All Comments on 'My Fiancé's Family'

"Melody chuckled every time they walked passed." Past, not passed.

"Minus the fact that her tight frame could barely seem to contain her obnoxious chest. "? Obnoxious????

Obnoxious means 'extremely unpleasant.'!

Many silly errors!

Most of all - PROOF READ and EDIT!!

Very nice beginning... looking forward to subsequent chapters.

Bro who is the clown in the comments who doesn't know the difference between "past" and "passed"?

Yah! You should write more. This is a perfect little short story with a nice “twist” at the end.