Mess Made on the Baroness' Bed, The

"She's in for a nasty shock once she gets back." I commented, still laughing as I crawled off the bed and back onto the floor, pulling my trousers back up to my waist in preparation to leave at last if it were not for another of Min's ad-hoc addendums to our plans.

"Not nasty enough by my reckonin'!" The goblin declared, confounding me out of my mirth. After all, what else was there we could possibly do short of arson to further displease the Baroness? I asked her that very same question, although she did not give an answer, at least not straight away. Instead, she stood her short, bottomless self straight upon the mattress and staggered her way across its unsteady surface towards the headboard. There, she stood directly over one of the plush pillows - with a case of silk and probably stuffed with the down of geese - and turned around to face the foot of the bed before squatting down with feet and thighs far apart as to unobstruct her hirsute pussy. There was a brief pause of inactivity, as if Min was waiting for something to happen, and by the time it had dawned on me what this particular stance the goblin had put herself into signified, it was already happening!

A spurt of golden liquid sprayed from the redhead's urethra and across the sheets, the stream jetting with an impressive pressure behind her stream that allowed her to reach a distance I thought impossible for females to attain when taking a tinkle: roughly halfway down the length of the mattress that was roughly two metres long, and readjusting her aim through the careful control of her hips to ensure she soaked a decent surface area of the rich duvet while taking care not to wash away any of our cum stains (as much as blasting something with urine could count as washing anyway). I was stunned by the act at first, but had by now grown accustomed to Min's crass comedic sense and was soon simply snickered alongside her at her sordid lark.

However, while I watched the goblin treat the piece of furniture like a toilet, I became aware of a need to empty my own bladder. While we were waiting for the sun to set back in the thicket, we passed part of the time by helping ourselves to a few bottles of beer (or 'liquid courage' as Min called it) we brought with us, and it seemed my companion was currently expelling her share, while my own had now passed through my system and needed expelling of its own. Feeling bold with self-assurance from the earlier sex that had been further bolstered by those earlier beverages, I decided there was zero sense in standing idle and aching for a leak yet doing nowt to take care of it then and there while the goblin was freely relieving herself on someone else's bed as if she was in a private lavatory.

Without waiting for an invitation, I took out my tadger through my unfastened fly only mere moments after putting it away, which still stood at a half-erection - still quite not yet dry after being dipped into Min's honeypot - and aimed it ahead to the bed. Still feeling rather tense however, it took me a moment or two to suitably relax myself enough to get a rivulet actually running, although once flowing, I did not pause until my reservoir ran dry, flushing my pipe of any semen that still might have been stuck inside it. Ironically, despite being better equipped to do so, my own watercourse reached a maximum range that was only about half of what the redhead demonstrated, although I got the impression that it was a skill she perhaps practised semi-regularly, while I only ever treated urinating as a mundane function myself. Still though, I was able to cover a good portion of what the goblin was unable to reach from my station at the side of the bed, and my spontaneous participation did seem to get the goblin's approval if her continued sniggering could be taken as such, our streams once or twice crossing as steam could be seen rising from the points of our pisses' impact, the room starting to take on a smell similar to that of the gent's restroom down at my local.

"Nice one~" Min explicitly expressed her commendation for my collaboration once our respective spouts started dwindling at roughly the same instance, each of us making as an allayed sigh and a shiver when they had been completely finished. I made a smug smile to the non-human as I shook my dick to free of any remaining pee droplets still clinging to its tip onto the bedsheets before I cockily grabbed one of the four-poster's nearby drapes to towel my member for good measure. "Th' help's 'preciated, but it's actually somethin' else I'm tryin' for, get me?" As a matter of fact, I did not 'get her' in the slightest when she asked, and was rendered absolutely stumped once more by what possible direction she could take to escalate her offences beyond what we had already done. Well, I suppose that is not entirely accurate to state, for what she indeed shortly ended up doing did cross my mind as a feasibility, although I was naive enough to dismiss it as a line even the goblin did not have the temerity to cross, but she would end up proving me very much incorrect.

