All Comments on 'My Friend's Wife Jessica'

This story screams for a proof reader and complete sentences

A 6ft 6 man mountain would not let anyone fuck his wife just like that. Most big men have massive egos and pride and giving uo their wife like this would not happen. But its your nightmare.

I always like to encourage a new writer. You asked for constructive criticism so I will pass along a couple of suggestions. Firstly. MORE PARAGRAPHS! It is very hard to read and follow a story when a single para. fills the entire screen. You should take this story and make it about 5 times as many paragraphs as you have. You do break up the ones with dialogue. Also, after writing a story, set it aside for a week or so, then proofread it slowly, one word at a time. You have many silly glitches that you would have spotted, such as the single letter t appearing where context says you want the word 'to', One last remark. You seem overly fond of self-critical words like slut and whore. I see that a lot on this site, but have never in real life known a woman who wanted to be called slutty names. And for sure not a whore when she isn't getting paid. Keep 'em coming.

It's been a terrible Saturday as far as anything worth reading but this was by far the worst. If this slop is all you have to offer don't bother submitting any more.

The other commenters are dicks. It was a very good story as I've read a lot worse on Lit. I agree it does need some editing. But great job first timer. Keep at it.

"...all her eyes were on her when she entered the room..."

Allowing typos like this to remain in your writing puts bumps in the road that distract the reader long enough to interrupt the story line. This causes the reader to wonder how serious the writer is about what he/she is doing. A small thing? Yes. So is a fly which I thought of when I read the above quote.

It ain't easy writing stories for other people to begin with and then there are all of the technical issues of formatting, submitting the story, etc., all while wanting it to just be finished. I don't particularly like plots like this one, but when the gate opened you hung on.

LWlurker

Look for a bulk rate on divorces from a nearby lawyer, it's going to be needed.

Sorry for all the mistakes and for presenting a story that was a waste of time.

Damn, that was some really terrible writing. I don’t think you were quite ready to post a story chief.

I have to agree about terrible Saturday. There is an awful bunch of rubbish here today. And thanks for the head-up on this one.

Why write a third person story and give it a first person title?

Peter could not give her what she wants-a baby bump.

Fuck, more cuck drivel, get a life author!!!!!

Scores 1/5

Lets hope your "writing" career (under this name) comes to a screeching halt with this one.

Get someone to teach you how to write, punctuate, Proof Read and Edit!

You got to love the comments, especially from the ones that also post here. They write garbage and try to tell others how to write more garbage. That's what this category needs, more garbage. Please author, either improve considerably or give up writing in this category. Loving Wives has about all the shit writers it can handle.

Good for a first effort. The writing does need to be cleaned up so it's not a distraction. Otherwise I enjoyed it.

Ignore the nasty critiques that offer no valuable feedback. They're idiots. Don't get discouraged. Write what you want to write. If you want to avoid the ignorant mob just put the story under a different category.

Where was the background to this story as to why Peter was allowing Ron to fuck his wife ?

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