Meabh, Queen of Connaught-and Evan

I laughed at the diversion.

"But yes, let's do," she encouraged, "I have a few curiosities and a few lingering insecurities, and maybe some fresh self-realizations."

"Me too," I agreed, "but let's try your curiosities first."

"Butt sex," she proclaimed, staring intently at me. "Was I pushing you past your limit, and if I was, why'd you let me?"

I felt my cheeks redden.

"No. You didn't get quite all the way to my limit. Or frankly to the extent of my pleasure," I admitted.

"Go on," she gently urged.

I fidgeted.

"Maybe some 'show and tell' like you did with your tits," I finally suggested, "excuse me for a moment."

I came back with Rebecca's Feeldoe--the "More" model.

"This gets at the story. I liked it when she'd use it on me, but it wasn't just the sensation. I don't know if I can explain the rest."

Meabh took it and turned it over in her hands. For a moment she looked puzzled.

"Oh!" she finally said, brightening, "this part goes in me, right?"

I nodded.

"Looks like fun for both of us," she grinned.

"You're not grossed out?" I asked.

"God, no! This actually gets at one of my self-realizations. I think I'll want to be stuffed full from time to time. It doesn't need to be a dick, but I don't want to be stuck with just my vibe either, and I'll want you involved. Will this really stay in my pussy while I'm using it on you?"

"It took some practice, but..."

"Practice sounds fun," she interrupted, "you got any other fun stuff tucked away?"

I nodded.

"As eager as I am to run back and 'practice' let's keep talking, OK?"

I nodded again.

"So, my insecurities--just one, really, and you're helping me with it a lot. But tell me your completely honest reaction to my tits. Not just what you think I want to hear, but the things you're afraid to say to me. Honest, I need you to do this. Please don't lie to me."

"To begin with, Meabh, when I look at you I see way, WAY more than your chest. You, the totality of you, is the hell and gone past something to hang tits on. You light me on fire, every inch of you! Every move you make makes me horny, makes me long for you, makes me worry I'll fuck up and chase you off. It's been that way since I saw you that first time.

"Yes, your tits looked odd when I saw them through your shirt last night. You really caught me by surprise with that," I added with a laugh. "Cognitive dissonance, I think. I've seen and liked and played with tits of all sizes and loved them every one. Almost everybody had some asymmetry, but most were closer to the same size than yours, so that's what I'm conditioned to see."

I couldn't quite measure her reaction. I went on.

"But I noticed this morning that they're becoming less startling. I loved it when you told me to ogle you! Meabh, your tits are just part of who you are, and who you are defines your tits, not the other way around. You're what makes your tits hot. Besides, they're way fun to play with. Refresh my memory?" I teased, and reached over to tweak each of them through her bra.

She held my gaze, unsmiling.

"Bullshit," she declared.

"Huh?" I asked, frowning.

"You think tits don't define a woman? Bullshit."

"Bullshit yourself," I countered without trying to be gentle about it. "What happens to me when you show me your tits? I get a hardon, is what! And is that because I'm looking at any old set of hooters? Hell no! I've been to a strip club and didn't get hard. It's because they're yours and because you're showing them to me is why. You're making yourself vulnerable, trying to seduce me, and that's what stiffens my pecker and gives me the nerve to respond to you in spite of being sure you'd laugh at my dick."

"Asshole," she countered with equal anger, "did I laugh at your dick? Fuck no! I sucked you off! I swallowed your cum and I liked it! Wait..." she paused, and then lowered her head.

"Shit. We're both letting our past lives fuck with us, aren't we," she shook her head.

We sat silently.

"I like your tits," I whispered, staring straight ahead, "and I like you. A lot."

I chanced a look at her face. A tear had formed in the corner of her eye. One formed in mine too.

"I think your dick is cute, if you can stand that description. Can I blow you again?" She reached into my lap and gave me a squeeze.

"Maybe later. Let's keep going, OK?" I countered, "How do you really feel about my trying to fuck you? Are you trying to put me in my place? Are you trying to pity me?"

"I was trying to help you do something I thought you'd enjoy. Because I like you. A lot. It's a stretch to call it pity. So don't."

"Do you like to take the lead in the sack?" I asked.

She took a long time to answer. I stayed quiet.

"I tend to," she finally answered, "and I got the impression that was OK by you. Is it?"

