Metamorphosis

I worked at the restaurant one more year, then I quit and went back to studying. I took it very seriously this time and studied very diligently. Fred, on the other hand, still had no job and no perspective. He became stranger and more aggressive, hung out with his junkie friends and we hardly ever saw each other. After a couple of months and a few fall-outs, we ended our relationship. I later heard from some friends that he went on to take drugs, stealing money from his mother, mugging an old lady and doing other not-so-nice stuff.

I concentrated hard on my exams and also made a lot of new friends. I had also always been interested in the paranormal and in energy therapies, so I dedicated some time to those things as well. I had regular sex with John and no other love interests, so there was no need to feel guilty any more. And these feelings of guilt started fading anyway. I more and more considered myself a woman who had the right to take from someone else what she couldn't get from the one who should have given it.

From time to time, we would take a break, either because I had to prepare exams or because his wife had another baby, then take everything up again. During one of these breaks I did meet someone on a trade fair I was interested in (his name was Marcus), but like other times before, he didn't share my feelings. We did end up in bed though, just a couple of times, and when I told John, he was furious. Even though he had always assured me that if I found someone else, we would stop our little game, and even though during all that time he was, of course, also having sex with his wife, he was so angry, he almost went out of his mind. But he later cooled down and apologised, and we continued. We also tried anal, but just as with Fred, I didn't like it and I didn't get the hype. It just hurt, hurt, hurt. But I liked all the rest we did and this idea of quick, uncommitted sex.

And then, after three years more, I took my degree at the end of April. At the end of May, while celebrating my best friends' degree, I met a man who had been invited as an external supervisor. Since he was interested in the subject I had written my thesis on, we had a lot to talk about. We talked and talked as if we had been knowing each other forever. His name was Mick and he was huge and had friendly blue eyes.

He lived in a different town with his wife and children. I contacted him a week later, since he had told me it was his birthday. He was very surprised that I had remembered it. Over the next few weeks, we spent quite a lot of time chatting on the Internet and talking on the phone, which I had never done before. I had always considered it a waste of time to use the computer for other purposes than work or research, and I wasn't the type to talk on the phone for more than five minutes. Yet, we talked and talked. I was very taken with this most interesting man. I learned that he was going to Britain in the summer, since he was attending a conference about a very interesting subject, and I told him how much I would like to go there too. In the end, he decided I should come too, so we could save money renting a house together with some of his friends. I was already waiting with my suitcase ready when John called me on the phone. "Are you up to it?" he asked. "Sorry, but there isn't time, they're going to pick me up any minute now!" "Give me two minutes", re replied. And sure enough he came to send me off with a very special farewell. He came inside me and then I had a very quick wash and he left. Maybe two minutes later the doorbell rang and I welcomed Mick and his friend with what must have been looked like a retarded smile, still dizzy... and off we went.

Mick and I shared a room for three days at the venue in order to save money. During the last night we even shared a bed, since I was terribly cold and he did his best to warm me, without ever taking advantage of the situation.

But it was only a matter of days. Although I had promised myself I'd never have any kind of relationship with a married man again, I was strangely attracted to him, both physically and, in a way, emotionally. At nights, after we went to sleep in our respective bedrooms, I got up again to see him, and we would talk and then I would sleep in his bed, and we wouldn't do anything. I was terribly torn; on one hand, I felt my sexual appetite rising and was hoping for him to feel some physical attraction for me too and do something, and on the other hand, I hoped he was strong enough not to touch me, because I didn't want him to feel guilty or to cause him trouble with his family.

