Mommy I Need, Want & Love You Ch. 01

Now two-years later, I'm forty-three-years old. I'm only eighteen years older than my son. I could be his big sister.

Had I known then what I suspected now, I wondered if I would have done anything differently. I wondered if I would have encouraged his sexual attraction to me. With no harm done, I could have had some fun with it. I could have had sex with him and allowed him to have sex with me. Maybe, had we had sex then, I wouldn't be so sexually attracted to my son then as I still am now.

I wondered if I would have taken more care in denying him to see me without my clothes by locking my bedroom and installing a lock to lock my bathroom door. Or maybe I would have sexually teased him unmercifully and dressed more provocatively? Maybe I would have dressed with my bedroom wide door open. Maybe I would have showered with my bathroom door wide open on the pretense to let out the steam.

Something that I didn't do, maybe, I should have worn a bathrobe over my short, sheer, sexy, and low-cut nightgowns? Maybe I shouldn't have sat across from him with my knees parted open enough to show him my panties when wearing a short skirt or my naked pussy when wearing a nightgown. Surely, now that I think about it, unbeknownst that he had been sexually lusting over me, inadvertently, I must have been driving him mad with lustful thoughts and sexual desires by unintentionally exposing myself to him.

Only, I wish I had known the effect that I had on him. I could have had some fun, too. A delayed reaction on my part, embarrassed to think that I erotically excited him then, it made me sexually aroused now to think that I did. Now that I recall, whenever I didn't wear a robe over my nightgown, he could certainly see the impressions that my nipples made in the thin fabric of my nightgown. He could clearly see my dark patch of pubic hair through the sheerly transparent material of my nighties.

'Horny now, I wished he had made a sexual pass at me. I wished he had touched me. I wished he had felt me,' I thought. 'I'd give anything for him to fondle my breasts and suck my nipples,' I thought while touching myself.

F F F

Thinking back, I remembered those times when he returned home from the gym. He wanted me to give him a massage. At first, I was turned off by the idea of rubbing down my son and touching so much of his exposed body. Yet, it was all very innocent.

Only, touching him in that sexual sort of way, and seeing and feeling so much of his nearly naked body, instead of disgusting me, sexually aroused me. He not only made my nipples hard and erect but also, he made my pussy wet. He made me horny just by massaging his back, his shoulders, his arms, and his legs.

Then, when he turned over for me to massage the front of him, making my mouth water, he always had an erection tenting his briefs. I couldn't stop staring at his bulging prick. He had an erection that I always wished I could feel and that made me horny to see. Pretending not to notice it, impossible not to stare at it, I imagined it that night, when alone with my horny and lonely thoughts. While touching myself and thinking incestuous, sexual thoughts about my son, I masturbated myself with my vibrator and dildo while imagining him making love to me.

Surely, I didn't think it was me who had sexually excited him. Back then, before he married her, I thought it was his girlfriend, Kathy, who had sexually excited him. I just thought that he was a normal, healthy, testosterone filled, young man. Admittedly, seeing the throbbing and pulsating bulge in his briefs made me as horny as it made me curious, as to what his erect, naked cock looked like when erect.

Even though I briefly saw his big dick when he whipped it out in front of me to pee, I never had a close, hands-on examination of it. Yet, but for a deep rooted desire to stroke him while sucking him off, I wrestled with my libido to put those sexual thoughts out of my mind. I was his mother, after all, and he was my son. How dare I want to blow him?

"That feels so good, Mommy," he said while relaxing with my massage. "You have great hands."

I smiled at him.

"Relax, Jimmy. You're so tense," I said.

'Turn over and mommy will give you a happy ending,' I thought but didn't dare say. 'Mommy will give you a hand job and will make you cum. Would you like mommy to masturbate you? Would you like to cum all over mommy's hand?'

I imagined reaching my hand inside his briefs and wrapping my fingers around his cock. I imagined reaching down and cupping his testicles, before slowly and gently stroking my son's prick as only a loving mother could. Then, when he was good and hard, when he was erotically excited and wild with passion for me, I'd lower my mouth to his stiff dick and take him in my mouth.

I'd blow him. I'd suck his cock. I'd allow him to cum in my mouth. I'd swallow his cum. I'd even allow him to cum all over my face. I'd allow Jimmy to give me a cum bath.

