Mutual Benefits Ch. 04

"What do you want from Taylor?"

It wasn't a question I was expecting. I stared at Crystal for a second before sighing. "Look, Morgan already gave me the whole spiel, so I'd appreciate it if we could-"

"Oh, I know," Crystal replied firmly, folding her arms in front of her chest. "She told me when she did. But now if I ever bring you up even in passing, she just looks at the floor and says nothing."

That was a lot to process. "How many times is your friend group bringing me up...?" I began.

Crystal rolled her eyes. "Well, considering Taylor is starting to see you more than she sees us..."

I shrugged. "I'm at her disposal here. She tells me, 'we're gonna go study,' and we go study."

"Meanwhile you get nothing from the deal." Crystal was looking less convinced by the second.

"She's paying me, isn't she? Or did she not mention that?"

"You have a job, don't you? Even with minimum, your job would pay you better for your time than she would."

"Then take it up with Mrs. Li! She's the one that asked me to tutor her in the first place," I replied, defensively yet lamely.

"I just don't see why you'd keep doing this unless you were trying to get something from her," Crystal replied, looking down to face Lexi.

Lexi was sitting on the pavement, eating her sandwich. She looked up at Crystal as if she only now noticed she was here. "Don't look at me, I don't have an opinion," she replied with a mouth full of sandwich.

I decided to cut in. "Is this really about Taylor, or do you all just not trust me? It's getting really old feeling like I have to prove myself to each and every one of you."

Crystal mock-laughed at me. "Do you think I believe Morgan trusts you now? For all I know you beat her up."

This was ridiculous. "How?!"

"I dunno, karate or something."

My turn to roll my eyes. "For the hundredth time, I don't know any martial arts!"

Crystal looked at me, weirded out. "What does art have to do with this?"

"Martial art is stuff like karate and kung fu. That's the name," Lexi lazily told her with her mouth full.

"Crystal, look at me. Do I look like I could beat Morgan up? What would I even gain from that?" I interrupted.

"Look, just saying, Morgan has literally never shut up about a person the way she's shut up about you. She always has an opinion."

"We're not saying you did anything," Lexi clarified. "Or at least I'm not. I think she's just weirded out by you or something."

I looked up to the heavens and sighed. "Tell you what, if I tell you the truth, will you get off my back?"

Crystal looked at me as if I was stupid. "Wasn't that the point from the beginning, dumbass? You're acting like you just had a big brain moment here."

Completely charming, the whole group. I sighed again. "So..." I began. "Morgan came along with Taylor to her house during one of our studying sessions. I hope to God you already know this about her, but... she drinks..." I pushed for their reactions.

Crystal was looking at me with half-closed eyes. "Dude, we've been doing it since grade nine. How sheltered are you?"

"Okay, so... she was drinking, and she decided to talk in... really graphic detail about... sex, a sexual episode she had with... some guy."

"Which guy?" Lexi gasped.

"You're surprised she had sex but not that she drinks?" I asked, surprised.

Lexi waved my point away. "Of course I know she fucks. But she never tells me who. Spill the beans!"

"Yeah, I'm not doing that. Anyway... I wasn't comfortable so I let her know, and she called me a virgin," I continued.

Crystal gave me a look. "Which... you are," she clarified.

"I am aware of that," I replied annoyedly.

"That' doesn't sound s-"

"Then..." I interrupted emphatically. "Taylor was realizing Morgan was making me uncomfortable, and tr-"

"No, hold on, wait, I still don't get why you were uncomfortable," Crystal interrupted.

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead for a bit. "Okay, Crystal, just live in my world for a second, okay? I've barely had friends growing up, let alone romantic or sexual partners. So this is like an alien world to me, and I get easily overwhelmed. Imagine suddenly finding yourself in a new world, surrounded by people that speak a different language than you. To a smaller exte-"

"What language?"

"I don't care, Crystal, it's a comparison," I replied back annoyedly.

"Well if I wanna imagine it, I gotta know the l-"

"Fine, Mandarin."

"The hell is Mandarin?!" she asked ludicrously, looking around.

"It's another word for Chinese," Lexi clarified.

"Oh. Well then, you could come with me, you would be able to speak Mandarin, right?"

"Yes, I do, biǎo zi," I replied, losing my patience.

Crystal looked at me, impressed. "Woah, it sounds like you have a totally different voice when you say that!"

