MS. WTF?!! - REBOOTED!!

The Artist Formerly Known as MS. WTF?!!: REBOOTED!!

"How come you ain't get no rental car?"

"You wanna drive; I've never been to Miami before but I know you were here Rashida. If you want a rental, I'll get you a fucking rental, but you're driving."

"I'm the star; I shouldn't be chauffeuring myself around town."

"Did I ask you to go to Miami for a weekend; or what bitch?" Our driver from the airport, some stuffy looking Latin fellow looked amused. Rashida for my sustained efforts, had been coerced into wearing a light colored floral themed outfit and sandals. She was made up rather nicely with her hair done up in a badass Frohawk hairstyle.

"Oh you're doing me a favor by coming with me on this weekend video shoot, lodgings and everything on the house and shit, huh daddy?"

I was wearing a ballcap which made it convenient to hide my embarrassment as I hunched down in the backseat of our ride. My attire remained the same t-shirt and jeans with canvas sneakers despite her efforts to get me to wear a loud colored outfit consisting of a canary yellow collared t-shirt and pink knee shorts. There was no way I was wearing that shit which caused a light rolling argument that ended as we pulled up to the airport back in our hometown.

"I uh, don't have an answer for that Rashida; but maybe we can work something out later." I tried to palm her butt but found my wrist trapped in her fist. She looked semi-serious; brow furrowed somewhat indignant.

"You ain't grateful to get away from it all?"

"No, I'm good, just surprised you picked me to be your uh, chaperone for this video shoot."

"Well, you were kinda requested?"

"Huh?"

"OH NOTHING DADDY!!" Rashida blurted out grinning in disingenuous fashion ostensibly flashing a toothy grin before looking away hunched in her seat peering out of her passenger side window. I perked up sitting straight eyes narrowing as I stared at her profile.

"Rashida, are you fucking with me?" She had her phone out in an instant tapping away multiple texts. I made a play for it, but she tucked it away on her far side half turning with that same busted expression.

"Come on, it's gonna be a really nice weekend, alright? I mean, what were you doing anyway besides gaming and shit, you know? What, you wanna be sitting there messing up your lower back editing stuff all the time, huh?"

"I guess it's cool when I'm working on your shit, huh bitch?" I inched closer getting a nervous giggle from Rashida instead of further explanation.

"Are you messing with me Rashida?"

"NO, come on bruh; don't you trust me about nothing?" I didn't know how to answer that question without offending her further.

Rashida Sikes had become my part time running buddy over the last few months which normally drew a ton of unwanted attention when we were out and about. I'd hampered things further with a few clips for her social media and my adult movie site which went instantly viral. This led to a wealth of outside interest and job offers from "interested parties" that I was obliged to vet as her anointed "manager" of sorts.

"I don't like surprises." We were presently visiting Florida for a video shoot and short weekend vacation. At least, that's what I was told beforehand while clapping her cheeks.

"Sometimes surprises can be good." She commented off the cuff still sort of smiling as my hand rested on her right thigh.

"No bullshit, right?" She didn't answer glancing out her passenger side window again as my fingers slid up that thick thigh pressing into her crotch. Her eyes fluttered a bit, mouth sort of open. Rashida licked her teeth peering over at me.

"You never get tired of me, do you?"

"We're BFF'S, right girl."

"Yeah." The material of her outfit was really thin allowing me to feel the intricate lace covered thong underneath."

"We're FWB, right Rashida?"

"You know it daddy; I got that cookie for you whenever you want it; but we're cool right, like tight? I mean, you'd never treat me like that person we don't talk about, right?"

She was always ready for me as I leaned over finding her lips waiting. We made out a little as my hand rose cupping and giving her enhanced perky left boob a nice squeeze. Before Rashida realized it, I was holding her iPhone leaning back in my seat favoring it with both hands.

"HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!"

"Learned from the best; how do I open this up?" Rashida scoffed rolling her eyes at my trick.

"You're gonna have to do a whole lot more than that to get me to unlock my phone." I raised an eyebrow at the challenge.

"Oh, do you have amnesia? Bitch do you remember who I am; Rashida do you know my fucking stage name?" I replied robotically looking her dead in the eye.

"The Educated Simp." She replied with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"That's right Rashida girl." I amened.

"That's right daddy." Rashida mimicked my tone earning a pinch on the thick rounded hip facing me. She didn't react starting to do a slow burn which threatened to darken the mood inside our car.