'Cum, Jimmy. Cum. Cum in mommy's mouth. Cum all over my face. Give me a cum bath,' I imagined saying to him.

F F F

Yet, forget about him being tense. I was the one who was tense. Suddenly having the overpowering urge to touch my son, in the way that I wanted him to feel my tits, I wanted to feel his cock. I wanted to stroke his naked prick. Whenever I gave him an innocent massage, I imagined reaching down his underwear, pulling out his cock and stroking him, before taking him in my mouth and sucking him.

A long time since I sucked a prick, I imagined him growing hard in my mouth. Again, every time I masturbated; I imagined the same sexual scenario over again. I imagined him cumming in my mouth and swallowing his cum. Then, as soon as I removed the pressure of my lips from his cock and removed him from my mouth, I imagined him surprising me and ejaculating a second load of cum all over my face and in my hair. I imagined Jimmy giving mommy a cum bath.

'What's wrong with me,' I thought? 'What mother wanted to have sex with her son?'

Yet, happy to massage him, I wanted to show him what truly great hands I had by reaching inside his briefs, wrapping my fingers around his cock, and giving him a hand job. I'd love to give Jimmy a hand job. I'd love to sexually excite him enough for him to cum. He made me so horny every time I saw his big dick bulging out his briefs.

I so wanted to ask him a sexually heated question while wondering what he'd say.

'Jimmy, you have an erection,' I dared myself to say. 'Would you like mommy to do something about that,' I dared myself to ask? 'Would you like me to masturbate you? I could make you cum, I imagined saying. 'That would really relax you.'

I imagined him agreeing to have me masturbate him. I imagined stroking his big dick. I imagined stroking his erect prick faster. I imagined stroking his cock harder. I imagined making him cum.

'Cum, Jimmy. Cum for mommy,' I imagined saying while stroking him faster and stroking him harder. 'I imagined him cumming all over my hand,' I thought.

F F F

I wanted to show him how only a mother could pleasure her son by leaning down, taking his erect prick in her hand before taking his swollen cock in her mouth. I wanted to show my son the blowjob that I would give him as his loving mother. Only, every time I thought those thoughts, a line that I could never cross, pulling myself back by filling my head with reasons why I shouldn't have sex with my son, I berated myself.

Just as I had sexually inappropriate thoughts about him, thoughts that I tried dismissing as soon as I had them, he had sexually inappropriate thoughts about me, too. I should have known that when he offered to give me a massage that he was having sexually inappropriate thoughts about me, too. I should have turned him down, when he wanted to touch my tired, tense, and aching body, but his hands felt so good on my shoulders, my back, my butt, and my legs.

Unaware if he had deliberately touched me where he shouldn't have touched me, I didn't think anything of it. Then, when he touched the sides of my breasts through my nightgown, my nipples erected. When he raised my nightgown a little too high and moved his hand a little too close to my pussy, he made me wet when the back of his hand tickled my bushy, brown, pussy hairs. Finally, when he raised my nightgown high enough to expose my naked ass and massaged my naked ass cheeks, I thought I was going to have a sexual orgasm.

More than once, when he started massaging my back, massaging my legs, and giving me a foot massage, he aroused me sexually. In the way that John Travolta as Vincent Vega and Samual L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield discussed giving Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace a foot massage in Pulp Fiction, Jimmy made me wet massaging my feet. I hoped he'd accidentally touch the sides of my breasts or brush his hand by my pussy hairs while massaging the rest of me. As soon as he left my bedroom, I masturbated my forbidden desire to have sex with him.

F F F

"Oh, Jimmy, that feels so soothing. You're going to put mommy to sleep," I said when I was wide awake with sexual arousal.

I remembered once when I did fall asleep when wearing just a towel instead of my nightgown while he massaged me. Pretending that I soundly slept, with me lying on my back, I felt him stealthily undo my towel. Sexually arousing me, my nipples immediately erected and my pussy glistened with my warm wetness.

Not daring to touch and feel me, with my towel wide open, he stared at all that he could see of my naked breasts and my naked pussy. He examined my naked body up close. If he had moved his nose closer to my pussy, he would have smelled my sexual arousal.

