Moving on

Elizabeth: that sounds like a question.

Phoenix: well until you answer it I'm going to imagine the worst possible answer.

Elizabeth: it's probably worse than that.

Serena: oh! This is going to get weird isn't it?

Elizabeth: that's a question.

Jake: fine I'll jump in. Partridge Post posted a whole bunch of photos of you clothes shopping. They were very interested in you going into nightingales sex shop. Did you buy sexy lingerie?

Elizabeth: among other things, yes.

Phoenix: nice one Jake, now we...

Serena: oh my god, are you serious?

Phoenix: for the listeners at home, Elizabeth has just taken off her dress and is now sat in front of us wearing lingerie that she had on underneath it.

Jake: I certainly wasn't expecting to see her in a red lacy number today.

Serena: for those who want more description, she's in a lacy red teddy and garter with briefs and tights.

Phoenix: alright Jake, what's your question?

Jake: ah... yes.

Serena: struggling to concentrate there buddy?

Jake: the childhood crush of at least half of my generation is sat in front of me in lacy red lingerie, I'm surprised I'm able to remember my own name. Right, so, how did being in the spotlight affect your childhood?

Phoenix: you're going to ask her about her childhood right now?

Jake: it was the first question on my sheet.

Elizabeth: it's OK. I'd say that I didn't really have a childhood. In my experience hanging around other child stars, you either become an adult pretty quickly, or you are hideously sheltered from the world. I got the latter. I had 24/7 stage management so that nobody would think I was growing up. So I didn't get to play, I didn't gradually get to develop and buy my own clothes, get up to youthful hijinks. I would steal the occasional kiss with Jamal backstage when nobody was looking but apart from that I was practically Mormon. Not that any of that stopped the press. Major publications had a countdown until I was 18 and they could lust over me with impunity, others didn't even wait for that.

Phoenix: creepy.

Elizabeth: very, the day I turned 18 I had thirty or forty letters offering various sums of money to take my virginity.

Serena: was one of them from Phoenix?

Phoenix: no but based off what I'm looking at I'm willing to write one.

Elizabeth: I'll wait by my letterbox.

Jake: so back to my question, you seem to be more comfortable with your sexuality now.

Elizabeth: because I carved myself out some space to discover it on my own, or at least to discover enough that I stopped caring when others started commenting on it. Now if you want any more you for to keep playing the game.

Phoenix: alright my turn. You're going to accuse me of cheating but I promise I knew this before you stripped down to your lingerie. The Pillar spotted you going into a tattoo and piercing parlour, did you get a piercing, say on your nipples.

Elizabeth: you got that because you can see their shape through the lingerie.

Phoenix: no I swear, look at my notepad I was always going to ask.

Jake: it is written halfway down. I think you moved it up the list though.

Phoenix: you really want to sabotage me on this?

Elizabeth: it's fine. You are right. Hey Serena, want to describe these to your listeners.

All: Woah!

Serena: damn, Elizabeth Kim is currently flashing us to show off her piercings. They are chrome bars with some jewellery hanging off them, silver chains with ruby hearts.

Elizabeth: want me to leave them out while you ask your question Phoenix?

Phoenix: your breasts, your choice, but I'm not going to say no.

Elizabeth: you're right, plus I think Jake's rapidly developing aneurysm is enough to convince me.

Phoenix: alright, I'm going to skip past a few of the less interesting questions considering all this. What thing have you done that you can't believe you got away with?

Elizabeth: well it's too soon to say on some of the stuff I did last month, but I did once sleep on the deck over there naked. I woke up when an old man walking his dog spotted me.

Phoenix: damn, if he had his phone on him, he could have sold that photo and bought the whole beach.

Elizabeth: I don't think he even has a smartphone, but if he did he was too nice to use it. He was so lovely I even walked him home.

Serena: naked?

Elizabeth: naked, and wearing a dog leash.

Serena: no way, you got to be fucking with us.

Elizabeth: why would I lie about something like that? Especially since I'm sat in front of you with my tits out right now.

Phoenix: well I'm choosing to believe her because I want it to be true.

Serena: very scientific.

Phoenix: your question Serena?

Serena: I'm skipping so many of the innocent guesses now. I'm going to go back to that package from the pet shop. That had something kinky in it right? Like a harness or something for training dogs in it?

Jake: wait... really? That was going too far?