I felt my face flush again.

"It is. It's OK," I said quietly.

"Good," she said, equally quiet, "we'll explore how that works."

More silence. She reached to take my hand.

"Is there anything that Rebecca did that you want me to do too?" she asked. "I can't be her, you know, but I'm pretty open minded, so don't be afraid to ask."

"Yes, but let's save that discussion," I asked.

"Know what I feel like now?" she grinned.

"Something dirty and devious, I hope," I grinned back.

"I want to suck you hard and then shove your face in my pussy!" she proclaimed, and pulled me up, yanked down my pants and took my whole package, nuts and all, in her mouth. When I was hard and panting, she pulled away.

"OK, buster. Now eat me!"

"Show me your tits!" I demanded.

"Is that a command? Are you giving me an order!" she demanded, fists on hips and scowling.

I wavered. I sensed she was on the verge of a full-on dom role, and I craved that, but I stood firm.

"Yes," I said defiantly, "and I'm going to suck them till your nipples pucker too, every time you want me to eat you!"

"Now who's offering pity," she countered, "but..."

She held the stare, and stripped for me. Slowly. I admired every freshly revealed inch of her and eagerly went to town on her nipples. Truthfully, they were already puckered and erect when she shucked off her bra, revealing her truest response to my demand. I suckled them and dipped my hand into her bush. She was already soaked.

Then she sat back, shoved my face in her lap, and I just ate the living fuck out of her pussy!

MEABH

The rest of the day was vanilla until after we got back from dinner. Nice, and just right. We danced around the subject of our sexy adventures and stayed on safe, friendly ground. After dinner though...

We had some substantive discussion. I won't repeat the dialog, but at one point we both got huffy and accused the other of secretly affirming our "issues." He thought I couldn't help but reject him because of his microdick, and I just knew he was secretly disgusted by my chest. Fortunately, I realized what we were doing to ourselves and called a halt. He agreed.

But I also confirmed my suspicions about his tendency toward submissiveness. We didn't get far into it, but he made it clear he'd enjoyed the leading role I'd taken so far, meager as it was. He agreed I should keep at it. And--he admitted liking it up the ass! He showed me the toy he and Rebecca used. It didn't have straps like the one I'd used on my ex; it had an egg-shaped appendage that slipped in pussys! I wasn't certain how it was supposed to stay in me while the business end was fucking him, but it looked intriguing.

After we'd talked about as much as we seemed likely to, I tested my lead role by kicking off another round of sex play. I ordered him to stand up, yanked down his slacks and sucked him hard. I ordered him to drop and eat me out before I'd finish him off. To my surprise, he balked! He told me to strip first.

I gave him some crap about it, but he stood firm and said every time I wanted him to eat me, I'd have to strip and let him suck my tits. It was a sweet, transparent ploy--he was offering me some sort of therapy for my "issue." It made me mad, but not for long. It was probably a good idea!

I stripped for him slowly, vamping it up as I peeled away layers. When I dropped my bra, I had to force myself to think he was enjoying my asymmetry. He gave no counter indication, though. In fact, his dick leaked a little pre-cum. I got wet before I unfastened the first button on my blouse! He dove into my tits, both of them, with an eagerness that made me believe him even against my instincts.

I let him keep at it.

When I felt a drop of pussy juice run down my thigh, I pushed him away, sat in the same recliner we used last night, grabbed him by his hair and pulled his face into my crotch.

Damn, he was good! He edged me more than I thought I could stand until I demanded an orgasm. Oh, my!

"Another!" I demanded as the first orgasm faded. He would probably have done it on his own like he did last night, but I wanted him to respond to my demands, like it wasn't his will but mine putting me over the top time after time. I wanted him working on me like a voice-controlled sex toy! He didn't miss a beat.

Finally, I pushed his head away and complimented him.

"You're damned good at that, babe, fucking world class," I panted, "come--let's see what we can do with your gherkin."

He stood up eagerly. Good! I was afraid the gherkin comment might have wounded him, but he was rock hard. He put his hand behind my head to gently pull me toward it.

He didn't cum as quickly as last night. Actually that would have been almost impossible since he blasted that load down my throat as soon as my lips touched his dick. None-the-less, I worked on him for a satisfying 5 minutes. I could get his nuts in my mouth at the same time as his dick, which he seemed to really enjoy! I ran a finger up his ass to poke at his prostate. He came immediately! I swirled it around in my mouth and considered offering him some before I discarded the idea and swallowed. Yummy. I do like cum!

