Mom, a Martyr for her Navy Seal Son

The first time she heard him singing that, she was shocked. She was sad. She was angry. She cried. Yet, just a song to keep him running, now she sings the song too when she runs alone and whenever he's not home. Unafraid to go out alone after dark, with him an arsenal of self-defense, he's taught her a few moves to keep her safe and has given her an assortment of lethal but legal weapons to keep on her person. Now, unafraid to run the track alone, she runs to her own cadence.

"Baby carriage rolling down the strip, mother Seal on a one way trip. Mission top secret, destination unknown, I don't even know if he's ever going home. Stand up, don't cry, hug my son goodbye, and drive to the airport door. If his main don't open wide, my heart will ache and break inside. If his reserve fails him too, he'll be home DOA to you. If he dies on that old, drop zone, finally he'll be at home. Pin his medals upon his chest, bury him because he's the best."

* * * * *

A changed man than when he joined the military to become a Navy Seal, he's more distant now. Even though he's a good looking man and has had plenty of girlfriends, as soon as the women discover that he's a dedicated Navy Seal, they bolt. Perhaps figuring there's a good chance that he wouldn't be surviving his next mission, few women want to begin a love relationship and then not see her man for months. Few women want to fall in love, get married, and have children while knowing there'll be a good chance they'll be widow and their children won't have a father. Few women have the love, the dedication, and the strength to care of a man who returns to her broken and/or without his arms and/or legs. Only, as his mother, as if she signed up for the Navy Seal duty too when he did, she was one of those few women who was willing to endure anything that her son may or not survive.

Quietly reflective, always deep in thought as if always preparing for something, he's not the same funny, easy going, fun loving man that he used to be. Unable to talk about what he's experienced and what he's seen, she knows he's experienced and seen some horrific things. Unwilling to talk about what he did, she knows he's done some horrible things. She knows he's killed men, women, even children who've killed or tried to kill his buddies. Trained to kill, more of a machine than a man when in action, she knows that he's more of a horrific killer than he is her kind, gentle, and loving son.

After all that he's been through, it would take him years, if ever, to decompress for him to return to her in the state of mind that he left before joining the Seals. Turning him into a natural born, cold blooded albeit calculating killer, the United States of America took her loyal, patriotic son, molded him to fit their form, and ruined him. A monster with a limited life expectancy, he's only good for two things, to kill and/or to be killed. They filled his head with drills, regimen, training techniques, weaponry, hand-to-hand fighting, survival skills, and orders. They brainwashed him into thinking that he's invincible and so long as he continues to believe that he is, he is invincible.

"Superman was the man of steel but he ain't no match for a Navy Seal."

God help the enemy going up against the likes of him and/or any one of his team of killers and assassins. If one Navy Seal is an arsenal, then a team of six Navy Seals is a small army. As Tina Turner put it in her song, Simply the Best, he was the best of the best and better than all the rest. With a Navy Seal six team member comparable to the 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment, Delta Force, even after being honorably discharged, the only place he'd be accepted and feel at home would be going back overseas and in country as a hired mercenary.

With him being redeployed, yet, again, even if he was to safely make it home, never to be the same, she knew that mentally and emotionally, she's lost him for good. No amount of therapy could unravel the knots that he had to tie his emotions and his brain in to survive. He's no longer her son but some recreation of an image that the United States Navy has of the perfect, human, fighting machine. A Navy Seal, the ultimate frogman, he's an Army Ranger on steroids combined with a Green Beret with a vengeance.

Fearing the worst, she doesn't want to be sitting front and center at his funeral when they present her with the American flag. In the way that she felt about her country taking her son for war and for all the money that the profiteers earned from war, she'd spit on the flag. Yet, the proud mother of a Navy Seal that she is, she'd never disrespect her son, herself, and her country by spitting on the flag, especially after all that he's done to defend it, but she was angry that Christopher was leaving her yet again. Much too young, she wasn't ready to be a Gold Star mother. She wasn't ready to march in a parade and wave at people she doesn't know, never met, and will never meet, after visiting his grave on Memorial Day and Veterans' Day.