Phoenix: for listeners at home, Elizabeth just walked out, good job there Serena.

Serena: she walked to her room, I think she's gone to get... there we are.

Elizabeth: so this is a shock collar for training dogs.

Phoenix: for listeners she is wearing said collar.

Elizabeth: it has three functions, all currently turned on. There's a microphone in it which will zap me if I raise my voice, there's this remote which will zap me if you press that button.

Serena: thanks.

Phoenix: how come Serena gets the remote?

Elizabeth: because she had the correct guess. Thirdly there's a proximity setting, if I move more than twenty feet away from the remote, it will zap me.

Serena: I'm starting to believe the story with the old man more. So just to check that you made sure to charge the batteries...

Elizabeth: argh... ouch.

Serena: I only pressed it once.

Jake: I think the second zap was for her being too loud. Anyway my turn to guess.

Serena: hang on, I haven't asked her my question yet.

Phoenix: Jake's brain is turning to mush in front of our eyes.

Serena: what was the most disrespectful thing the press did after Jamal died?

Phoenix: talk about a tonal U-turn.

Serena: she chose us for a reason, this is the sort of thing we cover. I have no idea how we strayed into Howard Stern's turf.

Elizabeth: I think that's probably my fault. Anyway, after Jamal died the press were ruthless to find pictures of me looking sad. I had been very negative about them so they were clearly feeling vindictive. I think the worst thing was when I was in a shop and I clearly didn't look sad enough for their photographer so they asked me if he was in pain when he died.

Phoenix: fucking hell.

Elizabeth: there were also far too many questions about how long I would wait before moving on, like as I was leaving his funeral.

Phoenix: alright Jake, if you can cobble together the three brain cells still functioning let's hear your guess.

Jake: CMX also put a big scoop in their paper about you visiting a massage parlour. You get a rub down?

Elizabeth: nope! Ouch.

Serena: bit over excited there.

Phoenix: I saw that same scoop, but I think they missed the point, as always. So the place was a spa, they did massages but they also did other beauty services like tanning beds and facials and whatnot. My guess is that you went there and you got yourself waxed.

Elizabeth: I think you have somewhat cheated again by my appearance in front of you, but that is correct.

Phoenix: you certainly have a way of... oh dear god.

Serena: dang, we would have believed you. You didn't need to...

Phoenix: Elizabeth just took off the lingerie, she's now sitting in front of us wearing only the collar.

Elizabeth: Jake, come have a feel so you can confirm with your listeners that I am smooth.

Serena: Jake looks like he's about to pop.

Jake: I can confirm her leg is smooth.

Elizabeth: I didn't say I got my legs waxed, I also got my arms done.

Serena and Phoenix: *uncontrollable laughter*

Elizabeth: and my back.

Jake: yes that is your back.

Elizabeth: and my pubis.

Phoenix: Jesus Christ.

Jake: yes that is a smooth pubis.

Serena: alright that's enough, bad dog.

Elizabeth: argh!

Phoenix: you think shocking her is going to calm her down.

Serena: I think it will spare us telling the paramedics why Jake's brain dribbled out of his ears.

Phoenix: alright my question. How long have you been going through... well this? Like was it repression bubbling to the surface? Have you always pulled these sorts of things but we're only now hearing about it? I'm just trying to get to grips with this crazy situation.

Elizabeth: this is a recent development. Some guy used this house to shoot a porn movie in, when I found out about it I was mad, but I also watched and researched the video several times, then I re-enacted it, then I started doing my own adventures.

Phoenix: I saw that, the guy has since apologised.

Elizabeth: he only apologised because I told him if he hadn't been a prick about the whole situation, I probably would have been willing to star in his next movie.

Serena: damn that must have hit hard for him.

Elizabeth: I'll review later, see if my breasts are as effective as the three ghosts from a Christmas Carol.

Serena: nice. Anyway it's my turn. The Pillar saw you going into a house they speculate was a brothel and leaving with dishevelled hair, you get your freak on?

Elizabeth: no, that was a red herring.

Serena: damn.

Jake: the Daily Post had a frenzy of speculation about you visiting a strip club while it was closed. They speculated that you were organising a private booth but I think you were asking if you could perform one night on the down low.

Elizabeth: another red herring. The guy there had asked me to perform in the past, but he was very sleazy about it so I said no.

Phoenix: if he wanted to see you naked all he had to do was start a podcast about the media.