"Let's head back to the bedroom, hon," I suggested, "so I can get you hard again and we can experiment with positions. I think we can get more of your dick in me than we managed this morning.

And off we went.

EVAN

Things moved the right way after I made her strip. It wasn't because I wanted to claim dominance, just to make her understand I thought she was hot, asymmetry and all. She saw through that, for better or worse. She accused me of offering pity--I'd have said understanding--but she went along.

Then she moved into the control I was hoping for! She pulled my face in her pussy and fucked me with it, thrusting her pussy in my face and pulling my head into her. I teased, edging, and she'd use fingernails in the back of my ear to signal her displeasure. When she clearly demanded an orgasm, I gave it to her hard--three fingers curled up her cunt digging at her G-spot and her clit locked in my teeth! This time instead of letting me surprise her with more orgasms, she demanded them!

"Another," she would scream, and off we'd go again!

My hardon was so tight it was painful from the excitement of her demands. When her pussy finally got as much of me as she wanted and she started blowing me, she was equally aggressive. She could get my whole nut sack in her mouth along with my dick and clamped down with her teeth to pull and suck. She'd grip just the head of my dick in her teeth and pull. When she ran a finger up my ass again I was in heaven!

When I blew, she held my cum in her mouth and smiled at me. I hoped maybe she'd make me take it from her. When Rebecca made me take my own load it would disgust me so much that I'd get hard again immediately. I don't quite understand how being forced into disgusting things makes me excited, but it does.

But no--not this time. She swallowed it.

It took a while for Rebecca to think of making me do that--eat my cum. Patience, I reminded myself, patience.

She led me back to the bedroom, with the announced intention of getting me hard and experimenting with positions to "get your dick further in me." I knew we could, but I also knew that it wasn't much worth the trouble for either of us. Hey--she was driving the boat now, so her call. I was just along for the ride.

"So, let's step back out of our roles for a while, OK?" she asked. "I need to know if I'm on track with what you enjoy."

"Very much so," I smiled.

"Was I too rough with the teeth?" she wanted to know. "Sometimes I can get carried away."

"Almost," I admitted, "but it was good. When I'm that turned on, my cock and balls can take it rough."

"Me too," she admitted. "Not my balls," she laughed, correcting herself, "but like what you were doing to my clit. Maybe we should have a safe word, though."

"Time out?" I suggested, then continued, "Are you into BDSM? As in being a sub? I got the idea that if anything you'd be more interested in dishing it out than taking it."

"Good question," she began. "I'm all over the place, really. Part of why I got divorced is that he and I fell into roles that weren't authentic. For instance, I liked taking it up the ass, but when we did it the first time he was on this dominance kick and forced me, or he thought he did. I couldn't admit liking it without ruining his reason for giving it to me--catch 22--he had to think he was making me do something I hated.

"And he liked being a switch--having me work him over in all kinds of ways--but he'd never admit liking it. He would do things that truly made me furious at him to the point I'd lose control. Then he'd accept what I gave him to prove he was sorry. That's what Suze meant when she said he was an ass--they saw him purposely making me mad. I don't think they have a clue about why he did it. We'd wait till we had the house to ourselves before we'd get loud."

"I don't think I can enjoy being a dom for you, Meabh," I confessed, "I just don't like it at all. It about killed me to make you strip."

"I know. And even that was being tender, wasn't it. You wanted to help me stop worrying about my tits."

"Exactly."

"So what's your deal, Evan? Why and how do you need me to take the lead?"

"Truthfully, I don't completely understand it myself, Meabh. And I've done a lot of reading, even had some counseling. In broad strokes, it's related to my microdick. I feel hopelessly inadequate because I can't fuck worth a damn. I feel guilty about it. And embarrassed.

"But I'm also realistic about it. Sure, we can find a position that will get all of me in your pussy, or your ass if you want it there, but think about how long an average "thrust" is. Longer than my dick, that's for sure. I said an inch and a half, but that's if I measure from my pubic bone, pushing the ruler into my flesh till it bottoms out. So maybe we'll get an inch inside you. It doesn't take much wiggling to fall out again, right?"

