Memories Ch. 04

"Oh, brother," it was Larissa's turn to roll her eyes, but she finally chuckled.

"You don't even have to stay the whole time, if you don't want. You can, of course, but I'm not going to hold you captive or anything, as tempting as that sounds," he smiled. "Come visit me on days off and I'll come visit you, but at least come stay with me for a few weeks. Please, please, please?"

"What are you? 5?" she shook her head and laughed. "You're way too used to getting your way, aren't you? You know why you get your way so much, right?"

"Because I'm very charismatic?" Chris teased.

"Because people get sick of arguing with you!" Larissa raised her voice and poked him in the chest.

"Ow! Be nice!" he grabbed her hands and leaned in to kiss her.

Over the coming weeks, Larissa ended up getting worse before she got better. It was by and far one of the darkest times in their lives. Despite getting away from everything and everyone in L.A., she sunk deeper and deeper into depression. The dismal rain cloud that loomed over her constantly seemed to grow darker and more ominous by the day.

He couldn't believe he was actually able to talk Larissa into moving in with him so soon too. The weekend following the shitfest, to be exact. It hadn't taken long, luckily, since most of Larissa's possessions were confined to her bedroom in the house she shared with her two roommates. Chris still felt like he was pressuring her into it, but they ended up having a lengthy discussion about it one night in his trailer while she was visiting him on set.

"It's going to be weird going back to your apartment without you,"Larissa casually mentioned as they cleaned up their Chinese takeout dinner one night.

"I know. I wish I could go back with you."

"Don't be silly. You're working with Bill Pullman, for Christ's sake. You'll have a lot more fun here than at home."

"I'd still rather be with you. I especially hate that you'll be alone."

"Chris, if I didn't want to be there, I wouldn't have moved in. I would've figured something out."

He knew she was right. Dire though her circumstances, if she really hadn't wanted to move in with him yet, she wouldn't have agreed to come stay with him on set for several weeks and would have stayed home instead, taking almost any job that might come her way, just to be able to pay for her part of rent to stay where she was. Still.

"I know, but I still can't help but feel like I talked you into it. Like you had no choice."

"Well, don't. I'll be fine," she addressed the elephant in the room. "Like you said, it's not like it wasn't going to happen eventually anyway. It's just...," she sighed. "Helluva timing.It's all been a little overwhelming, hasn't it?" Her voice asked the question rhetorically, but she looked up at Chris hopefully,wanting him to agree with her so she'd feel a little less crazy.

"Yes, of course. There's been a lot going on, for anyone.Especially in such a short amount of time. I'm still worried about you," he reached out and stroked one side of her hair. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, a thousand times if I have to: You are not alone. I hurt too. I hurt for you. I told you last night. It kills me to see you like this. I feel so helpless. I would do anything to take your pain away. You know that, right?"

Larissa leaned her head toward his chest, tears already forming in the corners of her eyes.

"I know," she spoke muffled into his chest, nodding her head. "I don't like being this way," she turned her head to the side just enough that he could understand her.

"Why don't you give my mom a call when you get back? If you don't want to talk to her, maybe she can set you up with someone else."Even though she had been a psychiatrist for over 35 years, he doubted Larissa would want to share her deepest, darkest secrets with his mother. Gwynn was, after all, going to be her mother in-law and Larissa was a pretty private person. The whole thing had 'awkward' written all over it.

"Maybe," she nodded.

"I'm serious," he took her by the shoulders and looked at her sternly. "Don't just say that to appease me. Give it some real thought. Please," Chris hugged her close.

The night before had been a tipping point for them. It had felt good to finally get his feelings off his chest, but at the same time it made him worry even more about letting Larissa go home by herself.

Larissa had scared the absolute shit out of him. They were shooting a scene several miles away, so Chris couldn't just pop over to his trailer on his short breaks to check on her like he had been. He had no way of even getting back for lunch as the crew had been bussed over. Naturally, he tried calling. No answer. Chris waited a few minutes for her to call him back. He stared at his phone impatiently.After 3 minutes, he tried again. Voicemail. Chris felt helpless and couldn't help but worry. Maybe she was in the shower, he tried to convince hisself. Fidgeting incessantly, he ate his lunch anxiously.

