All Comments on 'Me and My Daughters Ch. 02'

Sorry to bring that to you, but in my opinion you wasted a lot of chances with that story. You are really rushing it there. Guy finds out his wife cheats on him, she has a female lover, he says its ok, he tells her he screwed a girl and his daughters, she says its ok ... (o_O) ... Its all more like stating the facts, but you are not telling a story here. You are creating no athmosphere here ...

I don't normally agree with an anonymous, but this 2d chapter should have brought the players together, to include the aunt or any other players on the the wife's side, ad was felt in the story line. All players should be enjoying each other by now and growing the family love line to the aunt's family and the Hawaiian connection.

This second chapter was a bit of a let down.

... I read this story I assumed that it must be your first and that no-one had ever taught you how to write!

Then I looked at your Biog.

How on earth can someone write so many 'stories' without learning how to write a story??

This has all the life in it of a schoolkid's essay!

Frankly, anyone who 'favorited' it must be almost illiterate themselves!!

I read your criticism and appreciated the laugh. When you make comments, you should at least punctuate and use correct grammar. I counted at least seven errors in your comment regarding my writing. By the way, more than 95% of the readers enjoy my stories.

Why didn't you know about her Aunt dying.

I thought Captain Ron was going to join them and Sara would catch all and they would all 6 being having some wild times.

Hope you add some more chapters

The sex scenes are relegated to a few short paragraphs of 1-4 sentences, then moves to something like "And then we had sex the rest of the night in many combinations." It's more like the outlines of sex scenes, rather than full, descriptive sex scenes. As they say, "The devil's in the details."

There is practically zero description of the characters. About all we've been told is one daughter's breasts are a bit larger than the other's, and one has a tuft of pubic hair and the other is bare. Are they tall? Short? Thin? Curvy? Blonde? Brunette? Redhead? Long hair? Short hair? Blue eyes? Green eyes? Brown eyes?

It is up to the author to paint a picture for his readers with his words. You gave us a mostly blank canvas and expect us to fill in the bulk of it.

You also really need to learn how to write dialogue properly, with quotation marks and all that goes with it. Without it, there are a bunch awkward sentences.

There's the basis of a decent story here, but much is lacking in the telling of it.

Agree with other comments. Was all the fucking done bare back?

All's well that ends well I guess. Not many details though. Would have appreciated it if Sara was a switch hitter though and was able to join in with all concerned . . . .