Minnow Ch. 01

And nowhere in my story did I ever say that I'm a race car driver and even making normal left-handed turns can scare the bejesus out of me, but making a full "U" turn across the Strip was a part of my plan, so, um, I did my best to not look too much like a fool. Which was a huge failure, but I gave it the old community college try.

And at least I followed the proper Strip traffic etiquette by safely rolling to a stop in the far northbound right-hand lane, rolling down the window and yelling all the way across the Strip to announce my intentions of parking in front of the Whipped Swirl Shop on the southbound side of the Strip. Oh, and the proper traffic etiquette of yelling out of the open window is what makes snarling up traffic legit. I mean, it's the Strip, right? It has its own traffic laws.

[Beep, beep, honk, beep, beep, honk, honk, the yelling commences]

"Hey, Dexter, I'm going to pull a "U" turn in the middle of the Strip and then park it right there in that open slot, got it? I have a few friends with me who all want a Whipped Swirl in celebration of their last crew squad member hitting their 18th, so?"

"Beat it, Minnow. I mean, your SUV is cool enough, but you need to keep moving down the Strip that way [points south] and treat your so-called friends to a Swirly Whip from the Swirly Whip Shop!"

"(RLPR giggles) I sense some interesting tension there, Minnow, tee he."

"(PLPP giggles) look at all these guys on the infamous Strip, tee he."

"(YLPY giggles) park this bitch on the infamous Strip, Minnow and let's whip it, tee he."

"Shut it and, um, all three of you get out and you know, direct traffic by walking across the Strip and standing in that open parking spot, like (counts in head, RLPR, YLPY, PLPP, three) like in a row of three and highlight all of your colorful terrycloth booty shorts because I made you ex-Lolli Pops a promise and I'm parking right there! But stay frosty and light on your feet since I've never pulled a "U" turn before in a six-lane street."

"(RLPR giggles) highlight, tee he, Minnow, like how you highlight the flares of your hips, tee he?"

"(PLPP giggles) OMG, facial hair! These guys are men, tee he."

"(YKPY giggles) can I twirl a mustache while I sip a Whipped Swirl?"

Well, when you are friends with the Lolli Pop squad, um, well, pardon me, the ex-Lolli Pop squad since all three of them finally kissed 18, I mean, I sent in the calvary, so, what? I was parking in front of the Whipped Swirl Shop and nothing was going to stop me, come hell or high water! Which neither came since it was a nice weather night and because terrycloth booty shorts that tightly wrap around three college sized volleyballs can stop heartbeats, hell fire, high water, traffic and traffic tickets.

[Three doors open, (SUV Info Screen computer counts, red, yellow, pink, three) three ex-Lolli Pop squad members pop out and Va Voom, Va Voom, Va Voom, stroll across the Strip for their first time]

"Dexter, so?"

[Um, still sideways in the middle of the Strip only halfway through a failed "U" turn!]

"Hi, guys, I'm Red Lolli Pop Rena. Hi, ladies. And hey, Cuz Darla."

"Well, hello to the other gender! I'm Pink Lolli Pop Pepper. Hey, ladies."

"My, my, my, man mustache city! I'm Yellow Lolli Pop Yvette. Hey babes, you're looking great."

Well, there is a reason why someone created the calvary! It works.

"Damn it Minnow, quit screwing around in the middle of the Strip and bah, bah, bah, park your SUV right here, right now! Tee he, little buddy."

I mean, the cut in the rear of booty shorts like that, right? They do that on purpose, right? And no, no, no, I did not join in all that terrycloth booty shorts fun. I mean, as I said somewhere above, I'm about to invest in the terrycloth fabric market, but I'm less flashy than that. I have some questionable shorts for sure, but they all at least have legs to them. Unless I'm home alone with curtains closed. That's when you should knock on my side door. Just don't be a knucklehead. And say something nice about my as high as the cloud's cheek bones. And don't be a knucklehead.

[The driver's door swings open because the SUV is still sitting sideways in the middle of the Strip and huh, a good hip bump and then Minnow ended up in the passenger side, just like that!]

