All Comments on 'My High School Harem'

Use shudder instead of shutter for a trembling ship.

Thanks for sharing.

This is more of an introduction to the characters and the plot of your story ? Well please do continue.

While there are many ways to shorten boatswain, I can't find anything to indicate that boats'n is one of them. I'm not Navy, but it still disrupted my reading of the story. Also, you needed a possessive form rather than a plural, so it would have been boats'n's instead of boats'ns, if it was a legitimate word. Multiple apostrophes are generally best avoided though, so I would recommend going with bosun's pipe.

I mostly enjoyed the story. You definitely need some work on your transitions. The switch from firing howitzers to firing a load in Becky may have seemed cute, but was actually jarring as there was nothing to indicate a time jump. "Please allow me to give you a little background" isn't the greatest, but at least it clearly delineated the break in flow.

Although there is nothing to indicate that this is just the first part of a bigger story, I hope that it is. The origin story was nice, but it's lacking as it stands. The title indicates a harem, but so far you only have one girl and her mother. Technically, that's probably enough to qualify as a harem, but it feels lacking. Also, you don't give enough detail on what led you to making Becky your first conquest. She's just a throwaway character as written, but your first conquest should be almost as important as your origin story (since she doesn't seem to actually be part of the origin story itself).

Further, you laid out who the next conquest was going to be. If you don't write more chapters, that is just a cruel tease...

Too much preamble. Just say you go hurt. Give a bit of detail but all the detail, unless truly relevant to the story adds nothing to it other than getting your word count up. Also you have posted in mind control but there is next to nothing about it. Where is the mind control other than the line at the end?

An interesting start; this has possibilities and I hope that you will continue. You could pick your time to "train" the sniper - she may need to lie still for extended periods before she "takes the shot"... That would truly make her ship shudder!

Bon début, j'espère une sous peu.

Please continue it is getting interesting

Good start.

Liked the story! Please continue.

nice premise. need to workout the transition from memories back to sex with Becky.

... Manners. Spell check could have easily fixed that...