With her so very happy to have him home, she made him all of his favorite meals. As if he was a man on death row and as if every meal was his last meal, whatever he wanted and so desired, she happily cooked it for him. Hugging him as if this was the last time she'd be seeing him alive, she dreaded tomorrow when he'd leave for the airport to board his plane to God only knows where now. She dreaded driving him to the airport. She dreaded saying her goodbye while suspecting that this may be their last goodbye. Having the sinking feeling that she'd never see him again, she dreaded watching his plane take off for God only knows where to do God only knows what.

A Navy Seal with classified, secret orders, he couldn't tell her where he was going or what he was doing even after he arrived there, especially after he arrived there. He couldn't even tell her where he's been never mind telling her where he's been redeployed but with him a specially trained sharpshooter, she knew wherever he's been and wherever he went this time was a place where she wouldn't want him to be. She knew wherever he went in someone else's country, an American with a gun and a license to kill the enemy on foreign soil, a place where he wasn't welcome, that he'd have an insurgent's target on his back and a terrorist's bounty on his head. Wherever he went in their country, a much hated citizen of the United States of America, he'd be deemed the terrorist. With him obviously killing so very many of them, it would be in their best interest to take him out and to make sure that he was dead. Wherever he went, with so very many wanting him dead, he may not return.

* * * * *

Had she not had that reoccurring dream of stripping herself naked and had today not been Monday, July 14th, the 195th day of the year, Nude Day, the thought of her getting naked for her son never would have crossed her mind. Had she not had that disturbing, incestuous dream of being naked before her son and giving him sex, she wouldn't have been as sexually aroused, ready to strip off her clothes, and eager to give him sex as she was now. Getting naked for the sexual entertainment of her son and giving him sexual pleasure was the last thing on her mind when he was going away, perhaps forever. Certainly, under normal circumstances, nudity and sex would be the last things she'd be thinking when it comes to her son, especially when it comes to her son. She was more concerned with his safety than with her exhibitionism or with his voyeurism and their sexuality.

So that he wouldn't have to bother with the mundane details of buying toiletries and snacks for his trip, she was more concerned with making him comfortable and making sure that he had everything he needed for his redeployment. Whatever would make him more comfortable and make his stay overseas more tolerable, even somewhat enjoyable, she already bought him and gave him. When it comes to a mother spoiling her son, it didn't matter than he was a big, tough, scary Navy Seal. He was still her baby boy and she was still his loving mother. Instead of going off to war, packing him candy, nuts, cookies, clean underwear and socks, she treated him as if he was going away to summer camp.

Yet, a deliciously albeit shocking thought, it never would have occurred to her to strip off her clothes had her son not mentioned that he was going to see famous, fashion models demonstrating nude for PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. With her reoccurring, incestuous, sexual dream in the back of her mind, when he mentioned the nude models, a delicious albeit forbidden and decadent thought crossed her mind. In an instant, she connected her erotic dreams with Nude Day. If he had a thing for naked women, and obviously he does with all the men's magazines that are resplendent with naked women and that are scattered throughout his bedroom, what better naked woman for him to see than for him to see his mother naked?

Only with him carrying the badge of honor of a Navy Seal, is he like any other young man who lusts to see his mother naked or is he above all of that? No matter if he is or isn't, as if taking a pill or a magic elixir, just the thought of stripping herself naked for her son consumed her thoughts enough to remove her worry about him being redeployed. Just the thought of her stripping herself naked for the hoped for sexual pleasure of her son removed any and all embarrassment she ordinarily would have with him seeing her without her clothes. Only, even if it is Nude Day and she was doing this for her son, she didn't dare to get naked, did she?

Nonetheless the coincidence that today was Nude Day, she wondered if she could strip naked to show her son her nude body on the pretense that it was Nude Day? It was fun just thinking that she would strip herself naked for the erotic pleasure and sexual excitement of her son. Even though she would certainly strip herself naked, if she thought her stripping naked would give her son some modicum of comfort with something to masturbate over later, how could she do that? What morally modest mother would strip herself naked in front of her son?