"Do me next!" Lexi interjected.

"So if you suddenly found yourself surrounded by Chinese people, without me to guide you, you'd get pretty overwhelmed. Not just by the language, but the new customs, the different way people act, how things you think are important are so casual, how casual things to you are so important..."

"So... you're overwhelmed around us Americans?" Crystal asked.

"Wha- no! The language thing is just a metaph-ugggh." I raked my eyes across my face. "I'm saying that you guys have been in sexual situations a lot. I have not,"

"Because you're a virgin," Crystal added.

"Yes, because I'm that," I agreed. "So sex has a certain... taboo nature to it. It's heavy stuff. It's controversial. It makes me bashful when people bring it up because I don't know what I'm doing in sex and the mere thought of it makes me nervous. Tell me that I'm getting through to you, Crystal, because if you say no, I'm grabbing the closest lethal object and I'm killing myself."

Lexi looked around. "What would be the closest...?" she trailed off.

"So Morgan talked about sex in front of you. Big deal. It just means she trusts you. She even drank in front of you."

I shrugged. "That's just where my comfort level is at. And I let her know that. And I guess she took it really personally. But there, that's the truth, ask her if you don't believe me."

"Ask her? Who, Lexi?" Crystal asked.

"How would I know?" Lexi mumbled.

"No, ask Morgan," I clarified.

"How can I ask her if every time I bring you up, she just looks at the floor?!" she demanded.

"Then I guess you're going to have to trust me," I replied.

"I think you just need to get over your sexphobia, dude," Crystal replied.

"Thank you for your opinion," I told her, turning to leave. This group was one massive headache. Were groups like this why school had so much drama? I was so glad I was a shy nerd and never involved with drama.

***

"Hey, I heard that you've been making Taylor Wise upset," came a booming voice from behind me as I gathered some stuff at my locker. Too scared to get annoyed, I turned around to see Bryce Foxen, the school's biggest jock. 'Built like a fridge' wouldn't do him justice, and despite still being in high school, he was probably 6'2 or higher, so of course, he towered over practically anyone, including me.

"No, I haven't," I replied feebly, half in fear, half in anguish. I was so upset by this whole situation I could cry.

"That's not what I've been hearing, little man," he warned me, leaning down to get close to my face. "We don't want any problems between us, so why are Taylor's friends coming to me telling me you're making her upset?"

There was a crowd gathering around us. Eyes on me. Yeah, that's what I needed right now. In the moment, I realized trying to intricately explain myself to a jock was going to confuse him, and confusion would lead to anger. Anger leads to the Dark Side, or something like that.

I took a breath. "Taylor's friends are trying to start some shit because they don't like that Taylor is choosing to hang around me more than them. Did you speak to Taylor or just her friends?"

A bunch of reactions splashed across Bryce's face. He was clearly not expecting this. "I spoke to Crystal," he told me. "You tryna tell me there's some shit going on? Because I'll put a fuckin' dent in your head if you're lying." He gave me a serious look, not even a threatening one, as if we were rival capos discussing a turf deal or something.

I had to play the game though. "Hell yeah I'm saying that! Talk to Taylor. It's not my word against Crystal's, it's 'whatever Taylor says goes.' Taylor and I are friends. Study buddies. Her friends are jealous." I got close to Bryce's ear. "You know how girls are."

Bryce actually cracked a smile at that. "You're a funny guy, you know that?"

I shrugged. "I got nothing else going for me, I may as well be." I looked around. The tension was dissipating, so the crowd was thinning. Thank God.

He still grabbed my shirt. "You're not off my shit list," he warned. "I'm gonna talk to Taylor right fuckin' now and if she says anything - and I mean anything - about you, you're gonna wish you never met her."

"I help her do math homework," I replied exasperatedly. I wanted to argue further, but I didn't have the strength for it. Bryce seemed to be satisfied with me, and let my shirt go. He stomped his way down the hallway (although his body was so wide and built that stomping was likely the only way he could move) and that was the last I saw of him.

As soon as he left, I reverted back to my shy never-look-people-in-the-eyes self, and stayed that way until after school, when I was going back to my locker to drop some stuff off.

"Quinn!"

That was a familiar voice. Taylor. I turned around to see her approaching me, an apologetic look on her face.