I watched on as Min maintained her squatted stance as she took a deep breath before seeming to tense her entire body, with her eyebrows furrowing and her pretty features grimacing before spelling out in a strained voice the cause of this odd comportment: "Don' think there's been anybody who's ever lived who can go number two without goin' number one first!" And with that clarification of her intentions, I was stunned to speechlessness all over again knowing she was actually going through with what I had disregarded as a violation too far, saying nothing to encourage this vile misdeed in the making, but neither did I say or do anything to dissuade her from carrying her final wrongdoing while she provided a colourful commentary: "Fuck, I've been holdin' this in all day! Breakfast, lunch and dinner all stewin' in me guts! Gonna be a proper whale I'm settin' loose, I can tell! Mmph! Here it comes...!"

After that definitive declaration, the goblin scrunched shut her garnet eyes and started biting her two top central incisors into her bottom lip as I watched a fat log starting to emerge below from between her plump buttocks; at first, only its rounded extremity poked out from its exit point, retreating back inside Min several times despite her full-body exertions, but she soon succeeded in squeezing it out her sphincter past the point of no return, with the rest slowly following behind as a singular, continuous, brown cable of soft faeces alighting soundlessly upon the pillow, resembling an overweight, mud-coated snake coiling up on itself as it visibly steamed with heat, and its earthen stench soon wafting my way even though I was at distance of almost six feet. Min made a gratified moan to illustrate the great relief she undoubtedly felt finally ejecting the waste she had apparently been carrying her bowels since that morning, the noise sounding strangely even more sexual compared to when we were actually having sex, and I would say I was unsure how I should have felt about that collation if my reactions were not solely overcome by astoundment of seeing the non-human openly take a shit directly where the Baroness laid her head every night.

Urinating was one thing; there had been plenty of weekends when I had stumbled across the odd sozzled slag pissing into an alleyway gutter to the point where I had become quite desensitised to the sight (although I still welcomed the glimpse of nudity the occasion provided), but never before had I witnessed a woman defecating. Disgusting though I found it at the time, and indeed even still when looking back on it, I was still oddly fascinated by what should have otherwise been an act even more private than pissing, and left wondering just how so much waste was able to come out of such a small body, as the excrement must have been at least a foot long in total, which in turn led my mind to imagine how wide her arsehole must have been dilated in order for stool of such engorged density to pass. A combination of any of those details described on top of the taboo context and everything that had led up to this moment certainly must have triggered some sort of awakening in me that night, so although I do not doubt that Min was not deliberately attempting even the slightest eroticism in her defecation, my member still dangling freely from my fly - despite having only just came moment prior - steadily started swelling once more without my even realising it as I stood transfixed on the goblin girl as she took her dump until it eventually started to taper, and the last of it plopped from her egress.

"There!" Min proclaimed following another relieved sigh once her arse had been entirely emptied, looking down to assess the pile of muck her own body had produced. "Ah. a nice, big, hot fudge cake for th' Baroness t' enjoy when she gets back home! Don' let anybody say I'm not generous, eh~?'" She further stated, looking over to me as she spoke her last sentence, and of course hardly taking long to notice my revived hard-on staring back at her. The goblin shewed the first genuine expression of stupefaction I saw her pull that night, and an unbridled cackling followed. "Bah hah hah! Oh, man! And I thought I had some serious kinks! Didja really enjoy seein' me drop a deuce that much?" She said, throwing her head backwards in the intensity of her laughter while she pointed towards me with her finger, or rather, pointed to my crotch specifically. I followed where she was indicating with my eyes only to be greeted with my raised trouser snake, flummoxed by my body's reaction to her bodily function, leading to a profound shame that prompted me to attempt concealing the unintended, unwanted erection with my bare hands to little avail before next attempting to stuff the unwieldy rigid rod back into my slacks through the same narrow opening I had taken it out of when it was softer...