A mother stripping naked for her son's sexual pleasure was never acceptable behavior even if it was Nude Day and even if he was going off to war and to his feared death. Stripping herself naked was crossing the line of appropriate behavior between a mother and her son; that was incest. What kind of mother would she be to strip and parade naked around in front of her son? What kind of mother would willingly give her son sex? Yet, when she thought about him not returning home and her not seeing him again, she'd do anything, even give him sex, if she thought that memory would give him some comfort in his final moments of life.

A big step, one that tested her boundaries and her will in crossing the incestuous line for the sake of her son's sexual pleasure, she didn't know if she could strip herself naked for her son but she liked thinking that she could and that she would. Something that not only a wife and a girlfriend but also a mother could do, just the thought of her stripping herself naked for Christopher gave her some modicum of comfort. Thinking of undressing in front of him while thinking of his reaction in seeing her naked made her momentarily forget that he was being redeployed. When she put things in perspective, with her giving what she has to her son, her sexuality, in the way that he may give what he has to his country, his life, she could indeed strip herself naked for her son.

If he could die for his country than she could strip naked for her son. Surely, if she was in his shoes and if she was a prisoner of war given the choice of stripping herself naked or dying, she'd much rather be naked than to be dead. Yet, if she was a prisoner of war, men would never give her the choice of stripping or not. They'd just strip her naked and take what they wanted from her before killing her.

Only, what would he think when seeing her naked? Would he be happy? Would he be sexually excited? Or would he be angry that his mother thought stripping herself naked for Nude Day because it was Nude Day and because he was being redeployed again was a good idea? She didn't know. As secret about his sexuality as he was about his military exploits, great at bluffing while playing poker, he was hard to read. Even as his mother, she sometimes had a hard time knowing what he was thinking. She didn't have a clue and she wouldn't know if her son would be angrily upset or sexually excited until she actually took it upon herself to show her son her naked body.

Always looking to see what he could see of her whenever she was inadvertently showing him an up skirt or a down blouse, she knew he was sexually attracted to her. What son isn't? In the sexy way that she looked with a face as pretty as her body was shapely, what son wouldn't look at what she was inadvertently showing? Many sons are sexually attracted to their mothers, or so she read. According to Dr. Sigmund Freud, all sons want to have sex with their mothers, especially with a mother who looked like her.

Only, it would be one thing for her to strip naked and quite another thing for her to offer him sex. Forget about crossing the incestuous line by stripping herself naked, offering him sex would be not erasing the incestuous line but obliterating the incestuous line. Still a difficult line to cross, even with him going off to war, for her to give him sex, he'd have to want her to give him sex as much as she wanted to give him sex. Only, she was already way ahead of herself and perhaps way ahead of him too. With her having never shown her son so much more than her bra strap before, it would be egregious enough for her to strip off her clothes and appear naked before him, never mind offering him sex too.

With that written, no matter if it's Nude Day today or not, no matter if he's going to war and not returning, what kind of mother willing stands before her son naked? Is her being an incestuous, naked slut offering her son sex the last memory that she'd wants him to have of her? Or would he see her in the way that she wanted him to see her, as a loving mother who willingly would do anything for the sexual pleasure and incestuous happiness of her son?

If she stripped off her clothes, if she gave him the sexual pleasure of having sex with her naked body, and if that's what it would take to make him happy, how would he perceive her then? Would he perceive her as a loving mother willing to do anything for her son or would he see her as an incestuous whore of a pathetic mother using Nude Day and him leaving her for war again as her excuse to get naked and give him sex? There was only one way to find that out but, before answering any and all of those questions, she didn't even know if she could appear before him naked. It's one thing to dream about stripping herself naked and it's one thing to consider allowing her son to see her naked, but it's quite another thing to actually remove all of her clothes and offer him sex.

According to Jerry Springer, she'd have to be a whore and an incestuous slut for her to strip naked and offer Christopher sex for the sexual pleasure of her son. Naked, naked, naked, how could she strip off her clothes to stand naked before her son? Naked, naked, naked, with all of the horribleness that he was about to endure, she had the one thing, her naked body, that could give him for some small degree of sexual pleasure when he was alone, desolate, and horny. Naked, naked, naked, now that she thought about stripping herself naked, temporarily more preoccupied with that thought of stripping off her clothes than with him going off to war, maybe her stripping naked would be beneficial for the both of them.