Elizabeth: actually all he had to do was treat me like a human being.

Phoenix: the bar really that low?

Elizabeth: and yet you were the first to clear it.

Phoenix: bleak. My turn, were there sex toys in the other packages? The ones you picked up while you were picking up your collar.

Elizabeth: sex toys?

Phoenix: like dildos and butt plugs?

Elizabeth: nope.

Serena: we were on a roll before you got naked.

Elizabeth: I'm sorry, if you want to shock me as punishment I'd understand.

Serena: well now I'm going to.

Elizabeth: argh!

Serena: I'm just trying to think of what the worst things you could have done were, because you got a look on your face that says there's still things happening. When you went to that piercing parlour, did you also get a tattoo?

Phoenix: if she had a tattoo surely Jake would have... well I'll be a son of a bitch.

Serena: so she had some kind of fake skin covering her lower back.

Elizabeth: bit of special effects trickery I picked up from the hardcore makeup artists they brought in for the weird Halloween specials.

Serena: and underneath it is the rudest tattoo I have ever seen.

Phoenix: it says "sex machine" in big, bold pink letters, flanked either side with dildos.

Serena: you know those don't exactly rub off?

Elizabeth: I can get the laser treatment if I ever get bored of it, but I like it, I get to permanently stamp on my body my new identity, and this time it was one I chose rather than one that was chosen for me.

Serena: alright my question is...

Elizabeth: already asked.

Serena: what?

Jake: she's got you there, you said 'you know those don't rub off?' That's a question.

Serena: oh you bitch, just for that...

Elizabeth: argh!

Phoenix: every time you do that she gets more into this. Look at her face.

Serena: alright then, how about we play fetch.

Elizabeth: argh, oh my... fucking hell.

Phoenix: that was mean. Serena just threw the control out of the window so Elizabeth had to run out the door and around the house in broad deadline to stop being shocked.

Serena: oh you know she's enjoying herself. Here she is!

Elizabeth: well I'm giving the control to phoenix then.

Phoenix: thanks, let's see if it still works.

Elizabeth: mmmm... Phoenix, your guess.

Jake: CMX made a thing of you visiting an office building that had a nude photography studio in it. Did you use it?

Elizabeth: nope... argh.

Phoenix: yeah, I'm not like Serena, you're getting punished every time we get it wrong.

Elizabeth: promise?

Phoenix: alright this is starting to drag on, we need some sort of sudden death ruling.

Serena: I know it's a question but just to help us move it along, how many big secrets do you have left?

Elizabeth: there's lots of bits and pieces, but I'd say you are missing two more really big ones.

Phoenix: alright sudden death, we each get a yes or no question to try and work out the two remaining big things, once we've asked a question each and not worked out the answer, you get to choose a punishment for us.

Serena: I feel like we should probably have some boundaries on our punishment, not to kink shame but we're not all sex machines.

Elizabeth: you don't need to be punished, just the shame of not getting it right is punishment enough.

Phoenix: alright then, does it have something to do with the packages?

Elizabeth: the packages had some small things in them but not know if the two big things I'm thinking of.

Serena: is it something else to do with your looks?

Elizabeth: one is.

Jake: what more is there? I really can't see where you could hide anything else from us. Is it covered with makeup?

Elizabeth: nope. Any guesses before I reveal.

Phoenix: I got nothing so you're getting shocked then you can tell us.

Elizabeth: argh! Mmm... so you didn't notice this.

Phoenix: fuck me!

Jake: I was not expecting that.

Serena: so for our listeners, her hair was a wig, she's completely bald underneath.

Elizabeth: sex machines don't have hair.

Phoenix: oh my god, I dread to think what your last thing is.

Elizabeth: well that's the thing, you have three questions then you have to guess.

Phoenix: alright, if it's not your hair, is it something you've done.

Elizabeth: sort of, it's something I have organised to do.

Serena: is it stripping at a different place to the strip club?

Elizabeth: no.

Jake: are you doing a porn movie?

Elizabeth: no. Phoenix could you do me a favour? I need a little electric courage for this reveal, could you give me a zap. Mmm... thank you.

Serena: she's off again, that makes me nervous on her behalf.

Jake: my mind is totally blank to whatever else she could do.

Phoenix: yeah I got nothing.

All...

Serena: she's been gone a while now.