Well, I'm basically the same size as the ex-Lolli Pop squad girls, so, I'm not difficult to scoot across the seat. Or a couch or a bed. And the driver's seat scares the bejesus out of me anyways.

[Vroom, roar, vroom, screech, squeal, burn out, tires smoking, slide it sideways, wheel hopping, vroom, "U" turned and parked!]

"Minnow, are you crazy bringing the Lolli Pop squad down to the Strip on a Friday night, hmm?"

Well, I'm on a program, so a little bit of crazy comes with that. It says so right on the prescription.

"Darla, they all have turned 18 over the past (counts in head, one week, two weeks, three weeks, three) over the past three weeks, so, they are technically the ex-Lolli Pop squad now and I just wanted to treat them to a Whipped Swirl in celebration of that, so?"

"Well, I knew all that, but I like to yell at you since my cousin, Red Lolli Pop Rena has you so wrapped! But it's cool. Oh, and it would even be cooler if you go make peace with Dexter and speaking of that, it would be even cooler if you have a couple of joints for Jade and myself and you know, your key fob while you make peace with Dexter and then try to pry the ex-Lolli Pop squad off of the Strip, so?"

Well, since I should mention it, I mean, I was wearing fairly standard blue Denim shorts with my Go-Go purple patch in my hair and as for the ex-Lolli Pop squad, if anyone at all cares, Red Lolli Pop Rena wore red terrycloth booty shorts, Yellow Lolli Pop Yvette wore construction yellow terrycloth booty shorts and Pink Lolli Pop Pepper wore pink terrycloth booty shorts, if anyone cares. Now, how they all managed to find these colorful terrycloth booty shorts that also included the matching, yet opposing red, yellow and pink accent edging is beyond me, but my hair was on point.

"I mean, Darla, I mean, there's no making peace with Dexter in public, but thanks for flat spotting my tires by squealing my SUV into this parking spot sideways, so?"

[Huh, the LP squad is slowly disappearing behind a circle of people. Men people mostly]

"Well, you were messing up traffic for more than the allowable two minutes, Minnow, for Pete's sakes! And you can argue with Dexter in the privacy of literally any of the (counts in head, bazillion, a bazillion) in literally any of the bazillion alley access walkways all along the Strip, so?"

[Oh, so, the Black Denim crew and the Blue Denim crew have found circling common ground then?]

"And given the size of the crowd of guys that is already gathering around the terrycloth covered Lolli Pop volleyballs, well, good luck with your "non thought through plan" and since I'm already in your driver's seat and all, I mean, so?"

Well, the Middleton Strip has other rules than just traffic disturbance, like if I'm holding it, I own it.

[Beep, beep]

"Jump in, Jade! I have weed and a key fob. And the guys are busy drooling over ex-Lolli Pops anyways, so."

[Puff, pass, vroom, puff, pass, vroom, puff, pass, vroom away down the Strip]

"Alright Lolli Pop ladies, we came here for a Whipped Swirl, so that's about enough of the first time legally flirting with the guys on the sidewalk, so, shall we go inside of the Whipped Swirl Shop then, hmm?"

"OMG, when did you become such a fuddy duddy then, Minnow? We're just having fun, you know, like the song says, so, ahem, go inside of the Whipped Swirl and hold us a table. Or take a walk down the Strip with, tee he, Dexter, the man with fast hands, tee he."

That was not a face-to-face brief conversation since I had to speak through like (counts in head, one circle, two circles, two) two circles of guys, who apparently, also liked terrycloth. And volleyballs.

"I mean, Red Lolli Pop Rena, I'm not a fuddy duddy! I'm just want to be the voice of reason since the rules change once someone turns 18, so, um, listen to my voice, since we can't see each other through the two walls of man muscle. And shoulders. The rules are different now, RLP Rena!"