"Hey, hey, no judgin' here, mate!" Min suddenly switched her tune, probably after seeing how visibly humiliated I was by my current erection coming about the way that it had, which was also just about the closest thing to a sense of guilt I ever saw her display in the time I knew her. "Imma woman a' th' world, and if there's one thing I've learned from...er...gettin' familiar wi' tonnes a' different folk over th' years, it's that there's a fetish for jus' 'bout anythin' ya can conjure. It's jus' that yer th' firs' person I've met t' be turned on by a turd! But, really, that's on more harmless end a' th' freaky scale compared to what some sick fucks out there get off to. Hell, I'll take it as a compliment that ya find me so sexy even when I'm doin' somethin' so nasty~ Always fun findin' new things 'bout yerself, eh?" She made another chuckle, one I could tell was not quite made at my own expense, and I did find my agitation eased by her words of encouragement to the point where I could feel myself crack a smile of my own. Unfortunately, the reassurance only gave way to even greater mortification in the moment that immediately followed...

The chamber door which we had left neglected for so long suddenly swung open by no action of ours. Alarm bells rung in my head when I heard the sound of its handle turning and subsequent creak of its hinges, and I imagined Min experienced similar panic as we naturally both turned our heads towards the door to be greeted by none other than Baroness Ediva Hearmin in the very flesh standing in its frame and accompanied by two henchman (whose phizogs I swear recognised belonging to a pair from the watch who personally shook me down on an occasion each in the past) each a full head taller than she, and standing behind either of her shoulders like she was the archvillainess in a penny dreadful! I felt my heart sink into my stomach as the lady of the house had returned home far sooner than we had anticipated, although we never could quite figure out the reason why; I speculated afterwards that she came back to retrieve an omitted article of jewellery to complete her gaudy ensemble, while Min postulated it was her frilly lingerie she had forgotten that was vital in a scheme to seduce some landlord geezer for his covetable realty, but whatever the truth might have been, one thing was for certain: she was not pleased to discover the pair of us doing what we were in her property.

If pure rage was ever given a face, I'm convinced I saw it in that moment when the Baroness caught us - more or less literally - with our trousers down, and I'm afraid my amateur author skills cannot do justice in accurately conveying her countenance in that moment, but I will never forget how her eyes looked about ready to shoot jets of flame as they stared at the goblin minx still squatting over her pillow with the pile of crap she had just produced still steaming on top of it, or the way she clenched her hands into trembling fists so tightly than her fingernails might puncture the skin of her palms, or the manner in how her lip quivered and curled in anticipation of the outburst she was working up towards.

"Seize them!" The Baroness sharply screeched with a perfect clarity and a volume of accumulated, unadulterated rage that I am convinced would have put some banshees to shame. Of course, as mentioned, we took care to come up with several contingencies should we encounter any eventualities just like this during our skullduggery...unfortunately, my mind had gone blank within my anxiety of the moment, and I could not recall any of our back-ups for the life of me. "I want them dangling in the gallows by dawn!" The furious noblewoman added, though by the time this further clarification left her mouth, Min was already out of her stupor and scrambled off the bed, her shorts being left behind as every microsecond counted in her beeline to the balcony door, with me blindly following without even thinking. She burst past the drawn curtains and through the window-paned door - not literally as it was fortunately unfastened and opened outwards - though it was not until I had gone through the threshold myself did I realise there was no way for us to descend from that terrace, at least not safely. That, however, was apparently not a concern that crossed Min's mind, for the goblin vaulted over the railing without a hint of fear for what might happen when she met the ground (keep in mind we were currently on the second storey of this manor), and considering that my only options were either to risk attempting the same or be caught by the two guards who were quickly closing the distance behind me and be met with certain execution, I decided to trust in my newfound acquaintance's instincts and dive headlong after her, screaming as I plummeted, betraying my lesser bravery, or perhaps my greater caution.

