All Comments on 'Mauritius Ch. 01'

You need an editor's help. But only if you write again, and if you do , do not post it here please.

The title caught my attention because I am from the country.

Then the story caught me. I was hard most of the time while reading the way Marc and Julie got drawn to each other. Holidays do have the effect on us: increasing our libido.

The threesome is the cherry on top.

Looking forward to reading further into the story knowing that this is chapter 1.

Continue exciting us.

Writing in a different language is always difficult. A great storyline. The actual English was excellent but the "flow" was affected. This is the first chapter. Keep writing. I'm glad it was a "sharing experience" rather than cheating or cuckhold story. Cheers.

I'm guessing that English isn't your first language. Maybe an editor could have helped you. The telling was both mechanical and wooden. Thoroughly unlikable characters. Laughably bad dialogue. Nothing clever or entertaining about the story. Badly done.

1 star

Something about the language difference made the whole thing more...erotic. Go figure eh?

Good story, but you really should have given us info about where you’re from. It will make a great difference on what we think about your writing. Don’t get me wrong; you tell a beautiful story, but your writing leaves much to be desired—unless this is the accepted style in your country.

I really doubt anyplace accepts this punctuation of dialogue for stories; scripts, yes but stories—I don’t think so but would really like to be corrected if I’m wrong. A study of Lit. stories should help you improve your phraseology.

All in all I found this a pleasant read and gave you a 4. cd

Canadian or french cucks, all the same closet gays.

:-)

It is obvious the writer is not proficient in English..but that's ok. It would have been nice if the writer would have converted the cm and kg into English for us..but again..its ok. The main point in this kind of wife sharing is that the hubby was involved in the discussion..in the planning.. and most importantly was present and involved in the excitement. So many times the wife runs off behind the husbands back and I was so glad that was not the case in this story.. nice story !

Does she know she married a gay man?