I imagined that he wanted to touch me. I imagined that he wanted to feel and fondle my naked breasts while fingering and sucking my erect nipples. I imagined he must have wanted to touch, feel, and squeeze my naked ass. I imagined that he wanted to finger my naked pussy. I'm a sound sleeper and definitely, he could have touched me without waking me. Yet, he didn't.

Now that I recall, I remember having a dream that I was being examined by a gynecologist. Now that I think about it, I wonder if that was my son touching me, fondling me, and probing me with his fingers, his cock, and/or with his tongue. It wouldn't be the first time that I slept through sex.

Still, the thought that my son may have had his wicked, sexual way with me with his fingers, his tongue, and/or with his cock, while I slept should have made me ill. Instead, the thought of him having sex with me while I slept sexually aroused me. The thought of him touching me sexually made me wish I had been awake to reciprocate whatever sexual pleasure that he may have received in return from my sleeping body.

I wondered if I fell asleep on his lap while we watched a movie, if he'd take sexual advantage of me. I wondered if he'd stick his horny hand inside of my nightgown top to feel my naked breasts and finger my erect nipples. I wondered if he'd feel and squeeze my naked ass and cup my pussy through my nightgown. I wondered if he'd stick his erect prick in my sleeping mouth and make me blow him in my sleep.

F F F

In hindsight, I was wrong to have allowed him to give me a massage, just as I was wrong to have allowed him to see me wearing just a small towel covering my butt, and while exposing the entire sides of my naked breasts to him. Lying face down on the bed, I didn't invite him into the bedroom until I had the towel positioned across my butt. Truly, I didn't think he could see anything. Maybe he could see more than I thought he could. Maybe he saw what I'd be shocked to know that he saw.

Now that I remember, whenever massaging me, he always repositioned my legs. Oh, my God, I'm such a fool. Every time he moved my legs, I must have flashed him and given him a great view of my bushy brown, naked pussy. Embarrassed to think of that then, yet, I'm sexually aroused to think of that now. Jimmy saw my naked pussy over and again.

"Relax Mom. I'm just going to move your legs, so that I can work your hamstrings."

While trying to preserve my modesty, I remember now it was always awkward to turn over and to reposition the towel that was on my butt to cover my pussy and to grab a second towel to cover my naked breasts without having him see anything. He must have seen more than I thought he did. Although it did feel deliciously erotic when he massaged the top of my breasts and the front of my thighs. From his angle at the foot of the bed, he must have had a clear view of my pussy beneath the towel.

After he left the room for me to get dressed, I remember getting up from my bed aroused, horny, and frustrated. Wishing he had felt my breasts and fingered my pussy, I always wished his massages were more sexual. In the way that I would have loved to give him a happy ending with my hand, my mouth, or my pussy, I would have loved him to give me a happy ending with his fingers, his tongue, or with his cock. Just as he must have felt guilty about having sexual thoughts for his mother; I berated myself for having those same sexual thoughts for my son.

Now that I remember him back then, he always walked around with an erection and adjusted himself. Much like the professional baseball players, I thought that was what guys did, always getting erections and adjusting themselves. I thought he stared at me because being his only family, I was his world and he loved me, as a son would love his mother. Unable to go there in my forbidden thoughts, I didn't know he had sexually lusted over me, while peeping and trying to see whatever he could see of me.

Certainly, even though I entertained the same forbidden thoughts and sexual desires, I never figured, as his mom, that I'd sexually excite my son. Even though my mom had three sons, she wasn't around to teach me much of anything, especially how to keep my legs closed. Kicking me out of the house, after I became pregnant, she never met my son nor even acknowledged his birth.

Had I known then what I know now, I wonder if I would have played my son by sexually teasing him more. I wondered if I would have and should have shown him even more for me to sexually take advantage of the situation. Whenever I exposed myself to him, I heard him masturbating himself later, no doubt, over the thoughts of me having purposely shown him my naked body?

I'm human, too. I have sexual needs that aren't being met. Being a single mother with no extra money to afford a babysitter, having to find odd jobs that I could do from home, I didn't have the time, the finances, or the inclination to party. There were few men who'd want to take on a woman with the baggage of another man's child.

To be continued...