By the time Chris arrived back at his trailer that evening, he was a nervous wreck. The only saving grace of the day was that they got done shooting early. He had tried calling and texting Larissa every chance he got throughout the day to no avail. The sound of running water greeted him as he opened the metal trailer door.

"Hello?" Chris called out, hoping she could hear him over the sound of the shower, not wanting to startle her. At this point, he was a cross between insanely worried and fumingly mad. What reason could she possibly have to not return his call ALL DAY? He strode across the small space in a few steps and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Larissa?" Chris cracked the door and poked his head in.

"Oh! You scared me! Hey, babe. I'll be out in a minute."

"Are you ok?" he felt hot tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

"Yah, why?"

Chris quietly shut the door without answering. He sat down on the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands and let go of everything he had been holding in all day.

"How was work today?" he barely heard Larissa ask from the other side of the bathroom door. "Chris?" Not receiving an answer, she finally opened the door.

"Chris, what's wrong?" she sat down gently next to him on the bed and rested a hand between his heaving shoulders. After a long moment,he finally ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at her,eyes already red.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was about you today?!"anger quickly took over his relief and sadness. He didn't like how all over the place his emotions were. Chris stood abruptly from the bed, away from Larissa.

"I'm sorry," she answered quietly. "I was in bed. I just got up before you got back. I haven't checked my phone yet," she practically whispered.

"All day?!" he asked incredulously, shaking his head. He noticed he was pacing in front of her now.

"Chris, you're scaring me. I said 'I'm sorry'," pools clouded her eyes as well and her lower lip began to quiver. "I just..." Chris held his hand up, cutting her off, and took several deep breaths.

"I can't do this," he swiped the tears from his eyes with the palms of his hands angrily. "I can't worry about you constantly.Not like this. I'll go insane. Maybe that makes me insensitive, but I can't," he shook his head more. There was a long, awkward pause in the room.

"What are you saying, Chris?" Larissa looked up at him with doe eyes. He sighed heavily as he stopped pacing.

"I'm saying, you need to get help. Find a way to get past this," Chris held her head in his hands gently. "I'm not asking you to forget it happened. I just need you to find a way to cope with it better. I need the real you back." Now it was Larissa's turn to sob.

"I know," she agreed. "I just...I don't know what to do," her breaths came ragged. Chris idled up closer to her and drew her body to his, embracing her.

"It's all I can think about. The more I try not to, it's like the more my brain taunts me," Larissa confessed. "How do you deal with it so well?" she finally looked up at him after a long pause, catching her breath.

"I don't know," Chris sat down on the bed next to her again. "I try not to think about it, what could have been. I try to think of all of the amazing times we'll have together in the future. Come here," he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close once again. "I think it's different for women too. Of course you're having a hard time," Chris tried to choose his words carefully. There was more he wanted to say, but knew it would just upset Larissa all over again. "I'm sorry I got upset," he spoke quietly into her hair. "I was just so worried," he felt his shoulders drop, just thinking again about how relieved he was to find she was ok when he arrived at the trailer.

"I didn't mean to worry you. It was selfish of me. I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed," Chris couldn't see her face, but heard the crack in her voice as she spoke the last sentence. "I felt like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag," she cried.

"Sshhh," he smoothed Larissa's hair away from her face. "You're not selfish. Just promise me you'll do something to figure this out, ok? I want my happy girl back," he squeezed her shoulders playfully a few times. "Maybe you should go back to work too. Not that I want you to, but maybe it will help take your mind off things," Chris suggested.

"Probably wouldn't be a bad idea. I feel like a freeloader," Larissa laughed finally.

"Well, I don't care what you feel like, so long as you start feeling better," he looked into her eyes seriously. "I love you so much."

"Larissa. Wake up," Chris whispered as he gently shook her shoulders, trying to rouse her.

He was met with swatting at his hands and grumbling.

"Since when are you not a morning person?" Larissa just gave him a dirty look.

"Right," he looked embarrassed.

"Can't I have a pity party one more day?" she mumbled.

"No. Not today. I have a surprise for you. Get up and get dressed," Chris patter her shoulder as he got up from the bed.

"What is it?" she asked as he stepped into the bathroom to shower.

"That's kind of the whole premise behind surprises. Is that you don't know," he called as he entered the shower stall. He vaguely made out more grumbling.

"Please, baby? It's a good surprise. You'll like it."

"You know I don't like surprises!" Larissa yelled back.

