Mike & Karen Ch. 24

"Like I said, your Excellency, she is having a reaction to something she imbibed," Karen stated, not wanting to elaborate. She knew that he disapproved of cannabis, even if it was perfectly legal. He was the same about recreational alcohol. "I'm not sure she'll be much help during our conversation, but I didn't want to presume to just put her to bed without your input."

"Bed bed bed..." Alexa sung, bopping her head back and forth from shoulder to shoulder.

"Alli," Karen continued, getting her attention. "Mr. Peer is the bishop, and he baptized you. He's come to see us today."

Alexa broke down snickering, lowering her face into her lap while her shoulders shook. The bishop just stared at her, while Karen glanced up at her son. Alex shrugged helplessly. What did she expect him to do? Fuck the high out of her? He'd already tried that once.

Alexa was still laughing when she sat back up, clearly amused by something Karen had said. She looked up at the visitor, her eyes sparkling with mirth, her grin lopsided.

"Bishop," she breathed, snickering again. "The alien queen pulled you right in half..."

The bishop glanced at Karen, his eyebrow raised. She didn't dare return his gaze. Alex just watched silently, not at all certain he could do anything useful.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!" Alexa gurgled, making a pulling apart motion with her hands, her fingernails meant to be claws. She broke down cackling, bent over into her lap, tippling her toes against the floor. "Milky Bishop goo ev-er-y-where!"

Karen squeezed her eyes shut. What had she done to make God so angry at her?

"This should be interesting," the bishop said finally, sitting in his proffered seat while Karen stood up, resisting the urge to cross herself, just in case the Catholics were right. "Karen, let's keep her with us. Even if she's not quite herself, she shouldn't be shut away while we discuss and make decisions about her life."

"Very generous of you, your Excellency," Karen replied, not exactly pleased with his decision, but what could she do if it wasn't a medical emergency? "Alex, please find Theresa and see that the refreshments she prepared are brought in."

"On it, mom," Alex said, standing up and exiting the room readily. He needed to clear his head and think this through. Where Alexa was concerned, he had no doubt he was going to be running interference, but he still needed to have his say, didn't he? This was his life, after all. And aside from Alexa, who else's opinion mattered as much as his?

"What did she ingest?" the bishop asked, watching Alexa as she attempted to see her feet past her large boobs, without much luck. At one point, she tried pulling them apart to see down between, but her shirt wasn't cooperating. Karen silently prayed that her little sister didn't just shuck the garment in frustration. But she couldn't keep dodging the bishop's question, either.

"Not alcohol, I assure you," she said.

"Whatever it was put her in a good mood," he observed. "What could you possibly have here in the house to impair her that way?"

Here we go, Karen thought, trusting herself to the Almighty. "She ingested tea, your Excellency. She chugged back a tea concentrate made by my chef and meant for one of my staff members to deal with the discomfort of his arthritis. It is a homemade remedy, and Alli was not aware of this before drinking it."

"How long has she been like this?" the bishop wondered, watching the blonde stare at her bust like she hadn't been aware of it, measuring it against her hands. "And how long will she remain in this altered state?"

"She's been under its influence for nearly two hours now," Karen admitted. "And our best guess is that it will be tomorrow before she recovers. There's no danger to her, provided we keep her from trying to hug a cactus or a campfire."

"Trilby'll in with the goods in a few, mom," Alex announced, coming back into the study and sitting next to Alexa. She noticed he was back, made a happy sound and rested her head on his shoulder, smiling and nuzzling her cheek on him. "What did I miss?" he asked, ignoring Alexa snuggling closer and putting his hand firmly on hers atop her knee to keep her from slipping it up to his crotch.

"Thank you, Alex," Karen said, steeling herself. There was no point in delaying, things wouldn't get any easier. "Your Excellency, I guess you might as well start us off. I yield the floor to you."

Her hope was that by suggesting a parliamentary framework, she would help keep things on track and objective. If she could contain Alli, they could concentrate on weathering the bishop's outrage at Alex's perceived heresy. The bishop nodded and settled back in his chair before looking directly at Alex.

"So, young man," he began rather formally, establishing his tone and his seat of moral and temporal authority. "We're here to talk about your marriage."

Alexa blinked and looked at Alex. "You're getting married? Why didn't you tell me? To who? Want me to mess her up so she knows to treat you right? You're my hunky li'l nephy, after all."