Fortunately, directly below the balcony grew a very sizeable rose bush that broke our fall considerably enough so that we did not fracture any bones, although still left us smarting in various spots and scratched by the thorns on the stems - which I can't even imagine how much more sore that was for Min than considering she currently had nothing on to protect her pelvic region from the briars - but neither of us were slowed in the slightest by these trivial injuries, and we promptly untangled ourselves from the bramble before darting off into the darkness to the estate's perimeter. I never did remember to ask Min as to whether she was actually aware of that rose bush beforehand, or if she really did leave our lives in the hands of the gods as we made a break for it. Meanwhile, up above, I could still hear the Baroness' voice screaming things along the lines of: "Search the grounds at once! If you let them escape, it'll be yourselves who will find a rope around their necks!" We did not linger long enough to find out if she would make good on that threat.

We groped our way back to the loose bar in the fence before the disorganised guards could start their survey. Once we both slipped back through the opening, we sprinted as fast as our ligaments would physically allow without wasting time to replace the bar, not daring to look back until we had returned to the refuge of the copse on the neighbouring hillock, leaving both my legs and lungs aching by the time we did. Even now in the dead of night and at the distance we put between ourselves and it, we were still able to distinctly discern the manor by the glow of every one of its windows now illuminated, as well as by the motes of light being carried by every figure around its exterior that I assume were torches or lanterns, with the chaotic cacophony of several voices shouting in conversation faintly reaching us across the empty air, although we were too far away to distinguish any specific words being bellowed.

Min's first reaction once she had recovered sufficient breath was to let out a small laugh that was incredibly noticeable in our otherwise quiet surroundings that escalated in volume until she was nearly fell over in stitches, at first finding myself annoyed that she was making so light of the tense peril where our very lives were in jeopardy that we had just narrowly decamped from, but it was infectious enough that I too soon found myself unable to help giggling alongside her as I processed the contrast with how the absurd situation in which we were discovered. However, my jubilation was short lived once I realised during all the tumult of our hasty flight, I had completely neglected to lift my burlap full of stolen goods which was still sitting in the Baroness' bedroom. I sobered in an instant, confessing and profusely apologising to Min for my carelessness, who herself had the honed reflexes to scoop up her own sack as we bolted.

"Ah, don' go losin' sleep over it! Ya wouldn' be mortal if ya didn' bugger up now an' then." Min reassured me, utterly unbothered by my botch while she was still half-sniggering, and giving me a slap to my haunches in consolation. "If everythin' I ever did went through without a hitch, I wouldn' be stuck in this game for very long, would I? Ya just gotta roll wi' what ya can in these jobs and, hey, it coulda ended up a lot worse that they did! 'Sides, where's th' fun in it all if ya don' get a few surprises now an' then?" I'm not so certain if I agree with that last sentiment personally, although I did not want to bring down Min's own good mood voicing my own opinion.

"By th' by, but while we were scarperin' couldn' help but notice...well, this." The goblin then added as she reached over and up to give a firm flick against my hard cock, making it bounce and reminding me that it was still sticking out through my open fly, having remained just as stiff since I saw Min take her crap, which I conjecture had something to do with the rush of adrenaline that came from the frantic fleeing, and thankful that I did not end up injuring it during the fall. "Yer dick's not gone down one bit since I emptied me arse on th' old bag's bed! Damn near distractin' watchin' it waggle all over the place when I was tryin' t' keep me focus on sprintin'! Well, anyhow, I hate seein' good hard-ons go t' waste, so d'ya fancy another go like?"

"Wh-what?" I stammered, taken aback by her second casual offer to fornicate so soon after our first time doing just that. "You don't mean here and now, do you?" I'm not sure why I asked that particularly as there was nothing said so far that suggested that was what Min specifically had in her mind, although after all that happened thus far, coitus out in the open seemed as though that was the direction this dialogue was heading, although it was probably an act incredibly tame by the goblin's standards.

"Well, ya don' wanna walk all th' way back t' town riled up th' way ya are, do ya?" The redhead responded, indeed confirming my assumption without so much as an eyelid batted. "'Sides, ain't nothin' like a shag under th' stars after a hard night's work~ Ah, all I need is a beer an' a smoke, an' it'd be perfect!"