Chris sighed as he wiped water from his face. He didn't feel like arguing with her this morning.

"You're coming to work with me. Now get dressed!"

"Really?" he heard a minute later from the bathroom doorway.

"Yes," Chris laughed in spite of himself. "Now please. Get dressed!"

"Ok! Ok! Grumpy Pants."

He rolled his eyes at the irony of her calling him the grumpy one.

"Ok. Don't be mad at me for asking this, but...You're not going to freak out, are you?" Chris glanced over at Larissa as they neared where Bill Pullman and Alan Rickman stood talking to the director and a handful of other crew members. She kept her eyes focused forward.

"I promise I won't lose my shit," she paused. "I am freaking out a little, though."

The group of men stopped talking and turned toward them as they approached.

"Hey, everyone. This is Larissa," Chris introduced her.

"Hi," she gave a little wave.

"She's going to hang out for awhile today."

"I'll behave, I promise," she tried to joke.

"This is your girlfriend?" Alan asked incredulously, pointing. "You?"

"Fiancee, actually," Larissa held up the back of her left hand to show off her ring.

"Oh, you're much too gorgeous to be engaged to this guy," Alan jabbed a thumb out towards Chris. "You must be a model."

"No," Larissa giggled.

"Kinda old to be hitting on my girl, aren't you, Rickman?" Chris taunted back.

"Ha," he replied sarcastically. "And how old are you again,son? She clearly has a thing for older men," he raised an eyebrow at Larissa. She stifled a laugh, but barely.

"Alright, boys. I think that's enough," Bill finally interjected.

"Oh, I'm just giving him a hard time," Alan waved his hand dismissively. "Although, if I were 20 years younger..." he smirked at Larissa. "I'm Alan, by the way," he shook her hand, then kissed the back of it.

"Alright, alright," Chris forced a laugh, but secretly tried to hide his growing agitation.

"And I'm Bill," Larissa shook Bill Pullman's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"And you are late for hair and makeup," the director pointed to Chris. "Get outta here. We'll keep her entertained."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Chris looked back at Alan one last time before walking over to the hair and make up trailer.

"Is he always so easy?" he barely heard Alan ask Larissa as he walked away. More giggling.

"Mostly."

"She's going to pay for that later," he smiled to himself.

They were getting ready for one of Bill and Chris' scenes when he got done with hair and make up. Larissa had her back turned to him as he walked up to the group again. He was glad to see she looked visibly more at ease.

"Tell me, Larissa: Have you seen Chris'...hair, yet?" he heard Alan ask as he approached.

"No. He told me he had to wear some wig. Why?" She turned around toward Chris as Alan pointed.

Larissa immediately covered her mouth with her hands. Her eyes looked as if they were going to bulge right out of her head. She proceeded to laugh hysterically.

"Oh my God!" she cried through her hands. Larissa doubled over she was laughing so hard. It took her a good minute to look up at him again. Tears streamed down her face.

"I'm so sorry," she waved a hand. "Why didn't you warn me?!" she blurted. Chris gave her his "Is it really that funny?" look. She doubled back over, barely able to breath, body shaking violently from laughing so hard. Her laughter was contagious and everyone, even Chris, couldn't help but join in too.

Once everyone finally started to calm down, Chris stood there, looking a bit like a sad puppy dog, though he tried to smile.

Larissa came over to him and put her arms around his waist, finally able to look him in the eye, but barely.

"I'm sorry, babe," she apologized, trying unsuccessfully to stop smirking.

"Is it really that bad?" he asked her quietly.

"No," she shook her head and leaned in next to his ear. "It's horrible," her voice quivered as she broke into hysterics again.

"You're lucky I love you," Chris whispered in her ear.

"I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Larissa tried to calm herself and took two deep breaths. "I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard," she wiped tears away from her eyes. "Seriously, though, babe. Why wouldn't you prepare me for something like that? Shit..."

"Alright. You're starting to give me a complex," he paused. "At least you're smiling again," he fought the urge to kiss her in front of everyone. Larissa smiled knowingly back at him.

"Oh! Let's get a picture," Alan suggested. "Come on. Gather in, everyone," he waved his arm. The group gathered around with Larissa in the center, Chris to her right and Alan to her left. He and Larissa still kept that picture on their dresser, just for when they needed a good laugh.