Maximum Badonkadonk Ch. 01

"Bitch if I could find a way to put my hand under the driver's seat, I would've never touched the pussy." I kept my tone casual and uninterested intentionally trolling my muse.

"Fuck you." Her hand came down in a blurring arc, slapping my shoulder.

"Pull over on the side of this freeway; I'll smash that ass in public, baby." Rashida actually flushed as she laughed off my dare.

"Stupid."

"You stupid Rashida; get that Nike endorsement and just-DO IT!!" There was more of a challenging tone in my voice, but we were still fooling around.

"Don't make me sit on your face."

"Yeah right; that's what I thought you'd say."

Rashida chuckled nervously while I went back to texting finding messages from my mother which didn't bode well for my future when she got home. Predictably Jaquan sent me a selfie of himself riding shotgun in Renee's car as they took little Daisy Kelly to preschool. Once again my thirtysomething cousin was posturing in decidedly immature fashion trying to assert his perceived position in Renee's life and affections.

Knowing her, I almost expected a second pic of her knocking his head off, but I noticed something in the photo. There was this static, uninterested expression on her face as she drove. The lack of emotion, her natural fire and feistiness, left me puzzled.

"Get out my car; take that rug into the cleaners and give them Renee's name, boy!" Rashida had pretty much been silent after our dueling exchange leaving me the victor in my opinion. We were parked on a corner in front of the cleaners Renee preferred.

"You not helping, huh?"

"Why do you think you're here, nigga? Men are for manual labor, capeesh?" I rolled my eyes at her crappy explanation having mistakenly thought we were in the situation together.

"You are so rude."

"Get out."

I was unceremoniously half shoved out of her ride as she popped the hatchback trunk. It took some doing before I managed to get the unwieldy rug from the back of her car as Rashida shoved the driver's side door open. The car rocked a bit as she managed to get one of her thick shapely legs out on the street. My phone started ringing in my back pocket as she righted herself with a hand on top of the car.

"Aw poor baby; need some help with that?"

"Ha ha, very funny; you're purely beautiful darling. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Rashida smiled before suddenly tossing her keys at me like a rock. I managed to catch them scratching my palm in the process. She held her palm upright expecting me to return her keys, but I shouldered the Cylindrical bound rug stepping up onto the sidewalk as she rounded the back of the back of the car.

"Gimme those keys, boy."

Before I could say anything, both of us heard an audible metallic rip as her yellow booty shorts parted down the middle. Her Jurassic hips apparently exacted a heavy toll on the weathered material also popping the sole button as well leaving Rashida exposed. I found myself looking directly at her panties with a satisfied smirk. Her brown eyes went wide as I noticed those yellow shorts looked smaller than before. I cringed a bit inside remembering I'd used the hot water setting washing them several hours earlier.

"GIMME THOSE KEYS!"

"Nah, you hang out baby." I was grinning like a jackal at the instant karma.

"GIMME THOSE FUCKING KEYS, NIGGA!!" Rashida panicked as the seam popped at her hip tearing fabric audibly. Her voluptuous lower half was rebelling in the worst way as she advanced with grievous intent. This caused the other side to burst outward as I started laughing backing towards the store's entrance.

"Hey Rashida girl, you'd better chill or everybody's gonna get a look baby girl. Better get "DAT ASS" back in that car." I wagged a finger as a few pedestrians walked by giving her the side eye. Luckily, we were in a mixed area otherwise Rashida's dimensions would've caused a riot of thirsty dudes.

"ASSHOLE!!" I laughed as she ran towards the car tearing those shorts even more. I raised her keys locking the vehicle with an echoing chirp from the chain. Rashida glared back at me with murderous intent.

"Be right back honey."

"GET BACK HERE FOOL!!" I was already pushing open the thick glass door finding a few people there ahead of me. There was a place to have a seat adjacent to a picture window facing the immediate sidewalk and traffic.

Rashida didn't make it to her side of the car, instead forced to press her abdomen against the passenger side door with two fistfuls of the reduced canary yellow material. It was the only way to keep herself manageably decent as her ridiculous bottom cleavage struggled to free itself for all the world to see. Honestly, the sight of this thick voluptuous, bottom heavy woman was staggering to say the least.

I ignored the messages on my phone capturing more than enough pics and a good bit of video of her humiliation for prosperity before my number was called. Her back was to me, but I imagined seeing her face at this point would scare off one of my nine lives.