"Quinn, I am so sorry for how Bryce talked to you today. Whatever he did, I'm so sorry. He sees me as his, like, younger sister and stuff, so he gets really protective over me."

"Uh, yeah. I can tell," I mumbled as I turned back to my locker.

"I just wanted to let you know I explained everything and he's totally cool with you now," she reported to me.

I turned back from my locker. "So did I, but he still grabbed my shirt and yanked me up." I grabbed my own shirt to demonstrate.

Taylor made a pained face. "Quinn, I'm so sorry. Some people just-"

"It's not even Bryce I'm annoyed at," I pointed out.

Taylor stopped mid-sentence and gave me a weird look. "Did any of the other guys grab you too?"

"No," I clarified. "Bryce only approached me after Crystal dragged me outside and made me explain to her why Morgan was being silent about me. And she didn't seem happy with my answer."

Taylor looked away guiltily but didn't say anything.

"And you and I know why Morgan probably isn't my biggest fan right now," I continued.

Taylor turned back and gave me a pitying smile. "Quinn, she feels bad. She doesn't hate you."

"Well that's not what Crystal took from it, and it was either her or Lexi that blabbed to Bryce," I explained. "Why did they even do that? How many times am I being brought up in your friend group that Crystal even notices?"

Taylor eyed the ground for a second and seemed to mull something over in her head. "Have you got work tonight?" she finally asked.

"Um, no..."

"Cool, pack your stuff up and we can go somewhere and talk about it," Taylor smiled sweetly. "I don't think here is, like, the best place."

I almost didn't want to, but on the one hand, I wanted this shit over and done with, and on another hand, to be frank... the most popular girl in school was asking me to hang out with her. Not even to go study, but to hang out. She even had an expectant smile on her cute little chipmunk face. There was no way in hell I was going to pass this up.

"Sure, alright," I replied awkwardly, turning around to gather my stuff. Taylor just waited patiently until I was finished, then gave me a smile with raised eyebrows as we walked off towards her car.

On the way there, we passed several people, including Bryce. Given what Taylor said, I expected him to say something, or even give a kind of guilty smile and a wave. But all the while we walked down the hallway together, all he did was just stare me down. He didn't even have a menacing face, just a... blank one.

Taylor and I got in the car and silently drove off. We were on the road for about a minute before she piped up.

"Bryce is a really sweet guy," she began.

"Yeah, I can tell," I bitterly replied.

"He just thought you were a creep or making me uncomfortable or something," she defended him.

"And I wasn't, so where does that leave me?" I asked exasperatedly. "The guy approached me at my own locker today, and he grabbed my shirt!"

Taylor laughed sympathetically. "Yeah, you told me," she gingerly replied.

"I just don't get why your friend group can't see why we can't just be study buddies, nothing more. They think there's something else going on, and then they start all this drama..."

"Well, I mean... Quinn... first of all, there is something else going on..." she pointed out.

I stared at her for a few seconds. "Well, yeah, but they don't know that! They just think that because Morgan's upset or whatever-"

"Actually, yeah, second of all, you upset Morgan," Taylor interrupted, this time with some heat.

I gave her a weird look. "You were on my side when she got all... drunk and weird," I defended myself. "I let her know my boundaries and she-"

"Yeah, sure, but I saw the text you sent her - that was just uncalled for," Taylor replied.

I sighed. "Look, she approached me first and scolded me about not seeing things from other peoples' perspectives, back before anything ever happened. She was being a hypocrite and I think I was justified in calling her out."

Taylor shrugged. "Just saying. This whole thing happened because you sent her that text."

"So what, I'm not allowed to stand up for myself, or show emotions, or be human?"

"No, you are! Like, you absolutely are!"

"Then..." I pressed.

With her free hand, she gestured outwards. "This is what happens when you do."

I looked puzzled but said nothing. So... this was just high school drama? What I did was starting high school drama? It was this level of petty? And more importantly, I caused it?

Before I knew it, Taylor had stopped. I looked up to see some kind of posh brick building. Starbucks. I looked at Taylor and grinned. "If you're allowed to think I take kung fu, am I allowed to tease you about this stereotype?"

Sadly, Taylor didn't see the humor. She just rolled her eyes and huffed, "I said that once. Don't hold it over me forever." She promptly got out of the car, and I followed.

