All Comments on 'Mountain Lodge Affair'

Sorry but stories in first person, present tense, just dont work.

If you were to rework it as though you were telling a story it would have been much more readable.

But rather poor writing. Please get an editor.

Thank you for your honest opinion. I'm from far a professional writer and I wanted to tell this story from first person perspective to create a connected experience. With English not being my first language either I accept that it can create some major flaws, but hoped it would also give the story it's charm and personal touch. I'm open to your suggestions to use an editor for future stories.

You lost me in paragraph three.

I'm a non-smoker...since FOREVER.

The possibility that subsequent scenes would include more smoking?

I'm GONE! (Revising it to Weed didn't matter.)

Other than that? I did browse-scout through...

This story seems less authentic/believable.

Less story. More non-stop sex?

Thank you for clearly labeling this story FICTION.

I adore the first two...and you. All believable.

Hi.

I couldn't disagree more with the negative critique voiced within the first few comments. And, just to clarify my intent, let me assure those past commenters who might happen onto this missive that I bear no malice. There is no acrimony in what I say; nothing personal or pejorative. I just disagree with the assessments you've put forth; that's all.

Having read the story in its entirety—not just "browse-scouting" it, or otherwise affording it a cursory perusal—I not only found it to be charming, as was intended, but I also found it to have "hit its mark" within the context of the purpose toward which all good erotica strives; that of course being the job of titillating audiences/readers. I can only speak from a personal perspective when admitting that my libido "took the hit." (Translation: I got wet just from reading it.)

The prior statement addresses an important notion; the digestion of everything from food and drink to art and literature as coming down to a matter of personal tastes. In the case of this story (just as a minor for instance); if you are not a smoke fetishist, then part of this story is not necessarily directed toward you. If you don't care for first person narrative, etc... Concerning the first "for instance"; I happen to be fetishist. And may I say "mmmmmm!" naughty_madeleine_86? Again; you hit it for me!

Now, I realize that the story has been generally categorized as "Erotic Couplings." But, there's nothing misleading. In so far as I'm concerned, it delivered the goods. It was about people connecting, and it certainly was erotic—very much so, if you ask me. Any further consideration should be gleaned through the provided story tags.

Bravo, naughty_madeleine_86! Thank you for posting this well-written, beautifully-phrased bit of erotica! I have yet to read your other offerings, but I plan on it!

Yours,

me

PS: My apologies for going on like I did.

George,

Thank you for your kind words of appreciation. You certainly captured the essence of my story and why it was written in this way. The person who I shared this with would fully agree with you, but has chosen to stay anonymous bystander.

Madeleine

This story is as much Romance as it is Erotic Couplings. However, since the site has no category called "erotic romance" or "romantic erotica" this classification is understandable. While not normally a fan of the use of the second person for narration, this reviewer finds that it really works in this story. Sweet and tender, this story is a heartwarming tear-jerker. Five stars.

Thank you Anonymous, appreciate the feedback and am aware I'm not a perfect author. But I love to improve on everything I do.