"What?"

"Well, if I tell you; you're gonna scold me."

"Spit it out Rashida."

"Shit, man you weren't my first choice, okay? I was kinda talking to somebody and uh, we were supposed to take this trip together. We had a fight and I gave him the middle finger because he was being controlling." I did a doubletake at the revelation that my fuck buddy had been dating someone.

"You were talking to somebody all this time?!"

"No, well not really at first; uhm, we were sort of working it out in the opening stages and I thought this weekend would be a nice start besides making some coin. We ain't did nothing if that's what you're asking; just kind of hanging out and talking. I mean, he definitely wants the draws, but was respectable enough to act like he didn't."

"What's his name."

"None of your business; it's private man."

"I been fucking you for a minute; we hooked up yesterday." Rashida grimaced giving my face a pinch that smarted and lingering long after her hand retracted.

"It wasn't official; like I said we were talking and uh, did a little bit of Netflix and chill at his place, heavy petting. But he was on the fence about my side hustle and our little argument pushed him back over that shit. He was kind of pissed when he found out about the video shoot; thought I was trying to make him a suitcase pimp."

"Do I know this guy?"

"None of your business?"

"Oh yeah, has Jaquan seen this guy?" Rashida's eyes flashed for a second giving me the answer I wanted non-verbally. I tossed her iPhone aside on my right.

"OKAY I'M CALLING JAQUAN!!" I fished out my trusty android suddenly finding Rashida Sikes in my lap trying to snatch my phone in a case of immediate DeJa'Vu.

"Yeah just what I wanted baby." My hand was clawing into her enormous derriere giving it a hungry squeeze. She looked shocked for a second, then snickered giving me a peck on the lips.

"You'll never get enough of this ass, will you daddy?"

"Don't tell your man; is he uh, bigger than me?"

"Shut up."

"Give me a fucking hint or you're gonna pay my hospital bills when I get jumped again. We've gotta work something out Rashida; you should've at least sent me a text when you started seeing somebody else."

"If it didn't work out, I wouldn't wanna lose my FWB; besides turns out that negro was just like my last boyfriend anyway. He all but called me a whore a few days ago because of my side hustle. I'm a business woman with my own little hole in the wall salon, employees and I make extra with the curves. He knew this shit beforehand, but got it twisted before he could even get the panties."

"Yeah I'm with you Rashida; screw that guy." I was intentionally weaselly and disingenuous letting my fingers do the walking all over her sixty plus inches of online fame.

"You think you're funny."

"Do I know this guy?"

"Shut up and play with this ass you fool." Before the weekend was over, I was getting some answers out of Ms. Sikes.

Rashida remained a beast in the gym working out regularly which left her with a slightly cut figure that looked really good on a poster. I'd worked out a calendar over the past few months under the radar figuring I'd finish up during the trip before springing it on her. My friend Phoebe, a mutual acquaintance was visiting her family during the last few months of her pregnancy freeing me from my obligations. I'd finagled a change in work shifts allowing me to join Rashida on this trip only to find out I wasn't her first choice. It stung a little, but I'd make the best of it.

"What hotel, or motel did the guys put you up at?"

"We're not staying at a hotel; we're gonna be kicking it at a condo." It was a little bit after ten in the morning as the car tooled down the freeway towards what looked like a series of really expensive high rise buildings.

"Uh, seems a bit much to do for background talent; are you secretly a rapper or something?" Rashida chortled while my hand remained planted in the center of her huge donk lightly tugging on the skimpy thong hidden underneath her wafer thing clothing. She'd wrapped a jacket around her lower waist as we left the airport. It didn't help much drawing attention to her ridiculous jiggle because of said thong.

"You saying I'm not worth it?"

"Stop it, just asking a question bitch." My fingertips dug into the too deep undercuff of her right buttock eventually getting a fistful of her meat.

"All questions will be answered once we get there." She noticed me raising a brow and responded by cupping my package.

"Rashida, can we do that thing we always do?"

"What thing-OH THAT!! We wouldn't be us if we didn't, huh daddy?" We started making out for a few moments then I broke the kiss.

"Hey, is your guy bigger than me?"

"Yes."

"Fuck me." I righted myself sort of pushing her back into a standard seating position which made her chuckle.