Starbucks had an interesting atmosphere to it. I could see why some students liked going here and studying after school. It felt cozy, and clean. Though it was also unexpectedly expensive, so I was glad I never got used to this as the after-school experience. After we received our drinks, we found a table and sat down. For the first few seconds, we sipped our drinks in silence.

Taylor was the first to speak, finishing a sip and clearing her throat before looking intently at me. "When you get involved in a friend group, popular or not, stuff is going to shift," she began. "Like, the way we talk to each other is going to change."

"The dynamic will change?" I offered.

"Sure. And I may not care about it, but yeah, I'm popular. It's not going to be like the movies, but if I am talking to someone that doesn't talk to a lot of people... people are going to gossip, or, like, do stupid shit sometimes." She shrugged. "It's just what happens. And don't make the mistake of thinking it only happens to you."

I was taken aback. "That was really articulate, Taylor," I replied, a little impressed at the last part.

She bitterly raised her eyebrows once in acknowledgement. "This isn't the first time I've had to say this."

I looked from side to side, and leaned in. "So... you've had unpopular study buddies you've done sexual stuff with before?"

Taylor laughed and slowly shook her head at me. "Oh my God, Quinn. No." She laughed. "No, I haven't. This is new to me too. But I'm just saying, this is what happens when you talk to more high schoolers. Sometimes stuff like this happens. It's just the way it is."

"I mean, in theory I get it," I replied between sips. "We're high schoolers. We're clumsy and don't know how to be perfect, so when we miscommunicate, it blows up."

"Right."

"It just seems so excessive. I've met with your friends in private three times now to talk about how I'm associating with you. And a dude came by my locker to threaten me. I mean, thank goodness it hasn't gotten out we've done anything together, or I'd have to give daily updates to your friends about how I say hello to you or something."

Taylor laughed. "Honestly, if they knew it might be easier for you," she admitted. "Then they'd at least know your intentions are somewhat sexual. There's a weird comfort in knowing a man is a horndog, rather than wondering if he is or isn't or something."

I blinked twice. "Wait, are you suggest-"

"No, no no nope, I am not," she clarified immediately. "That will come with more gossip. You'll be wishing you only had to go through this. Just thinking out loud." She paused for a second. "Seriously, don't tell anyone, especially my friends, about us."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I took a sip. "We already covered this stuff. I just want the 'checking in' to end, you know?"

She shrugged. "I don't know if it will. My friends can be... kind of jealous."

I cocked my head. "What, like they want to sleep with you?"

"Ew, no!" She made a repulsed face. "I just mean, we have a thing. We don't like people from outside our thing coming into our thing."

"And the less popular the person, the more they hate people coming into your thing," I added bitterly.

"They just don't know you. It's not about popularity. It's about what they know about you. And if you're not popular and they never heard about you, you're as good as, like, a stranger."

I stared at her for a second or two. "I guess that makes sense," I admitted. "But now they know me. I stood up for Crystal's side during that whole... the first time we had lunch together."

"Sure, but do they remember that? They probably just remembered that you argued and talked a lot. We don't like people that talk a lot. They're, like, know-it-alls."

"Do you want someone who isn't a know-it-all teaching you math?" I asked her.

"Being a know-it-all and being smart and humble is different. You were a huge know-it-all during our first few lessons, and I barely learned a thing," Taylor challenged me.

I made a sour face. "Jeez. I got better."

Taylor nodded. "But you get what I mean."

I admitted defeat. "Yes, I get what you mean."

"And they haven't gotten to see that part of you. So all they know is, you talked too much at the lunch table, Morgan doesn't like bringing you up, and you and I are spending a lot of time together," Taylor concluded.

I sat in silence for a bit. "I don't like this being all my fault, all I'm trying to do is help you," I finally said.

"I know, but this is what they see. It's why they asked Bryce to-"

"Yeah, what's with that?" I interrupted. "They think I talk too much so they send Bryce to imply that I'm making you uncomfortable? And then he grabs my-"

"Shirt, I know." She shrugged. "They must have felt like they weren't getting through to you, so they thought of something else to do." She took a large gulp from her drink. "It's problem solving. Not unlike what you're teaching me."

I stared at her for a bit. "You've got some good one-liners," I softly admitted. "I feel like you're toying with me sometimes. Like you're going to reveal one day that you were this genius that hid it the whole time."

Taylor chuckled in derision. "If only," she mumbled. "Nah, I'm still an idiot."