forced himself to turn his mind back to God. Temptations would always come but he could always choose how to handle it. Besides, it wasn't like that girl would be interested in Martin even if he did actually like her.

After his shower, as he was walking back to his room, he happened to pass her room. She had the door open and he happened to see her sitting next to her window looking radiant. Martin looked down at the progress of his feet on the floor of the hall. When he got to his room he locked his door and immediately went to his prayers. He tried to start but his voice faltered. The image of the Spanish girl and himself in his uncle's SUV flashed in his mind. He tried to push it away and say his prayers again but again his voice choked up. His body shook as the Spanish girl's face came to him and inserted itself into memories of times he'd actually had slept with other women.

She was right over there a part of himself was trying to say. She was two doors away from him in room five. All he had to do was go talk to her. He could imagine himself standing outside of her door with his finger tracing the number two in front of the five.

NO. He shuttered and clenched his teeth. He took a deep breath and started to pray. He had missed the other offices before vespers so he was going to pray all of it to the end. He would not move. He would not get up. It didn't matter how much his knees hurt. The pain would be a good reminder of all the other punishments that would be due to him if he did act on his sexual urges. He knelt there before his small crucifix and prayed.

"Please, take this from me." he said between phrases in Latin. "Please take this lust from my heart. Please" he begged.

Knock, knock.

Martin slammed his fist to his breast and grit his teeth. Then he got his composure and answered the door. Again he was being summoned to his uncle who again asked him details about his mother that Martin didn't know. The topic of conversation then shifted to the uncle asking Martin if he got any good looks at the girls in the snowball stand. Martin answered in the negative as he'd been too busy doing his actual work. The uncle lamented it and proceeded to tell Martin about this time that he fucked a girl in that stand, and then another time he took an employee to a hotel over by the strip club, and then another time ... Why did he have to listen to this? Why did this have to be his life?

Just then a servant announced to the uncle that his dinner was ready.

"Hold on, hold on." the uncle said. "I tell you, these (racist expletive deleted) be trying to keep me on a schedule."

"What's on the menu?" Martin asked since he figured he'd rather listen to his uncle brag about how much money he had rather than all the women he had allegedly fucked.

"Oh, you not eating here. You can't afford this. You're on the cafeteria plan. You gotta get your food there."

Over in the cafeteria Martin was served and he had to admit to himself that the meal looked rather healthy actually. For what he was going to have to pay it was actually pretty good. He still would have liked to have been asked first though.

As he sat down to eat at the table with several of the grounds workers he said a prayer to himself and then made the sign of the cross. As he was taking his first bite he could sense eyes on him and then he noticed two or three of the workers also make the sign of the cross, seemingly after being encouraged by Martin. That made him feel good inside but he told himself not to be prideful. All glory goes to God and Martin was just cooperating. Maybe he wouldn't be so out of place here as he thought.

But then he saw her. The Spanish speaking girl was looking at him. Martin glanced over at her and she looked away but the next time Martin brought food to his lips he saw her looking at him again. This time when he looked over at her she smiled and there was a moment shared between them. Martin felt his breath chill even as he had hot food in his mouth. His heart rate slowed and time itself seemed to pause. She winked at him and then turned her attention back to her food. The moment was over and Martin as well went back to just eating as me mentally made a note to himself to chastise himself for again indulging in impure thoughts about that girl. If she could only see inside his mind she would not smile at him so much.

... Chapter 5 A man, a woman, and sheets on a bed

The new pattern for Martin's life emerged where he worked very hard at one of his uncle's businesses but after paying all the hidden fees for this or that he had almost nothing left. Then when he'd get home he'd try to pray but would constantly be interrupted by either the Spanish girl tempting him or his uncle crudely asking about his mother or boasting about all the sex he'd had in his life.

After two weeks of all that and the fact that Martin wasn't able to afford to get a phone or allowed to use the internet at all without paying for the 'premium' service, well it was all really wearing him thin. He calmed himself by reminding himself that he had nowhere else to be and he could be content so long as he had time to pray the office. But that was bullshit. This life with his uncle was holding him back and he wasn't sure how much longer he could tolerate that Spanish girl looking longingly at him before the animal side of him would take over and let the devil direct his actions.