My Diary: Entry 12 - Not for Me

Hi!

It's Emma!

I did not expect to end up here...

Let me catch you up!

In my last entry, I felt like I was starting something with Louisa, having fun with guys we'd get on this dating app, and just generally having a good time. That was until I suggested taking Louisa to meet Mom. You see, Mom has been checking up on me, and I think we've brushed aside the rather embarrassing scenario from when I last visited, so I thought it would be nice to take Louisa to meet her, and have a good old catch up.

Louisa said, "That sounds far too serious. I'm just having fun here. It's all getting too much with you. It's not for me."

That was basically it.

It was over!

All that I've been through with her and because of her was gone just like that!

Louisa didn't want to keep me around anymore, and literally shoved me out of her life, slamming the door in my mush.

How dare she?!

I went back to Mom with my tail between my legs, and she gave me a hug; somewhat reluctantly it seemed as she was wary of me getting too close and friendly with her, but saw I genuinely needed some genuine love and affection to pick me up.

I showed Mom the diary I've been keeping, and she breathed a sigh of relief, finally understanding how I've been thinking and feeling through all of this, and my relationship with Luke and Louisa of late. It was a big deal to open up my diary to her, but I knew it was the best way to show Mom what my true feelings are, and how messed up I've been feeling. She didn't appreciate the detail of the more erotic parts, but understands I'm an adult with needs, though I've probably been acting up like an eager adolescent...

I sat with Mom, drinking some tea with her, and she offered me to stay with her, which I took her up on, mainly because I am all out of options. I'm very lucky and blessed to have someone like her in my life, who is so supportive and understanding; but, saying that, she did have a confession...

She told me, "Luke has been coming over a lot."

I told her, "I didn't need to know that."

She assured me, "I can stop seeing him if you want me to? I'm not even sure I want to see him again after what you've been through. He's a right little prick, ain't he!"

Those were her words.

I had to agree.

Mom realised at that point, "He has been staying with me. I can get rid of him when he comes back? He doesn't have to know you're here."

I just shrugged, "I probably should face him," and I did!

When he came back, the look on Luke's face as he saw me waiting for him was priceless. Shocked, he asked me, "What're you doing here?"

I just said, "I'm kicking you out!"

He rightfully said, "That isn't up to you."

But, Mom had my back as she made herself clear, "No. It's up to me. Fuck off, and never come into my or Emma's life ever again!"

He bitched and whined like a scolded dog as he collected his things, but Mom really ran him out of the house. She even told me, "He's a lousy fuck anyway!"

I really didn't need to know that either, but I knew it anyway!

Realising I probably fucked up some of her more intimate plans, I offered, "So, this app Louisa got me on, there's a lot of interested and interesting guys on here. We could set something up for you?"

Mom appreciated the idea, "Well, technology has never been my forte, but, it could be fun; if you keep to your room, and I keep to mine," giving me the most intense side-eye.

I got the message loud and clear!

I helped Mom out with her profile, and she was snapped up in an instant by a few offers. She said, "I'm skipping dinner, and going straight for dessert."

Fuck, Mom!

I definitely did not need to hear that, but, she is a woman, very attractive, and she should be having fun. I'm sure she misses Dad, but he's not here, and I'm sure he'd want her out there doing things.

The guy Mom got to come round was younger than me, and I was very intent on leaving them to get to know each other. They enjoyed wine on the sofa, munching on some pizza, and feeding each other; cute and gross! Then things rather quickly escalated, up the stairs and into the bedroom. I know all this because I was watching from a distance, and followed from the dark like some creep. I know I said I intended to leave them alone, but my intentions couldn't keep me away.

Mom's bedroom door was left ajar more than enough for me to get a really good view of the bed, with the two of them becoming instant lovers in the throes of passion. I suspected Mom would kick me out or kill me if she knew I was doing this, but I really couldn't stop myself...

I didn't even realise at the time that I saw my Mom's naked body way too many times, but that realisation was somewhere feeding the perverted part of my brain, engorging my emotions to a dizzying high. My hand was down my pants without any conscious effort, and I was mesmerised by what I saw.

He wasted no time getting all up inside Mom's bits, and she was letting him know that she was having the best time. He complimented her, "You are so youthful with vigour, you shouldn't be old enough to have a grown daughter."

I melted as the words reached my ears. I really hadn't appreciated how hot my Mom is before, but I was thinking about it now. I caught my mind wandering to such vivid ideas of Mom doing some explicit things, and I blushed so hard, trying to keep my breathing quiet as I got quickly flustered. I really shouldn't be indulging in such thoughts about her, because I know I shouldn't develop such feelings that would come from that, but, still, I was watching; fidgeting...

Their time ended so tenderly, and he was a perfect gentleman as they cuddled up to sleep, and I took my chance to sneak across the landing to my room, desperate to finish myself off much more vigorously in the dark discretion of my bed.

I'm such a dirty slut to get off on watching others do this, let alone my own mother!

I hope she doesn't read that...

Anyway, my exploration turned to videos on the internet; something quick and easy to keep the blood pumping! I scrolled the hot videos recommended on the home page, with endless beige blurring into one seamless entity on my phone screen. Nothing was catching my attention, and I knew I needed something deeper to delve into; something that would really stimulate my mind.

I had to turn to erotica, finding a story that was recommended first of a college girl in a gangbang; that could be fun, but I wasn't feeling that. I saw a couple of stories glorifying big-dicked, black men, which I filed in my brain as a maybe. What I saw next spoke to me at that moment, 'Mom teaches step-daughter sex.' Such an evocative title that tells all right there, but I had to dive into the world in this piece of literature.

I read of how the young teen girl was having sex with her boyfriend in the living room, and the mother walks in to catch them. Very unimaginative as a premise, but it certain is doing what it needs to. The shock between the characters was quickly dispelled, leading to a highly-descriptive scene. It really felt like I was a fly on the wall, watching everything vividly...

I'm sure this was adapted straight from a porn video that's probably quite common on the web, but what I wouldn't get is those sporadic moments where you get inside the character's heads. "Mom was so experienced. I was seeing a side to her I never imagined, but it made me appreciate how she loved my Dad enough to make me. Obviously, they do this, and it's perfectly natural, right?" Or, "I've been very aware of my daughter blossoming as a woman, and I've always beaten her over the head with constant reminders of what and what not to do whereas protection is concerned, but I've never told her how to enjoy sex, only scaring her of how it goes wrong, instead of letting her enjoy it."

I was really getting an insight into these characters that read way more naturally than I perhaps expected. I'm also sure Mom has never thought about anything like this in her life, and I'm not interested in anything really happening with us; just that I do have this sick fascination with watching others enjoy each other, and the taboo of having Mom there amplifies those feelings I get. It is a rush!

As I teetered on the edge of orgasm, I urged myself closer, like riding up the track at the start of a rollercoaster, and I had a thought, 'I need to stop this, otherwise I'm going to be feeling really weird around her, and it's going to be really obvious, and I'll fuck things up between us.' As sobering as those thoughts were though, my body convulsed, and I creamed down there, wiping my fingers on my body. I obviously pushed myself too far, and couldn't stop myself. I felt so guilty, and a little sick, that I actually got off thinking about my sweet mother, who wants nothing like that to do with me.

Still, perhaps we can get some double dates going from the app, and see where things go...

Night xx