"Rashida?" I walked out pocketing the cleaning ticket getting no immediate response.

"Hey, ready to go homegirl?" I pulled up beside her looking around at her face finding it horrifically impassive. She was rigidly upright still holding her shorts together in tightly balled up fists.

"Open my car door."

"Yeah, sure; hey, I was just fucking around, okay? I'm sorry." I chirped the door open making sure to keep myself between her and any potential pedestrians including the cleaner's customers. It was still early in the morning so there wasn't any considerable foot traffic.

Rashida opened the passenger side door with enough force to nearly yank it from the hinges before crawling into the vehicle on all fours. The torn, shredded fabric that were formerly her shorts remained behind on the pavement as she got behind the wheel wearing only a thong. She instinctively went to start the car remembering herself extending a open palm.

"Give me those keys." The authoritative tone in her voice scared the shit out of me.

"Sorry, here Rashida." She snatched them from my hand starting up her car, before looking me directly in the face. I was squatting outside the passenger side door level with her face as she rolled down the window.

"One block up the street is the city bus; it takes a good fifteen minutes to get back to Renee's place. If you set your ass down beside me right now, I might kill you. I don't wanna do that nigga; the reason I don't wanna do that shit is because you gotta get my bag straight."

Rashida leaned over slamming the door shut hard enough to make my ears ring before gunning it out of there, burning rubber. I felt like the idiot I was as I trudged down the street barely catching the bus in time. I knew I had to make things right walking to the back where I found a seat at the last window. My mind drifted down memory lane recalling the multiple times I'd fooled around with Rashida ending with Renee Kelly's invasion of my bed earlier in the morning.

I couldn't get over the passion on display which eclipsed the other times we'd been together. She come like a thief in the night taking me in a sustained passionate tryst that even now was causing me to pop wood at the thought. Thankfully, my phone started ringing.

"Shawnee, hey glad you called back."

"Cut the shit, when can I put those scenes out we shot?" She still sounded glib which lessened the impact of her tone which was all business.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about; can we release just the ass job and that teaser where I pulled the blanket off of you? That still leaves you with two more to release later, I just don't want the others out for a minute."

"What, you don't want nobody to see my face?" Shawnee was quick on the uptake.

"No, I don't; but its not for the reason you're thinking or else I wouldn't have given you access to the scenes I paid you not to release."

"I can release them all if I want; you can't stop me because it's my fucking ass." She didn't sound angry, but her words packed a punch making me consider that I'd wasted the money trying to keep them off the grid.

"Well, sure can you do that; but it would be the difference between a little money and a whole lot of fucking money later, Shawnee."

"Excuse me, what do you mean?"

"A-LOT-OF-MONEY-Shawnee."

"HOW?!"

"Well, I'd like to meet up with you to talk about it, hopefully later if you don't have anything else to do?"

"This ain't something shady, because I ain't no criminal."

"No, I promise; just release those two trailers so that we can find out how they do. I already attached a bunch of links there so you should get traffic and some cash almost immediately. So, are you busy this afternoon or what?" There was a long pause before she spoke.

"I'm cool; so, you back with your girl, or what?" Shawnee reverted to hen status looking for gossip that I didn't want to give.

"No comment."

"Bruh, gone get yourself some makeup pussy; that shit's extra good when it's hate / makeup sex. That girl sounded like she was ready to do anything for you, so what's the problem, huh?"

"Like you said-she's ready to do anything...for everybody." Shawnee chortled getting a bit of what she was looking for while I glanced around the bus at the other riders.

"I bet you still gonna fuck her anyway."

"Already did before we met."

"You sprung." Shawnee commented inadvertently reminding me of Yoli. It was a comparison that made me cringe.

"Don't you got some television to watch?"

"Always." Shawnee took the initiative clicking off as I noticed familiar surroundings pulling down the cord to signal the driver.

My supposed secondary star Ms. WTF looked like a humanoid care bear in the face but was decidedly shrewd mentally. The strained parts of our conversation were likely a test of boundaries in our relationship going forward. I guess she thought I might be looking to hook up after sampling her wares during the impromptu shoot.

Her dimensions immediately struck me dumb along with her easy going demeanor. I checked the host site on my phone finding out that she'd done as asked probably during our conversation. The views were starting to rack up after ten minutes as I walked down the streets towards Renee's salon. I decided to check Rashida's new material.

