All Comments on 'Melting Point'

You left a long, detailed comment on one of my stories and asked that I do the same, so here it goes. I'm not a BDSM reader, so I have no idea about the content. In terms of style, I don't like "I" and "you" stories. As I'm not the "you" in the story, I find it off putting. You could use descriptive nicknames like "my brown-haired beauty" instead.

The second thing I didn't like was you weren't consistent on your point of view. There's no way the narrator can know how the woman's body is reacting. If you want her reaction in the story, then make the point of view third person.

Lastly, I found your beginning confusing, "Strong hands" I assumed was referring to someone besides the narrator. Took me a while to figure out that it was a reference to the narrator's own hands. Still not sure what the first paragraph was describing - him tightening his belt and then pulling it off? That's sexy? Maybe to the BDSM crowd. Given how short the story is and that it has no dialogue, you need to clearly describe a sexy opening image.

Hope that helps.