"So you're telling me we're not gonna do our thing while we're here in Miami?" Rashida's hand was resting flat on my crotch as she gave me a wink and a mischievous nod.

"Uhm, it's gonna be a game time decision." I answered unevenly making her laugh outloud.

Ten minutes later we were sitting in front of this mega high rise apartment building, well at least from my uninformed point of view as I peered out the window while Rashida hopped out of the car with no problem. I followed seconds later as the driver simply popped his trunk allowing me to retrieve our luggage with no help at all. The chubby guy returned Rashida's glare with an indifferent expression while I got my single pull on suitcase and my charge's following three much larger bags that seemed a bit much for a two day trip. Of course she didn't help me one bit instead going into her trusty satchel bag producing an envelope.

"HEY, NO HELP?!! RASHIDA?!! NO HELP OVER HERE?!!" I yelled after her as she walked away with the envelope, large bag slung across her shoulder.

"Know your role daddy." Rashida laughed playfully giving me a view of her unfettered cheeks jiggling all over the place from the simple walking motion alone. I glanced down finding that she'd draped her jacket over one of her large suitcases.

"Oh yeah, there will be consequences for this." I warned making her giggle.

"Whatever cookie monster; bring them bags up here while I figure this out."

I was puzzled awkwardly dragging the bags up a walk bordered on both sides by large transplanted bushes rooted into this nice rock garden full of bleached white and pink stones and pebbles. Up ahead Rashida was standing in front of this overly large rectangular door that looked like it was at least eight feet vertically. There was a nest camera conspicuously in the center of this oak door eye level. The owner of this building wanted people to know they were being watched at all times as I glance over finding dueling cameras mounted higher facing the entrance.

"Uh, I guess you just press this here like so." Rashida had a large plastic access card waving it in front of the door censor. There was no outward doorknob, only another metal rectangular piece of black bordered metal.

"A little too secure, don't you think?" I asked meekly as the sensor went from red to green followed by the door popping open with a robotic buzz.

"Oh, you haven't seen shit yet." Rashida commented holding the door open for me.

I stumbled into a narrow corridor finding a daunting extended stairwell before me. My suspicions were confirmed that we were entering the back of this high rise as I considered what it would take for me to drag all of our stuff up that extra-long stairwell. Rashida's satchel bag bonked me in the back of the head drawing my ire as I looked over ready to yell at my lazy muse.

"Elevator?" She waved that same access key in my face motioning towards an elevator at her rear.

"Bitch."

"Oh, so you wanna walk up all those stairs to the eleventh floor and shit?"

"NO!"

"Bring your ass negro." Rashida pressed the card against the sensor opening a vertically elongated lift for our use. I had some trouble stuffing the suitcases inside having to stack my bag atop one of her hard shell totes. Of course Rashida didn't lift a finger actually having the nerve to look irritated at the time it was taking me to load the car.

"Eh, you probably just wanted me to come along to carry your bags." I commented gruffly.

"Boop." Rashida glibly tapped the access key on the back of my head making me swat at her. She deftly avoided my lite wrath until the doors of the lift closed trapping us together. With no other recourse, I found myself staring at her online sixty plus inches of fame putting her thin cotton outfit to the test. The outline of her massive heart shaped butt was awesome with a section of her thong visible through the material.

"Damn you ain't never gonna leave it alone, are you?" Rashida didn't bother looking back acknowledging my hand roaming all over her monumental backside.

"Nope."

"Well, let's see if you feel the same way in a few minutes." She mentioned casually as an impromptu aside.

"What?"

"Nothing." Rashida replied with a low chuckle as the elevator doors opened piquing my curiosity. I was left standing there with my hand still outstretched where it had been palming her thunderous cheeks as she walked a few feet forward before turning with a directional motion of her hand.

"You know Rashida, it's okay if you wanna help me out with these bags, which are mostly yours."

"Nah, you got it daddy." She was walking further ahead in what amounted to a high walled narrow corridor with similar heavy oak doors, each with a nest camera embedded which made me feel like somebody was continuously watching.

"Hey Rashida, what is this place?"

"Apartments, I thought I told you that; this is uhm, a luxury condo bruh. Oh hey, guess our flat is at the end of the hall down there. You can go on ahead first daddy." She used that pet name so much I was thinking of changing my name legally. We always got side eyed in public, but Rashida didn't mind a bit.