Alex sat stone still, not budging a millimeter while the bishop just blinked. Karen stared at something out the window.

"As I was saying," the bishop continued. "We are going to discuss the matter of your intended marriage to your aunt Alexandra."

"Ooh, it's me you're marrying?" Alexa exclaimed, her eyes widening. "I dunno which of us is luckier, you'r me. I mean, you get these boobies, and I get these yummy yummy pecs," she said, drawing a fingernail over his chest. "But... aren't we gonna be in trouble if the bishop finds out we've been rudie-nudies together already?"

"Well, that answers one of my next questions, about your premarital celibacy," the older man said dryly, trying to not frown at Alexa. She was copping to stuff she normally might not have, so maybe keeping her around had been a good idea, from his point of view. Karen might have sent her sister to bed, if she'd been worried Alexandra would do something like this, but she let the girl stay, and Alexandra was inadvertently spilling the beans. Was Karen testing him?

Alex gave a minor shrug. "I'm not gonna deny it, your Excellency. Lying to you doesn't seem like a good idea."

"I am glad to hear you think so," he said, nodding. "Because what you're asking is no small thing. To be honest, if I didn't know your parents so well and wasn't aware of what people of great conviction they are, I wouldn't even be considering this."

Alex nodded his understanding. "I don't want to have be wedded her somewhere else. I mean, yes, we're set to be married in Paris, but I want it to be legal and legit back here."

"And your mother has intimated that you will be looking to get the laws changed and allow it," the bishop confirmed. "But even if it's the law of the land, that doesn't make it sacrosanct in the eyes of the church. Capital punishment was lawful until 1976, but that didn't mean the church approved of the practice. Avunculate marriage may be legal in France, but that doesn't mean the Catholic church has condoned it, does it?"

"You're right, of course," Alex admitted humbly while Alexa just kept nuzzling him.

"Why is it so important that your marriage, which many might see not only as taboo but as blasphemous, be condoned by the synods? Even gay marriage isn't, the diocese lets every church decide its own conscience."

Alex smiled. "I have my own opinions about that, your Excellency, but to your point, yes. The truth is, I want my marriage to Alexa to be consecrated. I don't think it's wrong, legally or spiritually."

"A very bold stance, young man."

"I got my morals and my willingness to hold them out from the very best," Alex replied, smiling at his mom. Karen blushed and looked away. Another DeBourne man who could make her blush with a simple word. Damn that boy!

The bishop wasn't about to contest Alex's assertion about Mike and Karen's morality, but this issue was bigger than even that. It needed far more in-depth discussion than could be accomplished here. But the DeBournes had invited him here to hear their arguments on the subject and gain his approval, to have him in their corner as an advocate. Such a thing might have been unusual, but bishops were still allowed to express their opinions, after all, to try to wield their influence.

Did he want to make a statement on this controversial subject?

"Here we go, ma'am," Trilby announced, trundling in a small cart on which rested a tea set and plates of finger foods. The hippie girl set out the fare and Alex told her that he could handle the service. Trilby thanked him, curtsied and exited the room with her cart.

"Quite a colourful crew you have this time around, Karen, from what little I've met them," the bishop said, indicating to Alex that he took his tea plain. Alex served his mother first, then the bishop. He looked over at Alexa, who was staring blankly at a wall.

"Don't you think she's had enough tea for today, mom?" he asked, unable to resist.

"Very funny, young man," Karen replied, somehow refraining from gutting him with her teaspoon. "You might want a bib for her, though."

Alex taught a giggling Alexa how to hold her tiny tea saucer and cup, and to sip from it without spilling everywhere. It took some effort, and Karen wished she'd thought of instructing the staff to not bring in the good bone china. This was the Stoke Staffordshire, meaning it was over two hundred and fifty years old. She prayed in silent desperation that Alli wouldn't drop anything. If her little sister hadn't been higher than a kite, Karen wouldn't have thought twice about using it.

"So tell me, in your own words, how this came about," the bishop said to Alex before taking a sip of his tea. "I have heard it from your mother and father, of course, but I had best have your perspective."

Alex had been expecting this, of course, and he was about as ready as he could be. Show no fear or hesitancy. He nodded and began. "I've known about Alexa my whole life, your Excellency, but to be honest, she was kind of an anecdote for me. None of us expected to ever see her again."