Phoenix: for listeners we'll edit out the long wait but it's been about fifteen minutes.

Serena: Jake, go check on her.

Jake: I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Phoenix: alright I'll go have a look, Elizabeth? Are you there? She's gone. The window is open, she must have snuck out.

Jake: maybe she...

Phoenix: hang on, I'm getting a phone call. Hello? Alright, I'll put you on speakerphone.

Unidentified man: hello, so Lizzy Kim asked me to call you.

Phoenix: alright, um... why?

Unidentified man: well she's currently chained herself naked to a toilet.

Jake: what?

Unidentified man: yeah I came here responding to the Craigslist ad for anonymous sex but as I was the first to get here she asked me to call you and ask for you to get the key to the padlock and come unlock her before she gets too violated.

Serena: Jesus Christ.

Phoenix: alright where's the key?

Unidentified man: she says to check under the stairs in a cupboard on the right hand side.

Jake: I'm on it.

Phoenix: why is she doing this?

Unidentified man: don't know, don't really care.

Jake: I couldn't see a key.

Unidentified man: because there isn't one, the cupboard is where you will find a metal detector. The key is somewhere on the beach.

Phoenix: this is insane.

...

Phoenix: so we're back at the beach house now, and boy has it been a ride.

Elizabeth: want to tell your viewers what you found when you finally got the key and came to the public toilets?

Serena: we found you, fully dressed, not chained to anything, and laughing your head off.

Elizabeth: it was a lesson, I was demonstrating that anyone can fall prey to prejudice when actions are reported in line with a cultivated world view. I made you guys think I was a sex maniac, so you didn't apply any scepticism when someone you didn't know called you with a hot tip on Lizzy Kim's latest perversion.

Jake: it really should have been a clue that he called you Lizzy.

Elizabeth: absolutely. So replace sex fiend with publicity junkie and you get the situation a lot of these child stars are in, where they have been stewarded from one publicity stunt to another and suddenly people will believe any story, or any interpretation of a story, as long as it fits into their lens of what a public figure is and does.

Phoenix: you make a good point in a very drastic way. You really get a tattoo, your nipples pierced and shave your head just for a dramatic reveal?

Elizabeth: all faked I'm afraid.

Serena: but you did really get naked for us, you can't fake that.

Elizabeth: well that I didn't mind so much, plus it was hilarious to see Jake completely short circuited like that.

Phoenix: well it's certainly going to go down as one of our more memorable episodes, thanks for being an insane human being for us.

Elizabeth: thank you for having me.

...

The podcasters packed up their stuff and left, gushing about Elizabeth's brave idea. The moment the door had closed behind them, Elizabeth picked up her phone and idly flicked to the photos she had asked the stranger to take of her before making the call. She was sat on the toilet, naked with her hands tied behind her back and around the toilet just like the man had said on the phone, her legs wide open inviting her degradation. She admired her very real nipple piercings, she couldn't see it but there was still a dull ache on her back from the very real tattoo she had gotten, her head smooth from the fresh shave she had given it that morning.

Elizabeth squealed at the thought that she had been able to give the world a tiny taste of the person she had become and then been able to retract that and pretend it was an act. Nobody would know for sure that this is the person she is now.

'nobody except the guy in the public toilet' Elizabeth thought to herself, scrolling ahead to the next picture of her still tied to the toilet but now out of breath with a used condom carelessly discarded onto her body, clinging to her torso as her eyes wildly looked at the camera. The man had not lasted that long inside of her and so she had been desperate to give that itch a full scratch for a while now.

Elizabeth opened up an email and attached the before and after photos of her wild moment, she addressed it to Mike the pornographer with the subject line 'can you keep a secret?' She then grabbed a dildo, a plug, and a leash as she headed towards the decking.

Once she had cleared her mind she decided against sending the pictures to Mike, but she did have another idea.

...

Mike had two idioms at war in his mind as he stepped into the taxi. The first idiom was that if something seemed too good to be true, it probably was. Something seemed off about a production company greenlighting a documentary about up and coming porn producers. Even more off-putting was the no expense spared treatment he was getting from them. He was given a business class flight from LAX to Portland with a taxi waiting to take him to a log cabin in the forest that lay in the shadow of Mount Hood. Not only was all his travel expenses taken care of, but he was being paid a generous amount and even got to keep the cabin for the weekend after they had completed an interview with him.