All Comments on 'My Best Friend... and Her Brother?!'

by LavenderPussy

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  • 5 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 month ago

Great quickie. Please write more!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 month ago

Second last paragraph see,s to have suffered author's excitement. This is often the result of becoming,in too engrossed in the words hitting the page.

Both scenarios being understandable and reciprocal. I a, quite sure that I am not the only reader so engrossed.

Well done

ScottishTexanScottishTexanabout 1 month ago

This had great potential but I ended up being disappointed.

(1) I hate 95% of the one-page wonders that I come across. You're telling a story and it's nearly impossible to properly flesh out a story like this in a single page.

(2) Your plot was extremely weak. Jess and Matt have been having an incestuous affair for a year, but now all of a sudden, they're ready to go all the way and include your main character in the process. It's more believable if your MC has flashbacks to Matt subtly flirting and hitting on her, but she was too innocent and oblivious because of her low self esteem.

(3) Jess has been crushing on the MC for a while. Otherwise, we have to buy into the premise that just because she got caught making out with her brother that she's suddenly going to turn full blown bisexual.

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Like I said, it needs a ton of work and a complete rewrite. 2/5

jennyphiljennyphilabout 1 month ago

Quick, great fun, please write more?

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