One night, I couldn't sleep and turned forever in my bed, then got up to see Mick in his room once more. I asked him if I could stay and he agreed. We lay in bed for a while, close to each other, and I felt the warmth of his body. I was terribly nervous and felt tension mounting inside me. When I turned round, showing Mick my back, I suddenly felt his hands resolutely on my breasts. All I could think at this moment was: "At last!" I instantly felt strangely free to enjoy this moment, I felt sexy and desired, even more than by John. I wanted to be touched by him and to touch him. I moaned and turned around lustily, feeling his hands on my body and started to touch him too. I remember noticing his very nice, firm butt. We didn't do much during this first night, but after two nights I couldn't sleep once more and went to his room. We messed around a bit, and I ended up giving him a blow job. Since I had stopped doing this to Fred, I enjoyed it immensely again. Giving pleasure to Mick by sucking his cock was just like giving it to myself. I liked the fact that he cared very much about hygiene, and I immediately loved the smell of his skin and the taste of his cock and his sperm. He, on the other hand, explained that he wouldn't lick my pussy for safety reasons, and I quite agreed and was also impressed by his sense of responsibility.

A couple of days later, we were in his bed again, touching each other and chatting. I asked him shyly if he would like to have sex with me. He replied that he would love to, but didn't have any condoms. In a second, I pulled one out from under his bed, which I had previously hidden there. He gave me a surprised look, as if to say: "I didn't think you were such a sexpot", then took the condom, rolled it over his erection and then gently slid it in. We had sweet and soft sex. I noticed his penis was just a little shorter than John's, but he was much, much more resistant.

We repeated this experience a few times during the time we spent together in England. I quickly went over the fact that I probably would never see him again and that we didn't have a future together because of his family. I just enjoyed his closeness and the sex, which was wonderful and carefree. The only thing that was strange to me was that he wanted to know a lot about my sex life, my preferences, any particularly spicy experiences, if I had had sex with more than two people and so on. When I said no, he seemed a bit disappointed because of the lack of something intriguing in my sex life. The only interesting I could come up with was my first blow job, which I had given to a friend of mine in the back of my father's car in our garage. And the story with John, of course, but that was still tinged with a little bit of guilt. But I didn't see myself as a person who could have sex with more than one man at the same time, all the more if I was in a firm relationship with a man I really loved. I was just not the type. Mick, on the other hand, was bi-curious and had had a couple of experiences with another man, but never with more than one person.

When we said goodbye, I was grateful for the wonderful time I had spent with Mick. Just like before our trip, we spent a lot of time chatting on the Internet. After a month or so, John called me to see if I was available for a little fuck. I consented with mixed feelings. I had completely forgotten John over the experience with Mick. But I thought I was never going to see Mick again, that he was going back to his usual life without me, so why not have a little fun. So he came and he fucked me as usual, but it just didn't feel right. I missed the gentleness and the long sex I had experienced, and also the few more centimetres of his dick couldn't make up for it. Everything was just wrong. John said afterwards: "Every time you meet someone, you're a bit strange when we meet again." Not only was he right, but he had grasped the fact that I had fallen for Mick long before me.

Then I had the chance to meet Mick again two weeks later during a conference, and we shared a room in the hotel he was staying. After a few days, while driving back home after taking one of the speakers to the airport, he came by just to see me, just to say hello. It was then I knew I was in love with that man, however hopeless the situation was.

I lived in that town for one more year, and although John called me a few times more, we never had sex again. I just couldn't. Mick came to see me a few times, and after one year I moved to the town he lived in. We still met in secret and I couldn't introduce him to my new friends because of his family situation, but we met as often as we could. In the meantime I had also confessed my sex episode with John, but instead of him being jealous or getting mad, he found the fact that a person other than him had fucked me exciting. He only seemed angry at the fact that it had taken me so long to tell him. I thought this was very strange, I didn't find the idea of him having sex with another woman exactly exciting, but I told him from the beginning that whenever he had the desire to try someone else or to do something I wasn't up for, like orgies or whatever, he was free to do it. He gave me the same freedom, of course, but I didn't have the slightest desire to have sexual experiences with other people as long as I could have sex with him. We once discussed though if we should include John in our games, and I even called him on the phone to ask him if he wanted to do it, but he didn't. He said the only way to have a threesome was with two girls, since he didn't want any competition. Of course this was no option and in the end I was quite happy that nothing came out of it. These games just didn't do for me. I wanted to enjoy sex just with my partner. This didn't mean I didn't have sexual fantasies of other men sleeping with me, but in the beginning I was a little ashamed of them and just pushed them aside.