The bishop nodded. He'd been there was Alexa was born, and he'd baptised her. But soon after that, she'd gone missing, along with her mother Miranda. The assumption was that they were safe, since Miranda had left Karen a letter begging her not to go looking for them. She may not have explained why, but Mike and Karen took the reins in the family and made sure it didn't happen. The dynamic mother and her angelic child simply faded away.

"And then here she was in our lives again," Alex continued, feeling almost like he didn't know what he was about to say, even though he'd rehearsed it a thousand times, to the point of making it not sound rehearsed. And still, the words almost tumbled awkwardly out of his mouth. "We picked her up at the airport, and I... well, I fell in love, your Excellency."

If the bishop allowed himself to be objective, he could understand how the young man might have become instantly smitten with his aunt, who was less than two years older than him. And like her older sister, she was stunningly beautiful. Alex would most certainly not be the first nephew in human history to develop a crush on his aunt. But isn't that where it should have ended? A silly boyhood crush?

"And Alexa fell in love with me," Alex said, speaking for his aunt-wife. Alexa made a quiet 'awwwww' sound and hugged his arm, nuzzling his shoulder again. He ignored it. "We kept it a secret the whole summer, terrified of what was happening, but seeing no way out, your Excellency. I mean, short of Alexa turning around and just heading back to Europe on the spot..."

"Which she apparently did at one point, yes?" the bishop asked.

"Well, yes," Alex said. "Mom and dad had figured out that she was in love with me and tried to talk her through it. But I copped to it as well, and things just sort of blew apart in a tsunami of emotion. Even mom and dad weren't quite sure what to do, which is really scary for me. And then Alexa bolted in the middle of the night back to Europe in mid-August."

"I did?" Alexa asked, frowning as she thought about it. "Wow, I'm a bitch."

"And your mother says that you went to Paris and found her and brought her home," the bishop said. "What was behind that? Was there a determination to work things out, even if you parted from her?"

"No, your Excellency," Alex replied, shaking his head. "That wasn't in the cards. I told mom and dad that I'd go and find her, but I was either bringing her back as my wife, or staying with her, wherever she was, as her husband. Mom and dad understood at that point, and they've been behind us ever since, even though they understood how messy this could get."

"And has it been messy?" the bishop asked.

Alex nodded. "Somewhat, at the university. Lots of people calling us perverts and degenerates and spreading obscene material about us. Nothing we can't handle, though."

"The conviction is to be admired, even if I'm not yet convinced of your cause," allowed the older man. "Your mother once mentioned to me that you consider yourselves married."

Alex nodded. "We have a little glade we pledged ourselves to one another in last summer, your Excellency. Is it legit? Well, I guess that depends on how you interpret Matthew 18:20, doesn't it?"

Karen said nothing, simply listening. It was a dangerous game Alex was playing here, showing off his knowledge of scripture to the head of the Anglican church of Canada. He may not have been wrong, but brinksmanship was always risky.

"You don't think an ordained member of the church, one of God's called, is necessary for a marriage?" the bishop asked somewhat archly. "It wasn't exactly a prayer study you were in your glade for, son."

"I know, your Excellency, and I'm not trying to seem disrespectful; I got that out of the way earlier today by accident," Alex said. "But I can't begin to tell you how badly I needed to be married to Alexa. And we're wanting the church's blessing because we both need it to be sacrosanct. It's not a whim."

The bishop studied the young man intently while noshing on a cucumber finger sandwich. He noticed Karen looking at her son, her golden-amber eyes shining with pride. Alexa purred and snuggled in closer, her eyes closed. It was comforting for Alex, as long as she kept her hand out of his pants.

"I appreciate your candor, Alex," the bishop said in a quiet but grave tone. "But I am not exactly convinced that this is some issue we should turn the entire church on its ear about. True love is a serious thing. Proving not just to me, but to the entire Anglican community the world over, that this is not simply infatuation, is no small task."

"Well that's hardly fair," Alexa said suddenly, frowning as she sat up straight. "I love my nephy. What part of him do I need to do naughty things to in front of you to prove-"

"Sorry, your Excellency," Alex said hastily while he reached up around Alexa and clamped his large hand over her mouth and nose, stopping her from speaking. The bishop looked at the young couple in disbelief, while Karen stared on in horror. Alexa drunkenly struggled, making muffled sounds behind Alex's hand, but was unable to remove it. She flailed about, squirmed and tried to escape, but Alex kept his hand over her face, still looking at the bishop and trying to smile. "Don't forget she's not exactly herself at the moment."