* * * * *

Trying to convince herself while justifying that, under the circumstances, it was okay for her to appear naked in front of her son, she thought of all the scenarios where it was not only acceptable but also appropriate for a mother to be naked in front of her son. In the way that the Europeans attend nude beaches with their families without having any ill feelings of shame, remorse, embarrassment, guilt, or sexual excitement that mothers are seeing their sons naked while sons are seeing their mothers naked, what's the big deal? It's just the human body, the same body that we all have beneath our clothes. If he's seen all of his comrades in arms naked numerous times, why shouldn't he be allowed to see his mother naked when she's just as much a comrade in arms while worrying about him returning home to her safely as they are? If he's seen all of the sexy pinup models and fashion models demonstrating for PETA naked, with him obviously enjoying ogling naked, sexy women, being that she's a sexy woman, why shouldn't he see his mother naked too?

In the way that entire families strip naked in celebration of Nude Day, if they can parade around naked in front of one another, why couldn't she stand naked in front of her son as his personal reward for him going off to war? In the way that people join a nudist colony, whole families, mothers with their sons and sons with their mothers, they have no inappropriate, sexual thoughts for one another when walking around naked, so why should she? Just as her son was fearless to do what he does, as the mother of a Navy Seal, she needed to be fearless to do what she needed to do too and that was to strip herself naked.

Only, the reality of forbidden sex between a mother and her son overruled her sexual fantasy and froze her into sexual inaction. Indecisive even after all of her commonsense justification, she couldn't do it. She couldn't strip off her clothes. Being that she was his mother, there was no way that she could give her son sex. What would he think seeing her naked? He'd think she's lost her mind.

Then, again, her reality of losing her son that originally inspired her sexual fantasy fanned her flames of lustful desire. Only, she wasn't celebrating Nude Day. She wasn't at a nude beach. She wasn't a PETA pinup model and she wasn't a nudist tanning herself topless or naked on a white, sandy beach off the coast of France or Italy. Instead, hoping to give Christopher some sexual pleasure, Julie was stripping herself naked for the occasion of her son leaving to fight someone else's war again. With the possible prospect of him not returning home alive, wanting to give him a lasting memory of her that he'd never forget, she was the worried sick mother of a Navy Seal who was leaving her for war yet again.

No fault and no foul, what she was thinking about doing wasn't about sex and/or wasn't about incest or so she continued telling herself for her to believe. If as she suspected and he doesn't make it home, what would it matter later that she stripped off her clothes to be naked in front of her son? What would it matter that she had sex with him? Who would know? With her son dead, no one would know that she stripped off her clothes to pose naked in front of her son. Her gift to give him, no one would know that they had incestuous sex.

With him killed in action, dead, and buried, who would care what happened between a mother and her son? If he didn't return home from war, not only would no one know that they had incestuous sex but also no one would care that she stripped herself naked and had incestuous sex with her son. He'd be dead. Something they'd both take to their graves, it would be their dirty, little secret that he saw her naked and that they had sex. Only, if she didn't strip naked and have sex with her son, she'd forever regret that decision should he not return home alive.

If seeing her without her clothes would give him some sexual pleasure during his last, quiet moments and while masturbating over all that he saw of his mother's naked body, what's wrong with that? If the memory of her naked body during his last dying moments helped him not to feel the pain, then she's done a good thing, the best thing that a mother could ever do for her son. For sure, her stripping herself naked would give her some peace for her to know that she made her son very happy over all that she was about to show him and over all that he was about to see of her. She convinced herself that as her son lay dying that the one, last thing he'd want to do is to masturbate over all he saw of his mother and the sexual memory she gave him. Already twisted by her anticipated grief, she was wrought with the desire of needing to do something that was in her control. With her unable to stop him from leaving, the only thing she could do was to strip off her clothes and give her son sex. Weighing the positives of stripping off her clothes against the negatives of her stripping off her clothes, with the positives far exceeding the negatives, she didn't see the harm in her stripping off her clothes nor did she see the wrong in giving him sex.