"HOLY SHIT!!"

Rashida was fast approaching views in five digits with one of the paid minutes long clips, keeping pace. She was even naked in the aforementioned ass worship vid that resulted in her now destroyed shorts. I'd actually pocketed the offending garment not wanting it left behind on the sidewalk.

I realized that I'd gone too far and now it was possible that she'd try to pummel me the moment I showed my face in that shop. I recalled Renee driving me back to my cousin's house to catch hands from Jaquan after I'd similarly screwed up. Now, was no different in certain respects. She had to be at work in the salon by this point.

It was telling that Renee hadn't called to scold me or Rashida, herself.

"Well who do we have here walking down by my stoop without saying a hello, thank you or what not?!!" The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I glanced to my right finding myself outside a familiar bodega.

"Oh, hey Mintzy; how're you doing?"

She was leaning just outside the entrance, a broom in her hands to sweep the walk. The top half of the broom was wedged into her voluminous cleavage. The Sicilian mature was wearing a brown sleeveless rayon wifebeater and matching knee length skirt with fuzzy flipflops.

There was splotches of dust and dirt on her clothing leading me to the assumption that she didn't clean up unless she absolutely had to. I remembered that she was somewhat dressed up when we'd met, perhaps because she was hanging out with Renee. This Italian mature was still built like a sexy Sherman tank.

"I'm doing lonely bright eyes, real fucking lonely if you, get my drift?" Her Rizzo sounding dialect always threw me off, feeling fake in some respects.

"I was just doing some errands, that's all." It was awkward, but I wasn't intimidated by her personally. It was Renee's stern warning to abstain from interacting with her land lady outside of a controlled environment.

"SANTA MADRE DI DIO, CHE COSA È QUESTA MERDA SCUSA CHE ACCADE QUI MAMMA?!! TU STAI SALTANDO DI NUOVO SU QUESTO CAZZO NIGGA!!" Her fourteen year old kid Antonio racist fuck that he was, added extra incentive not to engage. There were these sliding windows for street service that allowed the kid to shove his head out checking on his oversexed mother.

"SHUT YOUR TRAP AND DON'T YOU LEAVE THAT REGISTER, FOR NUH-THIN!!" Mintzy underlined her threat with a upward swipe of her broom whacking the side of the window just missing her son's head.

"MERDA MAMMA, STAI CERCANDO DI COLPIRMI PERCHÉ NON TI LASCERO 'PRENDERE UN CAZZO NERO!! CHIAMO ZIO VINCE!! LO DICONO ANCHE A PAPÀ!!" Antonio yelled back making his mother flush crimson which was considerable despite her deep olive skin tone. Mintzy's eyes were already expressive enough, but grew wider as she dropped the broom running into the store.

"Well fuck me; I'm out." I mumbled worried that whatever happened next would lead to some potential bodily harm.

Renee's warning about my head ending up severed and stored in a box outside her door gave license to my movements as I approached the edge of Renee's salon. At this point I was feeling more apprehension than previously interacting with Mintzy. Ultimately I decided to take my punishment like a man striding up to the glass door letting myself into the salon.

Audibly the shop was booming with a cacophony of various female themed conversations, laughter and jeers from the assembled woman and loiterers. The minute the door slammed loudly behind me, things got deathly quiet as I found myself looking directly at Renee Kelly, the boss. She was impossibly striking in an off the shoulder tribal peasant top and capri leggings over sneakers. Everything was immaculately white following her usual theme.

Her hair was drawn tight to her head with a snazzy curly ponytail in the back. This added to the Asian look of her features. Funny how you can get so much detail in a few seconds as her slanted eyes shifted to her immediate left. I followed the trajectory of her gaze finding Rashida Sikes just as I last beheld her with the added indignity of a pair of borrowed vintage parachute pants sporting an American flag imprint.

There were two female customers sitting in the waiting area. Renee's glowering customer was in the process of receiving some overly long blonde extensions, while Rashida's customer appeared horrified at my sudden appearance. The reason for this look was explained by the straightening comb currently in Rashida's possession exuding light wisps of smoke.

My angry muse was in the process of working on a customer's erratically jagged afro and the prospect of an accident went up a thousand percent upon my appearance. Rashida's face was a mask of feminine rage, furrowed brow, flaring nostrils, and gritted teeth. I glanced back at Renee, who shrugged while the rest of the female patronage waited to see what would happen.

