Mommy I Need, Want & Love You Ch. 02

All of those times that he was on the floor and I walked around him and/or stepped over him, he must have been looking up my nightgown. Then, when I bent down and leaned forward to pick up his strewn clothes, I must have given him the perfect down nightgown view of my naked boobs, my naked ass, and the back of my naked pussy. It never occurred to me that I was giving my son a show and giving him fodder to jerk off over me later in the privacy of his bedroom or bathroom.

Incest is such a wicked thought that even thinking about it now, so many years later, should make me sick, but it didn't. It made me sexually aroused to think that my son wanted to have sex with his mother. Certainly, if I knew he had incestuous thoughts about me then, I should have been upset.

Now, to know that he sexually wanted me not only made me dizzy with desire but also gave me a bellyache with the trepidation of knowing that I'm thinking about doing something so sexually wickedly wrong with my son now. I'm so horny that if he was here now, I'd show him how I truly felt about him. I'd stroke his cock. I'd suck his cock. I'd blow him. I'd allow him to cum in my mouth and I'd swallow his cum.

F F F

'Jimmy? Where are you? Come home to Mommy. Mommy wants to blow you. Mommy needs to suck your cock,' I imagined saying to my son. 'Mommy wants to give you a birthday blowjob while your wife is asleep in her bed after talking to and, no doubt, masturbating over her lover,' I thought.

The thought of him dying in a car crash without me ever telling him how I truly felt about him, made me sick. I told myself that if he were to come home safely, I'd tell him about the sexual thoughts that I felt for him with the hope that I could ease his guilt for having those same sexual thoughts for me. Now that we're older, as a way to remove or encourage our sexual desire for one another, when I found myself alone with him, maybe he'd finally want to act out those sexual thoughts with me.

Who am I kidding? Returning the sexual favor, I just wanted to sexually take advantage of my son now, in the way that he sexually took advantage of me, years ago. What's wrong with me for having sexual thoughts for my son? What's wrong with me for wanting to blow my son? I can't believe that I want to suck his cock.

We all have sexual desires. We're all human. Who else would I want to have sex with other than with my son? Every man I've known has always taken advantage of me. Every man I've known has fucked me over after fucking me.

Now to realize that even my son had sexually abused me by using me to see what he could of my naked body is as shocking as it is sexually arousing. Every man I ever dated, after the birth of Jimmy, just wanted a blowjob. I was always so horny that I'd accommodate him hoping that he'd date me again, but he never did. It wasn't that I was ugly or gave bad blowjobs; they just didn't want to have the responsibility of a woman with a child, especially a child that wasn't theirs.

F F F

After meeting his girlfriend, Kathy, before she was his wife, and seeing how much she resembled me, it was disconcerting. While my son had sexual relations with his wife, I imagined that he imagined having sexual relations with me. How could he not, Kathy and I look so much alike?

When she made love to him, he must have thought of me making love to him. When he ate her pussy, he must have thought of eating my pussy. When she sucked his cock, he must have thought of his mother sucking his cock. When he ejaculated in her mouth and/or all over her face, he must have thought of cumming in my mouth and giving me a cum bath.

After living alone and being lonely for so long, I secretly fueled this suspicion of his secret, sexual desire for wanting to have incestuous sex with me. Again, with Kathy looking so very much like me, it was by no stretch of my imagination that my son imagined having sexual relations with me while having sex with his wife. Not much of a stretch of my imagination, I couldn't help but wonder if he sexually thought of his mother whenever he had sex with his wife.

I couldn't help but wonder what he looked like naked. I couldn't help but wonder how his cock felt in my hand and what it tasted like in my mouth. It made me wet to think about his face buried between my thighs with his tongue flicking out to lick my pussy, while his fingers played with my clit and finger fucked me to orgasm.

'That's right, Jimmy, lick Mommy's pussy. Give me a sexual orgasm. Make mommy cum,' I imagined saying to my son.

I wondered what it felt like to have his cock buried deep inside my pussy, while he kissed me, French kissed me, and made love to me before leaning down to suck my nipples. I wondered what it felt like for him to fuck me. I'd love for him to fuck me fast enough and hard enough to give me another sexual orgasm. I'd love to fuck my son.

'Fuck me, Jimmy. Stick your big, hard cock in my tight, wet pussy. Fuck mommy. Fuck me faster. Fuck me harder. Give me another sexual orgasm, this time with your cock.'

Something that no man had done to my pussy in years, I imagined Jimmy fucking me hard and fast enough to make me cum. I imagined returning his fast and hard humps to make him cum, too. I imagined us cumming together. I imagined making love every morning and fucking every night.

'After you make mommy cum, mommy will suck your cock and make you cum in her mouth. Mommy will swallow all that you have to give her,' I imagined saying to my son. 'Mommy will let you cum all over my face, in my hair, and across her naked breasts. Mommy will allow you to give her a cum bath.'

I imagined looking at my son and smiling.

'Would you like that, Jimmy? Would you like mommy to blow you? Would you like to cum in mommy's mouth,' I imagined asking him? "Would you like to make mommy your bitch and give me a cum bath?'