After some time, Mick asked me why I didn't join an adult chat in which he was quite active. I, on the other hand, hated the idea. Looking at and chatting with some random horny guys? Why? I didn't really understand the spirit of it, I didn't understand how this could be a game to share and to enjoy in a partnership. It was just a waste of time and I didn't get why Mick spent so much time on it. He was interested in learning about other people's experiences, their fantasies, their preferences. I really couldn't care less. To me it was important to enjoy my relationship with Mick, and I didn't want anyone to interfere with it.

But I was curious to know what was so interesting about the whole thing. So we decided we would try together. I signed up for an adult chat as well and we sat together in front of my computer, or we were together, but using two computers and two different accounts. Under no circumstance I wanted to chat on my own, I wouldn't have had anything to say or to ask. I had always considered people on adult sites some sort of perverts. But little by little, I discovered how not only watching people on a web cam can be real fun, but also showing myself and turning people on. I still had this idea that I wasn't attractive compared to many girls on those websites. Gradually, though, I learned that most people don't go looking for perfect bodies, but for real people and a little entertainment.

Around that time, Mick and I went to an adult shop – or let's say, he did, while I was standing and waiting outside – and bought me a gift. We were abroad that day, it was cold and rainy and I was anxious to get back to our hotel room and unpack his present, which from the outside looked like it could be a bottle of good wine in a stylish wooden case. When I unpacked it, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a 20 cm long and also quite thick natural skin vibrator. "But what am I supposed to do with this?" I asked Mick. I was surprised and shocked, this thing was clearly too big for me. He said: "I just thought that maybe you would like to try something different from time to time... not just me." "Yeah, but... don't you think this is a bit too much? It's huge!" "Well, let's find out then!" And over the next few weeks, we tried to put this monster into my pussy, but it was really very painful and burnt like hell. I liked the idea of the gift itself and of trying something else for a change, but I didn't like the feeling of it inside me. I also thought: "What is Mick thinking of me? I've never had anything big like this." Indeed, Mick seemed to be developing an obsession for big sized penises at that time. He often showed me pictures and videos with huge cocks, and I thought they were fake and I was generally wondering why he did show me them at all. But little by little, I started getting interested in them myself. I couldn't help wondering why adult chat rooms with names like "Big Horse Cocks" and "Huge Black" were always crammed with people and you were lucky to get in, while in others there were only a handful of people. Well, sometimes it was because some guys pretended to be well-endowed in order to attract ladies (or gentlemen, for that matter). But I really started asking myself why they were so sought after. I started reading erotic stories about ladies getting laid by huge cocks and experiencing incredible things. I was intrigued and curious, but at the same thought: "It's just fiction. Well written, but fictional stories, all made up. What more can a few centimetres do? Nothing." I didn't ask myself why those stories all had a similar development and plot: a woman with an average-sized husband/partner gets to fuck a bigger one and then can't get enough of it. I just thought they were well invented, but didn't think in the least they could be true.

Mick tried again and bought me a blue strap-on dildo, which I called "smurf". It was slightly longer, but thinner, and, most of all, harder than the vibrator. We tried it and I loved it. Maybe I was just more relaxed, had grown more confidence, or maybe it was just that it was made from a different material, or that we were using more lubricant, but I really, really liked it. It almost felt real, or as real as I thought a real huge dick could be. And I absolutely loved the fact that Mick now looked like he was sporting a 21 cm dick which covered his own smaller one. When I closed my eyes, it felt like it was a different person fucking me, and it was awesome. The other fabulous thing was that I could put it on and – have a penis too, which I learned to use on Mick. I prepared him with my fingers, use loads of lubricant, then put the smurf in slowly and gently, move it a little inside him, then pulled it out again, waited a minute, put it in again, a little farther inside, out again, waited a moment, then put it all in and started to move like I was really fucking him. After we had done this a few times, after seeing how much pleasure it gave to both of us, I really started wondering what it would be like to do it with a real, big, human cock.