"I can't begin to tell you how much it pleases me to hear that," the bishop almost mumbled while Alexa tried to free herself. Her struggles grew weaker, and she finally slumped against Alex and then onto his lap, exhausted, her eyes gazing off into nothing and her tongue lolling out of her mouth. She was breathing slowly and steadily, but finally not talking. Everyone was thankful. "Your aunt's objections aside, though, I am as yet unconvinced."

Karen's mind was racing. When did she step in? Could she? Did she have anything to add that Alex couldn't? Was her only chip her status as an elder in Canada's largest and most influential Anglican congregation? How on earth would that help, when it was the bishop they were contending with? Would having Michael here have made a difference?

"Heya, guys," Jeanie said, appearing at the door, accompanied by her wife. "Just wanted to wish you luck before annnnnnd your meeting's already started. Darn. Sorry."

Oh, Lord, just kill me now... Karen thought in despair, hanging her head. Anyone but Gonzorgo and Roderigo. Weren't there any murder hornets to send our way?

"And who might you two be?" the bishop asked, looking at the two newcomers.

"Your Excellency, this is Freja and Jeanie, two very good friends of Alexa and myself," Alex said, beckoning them into the study now that they'd interrupted the proceedings. The two girls came in uncertainly, as if afraid to get too close to Karen, who looked like she might flense them with her mind.

The bishop nodded to the two girls and made the sign of the cross in front of them. "Bless you, ladies, in nomine patris es filii et spiritus sancti."

Freja blushed and nodded slightly, while Jeanie crinkled her nose for a moment as she thought of how to respond.

"In nomine IKEA to you too, padre," she said finally.

The bishop looked at them both in confusion. Alex sipped at his tea, hoping he was out of the line of laser fire from his mother's eyes. The bishop recovered and spoke. "Alex said you are friends of his and Alexandra."

"Yeah," Jeanie said, nodding as she took Freja's hand and brought the unusually timid Danish girl to stand beside her. "I guess we're like a matched set, y'know?"

"How so?" the bishop asked.

"Well," Jeanie said, swinging the hand she was holding Freja's with to point at the blond couple sitting nearby. "They're married, Fre'n me are married, so... matched set. Is that the right term?"

"So you two are gay?"

"Well, no," Jeanie said, shaking her head. "We're both actually really, really bi, y'know?"

Karen closed her eyes, unable to stop what was about to happen. Why hadn't she banished these two to Belgium?

"But Fre'n Lexi have known one another for a really long time," Jeanie continued. "They grew up in Denmark together."

The bishop looked at Freja, who tried not to turn red. "So you are good friends with Alexandra?"

Freja nodded, making sure she spoke loud enough to be heard. "Yes. We were best friends."

"Don't be modest, Fre," Jeanie said helpfully. "She was your girlfriend and you were in love, weren't ya? It's okay to say that these days, right?"

"Yndling, we might want to stop talking, ja?" Freja murmured.

"Your proclivities and your past aside, young lady," the senior minister said, still looking at Freja. "What is your opinion of Alexandra and her character?"

Freja swallowed. "Are you meanings in the course of normal events, or as she is happening to be now?"

From where she was lying on Alex's lap, Alexa reached up and flipped Freja the bird. At least she was still alive.

The Danish girl steeled herself. "She is very smart and very willsome, sir. And she is more in love with Alex than I have ever seen with anyone else, including myself. I am somewhat enviful."

"Oh, ouch," Jeanie said, sounding hurt. "Isn't smothering in my boobs every night enough, Fre?"

The argument that was breaking out between the girls paused as Valentina entered the room, holding an attaché case. "Mistress, please forgive my intrusion, but the chauffeur from your neighbour has returned the Sargon."

"Yes!" Karen said rather loudly, making Jeanie squeak and jump. She got up and moved quickly to her housemaid, who handed it to her and curtsied. "Your Excellency, please forgive me, but I have been trying to resolve this issue all day. I am attempting to get a Mesopotamian artifact to the ROM and now I can finally do it. This won't take a moment."