Matt and Jason Ch. 07

I was a ball of raw emotion. "NO! You caught like one minute of a conversation and jumped to the wrong conclusion! I WOULDN'T DO THAT! You KNOW me!"

Matt stopped raging for a second, which was a thousand times more terrifying. "And you know me." He bit off every word. "You know how much Alicia fucked me up with all that bullshit, and you went and did the same thing. You! I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!"

"Matt, please! This all makes no sense! We've been joined at the hip for the last two weeks, WHEN WOULD ALL OF THIS HAVE GONE DOWN? You've fucking SEEN me! You can check my phone! Look into my eyes! Remember all that emotion we shared together! Do you think I'm some kind of Oscar-winning actor that could have pulled off that much of an act? Listen to me! This is a misunderstanding! Just think for a second! You'll see...."

And with that, Matt reared back and clocked me.

I staggered back, instinctively clapping my hand to my nose, checking for blood. And Matt came after me again.

I have no problem admitting that Matt has a few pounds of muscle over me.

But I've been in more bar fights.

In minutes, I had taken Matt down, sending him sprawling ass-first into the plowed snowbank at the edge of the lot, too stunned to move. And in that moment, I turned on him, every emotion in my body erupting at once.

"Would you fucking shut up and listen to me??!!!? I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOU GOD! DAMN! FUCKING! FUCKWIT!"

Matt went absolutely still.

My voice was a vicious snarl. "I fucking love you, ok? Can you get that through your stupid-ass pea brain or do I have to fucking beat it into you? I love you. LOVE you. I love you so fucking much... you fucking make my whole chest hurt! I don't think I ever knew what love was until I met you! Jesus fucking Christ!"

I stalked in a tight circle for about four steps until I rounded on him again, harshly jabbing my finger at him. "And it's not just your dick, got it? I love YOU, like... all of you! I... love... that stupid way you eat pizza! I love the way you get... all weepy... when you watch animal videos! I love that you fucking always run ahead and open doors for people! That you fucking wave to your neighbors and ask them about their lives! Talk to bartenders and waitstaff like they matter! And I fucking love the way your smile makes me feel like the fucking King of the World! Do you think I'd throw everything away for 5 minutes of ass? You're the best thing to ever happen to me! Look, other people may be trying to set me up, but it doesn't matter because YOU are the one I love, you stupid cuntshit. The ONLY one I love! Do you get it, or do I have to kick your ass again!"

I took a few steps and kicked a small snow boulder on the ground. It satisfyingly exploded into a million pieces. I stood there, panting. Matt hadn't moved a muscle this whole time. Just looking downward. Silent. Shit.

Shit.

After a long, awkward pause, I gingerly walked over to Matt and sat down in the snow next to him. Unable to look at him. I breathed in a big sigh. "Sorry, Matt. That... um, came out wrong."

He murmured out, without looking at me, "You mean you don't really love me?"

"What? NO! I absolutely love you. Hard. Just with... maybe... less swearing and... um, threats."

There was a pause that seemed to last forever. Then Matt started shaking... shaking... and finally threw his head back and started howling with laughter. Big, open laughter. The kind of laughter where you just fucking went limp from laughing so hard. I started at him indignantly for a moment, but then joined him. Laughing. Roaring. All kinds of emotion being released into the snowy air. Laughing.

Until just like that, he started crying. As hard as we had been laughing. A release of a thousand tears' worth of emotion. I grabbed him, and in a flash I was ugly crying right there with him. "I'm so sorry Matt. I'm so sorry. God, I love you. You have to know how much I love you. I know what that must have looked like, but that was all them. They were trying to set me up, it had nothing to do with me. There's only you. Please, please... you have to believe me. The only time I felt alive this whole fucking week is when you walked in and I saw you." Matt was a mess, his face pressed against me, holding me desperately. "It's okay. I've got you bud. I will always have you."

Matt recovered enough poise to pull his face up, and look me dead in the eye. "God, I love you, Jason. You have no idea. I don't even think I had an idea until I saw you there, with that girl, and thought I'd lost you. However bad it was learning how Alicia was unfaithful... seeing you and her was a thousand times worse. I wasn't strong enough for that. These last few weeks, you've been my everything." There was a big pause, but finally Matt unleased in a rush. "And seeing you with her was like the confirmation of my biggest fear. That any day you were going to realize you don't need this. That I'm getting ahead of my skis, and you don't need me as much as I need you. I mean, shit... Jason, you could walk into any place and go home with whoever you want. You're fucking incredible. I feel like I don't have a right to any of this. No chance at all."

I took his head in my hands. "Matt, how the hell could you think even that? Of course I need you! And look, I'm just a dumb fuck-up, trying to get by in life. You're... the most amazing person I've ever met. You make me want to be a better man, just so I'm somehow fucking worthy of you. Trust me, I'm so getting the better deal here."

Matt sob-laughed, and went in to kiss me... on my freshly-punched jaw. I yelped, just a little. "Oh God, Jason, I'm so sorry! So fucking sorry!"

I clambered to my feet, then reached down and pulled Matt up as well. "C'mon. Let's get out of here. I know a perfect way for you to make it up to me. Somehow, I have a feeling that make-up sex with you is gonna be EPIC!" And I hugged him harder than anyone I've ever hugged in my life.