I also asked Mick why he liked big cocks so much, and he said it probably was because when he first had sex – or wanted to have sex – the girl of his choice said his cock was too small for her. Apparently this initial shock had, over time, turned into a sort of strange excitement because he now felt "inferior" to big cocks, and found it intriguing that a woman could choose a "superior" dick over a small or normal one to have sex. I thought about this. Feeling inferior? Would this mean he would be turned on if I chose a bigger one over his?? How would I feel if he chose a woman with bigger tits or whatever over me? This thought didn't turn me on in the least. But I couldn't help thinking more and more often about the possibility that he actually could like it to see me fucked by another guy, just because this guy had better "qualities". Would I like it?

I said to myself: "No, I don't need this. I want to be faithful to my lover, I don't need other people around, and if I want something stronger, I'll get the dildo out. Good. Dildo. We need more dildos." And so we ordered more dildos and other toys, like cock rings and vaginal balls, on the internet. We also ordered a very small and thin, almost pencil shaped purple vibrator, in case I wanted to try anal again, but we never used it together. My personal favourite was Mr Black, a fabulous 21 cm latex cock, so thick I couldn't get my hand around it. I really, really liked it, and used it so often, I could feel my pussy widen over time. The trouble was, sometimes when Mick an I had sex, I couldn't feel him inside me for a few seconds in certain positions. I couldn't feel if, and how deep, he was inside me, and it sometimes gave me an irritating sense of missing something inside me. But after a few seconds, this feeling vanished and everything was alright.

I now started spending more time on adult chats and on the web cam. We created a profile as a couple on a particular website and regularly chatted with a handful of guys. We had agreed on playing with them only if they were well-endowed, since I was now a little more interested in them. It was really difficult to find them though! Often they faked their profile picture, or pretended to be well-endowed when instead their size was just about Mick's. I hated that. If I had to play, I wanted the others to play fair and if I was looking for big cocks, they had to be huge, not average. A few of the people who contacted us, or whom we contacted, were really nice and we let them watch while we were having sex. We got a lot of compliments which I enjoyed immensely, just as much as I enjoyed that what I was doing and saying was turning them on. It made me almost prouder to be able to excite a bigger cock than Mick's!

A couple of times, we went to a private club. I had warned Mick that I wasn't going to swap partners or to take part in an orgy or whatever, I just wanted to go there for the experience. I told him once again that he was free to do whatever he liked with whoever he liked. He replied that I was the boss and he wouldn't do anything I wouldn't enjoy. So I was quite relaxed when we went there. There were not many people, but it didn't matter, since we weren't looking for anything in particular. After a while we started making out on what looked like a sort of giant pouffe in the middle of a room. Some people came closer to watch, and one guy stroke my arm, but I brushed it off, a little annoyed. Maybe we were making out in the wrong place, where people could participate. I asked Mick to move and we continued on a sofa. I was so relaxed that I could even climax. We had a very young couple on a sofa next to us, and the young girl whispered: "Come on... push..." but alas, her partner didn't have much to push in. It reminded me a little of Fred, his dick might have been just as small. "Oh God", I thought, alarmed, "look what I'm doing, going 'round judging other cocks", and I tried to concentrate on Mick and the sex again. All in all it was a good experience; most of all, I loved the men's longing looks: in a strange way, I liked to be at the centre of attention while fucking and being fucked. It was no different than showing yourself on web cam.

We went there again, shortly after, and this time there was a bunch of people who seemed to be friends. There were a handful of ladies and two boys and they all had sex between each other. One of the girls was really loud and exuberant, and one of the guys was quite "interesting". Mick asked me if I wanted to have a go, but I said: "Of course not! What are you thinking!?" I really hated the idea of having sex with a person you've never met before and who has just fucked five ladies, however big he may be.