I knew what I had to do raising my hands like Rashida was holding a pistol as I approached her work station.

The two portly middle aged sisters sitting near her station scrambled out of the way as she took the time to put down the straightening comb, before turning ready to destroy me. She used an arm turning her customer's chair towards Renee in one sweeping motion undoing the apron about her waist as I stopped short in front of her station.

I bowed.

Well actually I kowtowed kneeling cautiously before bending over assuming a face down fetal position on the tiled floor of the salon, silent. Some of the assembled women were shocked while a few chuckled as I noticed Renee's sneakers facing Rashida's work station.

"WHY ARE YOU ON THE FUCKING FLOOR, ASSHOLE?!!" Rashida bellowed standing over me. I was worried she would punt my head like a football.

"Because this is how you apologize to a queen."

The entire shop burst into uproarious laughter, but I remained bent over as her feet appeared right in front of my face. I was intent on remaining in that position refusing to look up at her face until the other shoe dropped, hopefully not on my head. I allowed my head to tap the floor several times in succession earning even more laughter. Rashida tapped the top of my head with her shoe, but I remained face down, waiting.

"Get up off that floor."

Instead, I handled the front of her feet planting a light kiss on them which had the assembled women hooting and clapping. Renee's feet appeared next to her best friend's as both women surveyed my subservient posture.

"OOOUCCHHH, HEEEEYYYY, WHAT THE FUH?!!" A thick belt struck my backside making me squirm and straighten up rubbing my butt. I found that thick belt in Renee's grasp hanging from her rounded hip. She looked half annoyed; half amused with a evil smirk on her face.

"Get your narrow butt off my floor before I whup you for real; I'm trying to conduct business in here, nigga." I was still on my knees looking between their faces. Rashida's still looked pissed but was smirking as well.

"GET UP FOOL!!" Rashida barked.

I quickly stood up into her waiting arms and a resultant bearhug that nearly squeezed the life out of me. Rashida Sikes was definitely no slouch in that department almost snapping me in two as Renee returned to her station. I noticed my erstwhile mentor wasn't wearing panties. Her delightful fifty inches staring me in the face through those almost sheer leggings.

"Stop looking." More laughter as Rashida relaxed her grip wagging a finger in my face.

"Don't you ever do that again or I'm gonna hurt you." She warned sternly.

"Uhm, sorry about everything."

Renee was watching for any shenanigans, back to working on her customer's hair. I noticed that one customer, some weird looking teen was catching everything for prosperity on her iPhone. I chalked it up to paying things forward as Rashida retuned to her workstation and relieved customer. I just stood there not knowing what else to do with myself before my mentor broke the calm.

"There's some lunch on the table in the break room; I got a vanilla coke in the fridge back there for you."

"Uhm, thank you ma'am." I replied like a scolded kid stalking off to the break area at her rear.

"NOW THAT'S HOW YOU SUPPOSED TO TRAIN THEM GIRL!!" Some snaggle toothed woman commented sitting in the waiting area with a magazine.

"AMEN!" Another commented.

Renee brought my things to the break area from her apartment. I didn't relish knowing that I'd see my cousin later but remembered an appointment with Ms. WTF a.k.a Shawnee Thompson. It was half past eleven in the morning, but it looked like Renee and her employees had been enjoying an early lunch as I found some white bags on the break room table.

I found a bag obviously meant for me containing two tacos, a chilidog, and some chili fries smothered in three cheeses. The food appeared to come from a takeout joint somewhere in the neighborhood as I sat down digging in hungrily. I wasn't really into spicy food quickly retrieving my specified vanilla coke from the fridge downing half of it.

"AAAAWWW SHIT!! AAAAWHHH SHIT!! SHIT!! SHIT!! SHIT!!"

I knocked over two chairs running to the tiny bathroom inside the breakroom as my stomach did somersaults, flip flops bubbling up wildly. It felt like I'd downed a barrel full of Mentos and pop rocks candy as I scrambled to the bathroom on all fours. I used three limbs while a freehand was reaching back covering my business.

The bathroom door was locked.

"AAAAWWW FUUUK!! AWWWWW SHIT SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEE!! HELP ME SHIT!!" I screamed in falsetto fever pitch frantically shaking the door knob which held fast not budging an inch. I was having a panic attack uncontrollably belching as my eyes watered.