"Hey you know, about our little thing...it's on baby. We're so doing it and you're gonna catch that hot fire."

"Yeah right, cry me a river and hurry up down there. It's condo uh, 1111 right there facing us."

"I can see it."

"Then why ain't you walking." It was my turn as she reached down giving my butt a vicious pinch when I passed by pushing the stacked luggage like it was on a dolly. I was fully invested in getting into the apartment and immediately gutting my muse and current foil on the business end of my junk. Rashida Sikes was getting tossed up like salad the first chance I got. We got it on all the time initially, but now had likely become too familiar even though we weren't a couple. I glanced back finding Rashida texting almost in the same place.

"You can't wait until we get settled before you get glued to your phone?" I nagged.

"Boy ain't nobody listening to you."

"How am I supposed to get into the apartment, huh?!"

"Knock." She actually flipped me the bird.

I grumbled under my breath dragging everything up to the door taking time to stack the luggage vertically while moderately knocking on the heavy door. I glanced back finding Rashida's back facing me as she texted completely screening me out of her bubble. I knocked a few more times starting to get angry intermittently looking back finding Rashida's badonkadunk staring me in the face as she apparently engaged in a war of words with persons unseen. I no-look knocked extremely loud in part to get her attention. The door opened on the third knock bringing with it a gust of cool air from the apartment interior as I turned about.

"Uh, oh sorry about that; I'm uh, with Rashida, Rashida Sikes standing right there on her phone, sorry." I fumbled an apology finding a woman staring intently at my face.

This woman was a bit shorter than me wedged into the cracked door looking at me through these big blocky glasses that you usually saw on old folks. It was an odd contrast to her rounded, dare I say almost cupid-like youthful features. This baby faced woman had a short wicked looking bob haircut cut close and shaped with contour lines, really high and wild on top. Suffice it to say, the style didn't match the adorable babyface underneath. From what I could see, she was wrapped in a big fluffy terrycloth robe from the neck down.

"No tengo toda la mañana para estar parado aquí mirando tu cara de tonto. ¿Estás adentro o jodido? " She sounded grumpy giving me the impression I'd probably awakened our weekend host from sleep. I couldn't tell if she was Mexican or likely, Cuban ethnically speaking. She had a very soft olive colored skin tone.

"Oh uh, no habla ingles?" I did my best on quick notice putting my high school sophomore Spanish teacher to shame.

The door slammed in my face with a pronounced thud. The shockwave knocked over Rashida's bags.

"HEY RASHIDA GET OFF THAT PHONE!! WE GOT SHUT OUT!!" I was ignored, deciding to leave the suitcases spilt over in front of the door.

I hurried back down towards the midpoint of the corridor worried that I might have offended the woman. Rashida was in the process of attempting to call someone looking seriously irritated as she glanced back at my stressed countenance. Never mind I was making enough noise to wake the dead in that ultra-secure building. She pivoted phone still to her ear audibly ringing power walking by me with a swipe of her arm. Rashida walked to the door waving the access key in front of the lock getting a green light and pleasant sounding chime as she entered the apartment.

The door slammed shut a second time with a heavy thud.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled under my breath standing in the middle of that narrow corridor. I felt three feet tall experiencing a long forgotten memory akin to my first day of high school. The door at the end of the corridor opened with Rashida's head appearing. She was glaring at me.

"HEY DADDY, YOU GONNA BRING THE SHIT INSIDE OR ARE YOU CAMPING OUT THERE?!!" I did a doubletake at the lack of respect.

"Coming." I stomped down the rest of the way angrily snatching up all of the luggage. Rashida was kind enough to leave a rubber wedge to hold the thick security door open as I dragged everything inside.

I found her sitting on a black leather bench just inside the door with the phone still pressed against the side of her head. It was a nice little alcove, a bottleneck architecturally with paneled walls leading into an open floor plan awash in angelic white. To my immediate left was another door with a stainless steel door handle looking like something you'd find in a public building like a hospital. I almost tried it remembering myself as I noticed the wall to my right was shorter ending at what appeared to be an open kitchen with an island type counter.

Rashida was listening to her phone getting voicemail which pissed her off resulting in more manic texting. I really didn't know what to do with myself walking to the end of the wall. I could hear a food processor loudly blending up something finding the Spanish woman standing on the opposite side of the island counter. She was still staring blankly at my face without word.