All Comments on 'Mindfuck'

It's a good start, however, you need to add depth to your characters. Are they good doing bad things or just bad?

Aw <3 that ending was really sweet. We need more of those.

a fan of rape

1. Editing.

2. This felt like 2 stories slammed together, which made the overall story weak. I suggest either have him detect her weakness during the stripping. Or (my preference) just leave her a bitch and continue revenge.

You say you won't take notice of anonymous comments, but I suggest you read - and take notice - of this one:-

Your writing is woefully bad, but you have a couple of good ideas, so try contacting one of our volunteer editors here and work with them before you submit anything else.

(When I say your writing is bad, I'm not being snarky, it is genuinely very bad - in places it's barely English. I'm submitting this comment without signing in, but I am one of Lit's highest-ranked authors and don't wish to start start a slagging fest over comments)

JG

LEARN TO SPELL, IDIOT!!!!!!