F F F

Only out yet again, he had gone drinking with the boys. As usual, but for me and the children, Kathy was home alone. Unable to reach him to tell him that I had arrived early to celebrate his birthday and to take the kids trick or treating, he didn't know that I was there waiting for him to arrive home.

Out of necessity, Kathy had gotten a job at the deli slicing cold cuts for people who shouldn't be eating salty slabs of sliced meat. I was fortunate to have a job that I worked from home and it didn't matter where I called home. All I needed was a computer and my cell phone, which is how I was able to pack up and stay with them over the Halloween weekend.

With him not working again, they had a difficult time financially. She needed to get that job at the deli, until he was able to find employment. The unemployment checks were soon to run out and weren't nearly enough to live off of anyway.

Like his father, Jimmy was too proud to work at anything he felt was beneath him. Like his father, he had the need to drink and the inherent difficulty to know when to stop. Before he found a job, he needed to stop drinking.

Somehow making him feel like the man that he wasn't, the husband he hadn't been, and the father he had never shown his children to be, he'd rather spend his money at the local bar. Instead of working, he'd rather spend his time with the rest of the loser barflies, than to spend quality time with his wife and children. He needed to dedicate his time to focus on looking for a job that paid enough to support his family. Only, having known his father, I understood the fallacies and frailties of my son.

His dad deserted us when Jimmy was still a baby. He has no memory of ever having a father. It was just me and Jimmy. When I was too young and too immature to help his Dad, having my baby at barely 18-years-old, I knew that I was the only one who could help save my son from himself and from the fate of alcoholism that befell his father.

F F F

It was well after one o'clock in the morning when I heard him out front. Relieved, I knew it was him, as soon as he pulled up to the house. Only, when he hit the curb with his front tire, slammed his door twice to close it, dropped his keys, and swore, I knew he was drunk.

"Fuck," I heard him say! "Where's my keys? Where the Hell are they? There they are. Just my luck, it figures they'd fall in the only puddle on the street."

He was lucky he hadn't killed himself and/or someone else. He was lucky he hadn't been stopped, arrested, and thrown in jail. In this day of public awareness and outcry, akin to being an outcast from having leprosy during the Middle Ages, AIDS in the eighties, or being a registered sex offender with the Catholic priest sexual scandal, driving drunk today was not only illegally but also socially forbidden.

With a drunk driving conviction that followed him around the rest of his life, he couldn't get a job driving a truck. No one liked a drunk, especially a drunk driver. Only, thinking that this was one and only bizarre, bad behavior, I didn't know that this had recently become his regular routine. Drinking was his daily routine. Every day, he was drunk, angry, and unhappy.

Going out to the bar, hanging out with the guys, and coming home drunk, changed him from a good man to a bad man. Totally unaware, he didn't know that his wife, my daughter-in-law, Kathy, had asked me to stay with them over the Halloween holiday weekend. I was his birthday surprise. Only, I never thought that he'd miss his own birthday party. I never thought that he wouldn't be home to see his children dressed in costume and to take them trick or treating.

'Surprise! Happy Birthday, Jimmy,' I wanted to say as soon as he walked through the front door.

I thought that I'd greet him at the door with a big hug but, angry with him, turning off the TV, I remained silent. I didn't say a word. I lay there on the couch fuming over his bad behavior while waiting for him to unlock his front door and step inside.

Besides, not wanting to awaken Kathy and/or the kids, I was angry that he had disappointed his children and upset his wife. I let him fumble and stumble around in the dark. Now, I understood what was happening between them and the reason why she asked me to come so soon for another visit. Maybe the reason she asked me to visit again had less to do with helping out with the kids and more to do with helping her out with Jimmy.

F F F

He was a mess. Neglecting his family obligations and drinking to an excess, he was out of control. Now, unable to even fend for himself, in the drunken condition and weakened state he was in, he needed more tender loving care than his 2-year-old daughter and his 4-year-old son.

Yet, because he was my son and because I loved him, I was biased in his favor. I figured that Kathy was the reason why Jimmy started drinking. Maybe, after the birth of the children and with her being tired from caring for them and cooking and cleaning, they weren't sexually intimate anymore.

It still amazed me how someone who was only 25 years old could have such a problem with alcohol. When did he suddenly start drinking? Why did he suddenly start drinking? Maybe he knew that she had been cheating on him. Their promise of having a good marriage and a beautiful family, suddenly turned disastrously bad.

He didn't drink before he was married. I don't remember him ever having a drink when he lived with me. After having lived with and survived his drunken father, I wouldn't even allow alcohol in the house. Other than spending his unemployment check, where did he get money to buy drinks at the bar?

Yet, a telltale sign that he had issues, even when the economy was good, he couldn't keep a job. Another telltale sign that he had a serious problem with alcohol, even when he finally admitted that he was an alcoholic and attended regular AA meetings, Kathy confessed that he still couldn't stop drinking. A closet drunk, he had somehow hidden his drinking from me.

Alcohol abuse is a disease. His father had it. Now, he has it, too.

"He'd rather celebrate his birthday with his drunken friends, instead of with his family. That's where he is, at the bar with his friends getting drunk again," said Kathy. "He'd rather drink and get drunk than to see his children in costume and take them trick or treating."

To be continued...