As it turns out, I was right about the make-up sex... the next 24 hours or so were some of the best of my life. On an entirely different level. It only took a few moments to realize that as much as we had been fucking with passion, we were now fucking with emotion.

And that made a world of difference.

But more than that, I realized something else. Something amazing. Something life-changing:

As good as this was... this was only the beginning.

And I can't wait for the rest.

* * *

EPILOGUE

The next few months were a blur, in all the best ways. We took things somewhat slowly, as Matt and I still had a fair amount of emotional bullshit to work through. But, we worked on everything together. And it felt like every day drew us closer. That advice I had gotten was dead-on, it was so much better having started off as friends. Easier. We really could be 100% ourselves.

But for all that, we still hadn't said anything publicly to our families, co-workers, or to the crew. Part of it was practical... everything was so new, and it was easier for us to work through things in private, outside of the spotlight. And, in honesty, I wasn't sure how anyone would respond. I wanted Matt and I to have a solid foundation before we opened ourselves up for criticism. Neither of us could forget that night that my crew essentially laughed at the idea of us ever being together.

But they were still my crew.

One weekend night, we were hanging out at Town Hall, living life out loud. Matt and his arch-rival Paul were locked in another of their pool games to end all pool games. Surrounded by fans. I loved watching him play, flush with life. I didn't see exactly what happened, but apparently Matt got off one helluva shot to end the game, and the crowd erupted. Money changed hands. Matt did some embarrassing kind of victory move, while Paul screamed and laughingly threatened to kick his ass.

After absorbing the praise of the onlookers, Matt sauntered over to my table, pretty much full of himself. "All hail the conquering hero!" he intoned.

"Lucky break?" I ribbed him.

"The conquering hero needs no luck!" Matt shot back haughtily. "Stay there for a sec, the conquering hero is getting us drinks... on Paul's tab. Because," as he shot a look in Paul's direction, "because Paul's a loooo-ser!"

Paul rolled his eyes and laughingly flipped Matt off. I watched Matt make his way to the bar, thinking how I was the luckiest bastard in the world.

My buddy Rick showed up, shaking his head and making a theatrical groan. "What's your problem?" I asked mockingly.

"Jesus, dude. You've got it bad."

All my laughter and high spirits of the evening died away instantly, replaced by icy fear. "What... what do you mean? I..."

"Oh please," Rick responded. "Do you think you guys are subtle? That we don't know what's up? Hell, we talk about it all the time."

"I..."

"The only thing I can't figure out is why you two don't just come out and say something. I mean, what... are you afraid we're gonna gay bash you or something?"

"I..."

"Holy shit... that's it, isn't it. You think we're gonna like... jump you in the parking lot. Curb stomp you. Isn't it?"

"I..."

"What the hell? You know what, Jason? You can fuck off. You can fuck all the way off. How can you possibly think...? Jesus. Do you remember that time a while back when I was spiraling down, screwing up my life? Do you remember what you said to me? What you did for me?"

"I..."

"I'll cut to the end. You probably fucking saved my life. Picked me up, dusted me off, and got me going again. Do you think a man forgets something like that? And Jesus Christ... how many times have you done that, for how many of the guys here? That's what you do, man. That's what makes you... you. And you think we're gonna repay you by kicking your ass or something? Fuck you, Jason. Fuck. You."

"I..."

"But hey, I came over to tell you there's a change of plans for watching the game on Sunday. Still at 1:00, but we're meeting up at Ian's place instead. He got a fancy new TV he's all proud of. I'm putting you in charge of the wings. Oh! And can you have Matt bring that nacho dip he makes? That shit is good."

"I..."

"Ooo... there's Mike. Hey Mikey! Hold up a second! I have a question for you...!"

And with that Rick vanished back into the crowd, leaving me stunned speechless. That was... a lot of information in 30 seconds.

After a moment, Matt came back carrying a pair of drinks. "The conquering hero is back! What did Rick want? Jason? Jason??"

I just quietly looked at Matt, barely able to put two thoughts together. Finally, I said blankly, "He... knows. I guess they all... know."

"Shit," Matt said, as he slowly lowered the drinks to the table. "Shit. Well... what do you want to do?"

I looked at him. "Only one thing to do, I guess."

I stood, and put a couple of fingers to my mouth... letting loose with an air raid siren of a whistle that probably stopped traffic for three square blocks. All sounds from the bar ceased; I had the floor.

"Listen up, jerkwads! I've got something to say to you all!"

With that, I stepped to Matt, and laid on him the biggest, juiciest, most theatrical kiss of my life. Long and deep. Bending him backwards in a dip. Surprised noises filled the air, and someone let loose a wolf-whistle. With that, I pulled back, and defiantly scanned the room. "We good? As you were!"

There was the briefest of pauses, when suddenly the bar exploded in an exuberant avalanche of masculine camaraderie. Cheers! Applause! Whoops! Those closest to Matt and I surged forwards. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Paul give Matt a flying tackle of a hug from behind, before I was buried under a hailstorm of overenthusiastic back-slapping.

Yeah... I really was the luckiest bastard in the world.

In the end, I was left with a random, stray thought: it was wildly premature, and wildly presumptuous, but I had to wonder...

...how many groomsmen are you allowed at a wedding...?

THE END