"And OMG, thank the heavens for that, Minnow! We like guys and guys like Lolli Pops and it's been a long road getting here, like (counts is head, born, turned 18, 18), it's been an 18 years journey, so, we love you, we'll always be your Lolli Pop squad, we promise, tee he, to use that Lolli Pop filter that you found for us, tee he, most of the time, but shut it and walk south down this fabulous thing the real people call the Strip, tee, he, wait, stop that Danny Boy while I'm speaking, um, anyways, Minnow, wasn't it you yourself who posted on Chang, um, what was it exactly then, hmm? Was it "let the Strip rejoice now that the Lolli Pop squad kissed 18 and instantly became the ex-Lolli Pop squad!" or something like that, so? Anyways, Minnow, we're fine and we and we're going to be fine, so, um, for now, ta, ta, Minnow! Oh, no, not ta, ta to you, Larry. You have man body heat, tee he."

Oh, I mean, sometimes I post stuff, so, what? I already pled half-crazy above, so.

(Counts in head, Danny Boy, damn, one Danny from the Blue Demin crew, one.)

"We're fine, Minnow, so just give us a couple of minutes, wait, what, what did you just explain to Pink Lolli Pop Pepper, Josh? What's an alley access walkway, hmm? And is there room enough for all our entire ex-LP squad in such a mythical place, hmm?"

Oh, yeah, they're fine, right! Well, they really are fine, so.

[Beep, beep, honk]

"It looks like you need a rescue or a ride, Minnow, so?"

"Mo, what are you doing here, hmm?"

Again, before you start counting in your head, I know Mo this much [makes a large "C" with hand], but we have never argued. I mean, we had a spat once, but I had to spit because I was not ready for that! Mo got Mo power! If that ever happened. Which I may have admitted to (counts in head, 10, 20, 30, OMG, a lot oof paragraphs above) I mean, I already said that my first time was actually my second time like way, way above, if either of those arguments ever happened.

"Oh, I'm saving the day since you were crazy enough to bring the ex-Lolli Pop squad down to the Strip because I know how to slow roll through the alley and keep an eye on every single little alley access walkway, so, jump in and let's roll, Minnow!"

Well, I could see in his left eye that as my savior, Mo had other things in mind. And something has always been wrong with his right eye, so, it doesn't flicker the same as his left eye.

[A huge sedan front door opens and closes. Do they still make cars that big?]

"Tee he, get comfortable, Minnow and fasten your seat belt."

[Do sedans that large really slow roll like that too?]

"Ecker Street, Mo, slow roll in back of the Ecker Street alley access walkway, Mo."

[Screech, squeal, beep, honk, beep, honk, roar, vroom, there's yelling and SUV doors slamming.]

"Tee he, you know that's Darla snatching up the ex-Lolli Pop squad from the grips of the black and blue Denim crews, right, Minnow?"

"Oh, I know that, Mo and flattening my tires some more! But I'm glad the LP squad are safe now. So, um, the size of your front seat is almost like the size of a bed, so?"

"Oh, keep talking and nibbling, Minnow."

[Parks the yacht of a sedan in the alley]

Well, our previous spat that resulting in my spitting was totally embarrassing. So embarrassing.

"Look, Mo, our previous spat may have been a bit of a disaster, but I'm not talking about the size of your front seat so I can drop my shorts and lay down that way. And I'm not screaming and running, so."

"Oh, well then, Minnow, we're not repeating that messy disaster in my ride because that was, well, messy and I'm sure that Brad figured it out at the end of his game day, so?"

Oh, I cleaned up a bit, you know, after I choked and gagged and looked around for the back teeth that Mo blew out with his Mo power! But it was gross. And embarrassing. And messy.

[Screech, squeal, beep, honk, beep, honk, roar, vroom, there's yelling and SUV doors opening.]

"Someone need a rescue from his rescue? Roll your silvery butt in the back, Minnow and let's get this Lolli Pop squad home!"

[Puff, pass, puff, pass, honk, beep, puff, puff, pass]

"(RLPR giggles) tee he, Minnow looks so confused."

"(PLPP giggles) OMG, that guy has a mustache and a bad eye, aha, aha, aha."

"(YKPY giggles) we're still getting our Whipped Swirls, right?"

Well then, it's all in the timing, right?

"[Quick cheek peck] we'll figure something out, Mo, um, bye!"

So, that's my story of (counts in head, Mo, almost Dexter, Seth, Almost Mo again, four) that's my story of my first four sexual experiences and I'm still swimming!

End Minnow 01