"But doesn't it feel good while it's in?" she pressed.

"Mostly it feels selfish and precarious. And it takes effort, pressure, to keep it there, so even tantric sex doesn't quite work. I can probably count on one hand the times I've cum in a pussy."

"And so?" she probed.

"And so, perversely, I find myself enjoying a sub, almost feminine, role. I don't get off on guys, but I felt safest, and horniest, when Rebecca took over. We started out like you and I just did. We grew into things over time."

She was silent for a while.

"OK, we'll find our way too. I'll stop trying to get you to fuck me. If you get the notion, I'll always help, but it'll be your call, not something on my menu. I do think I'd like to explore some adult shops to get something you can use on me, unless you already have something?" she gave me a hopeful, teasing look.

"Can I take that rubber dick back with me tomorrow? I think I'd like to fool with it in private before I try to use it on you. Or maybe I can just hold it and use it on you now while I suck you off again?" she grinned.

I froze.

"What?" she asked.

"Um--if you want to."

"You don't like it? You brought me the damned thing!"

"Um, I uh...I didn't ever ask her for it. She used it to, uh... "

"Got it, I think," she grinned, "where's the lube buster!"

"Top drawer, your side," I offered, feeling my embarrassment rise and my dick stiffen at the thought.

"And you say your nuts can really take a beating when you're close to getting off?" she asked with an evil grin.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that!

MEABH

The final fling of the weekend was a doozy! We had another nice talk. I gave up on thinking he'd enjoy fucking me, and I migrated toward understanding what he needed. Evidently the things he needed were the things he wouldn't say out loud. I got the idea he needed things that made him cringe. That opened up a truckload of kinky possibilities, though many were probably past my limits. Whips and canes and things that made you bleed were a hard no for me. I'd used them on my ex when he drove me to rage and then wanted me to punish him. I hated myself--and him--afterward. No more.

But I didn't think we needed to go that far. He cringed when I offered to use that Feeldoe on him. That surprised me! I thought he brought it out because he enjoyed butt sex, and that was fine by me. But when I suggested it, I could see first revulsion, then maybe resignation? So the light began to dawn. I didn't understand why, exactly, but that little piece clicked into place; in order to make giving him anal with the dildo hot, it had to be my idea, not his.

I made him tell me where he kept the lube, and retrieved it.

"I'm gonna fuck your ass, buddy boy," I teased, "I'm gonna squirt it full of lube and run this rubber dick all the fucking way up it. Are you going to be a good little fuck slut and take it?"

His face turned crimson. He nodded.

"That's a good fuck slut," I went on, "tell me what it's going to feel like, fuck slut. What's this dick going to feel like when I shove it up your little butt hole?"

"It's going to hurt at first, Meabh," he said.

"And you need to be hurt, don't you, fuck slut?" I went on. "You need to feel what it's like to get fucked because you can't fuck like you should, can you?"

I hated saying that. I hated understanding that's where the shaming and guilt had led him, but his dick was hard again and leaking precum.

He didn't speak, just nodded again.

"And just putting it in a little way won't be enough, will it, fuck slut? It needs to go All. The. Way. In. doesn't it?"

Another nod. It was pretty damned long--longer than any dick I'd ever had in me.

"And when it's all the way in, when I'm slamming it in and out of your butt hole, you want me to crush your balls, don't you fuck slut?"

Another nod, and tears spilled over his cheek.

"Pull your knees up to your chest, fuck slut, show me your ass."

He did.

I reached between his legs, grabbed his nut sack close to its base and squeezed his balls up tight against the top of my fist.

"It's going to hurt when I slap them, isn't it, fuck slut?"

His eyes widened, but he nodded. I tapped them lightly with my other hand and pulled them up tighter with my closed fist. The skin of his scrotum was stretched tightly against his balls and he was breathing hard. I flipped one of his balls with my thumb like I was shooting a marble. He winced and let a quick breath escape. I did it again.

I dropped his nuts and squeezed lube onto my fingertips, then worked it into his ass. More lube, and I ran a finger in. More lube, then two fingers. I picked up the rubber schlong and lubed it.

"You wish this was a real dick, don't you, fuck slut," I taunted, "you wish this was a big, thick, hot cock and a real man was going to fuck your ass, don't you!"

"No. Time out," he growled, and sat up.